View Full Version : Pretty much "accepted" that this must be cervical cancer...
AthenaFaeyrn
19-01-15, 14:32
I posted this in another section of the forum and then noticed this one would probably have been better (apologies!).
For 1 year now I've been having irregular bleeding between periods. The bleeding / spotting (fresh red blood, like a light period), comes on 4 - 7 days after the last day of my period.
I have been getting leg aches that have gradually been getting worse, pelvic pains, watery discharge for which I sometimes I have to use towels for, and a strange "fluttery" sensation in my cervix from time to time that I never had before. The last time I had sex, I bled, and went straight to the sexual health clinic to get checked out, but I was bleeding so much the nurse couldn't examine my cervix. I did get tested for pretty much every STD under the sun, all of which came back negative. When I went back though, I saw a completely different nurse who didn't think it'd be worthwhile checking me, since at the time I had a yeast infection (!), but I am going to see a new doctor tomorrow.
I am 27, a smoker, and the only form of contraception I use is condoms, so this surely rules out any hormonal changes on account of that they aren't being interfered with by any pills or medication (and I don't take any other meds for anything else). What else could my symptoms point to?
The only other thing I think this could be down to might be stress and a lack of exercise, although that actually seems like an irrational conclusion to make over cervical cancer. It just came as a horrible coincidence that I started getting this bleeding at the very start of 2014 when I couldn't work any more due to extreme burn-out and stress. Suddenly I was of course hit with a ton of bills and debts that were out of my control, I was threatened with bailiffs, eviction, pretty much every financial issue under the sun, and my confidence took a huge blow being as I could no longer work. I spent the entire year of 2014 in poverty, eating the cheapest scraps I could get, sometimes going without heating or electric, and struggling every day to somehow scrape together enough to live on whilst dragging myself through what little work I was able to do.
My father became seriously ill and I was sent into a daily battle of panic, depression, anxiety and suicidal feelings. I did not feel able to seek psychological help on account of my last experience with psychiatric treatment which set me back a long way. I was placed "on watch", and had "carers" come to my bedroom, but not only did they not provide me with any support, they frightened me, and one of them mocked my personal interests, the things I collect that were in my bedroom, and said I needed to "get a life". I don't have the kind of strength that would allow me to put myself through such a risk again, but I feel trapped in a life I literally can't afford in any way, financially or emotionally. It's too much.
For the most part of having this bleeding, I haven't been able to do anything about it, just hope it goes away, or that it is indeed some life-threatening thing that will take me. My lifestyle and how I have treated and neglected myself during the past few years would pretty much secure a diagnosis of cancer to me as I have barely been able to get myself out of bed to wash, brush my teeth, comb my hair, wash my clothes, feed and water myself.. it's all just alongside every other problem I have that I failed to take care of along with the bills, rent, etc, etc, etc.. I'm deeply exhausted and I can't cope.
I had my last smear test around 3 years ago (it came back normal) so I am due again now away. One of the nurses tried to comfort me by telling me the last smear I had would have at least shown up abnormal cells if I had cancer now, but I know they can mess these things up and I did bleed after my last smear test so maybe the results didn't come back right.
I am having to register with a new GP as I have moved, and the process feels like such an inconvenience, (it takes some time for details of my medical record to be passed through, and then they give you a "new patient" check up and forms, etc), like I wish I could just go to that sexual health clinic meanwhile and pretty much beg them for a smear test, but they will just tell me I need to register with a doctor and do it from there.
---------- Post added at 14:32 ---------- Previous post was at 14:28 ----------
In my mind, I have "accepted" that this is cervical cancer because I have been so frightened this is what it is. I am treating this like that's what it is to save me from any grief if I do get diagnosed with it, although I've no idea how well that will work in reality if I do have it.. I am absolutely terrified.
Sorry to hear you've had such a rough time :hugs:
You can go see a GP straight away, they will apply for all your old records in the meantime, tell the doc your fears and tell him that you'd like another smear test done. You shouldn't have to wait too long.
One of my smears came back abnormal some years back and i have to have smear tests done repeatedly over a five year period, i am also prone to UTI's and had to go for a scan a few months ago to make sure there was no underlying reason for them.
It's horrid for you to be tortured with these thoughts so register with a new GP asap and go have your mind put to rest.
You have been under a heap load of stress and the GP may put it down to that if your results are clear again.
di xx
Just like the nurse I think your smear three years ago would have shown something if there is something serious going on.
Your bleeding could be caused by a cervical erosion or ectropion. This means your cervix is covered with the wrong sort of cells, the same cells the uterus lining is made of, and therefore it bleeds very easily. It can also cause discharge. I have this myself and was very worried just like you.
Nobody ever told me I had this until it made me bleed a lot. It is not dangerous at all.
Dear AthenaFaeyrn,
I'm soo sorry you've been going through a hard time. I feel for you, I can totally understand and emphatise your situation. I convince myself I have some sort of cancer or a very serious illness even weekly or daily sometimes. Right now I'm convinced I have lymphoma and Als. So first of all I want to say is that you're not alone.
Secondly, I had my second smear test in September 2014. Results came back with borderline cell changes and high risk hpv +, I had a colposcopy and biopsy results showed no CIN (precancerous cells) but I have endometriosis in my cervix. My Gp asked my gynecologist when I should have my next smear as I have high risk hpv in my cervix and the doctor said as there is no CIN I can have my next smear in 3 years.
So a specialist is saying that even though you have hpv, there is no way it can cause cancer in 3 years so I don't need any unnecessary tests in between. Your smear test came back normal 3 years ago, you didn't even have hpv so there is no way you can develop cancer in 3 years. Believe me you're fine.
I'm having non-menstrual bleeding all the time, I had 2 ultrasounds one vaginal and one abdominal and it didn't show anything. My doctor thinks it's either stress/hormonal, because stress can cause hormonal abnormalities even though you're not on the pill.
