On the verge of breaking down from my anxiety.

[Ronan23]

I'm on the verge of breaking down. Every day is a constant battle against my thoughts and one that I am losing. I'm always worrying, always on the verge of panic. I'm tired and depressed from it. I can't enjoy my life.
I can't have a cup of coffee without obsessing over my breathing and becoming panicky. I am too anxious to go to the gym when it is busy as I think everyone is watching me. I worry about dropping dead for no reason every single day. I worry that I will suddenly stop breathing. I can't make small talk with people because I get too uncomfortable and awkward in social situations. I can't go out and have a few drinks and social smokes without feeling the need to take a xanax the next day to cope with the increased anxiety.

I've tried SSRI's and hated them. I've tried benzodiazepines but I don't want to be addicted to them so I only take when i'm in panic attack mode after drinking. I'm trying meditation and it's making me obsess over my breathing even more, as in I'm in constant focus on my breath when doing every day things like watching tv.
I've got good things going for me as in I consider myself intelligent, have a highly regarded college degree, I've travelled solo to the other side of the world, i'm only 24 and my parents love me. But i'm on the verge of losing hope of ever knowing what it feels like to be normal.

I remember from a young age that I was always anxious. Afraid my house would burn down, or get robbed. Afraid to join a football team because everyone will judge me. But at least back then it was at manageable levels. It's just spiraling out of control for me now.

I'm also stuck in a negative mindset. Every time I slip up in trying to beat anxiety I am very harsh on myself. I am constantly posting on the internet looking for reassurances about decisions I am making in life. I'm always on facebook comparing my life to others, how they have more friends, how they look happier, how they most likely aren't stuck in a constant internal battle with their thoughts.

I keep thinking, even if I beat anxiety, I'll have to cut a lot of things. out of my life. Things that are enjoyable yet trigger further anxiety such as a cup of coffee, a long night of drinking with friends. Most normal people can enjoy these things but I can't without feeling the repercussions.

I'm just thinking, is there a way out of this? I've already missed out on a shitload of things in life due to my anxiety. How many days have I been stuck in anxious/depressed mode instead of just enjoying my day. I'd say 90% of the last 2 years I've been stuck in this mindset. I'm not sure what advice i'm looking for except, am I screwed? Is there any hope?

[Cherryade]

Do you eat regularly? Do you exercise? Have you tried counselling? Have you asked your doctor for further help? Do you talk to your fiends and family about how you feel? Have you tried reading any books on anxiety? These are all things to try that will help. You need to try and distract yourself from thinking negative thoughts. Some professional help is needed I think.............

[Ronan23]

Do you eat regularly? Do you exercise? Have you tried counselling? Have you asked your doctor for further help? Do you talk to your fiends and family about how you feel? Have you tried reading any books on anxiety? These are all things to try that will help. You need to try and distract yourself from thinking negative thoughts. Some professional help is needed I think.............

Yes my appetite is great, although the quality of what I eat could be slightly better. I've read countless books on anxiety but i'm so ingrained in my negative mentality that I find it hard to put any of the suggestions into practise.I only recently started in the gym but as I said, I can't do the workout I want because I feel like everyone is watching me when it is busy. I don't really talk to my friends about it as they have their own lives and ive grown distant from them. My family know, but both my parents are on SSRI's and benzo's for anxiety so they can't really give me any solid advice.

[JMA]

I am not good on lengthy replies, but I would say that you have several things going for you. You're only 24, and you have a support network available. Also, you are aware of these positive things being there.

If you haven't already, go and have a word with your GP about counselling/CBT. Seems like you would benefit from an neutral third party helping you navigate your way out of this particular mental maze you're running further in to.



I keep thinking, even if I beat anxiety, I'll have to cut a lot of things. out of my life. Things that are enjoyable yet trigger further anxiety such as a cup of coffee, a long night of drinking with friends. Most normal people can enjoy these things but I can't without feeling the repercussions.

As someone who has recently knocked booze/coffee on the head to help myself, I can relate to this. The way I see it is it doesn't have to be forever. One day I may be able to reintroduce these things to my life, but as it stands, if it comes down to my mental health or getting pissed/having a cappuccino, I know which one is more important.

....took me till I was 35 to realise this, mind. :unsure:

Edit: As an aside, you actually sound like me when I was your age. If you want any tips on what NOT to do, then let me know...heh. First off, would be keep in touch with friends. As one day you look around and realise there isn't anyone there anymore.

[Dan1975]

I don't know if it will work for you, but I'm on Venlafaxine. This is an snri, which has a dual action. It works for me. I would also read the happiness trap by Russ Harris - brilliant stuff!

[annie.hall]

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I've been anxious most of my life, constantly afraid and I missed a lot of good things because of anxiety. I've tried SSRIs and I couldn't cope with the extreme anxiety they gave me. I've felt helpless and hopeless for a long long time before it just got better. The small things matter most. That's what brought me back. Things like making cookies, going for a walk, eating ice cream, taking a bath, doing stuff just for myself and not stuff I had to do to get better. I once thought these were treats for when I did something good or productive, when in fact, it's the things I needed to get better. I needed to be kind to myself. I've been feeling awful for the past month and just now I realized that, lately, I did none of the things that I like.

Counselling helped me a lot when I thought nothing could save me and I tried group therapy. I have social anxiety, so it wasn't easy, but hearing other people talk about the same stuff you struggle with can have a huge impact on changing your perspective on your own worries. Everything seems clearer.

I hope you feel better soon. xx

[shazbog]

Hi you sound exactly as I am feeling right now ......feel like just giving in and know I can't .... I feel so aware of the fact I am not breathing properly ......shallow breathing and convinced something is wrong ...... I am 46 yrs old and have always been inclined to be a health worrier xxx message me if ever you want to chat x

[Lissa101]

Yes, it can and does get better. I had a total breakdown around 2 and a half years ago and when I look at my posts on this site from back then its like a different person wrote them - I can't believe I was in such a sorry state. I'm not that great at advice but just accepting the anxiety (easier said than done, I know) was ultimately what helped me the most. I also used to fret about how I was losing huge chunks of my life and also what the future held but that kind of thinking will just hold you back.

Trust that you have good times ahead but accept that for now you have to go through some rough times first x