View Full Version : feel so flat
just wanted go rant really.i live on my own and still have no job no friends no money.last few days its really getting me down knowing my life is so dull.iv tried looking for jobs and vol work but had no luck.when i see or watch people on tv with a full life ,girlfriend wife job friends etc it makes me feel so down and feeling so flat and left out in life.im 49 and have been out of work now for 5 years.i spend most days just sitting in watching crap tv.just feel my life has ended and cant see a way forward
MRS STRESS ED
12-01-15, 23:22
Greg day time telly is enough to depress anyone lol :D you need to get out and meet people and I know its not easy with anxiety ,but keep pushing forward go to
your local library see whats on check out local charties they always need peoples help ,plus it will get you out and hopefully meet people hope things pick up for you love :hugs:
Catherine S
13-01-15, 00:32
Greg, I just wanted to add that in the past I also lived a lonely life and I also watched alot of crap telly and saw those lives that seemed to be much more full than mine. But, then I tested myself...if the doc told me tomorrow that I only had 3 months to live how would I feel, what would i do with those three months? It put my life into perspective...I might have been bored out of my brain but at least I was still here boredom and all. Nobody will come knocking on your door to give you the life you want, but not many of us actually do get the life we'd prefer and we just settle for what we do get and make the best of that. So, when you were sleeping on other people's sofas all you wanted was a place of your own, now you have it you are bored with life. I'm not attacking you, not at all, its the pattern of us all on here really isn't it when you think about it. One thing makes another thing better but then another thing is there to make us feel crap again. It's us who have to change the mind set...because nobody is going to come knocking on the door with the solution. You deserve to be happy Greg. So be happy :)
ISB x
thanks guys.life is just a bumer at times..yes i wanted a flat of my own and i am very greatful to now having it,but its only part of the solotion.im looking for a job and going out most days when the weather is good.but iv been out of work now for 5 years andvjust feel im on a rut..i miss my kids and hardly ever see them and my youngest girl dsnt even bother to call me or answer my sext which hurts.i miss her so much and am afraid she is growing up so fast and im not part of her life anymore...just feel like ground hog day and so much want a job to fit back into life again and feel normal and look forward to coming home to my flat .
Hey Greg,
Sorry to hear about your probs. I´ve been there, and still am to some extent. I know it´s crap not having many mates. It was the anxiety and depression that hindered me socially. I was nervous talking to people, and very shy. I lost all spontaneity. Wasn´t able to be myself, make witty comments etc. And I just felt plain down. My energy was very low.
Because of my suffering I wasnt able to be my real self. I wasn´t able to be authentic, or who I really was. Instead I was some depressed, anxious, socially nervous guy. It really sucked.
Now things have changed, and I am pretty confident. I can be myself and dont give a f$%k what others think so much. So other people feel more drawn to me. Also I have worked on my self-esteem. I´ve read that we attract into our lives what we feel we are worth. If we feel high worth or self esteem then we attract people who are high self esteem, as we feel worthy to be around them, but if we feel like crap it´s difficult.
So dealing with my anxiety, by using Claire Weekes method, and at the same time working on my self-esteem has made a massive difference for me.
Dont try and make yourself feel happy. Or feel guilty cause you feel down. Depression is all about emotional fatigue, so feeling guilty, or trying to make yourself feel happy, just means your exerting more emotional energy and therefore becoming more depressed. See all this as fatigue and quietly look for something to occupy yourself, such as goig for a walk, working out, reading, whatever you enjoy doing and commit yourself to doing it.
Here´s a good book for building self-esteem, http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mastering-Healthy-Self-Image-Guidebook-ebook/dp/B0060QSV0O/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
I wish you good luck!!
Jon
thanks for the post jongreat suport.i can see what your saying.iv lost all my self esteam and confidance.i goto a dropin center every day and find it so hard to talk to anyone.its just not getting any better even tho i go everyday.just cant see it improving anytime soon.running out of answers and patiants.wish my life was so much better
Hey Greg,
I can totally relate. The social anxiety I had was terrible. Could hardly muster up any courage let alone the humour to speak to people.
I recommend you dedicate yourself to Dr Claire Weekes method, and in conjunction read and take notes on books on self esteem and confidence. Take risks, go for it, and you can slowly build up the courage, and then more importantly remember your past successes. This gives you memories of confidence, so you then slowly change your attitude.