Hope this helps and hope you feel better soon xx
AthenaFaeyrn
20-01-15, 03:34
Thank you so, so much ladies. I'm laying in bed so terrified of what this could be. I hope, hope, hope it's something stress-related and not something big.
I'm worried my boyfriend thinks this is like a "girl who cried wolf" scenario, as he's heard all of my past health anxieties which have turned out to not be what I thought they would be. I'm going absolutely crazy. Either way, I need to get help with my anxiety because it causing both of us problems.
I feel like this is "different" to my past health anxieties because of the actual symptoms I'm having and the things they could point to... I don't feel like I'm being irrational this time.
AthenaFaeyrn
21-01-15, 06:54
In my mind at this point, I'm already past me knowing I've got cervical cancer; in my mind now, I've "had treatment for it", "survived" it, and am now worrying about cancer recurrence and considering planning my actual treatment for cervical cancer that hasn't even been diagnosed yet, around my "knowing" of all of this... thinking like well after I go through all of this once, I could get it again, and so I should plan as well as possible to minimize getting it again after a 1st recovery.
I want to get a radical hysterectomy; I want to get as many cancer-prone organs out of me as possible.
Hi Athena..sorry to hear about what you're going through...I was lying in bed earlier saying the exact same things to myself as I too have a genuine cancer worry at the moment and could be facing it shortly. Wish we could get our brains to work differently...I am currently sat here trying to see where I can get some instant mental health help..rang an anxiety helpline yesterday in desperation but they were useless...even been looking into whether I can admit myself somewhere...this is to avoid the MRI I have to have on Saturday as I can't face it....
AthenaFaeyrn
21-01-15, 09:46
Hi Athena..sorry to hear about what you're going through...I was lying in bed earlier saying the exact same things to myself as I too have a genuine cancer worry at the moment and could be facing it shortly. Wish we could get our brains to work differently...I am currently sat here trying to see where I can get some instant mental health help..rang an anxiety helpline yesterday in desperation but they were useless...even been looking into whether I can admit myself somewhere...this is to avoid the MRI I have to have on Saturday as I can't face it....
Thank you so much JustJules. It's always, always a relief to know I'm not the only one with these fears. The circles our minds can run in can often end up with us just feeling horrifically alone and petrified (and misunderstood too, if we aren't around others who understand).
I am going for my "new patient" check up later today and the nurse will see all of my notes that I scribbled in the new patient form / questionnaire as I am registered with a new GP. I hope, hope, HOPE, and pray, that she will be good, and maybe even give me a smear test right away.
My symptoms still point to cervical cancer and I think the nurse will see that. But all the same, I NEED to get help for my anxiety, so I hope she will chat to me about it and hopefully help me develop some plan of action, although I'm not sure if that's jumping the gun a bit too much as I'm not sure how thorough or fruitful or this "new patient" appointment will even be.
Do you have anyone to go with you for your scan? Maybe it might help if you have someone accompany you? If not, I heard that if you have problems with anxiety, if you tell the MRI people, they can give you something to help your nerves before you go through with it. *hugs* I hope your anxiety calms.
My OH is coming with me but to be honest, he makes me worse as he thinks I am mental as he puts it and that it's only a test....he just keep saying that it is what it is and to grow up! Because the MRI hasn't been marked as urgent and is following a supposedly normal colonoscopy (although biopsies were taken so may have shown otherwise) he said they would have got me back quicker and marked it urgent.
AthenaFaeyrn
21-01-15, 10:35
My OH is coming with me but to be honest, he makes me worse as he thinks I am mental as he puts it and that it's only a test....he just keep saying that it is what it is and to grow up! Because the MRI hasn't been marked as urgent and is following a supposedly normal colonoscopy (although biopsies were taken so may have shown otherwise) he said they would have got me back quicker and marked it urgent.
My boyfriend I think is bored of me and my anxiety.. He's self-employed too (as I was), and is now trying to make enough to support us both and I'm causing so much panic he can't deal with it. I don't mean to intrude upon our financial situation this way, but.. I am pretty sure I have cancer!!! It's kind of hard / impossible for me to not panic. He knows I can't help it, but it's still causing him harm too. Either way, I need to set up financial support for my illness, because if I don't have cancer, I most certainly have anxiety and depression that has stopped me from my work, so I'm pretty sure they will put me on benefits or something and I just don't want my boyfriend to worry about money right now even though I know that sounds bad. I've been screwed up enough for the past year for me to just want to sort everything right now and get right to the point where I can actually work again and just be happy.
It's always terrible coping with the realities of HA, the realities of the very real symptoms that we face, and then having to try to support another person who is either unsympathetic, or is to the point that they themselves end up suffering for us. Ugh.
Hi there,
I just wanted to let you know that I've been following this thread and that I have been through the EXACTLY the same feelings for the last few weeks.
I also have lots of symptoms - abdominal pain, discharge, bleeding after sex, pain with sex - that google tells you is cervical cancer.
I had a smear a couple of weeks back and got the results on Friday (borderline abnormalities, but tested negative for HPV) and was told that I now didn't need another smear til 2018.
Went to the doctors on Friday when I got this letter and had a break down on the doctor (embarrassing!) saying I was sure I had CC. She told me I was being completely irrational though - yes it said borderline changes, but that's v v v minimal and usually means nothing and the fact that I tested negative for HPV means it is nothing to worry about as chances of it being anything serious are exceptionally low (hence me only needing another smear in 3 years time). We went through the other symptoms and she said a) abdominal pain - probably IBS and had had ultrasounds before which showed nothing b) pain/bleeding with sex - has been going on for years now and much more likely tension and bleeding as a result of that and c) discharge - everyone has this that she will do some STD tests if I want, but again wasn't worried as didn't sound abnormal.
