I think I'm OCD

[PanickyPolly]

Hi guys. I think I might be OCD. Seem to have all the symptoms. Am waiting for an assesment. On a four month waiting list. Have had anxiety for some years now but I think it's evolved into OCD. What do you reckon? It stated when I had to wash my hands and every part of me before I got into bed with my boyfriend incase I got an infection from something I touched. I'm still like that now but lately I've got problems with disinfecting everything. It's worse in the laundrette. I won't touch door knobs, switches ect without using a tissue so I don't have to touch them. If I do I have to disinfect my hands. I lso disinfect or wash my hands before I make the bed and do my hair. I also take disinfectant with me to the laundrette and disinfect the inside of the machines. Yesterday someone took my clothes out of the washer and put them in pasltic bags so they could use the machine and I freaked out because I felt the clothes had been contaminated with the dirty bags so I self harmed. I then disinfected all the clothes before putting them in the dryer. I also think about killing people and beating their brains out with a hammer. People I like mostly. I also think about harming animals. it tears me apart as I love animals. Sometimes I think about it so much I just cry and cry. Perhaps I should transfer the thought to people I don't like but I can't seem to be able to.

[bb01234]

PanickyPolly, if I might say back to you what you said but differently.

You're not 'OCD'. You did get anxiety, for over four years by your reckoning. That's a long time to leave a cauldron of goey memories bubbling over and they've leaked out so you now get OCD symptoms.

That's all they are.

The self harm is another way the gooey memories leak out of your mind.

If and when you're able to let the little girl who first learnt that being anxious was the only way to cope, back then in the past, let her have her chance to be heard, then you'll find the anxiety will go, the OCD will roll up into a ball and dissappear and self-harm, nah. Not any more.

The scared little girl inside you holds the key, but she's not been shown where the door is to unlock it with, yet.

soon.

regards

brian

[Karen]

Hi PanickyPolly

I empathise with a lot of what you are saying. I've had obsessions of one kind or another for years and I only realised what was happening in the past couple of years.

I've got the germ/contamination fear for different reasons to you and I think all cases are individual. I have anorexia and mine currently are to do with handling food. I wash my hands prior to touching anything, after handling food and again after eating. I also use disposable plates, bowls and cuttlery because I am not able to eat off something that has had food on it before. For me, the food makes me feel dirty and the hand washing and cleaning routine are one of my ways of coping.

As to the intrusive thoughts you have, this is not unusual either. They are distressing but the fact they distress you means you would never act on them. Thoughts not instructions.

I had a really close friendship with someone I met on the internet and became very dependent on her. I started having thoughts that something bad might happen to her. I was scared of losing her. I had nightmares in which she was violently killed, died of an illness, had a fatal accident or some other terrible event happened to her. It got to the point where I would spend all day checking whether she had been online so I could know she was safe - and I was checking every few minutes. I actually believed at one point that if I didn't check then she would definitely come to some harm and it would be my fault.

The way I started to tackle that was by very slowly increasing the times between checking on her. It was extremely hard at first and my anxiety went through the roof but I realised every time I checked I was just reinforcing my obsession.

I have bad periods with this now still at times but I am nowhere near as bad as I used to be. I found this Four Steps (http://hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php) information helped to get me started at letting go bit by bit of the obsessive rituals.

You might also find this Stop Obsessive Thoughts (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/hypnotherapy/obsessive-thoughts.html?1388) or the Stop Obsessive Cleaning (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/hypnotherapy/compulsive-cleaning.html?1388) hypnosis downloads helpful. I've used the obsessive thoughts one myself.

I am now facing a new form of OCD and realise I need to go back to basics to try to overcome it.

Hope something here is helpful.

Karen xx

[PanickyPolly]

Thanks for that Karen, I'll take a look at them when I get more time. Hope you are doing ok and getting through your anorexia and other problems. baby steps for all of us is required I think x

[ddysart]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">PanickyPolly, if I might say back to you what you said but differently.

You're not 'OCD'. You did get anxiety, for over four years by your reckoning. That's a long time to leave a cauldron of goey memories bubbling over and they've leaked out so you now get OCD symptoms.

That's all they are.

The self harm is another way the gooey memories leak out of your mind.

If and when you're able to let the little girl who first learnt that being anxious was the only way to cope, back then in the past, let her have her chance to be heard, then you'll find the anxiety will go, the OCD will roll up into a ball and dissappear and self-harm, nah. Not any more.

The scared little girl inside you holds the key, but she's not been shown where the door is to unlock it with, yet.

soon.

regards

brian



<div align="right">Originally posted by bb01234 - 10 January 2007 : 19:25:38</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Dharma Deb

[ddysart]

Hello,
I stumbled onto this forum while researching panic disorder, as I've suffered from this, on and off, pretty much all my life. I'm figuring out how to post messages and have already "posted" someone elses message inadvertently. I'll get the hang of it.

What you said, Brian, about the little girl inside who learned to panic as a coping mechanism so many years ago really resonated with me. I think you're on to something there.

I have a recurring dream that there's an infant in another room of the house that I've forgotten about and suddenly remember she needs to be fed and cared for. I seem to have spent a great deal of my life ignoring this infant, blocking out her cries.

It's good to know I'm not alone. Thank you all for your posts.

Deb