Staceymumof4
11-01-15, 16:32
Hi there im 27 and a mum of 4 beautiful daughters. This may be a long read so bare with me. So it all started in october 2014 I was dishing up dinner 1 night when all of a sudden i went dizzy i sat down and waited for it to pass. It didnt then i had what i guess was my first panic attack , it took around 20 mins for my partner to calm me down but i did. Woke up the next day and i was dizzy again i had a cold coming but the dizziness scared me i got a gps appointment.and.was told i had a very blocked waxy ear and was given drops and anti dizzy medication. Fast forward 4 weeks 2 different anti dizzy medications and was still dizzy , i had my ear syringed and then found out the wax had been hiding a massive ear infection!! Then on december the 1st my dad suddenly died of heart failure at my local shops . Ever since then ive been in a constant state of panic , i have convinced myself i have a brain tumour , im going to have a stroke , a heart attack , i have a blood clot in my arm and in my femeral artery . 24/7 panic that nervous butterfly feeling in my tummy then my mind starts with the symptoms so i google and my fears are realised i DO have what my mind is telling me i have . There have been 2 occasions i have rung an ambulance because i had chest pain and i felt i couldnt breathe the second time i was taken to hospital as my bp was high & because of the chest pain all tests came back fine. I wont go out on my own due to being scared that at any moment im going to collapse and die. I feel constantly dizzy , strange vision , feeling like i cant breathe , racing heart , chest pains tight hot feeling head , face , arms, legs, i sometimes even get a weird feeling as if im not here and that im just watching myself. I go to bed at 6 everynight because there is the only place i can sort of relax. Im currently on my 4th session of CBT its not helped atall at the moment , im on 30mgs of mirtazapine 15mgs in the morning and 15mgs at night , im also on 5mgs of diazepam as and when needed but finding its not really helping me. If im left alone i panic and end up making more and more symptoms and terminal illnesses up . Im just at my witts end im considering getting myself sectioned just to see if that sorts me out . I am litterally in a constant state of panic 24/7 . I dont really have an appetite either. I guess im just looking for support from people like me . Will this ever end? Am i going to be like this forever? Will i end up killing myself with all the stress? Im just totally fed up with my life now id give so much to be the person i was 6 months ago and all this stemmed from dizziness that brought on my first panic attack . I have been diagnosed with anxiety i should add but myself i think its health anxiety. Deep breathing does not help me it makes me panic more does anyone else find this? Or am i totally alone?