So basically after being 100% convinced that I had CC and thinking through all scenarios (including argh I won't be able to have kids, argh I'll never get married, argh I shouldn't book that flight/take that job because I won't be alive then) I've basically been told that this is all in my head.
Given the HA I am, of course, still worried and have lots of niggling doubts - the symptoms are def real, the test might have missed something, maybe I have CC that is not caused by HPV, maybe they're just ignoring me cos they know I'm anxious etc etc so I am probably going to go back to the doctors next week to play some of this out, but it really really might be the case - for you and for me - that this isn't what we've convinced ourselves it is!
Sx
AthenaFaeyrn
21-01-15, 11:40
Hi there,
I just wanted to let you know that I've been following this thread and that I have been through the EXACTLY the same feelings for the last few weeks.
I also have lots of symptoms - abdominal pain, discharge, bleeding after sex, pain with sex - that google tells you is cervical cancer.
I had a smear a couple of weeks back and got the results on Friday (borderline abnormalities, but tested negative for HPV) and was told that I now didn't need another smear til 2018.
Went to the doctors on Friday when I got this letter and had a break down on the doctor (embarrassing!) saying I was sure I had CC. She told me I was being completely irrational though - yes it said borderline changes, but that's v v v minimal and usually means nothing and the fact that I tested negative for HPV means it is nothing to worry about as chances of it being anything serious are exceptionally low (hence me only needing another smear in 3 years time). We went through the other symptoms and she said a) abdominal pain - probably IBS and had had ultrasounds before which showed nothing b) pain/bleeding with sex - has been going on for years now and much more likely tension and bleeding as a result of that and c) discharge - everyone has this that she will do some STD tests if I want, but again wasn't worried as didn't sound abnormal.
So basically after being 100% convinced that I had CC and thinking through all scenarios (including argh I won't be able to have kids, argh I'll never get married, argh I shouldn't book that flight/take that job because I won't be alive then) I've basically been told that this is all in my head.
Given the HA I am, of course, still worried and have lots of niggling doubts - the symptoms are def real, the test might have missed something, maybe I have CC that is not caused by HPV, maybe they're just ignoring me cos they know I'm anxious etc etc so I am probably going to go back to the doctors next week to play some of this out, but it really really might be the case - for you and for me - that this isn't what we've convinced ourselves it is!
Sx
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
The last smear I had 3 years ago I rushed to book as I had been getting brown discharge between periods, but the smear came back normal (I worried about cervical cancer big-time back then too), but like you, I am fighting my anxiety to believe it could be anything else..
Now I've been thinking that smear I had was botched and it couldn't have been right and MUST have showed something up but the blood from the test may have interfered with it, or there were abnormal cells that it didn't pick up, etc, etc.. And now, it's actually advanced cervical cancer being as they didn't pick it up right at the time.
I haven't been diagnosed with IBS, although I am pretty sure I have that, so your post was some comfort to me!
I have the very same fear as you as being shrugged off because they will end up knowing of my anxiety and the history I have with it. I had broken down in front of my old GP when I feared I had MS; I cried and cried to him until my nose bled, and outright begged and pleaded with him to send me to a neuro. :S He actually sent me straight to A&E that time because I was saying how I needed to die if I have MS and want to do it before it progresses and I'm worried there might be something on my medical record about that as being just painting me out to be a crazy person who think she has thinks she automatically mustn't because of the past. It's so frustrating and I feel like this new GP will automatically be thinking, "Oh, so this is the weird crazy one I'll have to keep in check" or something.
I just HOPE she will properly examine me, give me whatever tests are necessary to find out the cause of the bleeding, etc. I'm just so, so scared it could be something terrible. Oh god, if it isn't cancer, I hope it isn't something else awful..
I can't, can't WAIT to post back here telling everyone what this ends up being nothing major and that I'm fine, and that it was my anxiety, or something... I am praying, praying to make that post.
Putting my logical hat on, I am sure that doctors treat everyone neutrally. After all, it will only come back on their head if they treated someone differently because of anxiety and then it did turn out to be something serious... The good thing is I have found a doctor who I really like and I feel takes me seriously - I really hope that your new doctor will be the same.
I think what I've started to realise over the last few days is that I am ruining my life at the moment worrying about having something wrong.
Have you found anything you can do that makes you feel better? I find that going out with friends where you can't spend the whole time thinking about it is the best thing for me.
Let us know how today goes and do keep us up to date. I have found one of the most frustrating thing on here is when people are posting about similar symptoms etc and don't come back to say how it turned out (which is probably because it was all fine...) So I will definitely do that and hope you will too.
S x
AthenaFaeyrn
21-01-15, 15:24
Putting my logical hat on, I am sure that doctors treat everyone neutrally. After all, it will only come back on their head if they treated someone differently because of anxiety and then it did turn out to be something serious... The good thing is I have found a doctor who I really like and I feel takes me seriously - I really hope that your new doctor will be the same.
Solid, solid point. Thanks for balancing me out with that. :) If they did, it'd almost veer into discrimination territory, if they treated health concerns from a patient with anxiety differently on the basis of mental illness.
I'm so glad you have a doctor you can trust! That is always a great thing, and I am hoping I will be just as fortunate!
I think what I've started to realise over the last few days is that I am ruining my life at the moment worrying about having something wrong.
That's a brilliant thing to keep in mind. It's funny isn't it? We worry constantly about these things - about being ill - and we are ill, with HA! and running around in constant loops makes us worse! I really need to remember that more often.
Have you found anything you can do that makes you feel better? I find that going out with friends where you can't spend the whole time thinking about it is the best thing for me.
I don't actually have any friends aside from my partner.. Being self-employed, working from home, not attending any kind of college or Uni, or any outside activity has really limited me in terms of social outlet; and School was generally a nightmare for me and I never kept any friends from there. I'm hoping that this year will be better for me in terms of broadening my horizons that way... I think signing with a GP and making visits for my anxiety might help propel me in healthier directions. It's weird, I'm scared of cervical cancer right now, but I am feeling confident in the very least about what I'm doing... This is a big step for me as I should have gone to the doctors a long, long time ago. I'm feeling hopeful right now. I'll be at the GP in around an hour.
