Job-focused anxiety

[Arwen86]

About a year ago, I made the change from being a bartender to being a swimming instructor. The change went really well and I'm good at my new job. The problem is, despite doing it for a year, I STILL get anxious before every shift. Not just right before. The several hours preceding, and sometimes even during the shift itself if I'm especially tense. If it's an early morning start I don't sleep well the night before. Sometimes I'll have to cry, sometimes it's just just a general worry and tension.

Bearing in mind that I teach 6 days a week, this is pretty much a constant problem. I feel awful every day for several hours. Usually the anxiety dissipates once the shift is over, so I attribute it to a kind of "performance anxiety" rather like a stage actor or a singer might get.

I wish I knew WHY. I've had generalised anxiety for a long time, but this is the most acute I've experienced since university. I'm worried it means I hate my job. I don't think I hate my job, I certainly like the idea of it. I really, really wish I could be happy to go in and do it. Or at least feel mildly indifferent.

I suppose the solution is obvious; just keep persevering. Don't let the anxiety win and have some faith in my own abilities. But I'm so TIRED of it. You know?

[.Poppy.]

Do you notice there are times during your shift that you feel anxious about, or others where you're not anxious but rather excited? So maybe you have one client or task that always puts you over the edge, and another that you look forward to.

The idea being that a) when you think about going to work, think about the things you are excited about to counteract the anxiety and b) try to find specific things that are making you feel anxious and do your best to change them.

I worked a job that I ultimately loved but I did have some anxiety at. I loved the people there and some of the tasks, but it was a campus postal job and there were aspects that really did get me panic-y. There were several routes I never learned to drive alone (all the other students learned them quickly), there was a large strapping machine that I hated to use, and I absolutely did not like to drive. But instead of dwelling on those, I got excited to see my friends every day. And the things that made me anxious, I'd either ask for help or I'd tell myself I was just going to face it - the anxiety never went away, but it diminished a LOT and there were times I got to go home feeling proud of myself.

Just remember: you are good at what you do, and it's what you want to do. Sometimes you just need to convince yourself of that fact. Start getting excited about all the things this new job can bring you :)

[Arwen86]

Thank you Poppy. I like your suggestion to focus on the positives, and change the flavour of the feeling associated with work.

Normally I try to avoid analysing my anxiety too much, because I feel that close scrutiny gives it oxygen. But in this case I've tried to discern exactly what the troubling images are when I think of my job. Of course it's very hard to pinpoint, I don't think it's any particular situations or outcomes that are frightening, it's the overall task.

I'm a private, quiet person, but my job requires me to be chipper, enthusiastic and fun. I'm well capable of being those things, for a limited time, but the THOUGHT of it is wearying. So I can be a good teacher, but a part of me wishes I could be somewhere quiet and safe.

So it's not so much an "oh my god it's terrifying" feeling as an "oh I'm exhausted, I don't want to do it" feeling. This makes me feel guilty on top of it, because it appears that I'm just lazy and don't want to work. I know that's not true. I do want to work hard, I just feel this need to make the hard work even harder by being anxious!

That's enough analysis for today, it's been useful, but I need to get on with things now.