Horrendous start to 2015...Dunno how much more I can take...

[Pineapplepie]

After a bad 2014 I thought that things couldn't get any worse. But they have.
After a very stressful time with money and work, then the return of my eating disorder after 5 years free, then developing GAD, I finally found a little peace after getting my affairs in order and for the first time in a very long time was a little optimistic.
But bam! Another huge financial blow hit me hard yesterday.

I've had three cars in one year. The first one was old. I had owned it for 10 years. It had several problems that cost me around 1k to fix. Then in May the clutch and gear box died. It was economically worth repairing because of its age.
Then I bought a runaround. Had it for 2 months before it catastrophically failed it's mot on a ridiculous amount of rust damage and corrosion. Again not financially worth repairing.
So I took out a loan, to clear my creditcard of car repairs and bought a much better car from a dealer. Or so I thought. Yesterday after 4 months of ownership it broke on me. It may need a whole new turbo for the engine. Could cost up to 2k or even more for repairs. The warranty I had with it expired 10 days ago.

I cannot afford anymore money on cars. I've spent thousands already. Now I'm paying for a loan for a car that doesn't work. I can't be without a car as I need it for commuting to work and getting my baby around, to childcare etc.

I haven't eaten in 24 hours. I am extremely restless and just unconsciously moving/ wiggling all of time, pulling my hair etc.
I didn't even want to get up this morning.
With the uncertainty of what's going on with my car, how I will afford anymore, all I can think about is not eating. I'm completely on edge and terrified.
My oh is at home with me today but back to work tomorrow and I'm scared of being alone.

I feel like I don't know what to do with myself and the anxiety is eating me up inside.
My start to the new year is the worse one yet :(

[Sylver1975]

Hugs to you Pineapplepie. :bighug1:

It's certainly a rotten run of bad luck you've had with cars. Is there any way your insurance company would cover the cost of a replacement car? If you have comprehensive insurance that may be possible.

My own car almost went on fire over the holiday period so I understand your pain! Luckily, it turned out to be just a leaking hose but it could have been a whole new engine if I'd driven it any further than I did.

Can your OH help with a car or could you share one maybe?

I hope things work out ok, I'm sure they will in the end. I like the motto "It will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, then it's not yet the end".

Be good to yourself.

[Sunflower2]

Oh no! That sounds like a lot of stress over a short period of time. Can't really offer any advice on your car situation, but I've chatted to you before about eating! Have you had anything yet? Can you try to get rid of all the tension in a less destructive way? If you're like me, you're not eating because it's a way to control the situation because you can't control anything else? I really don't know enough to help you much. Because if I did I'd be able to help myself! But you're not alone in this :hugs:

[Dan1975]

I know how u feel. I spent £4k on repairs for my Land Rover last year then had to sell it. Cars can be a real drain on your resources

[Fishmanpa]

Financial woes can certainly put a strain on your psyche that's for sure. Back in '07 after a messy breakup and serious medical issues, I found myself without a pot to pee in. I tried my best but ended up filing a chapter 7 in 2013. It is what it is and the bottom line is you can't squeeze blood from a rock.

Between that and health issues I've come to a good place in life. When faced with adversity, one finds out their inner fortitude and realizes what's truly important in life. My signature says it all....

"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live. Love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

One way or another, things will work out the way they're intended to. Life will go on and you'll go on too.

Hang in there!

Positive thoughts

[Pineapplepie]

Thanks for the replies
Unfortunately it hit crisis point last night and I found myself on a train track.
I'm home now after been searched for by police, helicopter, dogs, family.
I'm in my bed after being checked out by a&e.
I just feel numb. How did it come to this?
Feel so alone

[KayeS]

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

Take a mental step back from everything just for a moment. You need to take stock of the positive things in your life, such as your family, who I imagine are very concerned about you. Life can suck sometimes, but it only gets better if you give it a chance to get better. Hang in there, because things will improve, more than you can imagine right now.

[Dan1975]

Thanks for the replies
Unfortunately it hit crisis point last night and I found myself on a train track.
I'm home now after been searched for by police, helicopter, dogs, family.
I'm in my bed after being checked out by a&e.
I just feel numb. How did it come to this?
Feel so alone

Hi,

So sorry to hear about this. Are you on any medication? If you find the right antidepressant they will really help you. Go and see your gp. I'm on venlafaxine and it's really helped me a lot. Good luck.

Dan

[Pineapplepie]

Hi and thanks for the replies. Sorry I didn't acknowledge them sooner.
Yes I'm on fluoxetine and have been since September but I don't know if they are helping at all. My GP is thinking maybe of changing it to sertaline but wants advice from psychology first.
Last week I had to force myself to do things...and I did. I went to church....saw family...went into town etc. But this morning after a night of restless sleeping and nightmares I've woken to such anxiety feeling and worrying about everything.
I feel like my fiancé doesn't understand any part of my GAD or eating disorder at all. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't even try!

I wish I could understand why I have such bad anxiety. What makes all these thoughts and feelings arise and take over.
I feel very very alone most of the time. And I feel a huge responsibility to keep others around me happy even if it means not coping very well myself.
I don't really know what I'm looking for writing these posts as it's down to me to change. I do though find some comfort in knowing that others on this board have or are going through similar. That I'm not a lunatic :/

Or am I

[RubyToo]

no, you are not a lunatic. Is there anyone nearby who can help with the car? a garage costs the earth I know but there are many 'handy andy's' who tinker with car's and might be able to help you out at a fraction of the cost. My OH repairs all our cars (often as I always have an old car, thats all I can afford, and he keeps it on the road, no way could we pay garage costs), he also looks after our neighbours car and my Dad's, and he is a computer programmer by trade.

I never have any money either, but am starting my own business this year hoping to fix that one.

Hope your GP and team can help you out a bit more, wish I could help more but glad you have found the forum and learnt you are certainly not alone.

take care xx

[Pineapplepie]

Hey Ruby... thankyou for your reply :) I wish I knew a mechanic but no unfortunately not. My car is off the road for the foreseeable but I have spoken to trading standards and it's the dealers responsibility by law to fix the problem. Now its just a case of formal letters etc. God knows how long it'll take to sort but as long as it is that's the main thing.
I'm kinda feeling very angry with the world today.
In side I feel like I'm crying out for help but it's taking so long to get some :( xx