Drawing, writing, playing guitar and surfing Tumblr do help me a lot though! Those are the main distractions I use.
Let us know how today goes and do keep us up to date. I have found one of the most frustrating thing on here is when people are posting about similar symptoms etc and don't come back to say how it turned out (which is probably because it was all fine...) So I will definitely do that and hope you will too.
S x
Oh I feel you about the people who don't come back to report how it all went!! I got frantic a few days ago, chasing up old, old threads on here that had been written by women with similar concerns to mine but never came back to say how it all went! I get terrified they ended up going to an actual cancer forum or something, or passed away or all kinds of horrible things happening to them. I will definitely be reporting back with whatever is wrong with me. I am hoping so much it will be come as something much less serious than what I'm imagining. *hope hope hope hope* <3
Thank you so, so much again S! x
---------- Post added at 15:24 ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 ----------
Well the appointment with the nurse went well! She was, as I thought would be the case, pretty procedural in asking questions about my health history, my parents health conditions, she took my height, weight, asked me stuff about my diet, exercise, etc, (all of which I said were absolutely terrible!), I did a urine test for glucose and some stuff, (which came back fine), and I think blood pressure (?) (she put the puffy expanding wrappy thing on my arm).
All fine. But she said I'm a little underweight, which she said would probably be on account of my depression as I find it hard to look after myself. I rambled on a bit about all the things I find hard to do in terms of self-care and she seemed very open to what I had to say.
She has already booked me in an appointment for tomorrow for a doctor she very, very highly praises for her understanding of mental illness!! I was so, so happy to hear that, as that nurse herself seems sweet enough, and I trust her opinion enough already so I feel hopeful that I've landed myself in a safe place here. She told me that a lot of people come in with depression and anxiety issues at their clinic, and always this specific doctor is great at handling those cases. (I hope she is right!).
I did of course tell her about my bleeding outside of regular periods that I've been getting for a year, and that I'm overdue for a smear test, and so she also booked me in to see another female doctor for that tomorrow as well! So I will be having two appointments tomorrow!
Of course, I am still afraid.. I've been getting some pelvic pain since I've been back home that has been making me feel scared to drink a Diet Coke I bought on my way home so I am sticking with water. :S
Ohh, so now I am banking on tomorrow having some semblance of an understanding of what might be going wrong with all these horrible vaginal / pelvic symptoms.. I hope she might say something to put my mind at rest but I'm worried it won't sink in until I know "for sure".
I feel at least happy I seem to have found a good place.. I am keeping everything crossed.
I know tomorrow I will be begging inside for some reassurance, some sign of this turning out to be nothing major.. I am going to be having the sexual health doctor before the mental health doctor, and I'm hoping I don't cry in either of them.. or both of them! :S
OH CRAP!! I got the date wrong!! It's Monday I am going!! D': AGH! Oh craahhp. More waiting... Okay I'm going to need a LOT of distractions lined up. FACK.
What a DOOFUS I am.
AthenaFaeyrn
22-01-15, 15:20
...These days leading up to those appointments are going to LAG so much.
I'm experiencing slight pain in my vagina similar to how it feels when I'm on the heaviest day of my period, like a "heavy" weighty feeling down there.
If it isn't even cancer I feel sure this is something major.. Ugh.
AthenaFaeyrn
22-01-15, 19:46
I made this.. :/
Taken from my menstrual calender.
October 2013 - No irregular bleeding.
November - No irregular bleeding.
December - No irregular bleeding.
January 2014 - Bled after boyfriend fingered me 19 days after last period ended.
Feb - Bled on ovulation day.
March - No irregular bleeding.
April - No irregular bleeding.
May - Bled on ovulation / fertile day.
June - Bled lightly 8th day after last period ended, bled lightly for 5 days.
July - Bled lightly 8th day after last period ended, bled lightly for 3 days.
August - Bled very, very lightly on 8th day after last period ended, bled for one day, off next, back on very lightly the next) (had sex but no heavy bleeding), off next, then light blood spotting the next.
September - Bled lightly 4th day after last period ended, bled one day, off 3 days, spotted very lightly 2 days, off one day, spotted one day, brownish discharge next.
October - Bled moderately (most ever to date) 5th day after last period ended one day, off one day, tiny barely-noticable blood next day, off 3 days, brown discharge one day.
November - Bled very lightly / spotting 6 days after last period ended for 4 days, off one, fresh blood again one day.
December - No irregular bleeding.
January 2015 - Some light brown discharge 5 days after last period ended, off one, light brown discharge 3 days after.
***attempt at reassuring myself mode activated*** ~
So, 4 - 8 days after my last period ended, the light bleeding happens for a few days averagely... If it was bleeding from cervical cancer, would the bleeding seem as predictable as this? (rhetorical question really being as I know can't necessarily look for answers here but still).. It seems surely more cyclic, wheras I might have thought bleeding from cancer might be more erratic or unpredictable throughout the cycle. All of the bleeding I noted was usually light and seemed period-like.. nothing massive or not a huge amount of blood or weird-looking blood.. Ugh I hate this. -_-
---------- Post added at 19:41 ---------- Previous post was at 19:25 ----------
Hmm.. All seemed to go a bit haywire after my boyfriend fingered me that time. I remember it being quite vigorous (sorry tmi), I wonder if it made my cervix go.. really fragile or something, eh.
---------- Post added at 19:46 ---------- Previous post was at 19:41 ----------
On second thoughts... It doesn't really look that predictable at all does it? -_-
AthenaFaeyrn
25-01-15, 19:37
I go to the doctor to get checked out tomorrow, and also see the other doc about my anxiety and depression...
