Anxiety Through The Roof - New Relationship

[dreamsdestroyed]

Hello everyone, first time posting here. Was recommended I do so from a friend who speaks very highly of this forum!

A little backstory:
In September I was in a car crash which changed my life. I was in a mundane relationship that was going nowhere and we had both drifted apart. After the crash I knew I needed out of the relationship and that I needed to live my life better than I had been living it. Just before Halloween I split from my partner. We had been together for 5 and half years. I'm 24 currently, we got together when I was 18.

I met someone new about a month later, I didn't expect to meet anyone so fast. We clicked instantly and I felt like we were exactly the same in so many ways, we joked that we are actually the same person.
On new years day, after about a month of seeing each other, we decided to make it official and be in a relationship.

It only took me a day to start freaking out that I don't know where I stand, I don't know what his expectations of me are, I don't know how much I can expect from him, I don't know if this is all too soon.
I'm scared that I should have kept to my mundane boring life with my ex because at least it was comfortable and routine and I knew what to expect.

I keep getting sudden urges to interrogate him about a topic I don't know where I stand on, and kind of feeling stupid and like I over reacted straight after I do it.

I'm so anxious I'm going to ruin this before it even starts.

Any advice?

[Oosh]

I preferred your "We clicked instantly and I felt like we were exactly the same in so many ways, we joked that we are actually the same person." perspective.
Such a healthier way to see the pair of you.

Everyone gets insecure, everyone is in danger of analysing the fun out of things.
However you choose to see the pair of you will determine how you feel. I say if you observe your mind wandering and getting insecure and questioning things restart that little movie playing in your head of you two clicking, being the same and feeling like you are the same person. Keep your insecurities to yourself for now. In time, you're probably going to see signs that he is a teeny bit insecure and wonders where he stands lol, then you'll feel reassured. You'll get your reassurance without questioning him and showing him how insecure you feel.

We all have a torrent of rubbish pouring through our heads. Let it continue on its way and keep yourself in a healthier place with those "soul mate" movies playing instead. If you are enjoying the moment like that you won't be thinking about reassurance because you won't be worrying about the future.

[honeycakes]

Wow, I went through the exact same thing when I first starting dating my boyfriend.

My anxiety was so bad that I woulve voice everything over to him hoping he could calm me or erase my concerns, but I was irrational and at the end he became exhausted always trying to reassure me but we'd go in circles and I would never be reassured.

I drove him crazy with the questions, the doubts, analyzing everything nonstop.

We would spend an amazing day together then I'd suddenly want to go home and be alone because the anxiety was so bad and I couldn't enjoy the "now".

He had to be so patient with me throughout that first year...

It's been 2 years now and we will live together and everything is better, but I had to seek therapy and it's a constant battle some days.

Hope my story helps !

[dreamsdestroyed]

I preferred your "We clicked instantly and I felt like we were exactly the same in so many ways, we joked that we are actually the same person." perspective.
Such a healthier way to see the pair of you.

Everyone gets insecure, everyone is in danger of analysing the fun out of things.
However you choose to see the pair of you will determine how you feel. I say if you observe your mind wandering and getting insecure and questioning things restart that little movie playing in your head of you two clicking, being the same and feeling like you are the same person. Keep your insecurities to yourself for now. In time, you're probably going to see signs that he is a teeny bit insecure and wonders where he stands lol, then you'll feel reassured. You'll get your reassurance without questioning him and showing him how insecure you feel.

We all have a torrent of rubbish pouring through our heads. Let it continue on its way and keep yourself in a healthier place with those "soul mate" movies playing instead. If you are enjoying the moment like that you won't be thinking about reassurance because you won't be worrying about the future.

Thank you so much for your response. It really made me realise that I'm allowing my anxiety of the situation to hurt this really great things I have with him.
Thank you :)

---------- Post added at 10:12 ---------- Previous post was at 10:12 ----------


Wow, I went through the exact same thing when I first starting dating my boyfriend.

My anxiety was so bad that I woulve voice everything over to him hoping he could calm me or erase my concerns, but I was irrational and at the end he became exhausted always trying to reassure me but we'd go in circles and I would never be reassured.

I drove him crazy with the questions, the doubts, analyzing everything nonstop.

We would spend an amazing day together then I'd suddenly want to go home and be alone because the anxiety was so bad and I couldn't enjoy the "now".

He had to be so patient with me throughout that first year...

It's been 2 years now and we will live together and everything is better, but I had to seek therapy and it's a constant battle some days.

Hope my story helps !


I had this with my ex, he didn't understand for so long and being patient with me was hard.
Thank you for your response :) I really don't want to damage this relationship by being exhausting