Jon
thanks jon.i will take on board your advice.cheers mate
Just checking in to wish you the best Greg,winters nearly over and the days will get longer it will be much better for you to get out and about
Just thinking about you Greg, Like MrAndy says the better weather should cheer us all up a bit and you will be able to get out and do more then.
I got this book for my kindle and found it really helpful http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depressive-Illness-Strong-Overcoming-Problems/dp/1847092357/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1421359192&sr=1-1&keywords=depression+the+curse+of+the+strong
Hey,
I agree the good weather does have an effect on your mood, thats for sure. Thats why I live in Spain! :)
More important however is to build uo your inner state, that way you bring your own weather whereever you go.
Try not to fight how you feel, and go easy on yourself. Your body and mind are tired, so react easily to your mood and way of thinking. Try and give yourelf some self-love, be nice to yourself.
If you read more of Dr Weekes books then you can start to move forward. You´ll find that situations that would notmally fill you with anxiety become easier. This is important because it then changes your opinion of anxiety. Instead of thinking I can´t do this, you´ll think hang on a minute, the anxiety was there last time yet I still went through with it. And so the anxiety lessens its grip.
I´m not talking about gritting your teeth and fighting your way forward, but learnng how to do things despite having anxiety, let the anxiety lie there in the background, and gently ease your way forward, not striving, or fighting, just floating and dealing with yourself in each moment that come your way in an accepting way.
Best,
Jon
jon thanks again.very possitive post.i wish i lived in spain sounds lovely.i hate this cold dull weather hear.ill check out your thread and have a read latter..todsy im not feeling very good at all.i seem to be getting worse.im loosing the will to live and carry on..i fel so alone and suffering derealization and depersonalization which i hate esp when your on your own and know one to be around and distract me from it.its following me around.im waking up to it and just feel i cant cope with it anymore.im having a bad time in my head
---------- Post added at 11:55 ---------- Previous post was at 11:53 ----------
Annie iv just replied to your PM
eternally optimistic
16-01-15, 11:59
hi Greg
Are you able to get out?
is there any groups /organisations that might be able to help?
hope that doesn't sound patronising.
Jackie
hi jackie.......no groups etc ..just a dropin center,but its not for people with mental health.just a dropin for anyone who needs a meal for the day only open for two hrs and is quite a walk from my home but i do go most days if not raining.but getting bored of it.been going for a while now and is full of homeless people and alcohlics...no one with mental health and you are left to get on with it ,so theres no support etc...iv tried to chat to people down there but find it so hard to do so as i have zero confedance and interest in talking..i wish i could talk cos i want to but something just stops me talking .i think iv just got to much on my mind and its heavy and pulling me down.but at the same time getting fed up with spending so much time in my flat on my own.just feel i have no one in my life anymore.no friends or mates etc.this lonelyness is pulling me down more and more each day
eternally optimistic
16-01-15, 12:51
it's a vicious circle isn't it.
if you some interaction, how hard that might be, I'm sure it would help.
wish I could help ��
we all need help. If I didn't have my family I'd be really stuck.
that's not much help.
does your council offer any help?
well im very close to my parents but they jist dont understand the depths of my mental health.they just think im a bit fed up or a bit depressed.they have no idea of whats going on in my head and prob wouldnt understand if i tried to tell them.plus they dont want my worries on there mind.im going to see if i can get a appt to see the chrises team next week.iv been there before amd its only down the road from.me.i went there before for a few weeks and it really helped to talk to a trained human
eternally optimistic
16-01-15, 14:03
I hope you do get an appointment. They might help you to point you in right direction.
half the battle is people understanding you. That's why this site is so important isn't it.
yep i agree with that.this site has been so good for me over the last few years and have made some good friends..but you cant beet face to face suport.it realy feels like there helping when you can see them and sitting in a room...its such a shame theres no one local to mevon NMP so i could meet up and chat as a small group.id love that
Hey Greg,
The feelings of unreality, depersonalization etc are due to emotional and mental fatigue. Youre thoughts and feelings are a little out of sync. Its it nothing to be alarmed about, its just from a tired mind.
I know its a little distressing, you may think youre in a movie, or that you´re not really you, or however it expresses itself for you. But look at it as just being a tired mind, because this is what it is!