There's about a 40 minute wait between the 1st appointment about my cervix, and the 2nd appointment about my depression, so I'll be sitting in the waiting room in some kind of state of whatever, waiting for the next one, depending on the outcome of that 1st appointment...
I feel so, so sick thinking about it. I hope if I'm a complete emotional wreck, they'll put me in some sort of room to cry rather than in the waiting room. I have so many memories of being carted off to some empty room to wait because I've been in too much of a state to sit in a public area. I hate that I have memories like this and I'm terrified I'll either always have them throughout my life, or that they'll get worse and end up just packing me off as an in-patient for the rest of my life.
I hope to God the sexual health doctor finds something wrong with my cervix that would rule out cancer, or some other frightening thing. I've figured that if she finds NOTHING wrong tomorrow, it will heighten the chance of it being some terrifying thing like cancer that requires more investigation through tests, and possibly warrant a hospital visit for additional checks, and it all be downhill from there.
Surely if it's some kind of cervical damage, it can be found during examination.. Although, I did read that sometimes cervical cancers or tumors can even be seen during examination, so I'm absolutely sick to my stomach about tomorrow.
I'm worried I might have a similar emotional break-down to the doctor as I did when I feared MS, when I got taken to hospital and put under "watch" and made to have bs horrible, clueless people come and visit me to "check up" on me.
I feel like I'm on death row, constantly. I am praying that this bleeding will turn out to be nothing major. I am praying that this Hell will end, and that I can get my life together without this crippling anxiety and depression.
Try to calm down. You sound like you're spinning, emotionally and this doesn't have a positive outcome for dealing with your anxiety!
I've been there, with many different issues and things that I am CONVINCED are wrong, and they haven't been anywhere near what I thought. I know how horrible it is, to wait and then to worry while waiting. But you can't change this outcome.
What would be good is to use some of this energy you have flying around - can you write about your worries and then list the consequences and think of some ideas of how you'd deal with them? Sounds crazy to focus on it, but you're going to be obsessing about it anyway, so you may as well really get into it. Give yourself a time limit - say an hour - which can be your 'worry time'. In this, think in detail about all the possible things that may come of the appointments tomorrow, and think of how you might feel and what you'd do to adjust your life after hearing the various outcomes.
Then after an hour, end the worrying session, and find something small to make you feel even 1% better. Watch something funny, listen to a song that inspires you, hug someone you love...just anything no matter how small that can give you a tiny bit of strength.
Tomorrow will come and go, but at the end of it you will at least be clearer than you are today. So this panicky feeling will at least be over and you'll have some idea where you stand.
Really hope it goes ok :hugs:
AthenaFaeyrn
26-01-15, 09:01
Thank you so much crystal17!! :hugs: It always means so much to have some reassurance about this kind of thing.
[UPDATE]
I got a call from the doctors, and the doctor I was supposed to be seeing about my anxiety and depression today is off ill! :S I'm supposed to give them a call in a few days to try to rearrange an appointment with her, if she's better by then. I'm worried that by then, there'll be a backlog of other patients who were booked to see her flooding up the appointment slots, but in a way, I'm a little relieved I'm seeing only one doctor today. I was so worried about the waiting between appointments and it felt a little overwhelming to be seeing two in one day about such heavy things. I think a little break between them will be okay.
I'm glad I'm still seeing the sexual health doc about these bleeding issues! That was my main priority for now. I so hope I can get some answers today. I will update with news when I get back!
Sorry to hear one appointment was cancelled, but as you say it means you can just face one appointment/challenge at a time now which is probably more manageable!
Hope your appointment today goes well, that everything is fine and that anything is said you can take in rationally. Don't feel afraid to ask them to explain or repeat something if needs be - I sometimes find doctors say passing/throw away comments that send me into a spin, but if I say 'can I check what you mean by that? Or does that mean I should be worrying about/thinking x' then they can help explain it to a rational person.
I'm also off to see my GP later. Have to feel more confident that my symptoms are nothing serious now GP told me last week that my 'borderline, but no hpv' letter basically = all clear, come back in 3 years, but I've realised that that doesn't mean I don't want some help with dealing with symptoms like pelvic pain and painful sex as they're still annoying even if nothing serious!
Keep us updated x
AthenaFaeyrn
26-01-15, 11:40
Sorry to hear one appointment was cancelled, but as you say it means you can just face one appointment/challenge at a time now which is probably more manageable!
Hope your appointment today goes well, that everything is fine and that anything is said you can take in rationally. Don't feel afraid to ask them to explain or repeat something if needs be - I sometimes find doctors say passing/throw away comments that send me into a spin, but if I say 'can I check what you mean by that? Or does that mean I should be worrying about/thinking x' then they can help explain it to a rational person.
I'm also off to see my GP later. Have to feel more confident that my symptoms are nothing serious now GP told me last week that my 'borderline, but no hpv' letter basically = all clear, come back in 3 years, but I've realised that that doesn't mean I don't want some help with dealing with symptoms like pelvic pain and painful sex as they're still annoying even if nothing serious!
Keep us updated x
Thank you so much Sophie! I hope you're getting along fine at the docs if you are there right now, or about to go! <3
Oww I wish I'd have read this post before I went! She was a little bit rushy-rushy, but she gave me my smear test and also swab test. Oh. My. Gosh. It was so, so painful! >.< But it was over pretty quickly.
I told her about the bleeding and all, and bleeding after sex; she asked me about if I've been getting discharge and I said yes, and that it was watery. She asked me if I'd had any other partners and I said no not since my last smear.
I think I asked her if she would be examining my cervix, and I think she said no, and <some explanation about tests first or something>, but honestly I can't be sure! It was kind of all a blur.
Sometimes I wish I could go to appointments with a sound recorder so I could actually listen to everything she said again and reassure myself!!
