Always getting stuck in the middle

[Polar Bear]

Over the years I seem to have developed a habit of not wanting to upset people and ended up agreeing with them or at least trying not to disagree with them. By avoiding conflict I seem to get myself I more of a mess than by being more outspoken and making sure people understand my true position on anything.

Part of my problem is seeing too many different viewpoints, part is avoiding conflict, part is lacking any confidence and therefore any assertiveness. Well that's my perspective on things anyway.

Everyone then seems to be able to ride roughshod over me. I get involved and stuck in the middle of things that I don't want to be, or if I do want to be involved nothing ever works out the way I want it.

Does anyone else have these problems? Any tips or strategies to improve things?

Thanks

Mike

[Oosh]

I think I give my true opinion after I've thought through what that really is. But if voicing my opinion might be difficult for someone I'd still give it but would be very very tactful. Sort of suggesting a difference of opinion instead of just telling them you flat out think they're wrong if that will upset them.

I say start by knowing what your opinions are. I run mine through a few different perspectives first before deciding what I think. Do you feel good about the resulting opinion ? Does it feel right ? Then there should be no reason why you wouldn't want to share it. If you need to just use some tact.

My mum always tries to please. I tell her to tell me what she really thinks/wants because anything else is useless to me.

[anthrokid]

I'd say that a lot of people experience similar things. It can be very difficult to please everyone, but it doesn't stop people from trying. Unfortunately though, when we try to please everyone else we tend to neglect our own wants and needs.

Before you even used the word assertiveness I was thinking to myself, "Some assertiveness training could be useful". If you feel like you would like to build some self-confidence and work on being more assertive, sometimes you can access short courses or guides online for personal development.

Here's one I just found from Google for you to have a look at, if you are interested. I've read through a few and it seems quite similar to some of the assertiveness training I've completed throughout my course.
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51

---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 13:29 ----------

Oh, they also have one for improving self-esteem :)
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

[Polar Bear]

Sorry for the delay in my reply but thank you both for your responses.

I definitely need to think more about my opinions and get things clearer in my mind before uttering anything. Also like the thinking of filtering this through different perspectives.

Assertiveness is difficult for me and I struggle with some forceful personalities and start waffling even when I feel I'm knowledgeable on a subject. Will look into some assertiveness training.

Thanks again for your help

Mike