weight loss and cancer phobia, really fed up and need advice please :(

[snowflake293]

I haven’t really weighed myself in a few weeks, I suffered from bulimia for 15 years and still recovering really so try not to weigh myself that often but today at work 3 people told me I lost weight and now I am panicking it is because I have an illness!

I have probably been eating a little less and I don’t drink much now as it makes me sleepy on Sertraline and when I take Diazepam I don’t drink at all (knocks me out!!!) and I lost my appetite for the first 2 weeks on Sertraline and was suffering severe anxiety to the point of dry heaving over the toilet bowl in the mornings.

I know the LOGICAL and RATIONAL explanation is that I have lost weight due to medication, stress and taking in less calories but I am PANICKING now that I have cancer and I am just dreading someone else telling me I have lost weight! As someone recovering from an eating disorder I never thought I would see the day when I didn’t want someone to tell me I had lost weight. I just feel awful, I had been doing so well and now this!

To make matters worse I have an appointment this afternoon about an MRI scan I had on my ankle (it was clicking really loudly) before Christmas and I am worried it will be bad news (the C word again even though I know it is unlikely). Was having nightmares about it! I really feel I have a full blown phobia of the c word now. Any time someone talks about it I start to panic! I just hate everything about it and I am so terrified it will happen to me.

Sorry to go on but feeling really low this afternoon, could really do with some advice on how to handle this cause I am so worried.

Snowflake x

[popejoan]

Hello, Snowflake, I suffered from bulimia for 14 years and fully recovered 3 months ago. You know when you're bulimic you actually get most of the calories you eat on a binge. That's why bulimics don't look so thin.
When I was bulimic, there were some episodes that I didn't eat anything else outside of binge/purge episodes and this was when I lost a lot of weight.
You probably have a less calorie intake than when your bulimia was severe.

[snowflake293]

Thanks for your reply, sorry to hear you suffered with it too but so glad you are fully recovered! yes it is a huge misconception that all bulimics are thin, I was actually overweight when my bulimia was at its very worst. I recently confessed to someone I thought would understand that I am recovering from it and she said "oh I thought bulimics were supposed to be really skinny" omg I couldn't believe it.

You are right though since stopping the heavy binging my weight has stabilised and I am a healthy weight now, probably a few lbs over but slowly losing it (unintentionally, purely through loss of appetite and drinking less)

Much, much less worried now as I didn't think it could be to do with my recovery too. Thanks for you reply hun xx

[popejoan]

You are welcome, I'm glad I could help.

If I could fully recovered, you can do it too. I thought I was gonna be bulimic forever as I had no control over my urges. Ironically, my HA helped me recover, I can't be thankful though as it's ruining my life.

in order to be healthy and to prevent cancer and other illnesses we need to nourish our bodies so I thought I have to eat all healthy and absorb and digest all the good things I eat and drinks. Bulimia is all behind me now. Hope you can fully recover too and if you feel like you're gonna give in, you can always message me xx

[snowflake293]

Thanks so much hun that really means a lot to me.

Strangely enough since my HA got bad my bulimia stopped too, mainly out of fear of damaging my body any further. I have caused permanent damage to my stomach and teeth :( it is quite liberating now to know I am in recovery from it but its almost like the HA has replaced it :(

I tend to eat smaller meals now and less junk so I don't 'trigger' a binge and so far it has worked but I guess it has also caused me to lose weight. I have days where I have very little appetite due to medication and/or anxiety.

I find diazepam makes me hungry though! Took one this morning and have been snacking all day which I rarely do and still hungry now lol. Deffo no feelings of guilt/shame over it though and have so much better body image now so deffo getting over it.

Thanks for sharing hun and good luck to you xx