I asked her if she thought it was cancer and she said "no", or maybe "definitely not", but I didn't think to press her about that as I was worried about coming across as frantic and she did seem kind of rushy... -_- I kind of got the impression she was just saying that to stop me worrying or something. I never feel comfortable probing them about what they say but I wish I did!!
She did say that my cervix looked "slightly inflamed", and that gives me hope that this might all be down to cervicitis (being as that's essentially when cervicitis is, it seems, inflammation of the cervix, and that can cause a ton of the symptoms I've been getting but I don't know if it would last this long!). I think she said I was slightly bleeding due to the smear and not to worry if I get some bleeding after this so I will keep that in mind.
It's strange though, I remember the first smear I had was neeeeeever this painful! It was pretty intense. >.<
Anyhow, I'm to call up on Friday and ask for my swab results, and in 2 weeks I'm getting a letter about the results of my smear test.
One thing she said scared me though, and that was that if I'm not due for my smear test, they send the results back!!!! I was kind of shocked by that. And whilst I'm pretty certain I'm over-due for it, being as I left home and registered with a new doctor, I didn't get a new letter, or I can't be sure if it did because I don't live at my parents anymore where they would have normally have sent the letter.
Ugh.. Well, at this point, I've done all I could for this. If I'm refused the results, or it comes back normal, I'm going to push for blood tests or something because regardless of the intensity of my panic, I am still fed up of the bleeding and it still should be surely checked out.
If the nurse or doc can fully conclude that it is cervicitis, I'm sure my panic will subside.
---------- Post added at 11:40 ---------- Previous post was at 11:34 ----------
Yehh.. I am bleeding a tiny bit, yeow.
Glad appointment is done for you today and sounds positive.
Mine isn't until 17.30 so a while to wait yet, but feeling pretty good today so managing to get on with work (mostly!)
My smear test was really painful too - I think mainly due to tension and clamping up though as she did just keep telling me to relax :p. Also definitely ok and normal to bleed after. I did and was told that was normal.
I expect they 'looked' at your cervix, but they can't say that it is definitely all ok just from looking, but fact there was nothing visible bar inflammation sounds good. Hopefully results won't get sent back either - I would have thought if you have told them about your symptoms and they've taken a smear test then the least they could do was process it :p.
Know what you mean about often feeling like doctors are rushed - guess they are really given that they only have 7 mins per person or something though and that includes having to write stuff down, do tests etc etc.
Try and stay positive and relaxed now. As you say you've done all you can now and doesn't sound like Dr saw any reason to worry :). x
AthenaFaeyrn
26-01-15, 14:31
Glad appointment is done for you today and sounds positive.
Mine isn't until 17.30 so a while to wait yet, but feeling pretty good today so managing to get on with work (mostly!)
My smear test was really painful too - I think mainly due to tension and clamping up though as she did just keep telling me to relax :p. Also definitely ok and normal to bleed after. I did and was told that was normal.
I expect they 'looked' at your cervix, but they can't say that it is definitely all ok just from looking, but fact there was nothing visible bar inflammation sounds good. Hopefully results won't get sent back either - I would have thought if you have told them about your symptoms and they've taken a smear test then the least they could do was process it :p.
Know what you mean about often feeling like doctors are rushed - guess they are really given that they only have 7 mins per person or something though and that includes having to write stuff down, do tests etc etc.
Try and stay positive and relaxed now. As you say you've done all you can now and doesn't sound like Dr saw any reason to worry :). x
Ahh thanks a bunch Sophi! Yes, I actually feel pretty reassured that my cervix looked inflamed as it seems like that might sort of be a "quick" answer.. a half-ish-answer, or something.. My mind is kind of clinging onto that as a hope that it might be cervicitis and that's all, you know? But of course I still panic it's something worse. :S I'm just going to try all I can to keep my panic at bay whilst I wait.
Wishing you the best of best luck for your appointment later! :hugs: And thanks again! x
---------- Post added at 12:14 ---------- Previous post was at 11:44 ----------
Ohhh shit shit shit..
I just checked an old diary. I had my last smear test on 10th August 2012.
That is not 3 years ago as it's only just turned 2015.
They're going to throw my results away and make today a complete waste of time and needless pain. Brilliant.
---------- Post added at 12:51 ---------- Previous post was at 12:45 ----------
Can you imagine if I had abnormal cells or precancerous or cancerous cells, and they just threw the test away because I'm just 8 months off? That's a waste of a test. She's already done it, if they just throw it away that's a WASTE.
---------- Post added at 14:03 ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 ----------
If they throw that test away without telling me the results or don't even bother to check a smear already taken because I'm 8 months off (agh).. I guess I'll have no other choice but to go back and start again and go for other tests until they find out what's causing the bleeding.
The nurse obviously wanted me to have the smear, as she said right after I said about the bleeding and other symptoms that she'll do the smear and swab. I did say before then that I'm overdue for my smear (I genuinely thought I must have been! But obviously my guess was off), but.. this is all such a bother. -_-
---------- Post added at 14:31 ---------- Previous post was at 14:03 ----------
I actually feel even more in the dark now about this.. as I've no real idea about what to do - whether I should book another appointment right away being as the nurse told me if I'm not due yet, they'll pretty much discard the results.. Or if I should "sit tight" for the next 2 weeks on the off-chance that they won't discard the results..
I feel a little reluctant to call up and explain what has happened, in case they do something to stop the smear being checked by whoever is checking it, when if I stay quiet they might do it anyway..
Morning!
Sounds like you got yourself into a bit of a state yesterday. If I was you I'd just try and hang on and see what happens - hopefully they won't throw it out and you'll get the result you want given it isn't that far off 3 years and you've had symptoms. But if it does then yes sadly I'll think you will just have to go back and say how worried you are and see what they'll do.