Best,
Jon
thats exactly how i feel jon.like im a spectator in my own life.watching myself move around.like im in a reality show but im in it and watching it.its bizzar and very horable to feel.its like im tuned into every move i make and sound i make.if i cough im aware i did and telling myself i did.if i stand up to get up from the sofa its as if im watching myself.if i go into the kitchen im monitoring what i do and as if im watching myself.i hate it.it makes me want to run away from myself
Hey Greg,
Yep, this is mental and emotional fatigue. It unnerving to experience if you dont understand what it is. But dont worry this is just because of mental and emotional fatigue. Try to experience it and dont fight it!
Jon
cheers jon.im going through it right now.i do have a lot of worries on my mind at the moment.iv had this before and hate it.
threegorlsandme
16-01-15, 21:15
Hi Greg
Sorry to hear you've had a bad time of things. Is there anyone you could discuss your worries with? I have seen you mention before that you have a lot on your mind and I think sharing it would certainly help to a certain degree
I hope you get decent help next week.
Take care
eternally optimistic
16-01-15, 23:08
you are right. Good old-fashioned understanding is the best.
you are going to get to a good place, I'm sure. Its just getting to that point. I've worked most of my anxious time but alot of things stopped for a good while.
Greg, I hope you are ok, I know how hard it is for you. I suggest simple things, like looking out at the birds flying around, the sun in the winter skyand other simple things. Also, your family may feel that they don't know what to say to you, they love you so might find it difficult to see you unhappy. Why not ask them around your house for lunch or just for coffee, maybe get some old photos out and have a laugh. They are here in this world because of you, that's an achievement i it's self?
well im seeing my parents next friday and staying over for a the night...they do love me and suport me but just dont know what goes on in my head.iv tried to tell them but they just shrug it off.so when i speek to them and they ask me how im doing,instead of being able to tell them the truth,i have to lie and say im ok,when really im dieing to tell them how i realy feel.but i dont want to stress them out
Sharing how you feel with family is hard Greg ,I've go my inlaws here this weekend and sometimes struggle to put on a brave face
hi Andy.yes it is hard to share with family..i used to dred the inlaws coming round.i loved them and got on really well with them.but just found it hard to interact and felt stressed when they came round or if we went round to them..i used to be crying in my head,but to them i was fine.its hard to suffer in silence and alone
Hey Greg,
I know how tough it is when family and friends can´t relate. Unfortunately the saying ¨it takes one to know one¨ applies completely to suffering from anxiety and depression!
Looking to a non-sufferer for understanding is a waste of time. The most you´ll get is a sympathetic ear, but not understanding. And at worst they´ll say something like, ¨chin up¨ etc.
The best we can do is give ourselves understanding. Understand the state we are in, sensitization, mental and emotional fatigue, the role of adrenaline and tension in causing symptoms, and how to accept it all.
Just my two cents!
Jon :)
thanks jon.your right.thats prity much how my family react towards me..chin up stay strong.how can i stay strong when im feeling week..they always say the wrong things.i just wish they only knew how im realy feeling
Dont look to others for understanding Greg. Most important thing is to understand yourself! Understanding replaces fear!
Best,
Jon
cheers jon...trying to figure it all out.but running out of steam.getting up each day and getting bored of just walking into town just to walk around then come back home.im afraid illl start staying in every day and become agaraphobic and end up stuck in doors...
eternally optimistic
18-01-15, 13:34
Hi Greg
Keep getting up and keep walking into town.
Although I went to work through my worst days, I stopped loads of stuff and didnt realise I was doing it. I stopped living and for short period of time, 5 weeks, I did become completely reclusive, just entering my garden, when I was off sick.
The exercise, despite being boring, will keep you stronger, I am sure of that.
Its sooooo hard to fight this situation but, you are fully aware of being agrophobic and for that reason alone, Greg, I am sure that wont happen to you.
Jackie
Hey Greg,
you´ve got nothing to figure out mate. Trying to figre things aout can cause a mental maze, and then you make mental and emotional fatigue worse. Because you make your mind more tried.
The only thing you need to learn about is sensitization of the nerous system, mental and emotional fatigue, and how to accept all the sympotms they bring on.
The understanding I learned was all from Dr Claire Weekes. I strongly recommend you get and start studying her books!
