Moving out

[pisco]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I'd really appreciate some help. My boyfriend and I have had an offer accepted on a house and I'm constantly anxious about it and having regular panic attacks. More than anything I'm scared because buying a place will mean moving out of my parents' house and becoming more self reliant - I just don't feel that I have the resources to do it.

I realise I'm in a privileged position and I'm very ashamed of my reaction, not least because there is such a stigma to being 33 and still living at home. I did move out briefly (1.5 years) to go to university but had an abusive boyfriend who isolated me: I had no friends and couldn't cope. I ended up fleeing back home to my parents and commuting to university and making some really good friends.

I recognise I've probably developed some sort of separation anxiety focussed on my parents now. My mum has had cancer treatment in the past few years and I'm stupidly scared of something happening to her. I've also, foolishly and inadvertently, isolated myself this time: I'm so ashamed of my living situation and the reaction I get when people find out how childish I am that I've cut myself off from people so they don't find out. My older sister has been very mocking of me in an attempt to force me to move out, but I fear that my feelings of failure are adding to my stress now. My boyfriend is brilliant and very understanding but I'm conscious that he wants us to have our own space - and, while I want that in theory, my negative physical reaction to this opportunity is absolutely overwhelming.

Please help. Has anyone got through something similar?

[Oosh]

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You've had a bad experience so it's understandable that you would be apprehensive. But this is how we change. By putting ourselves in different situations and adapting, changing your perspective and building new confidence.

Then you can look back on these moments as significant times that brought more out of you, gave you positive things and moved you past feelings of anxiety and low confidence.

Move out and make it a comfortable place you feel confident in. Surely mum won't be too far away.

[pisco]

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

I've been prescribed valium for the immediate severe anxiety and, thanks to that, have started to be able to eat a bit more which is also helpful. Viewed the house again at the weekend and it's...OK. Providing the survey doesn't come back with anything horrendous I'm feeling in a better position to give it a go.

Scared about the valium though. I've don't have much to last me through and am worried about returning to my previous state. Mum, Dad and sister are all in for surgery in the next few weeks so I'm still struggling with the anxiety, if I'm honest.

[Dan Wales]

I am too anxious and worrying about moving house. I keep telling my self it will be ok. I hope it goes well for you.