My doctors appointment was good yesterday. Referred back to CBT for the HA which is good, the doc is also thinking about referring me for psychotherapy/physiotherapy for the tension/pain I feel during sex and the rest I've just got to keep an eye on.
Feel like it is probably time to spend less time on here as while reassuring sometimes I am sure it also heightens my anxiety. I'm still following this thread so will keep an eye on how things go for you and will post myself if anything significant happens with my health but for now feels like I have to trust doctors that physically I'm OK and I need to focus on the one thing that is def wrong with me - anxiety!
Sx
Hope you're ok Athena! Sending hugs :hugs: Well done for going, I know that takes alot of courage.
Remember to stay calm! And try to 'ration' your worry time xx
spacebunnyx
28-01-15, 17:37
It's very very unlikely they will reject your smear. I've had them done early and they were accepted.
Good luck
AthenaFaeyrn
01-02-15, 11:17
Thank you for responding, all. <3
I'm still hanging on in here!
I couldn't phone up for the results of my swab test because my phone died as I haven't paid the bill. (Still can't afford it). So I can't book for the mental health dr either until this gets sorted. -_- I'm in a right state with it all tbh as I've not been working due to all this stress so been having to live on whatever I can.
I'm hoping that I will get the result of that smear test, and just living on a prayer right now. My panic has been a little better - not many attacks, not huge anxiety either.
I am hoping this might be Polycystic ovary syndrome. My mother got very few, but very irregular periods throughout her life. She saw a doctor about this when she was much much younger, but he couldn't find out what it was. If this is PCOS, it would make sense I might have it too, but manifested in a different way, although the fact that this has come on in my late twenties might not add up.. (I think my mothers periods were always infrequent and irregular).
All I can really do is speculate like this until I find out what it is.. -_- I'm feeling a little better than before, though. <3
AthenaFaeyrn
06-02-15, 21:10
My smear test came back "normal"!
I'm still slightly concerned.. as I know these things aren't always 100% accurate BUT!! my panic and anxiety has been a LOT LOT better the past week or so, and I'm so grateful about that.
I'm still going back to the docs to hopefully find out the cause of the irregular bleeding. I am glad the test came back normal.. *clings to that as much as possible!*
I wonder if whatever it is that is wrong with me is at all connected to how excruciatingly painful the smear test was for me. My first ever smear test wasn't even really that painful.. But the one I had recently was insanely painful. Any other ladies experience that with theirs? The nurse told me it was normal for it to be that painful, but I'm not sure! Everywhere online it says it's not mean to be too painful, just "mildly uncomfortable"!
Did u find out why your cervix was inflammation .
AthenaFaeyrn
06-08-15, 20:01
I still get this and am still terrified.
I've had blood tests for all sorts: thyroid, hormone levels, vitamin deficiency, plus others - all fine and normal.
I bled after sex and my pee had blood in it. When I got on my period a few days ago, it looked like regular blood not period blood.
I *know* that this is cervical cancer. I just don't know what else it could be. I am going out of my mind.
I am going to hospital soon (my Dr referred me) for a colposcopy and possibly a biopsy depending on what they find and if they need to do further tests.
Absolutely terrified. I am dying. I know I am dying. I have cancer. But no one else believes me and just still has this opinion of like "ahh you're fine!". Um. NO. Something is seriously, seriously wrong with me "down there" and I feel like everyone is just brushing it off as though it's nothing because "ohh you've already "had" "cancer" and a billion other life-threatening things and it turned out you were fine!"
I feel like the girl who cried wolf.
---------- Post added at 20:01 ---------- Previous post was at 19:58 ----------
Sure my smear came back fine but smear tests are not 100% accurate and there are plenty of women who have had cervical cancer whose tests came back normal so it's not at all reassuring to me that my smear came back normal because I still have so many symptoms of cervical cancer and I've been tested for so much else.
My cervix was inflamed back when I had that smear test at the start of this year and apparently it's STILL inflamed. Apparently STD / STIs cause chronic cervical inflamation, and I've been tested for EVERY STD aside from HPV. And HPV can cause cervical cancer, and if it still hasn't just cleared up, it must be cervical cancer.
Hi there
I know it's really hard for you at the moment I'm convinced I have a bunch of different cancers myself and no amount of reassurance from others will stop me thinking that, unfortunately it's what HA does to us.
I've had loads of problems with bleeding after sex, bleeding in between periods, bleeding after exercise, you name it I've probably had it. If you want to look on the board you will see that I've posted lots on this before and like you I was convinced it was cervical cancer despite clear smears and reassurance from doctors.
I had an ectropion which was treated years ago and then it came back, since I had my son 10 years ago I've had problems with bleeding. I got referred a couple of years ago to colposcopy again, 3rd time I'd been there and a lovely nurse treated the whole of my cervix with something called silver nitrate. Apparently she said I had an ectropion but I also had a lot of cells which were polyp like in nature and you only had to touch them gently for them to bleed.
Since I've had that done things have pretty much been ok, still get the odd bit of spotting but nothing like it used to be.
So I just wanted to let you know that there are things other than cervical cancer that cause these worrying symptoms and if you've had a clear smear I'm sure you will be fine.
I understand you wanting that reassurance as I was exactly the same but I'm sure you will be fine.
Sorry to hear you're suffering so much. Have a look into endometriosis. I have it and have had a lot of the symptoms you describe. The heavy weird pain, the odd bleeding, painful sex and smears. I never had heavy periods particularly which is why I never thought it would be endometriosis. I read that you got told you have IBS. That can have similar pain symptoms to endo so it might be useful to read up on it (on NHS website!) and maybe mention to your doc if you think it could help.
It's not a serious condition and can be managed well with hormones etc. I hope I haven't scared you more but I saw lots of similarities in your story and my own.
Let us know what the colposcopy shows. (I also have an ectropian on my cervix which they think could be linked to endometriosis!)