Best,
Jon
jonjones I strongly predict that Greg will begin to read Claire Weekes on Tuesday this week :)
---------- Post added at 14:23 ---------- Previous post was at 14:22 ----------
oh and jonjones can you send some sunny weather our way please? We have snow today :(
i know you are all right i can see that.but iv been doing this walking into town for nearly twoyears now since i split with my wife.and have got to the point where i have no desire to do it anymore.i hate it.but also hate just sitting in wishing the day away.i feel lost and traped in life and cant see a light at the end of my tunnel....i have no purpose to sit n all day and night and each day is just rolling into one like a blur.iv goto do something fast as i can see myself slipping away into a dark hole.just wish so much i could find a job and get a life and friends.
Sure thing Annie I´ll FedEx it!! :)
Hi Greg,
What was your previous job?? couldn't you re-train? or try a college course?? or volunteer. Doesn't have to be a charity shop, there are loads of schemes out there for volunteers, and it will look good on a CV, Even going to your local Dogs Trust or dogs home and offer to walk one of their dogs.
Hi Greg,
dont worry mate I know how you feel.
Its because youve been forcing yourself to do things, and its exhausting. Youre tried from the constant worrying and on top of that youre forcing yourself to do things, so then you feel at the end of your tither.
Once you read more of Weekes method, and can start accpeting and not forcing then things will start to fall into place!
Jon
You had better fed ex it quick then because the snow is getting heavier! This weather has a lot to answer for and Greg as soon as we get some sunshine I think you will start to feel brighter :)
jim.iv said in some older posts that iv looked for volentary jobs but i kind of live a few miles away and have no transport to get to them.esp if its raining id be soked.iv looked for full time work to...thrre are no local dog walking centers of any kind.i live just to far for these kinds of things and cant aford bus fare...annie i think you are right about better weather helping.as i cant aford to put my heating on all day when im in so its cold and not comftable to sit in.not relaxing.plus when i sit in for a few days i dont have any interaction with people and havnt uttered a word to anyone.that makes things hard for me to sit in my own company...
Greg, I know that your family situation is very strained but is there any way that you could get to see your children again? Maybe if you had some contact with them you would feel less hopeless about things and would feel more positive about your future which at the moment appears in your mind to be bleak? Forcing yourself through each day is simply exhausting and inevitably leads to depressive thoughts and a sense of hopelessness. I really hope that things begin to improve for you soon
well my daghter dsnt respond to my calls or texts anymore.i think she has become used to me not being there anymore and conditiond to it all.im going to my doctors tom to see if they will refer me to the chrisses team again.at least if they do ill get to speek one to one with profesional help and help me to gain some possitive outlook in life.and i get to meet others like me with mental health.so ill be around my own kind.i think my kids are lost now iv hardly seen my natural child in two years since i split with my wife.its getting worse.so will have to get used to not seeing her
No I don't think you should settle for not seeing her. I know that you feel powerless at the moment but why not fight to have a chance of seeing her? She shouldn't just have got used to not seeing you-you will always be her Dad no matter what. Try and be a Dad again?
im to tired to fight for her.in the two years iv split with her mother my girl has hardly ever bothered to answer my texts or calls and when i have seen her she never realy looks fussed or upset that she dsnt see me much.it just hurts me and tears me up inside i cant handle the feeling of rejection from her anymore
That's really sad and I'm sorry that she appears to feel this way. Maybe she would be upset to know that you were feeling as you do?
I hope you get some support from the Crisis Team asap
Hey Greg,
When you feel stronger inside, and get the anxiety under control, you´ll be in a much better mental state to work things out with your daughter. I know it´s tough, but if I were you building myself up would be my focus for now.
When youre feeling stronger inside and more confident then you´ll be able to handle whatever comes your way.
Best,
Jon
thats what i think jon,im just not strong enough at the moment to fight these things in my head.i will focus on getting myself stronger first before i battle other things,as you say she will allways be my daughter no matter what
Hey Greg,
I´ve found some free recordings from Dr Claire Weekes. You can listen to them here http://www.anxiety-central.com/index.php/page/index.html/_/articles/forum/how-to-recover-from-anxiety-by-dr-cla-r68
Dr Weekes´ work requires a lot of repetition, as our mind are tired and we easily forget and start thinking the wrong way. So it´s recommended to read her books, listen to her recordings regularly.
Have a listen and see if any of it makes sense to you!
Best,
Jon
cheers jon ill have a listen.i just got a book through today by dr claire which im just starting to read now.see how it goes.im not a very good reader so will read 4-5 pages a time
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.