Good luck :)
Beckie4567
08-08-15, 13:07
Hi when was your last smear I myself would like to have one yearly and have just seen they do they at spire Bristol for 104 pound so if u want to put your mind at rest yearly go for one of those I for one am guna bk up x
I posted on this thread when you did a few months back. I have been trying so hard to do better and forget my cervical cancer fears - I even took part in several months of therapy. But nothing is helping and my physical symptoms are still there if not worse than ever. Leg back and hip pain, increased discharge, pain on sex, even some brown and yellow discharge. I've been fighting this for a year now but after 6 months without seeing my doctor I am going to go back on Friday and ask what to do next as - with my borderline smear result as well - I really believe I have cervical cancer still :( bah meant to be going on trip of lifetime to Canada in a week but this is all consuming! S x
Beckie4567
08-08-15, 22:18
I think you only get leg pain when the tumours that bid it presses in nearby nerves so I wudnt worry bout that .
That's what I'm worried about - that I've had symptoms for so long now that have got worse that this means the cancer has spread and is affecting other parts of my body...
I've booked a doctors appointment for Friday morning
Beckie4567
11-08-15, 18:38
When did u last have a smear or interval tho?
---------- Post added at 18:38 ---------- Previous post was at 18:33 ----------
I've just seen it was in January if they looked at it then and it was normal then I doubt u wud go from normal to full blown cc in the space of 7 months that's a bit extreme
Beckie4567
12-08-15, 09:35
Let us no how u get on x
AthenaFaeyrn
02-09-15, 22:23
I went to the hospital today for my colposcopy.
He didn't do a biopsy, just colposcopy so I'm assuming (or rather: hoping my heart out), that he didn't think it was necessary because the problem is so obvious to him and that he's ultra confident about what it is that's the problem.
There was a dr lady in training there too and another lady who pretty much just said sweet, encouraging things to me whilst I was in agony getting the speculum put in. (She was so lovely I wish I could just have her around me all the time telling me I'm "doing so well" and all that, haha!).
Anyway, nurse in training took a peek at my cervix and said it looks like there are "little dots" on it and the dr (I think, if I can remember okay), said it's cervical ectropion.
Longish story short: He thinks it's nothing to worry about, he thinks it's hormonal, (even though I had a blood test for hormone imbalance or something and it came back normal, so...... ?), and that I could try going on the pill to help regulate things, or that I can have an operation to smooth my cervix or something.
Still not really reassured to be honest... If there are tiny bumps on my cervix, it could still be cervical cancer. I asked him if I am dying and he said no I'm not. Hmm.
He's probably putting too much faith in the fact that my last smear this year (when I feared cervical cancer again) came back as normal. He said they're very accurate these days (sure).
I also feel I didn't give him enough information about my bleeding - about how it is between periods (sure it's usually the same time each month between periods (5 to 8 days after my last period ended), but not always!!!!)
AthenaFaeyrn
05-09-15, 10:41
I'm on day 5 of my period and the blood isn't stopping when usually by day 3 I would just be getting brownish discharge. I'm not bleeding heavily (if at all really), but it's when I wipe that I see it. I have clots of thick, sticky, deep red blood when I wipe but I can't tell if it's from my vagina (from my period) or from urine.
I peed this morning and I can't tell if I have blood in my urine or if it's blood that just came out when I peed. When I peed, the water in the bowl was like diluted blood.
Terrified. I was planning on visiting my family this weekend (I haven't seen them in many months now; my father is seriously ill and I miss my parents a lot), but now I'm thinking I need some help, a dr, or hospital.
Greenman50
05-09-15, 15:05
Hi
You have had plenty of tests ...the EXPERTS are not worried .
No biopsy.....thats because your fine if they were in ANY doubt they would have done one .
This has been going on for 12 months i think i read .....just look at the time scale its NOT the big C..
Its pure Anxiety that is now wrecking your thought pattern and spoiling your life .
Been there done that :weep:
Get out and about and try and forget about it , My wife has always had irregular periods / bleeding and had tests and she was fine .
x
spacebunnyx
05-09-15, 17:55
As an unfortunate "expert" on colposcopy I have to say I'd they see nothing it means there's nothing. They magnify the cervix and put chemicals on that highlight abnormal cells.
AthenaFaeyrn
05-09-15, 20:34
Thank you so much mel2 & spacebunnyx.
I appreciate your responses so much and they always, always help. x
MissyMischief
07-09-15, 00:39
AthenaFaeyrn--
Hey, I thought I would share my story with you, since we are both kind of in the same boat.
I'm 29. Three years ago, after years of having totally normal Paps, I started having bleeding after sex. I had a colposcopy...they said I had mid to high cervical dysplasia (pre-cervical cancer). I had a LEEP done, where they removed the tissue, but when they tested it, it came back totally normal. This has baffled every doctor I've seen since. The only explanation they have is that the pre-cancerous cells were all removed during the colposcopy. I was relieved, although I still had occasional bleeding (just some pink spotting...not nearly as bad as before). The doctor who did the LEEP didn't know what to do about it, as my tests were normal. She said it must be a sensitive blood vessel or something. I let it drop.
I've had like a million Paps since then, and one more colposcopy. All have been normal.
Over the last three years, I had an IUD and then had that removed and got on birth control pills. I had bleeding/spotting with all of them, but since that was a possible side effect of both, I chose to ignore it.
Anyway, I got off the pills a year ago, and switched to just condoms. Still some spotting happened, usually after sex, but since all my tests were "normal", I ignored it.
THEN, in February of this year, I had heavy, scary bleeding after sex! It actually made me dizzy, it was such a shock! Immediately, I thought the cervical dysplasia was back, and even thought it must have progressed to cervical cancer.
Went immediately to DR, who said my cervix looked fine (before when I had the problem, my cervix looked beaten up and raw), so she ordered me to have an ultrasound.
I thought, oh shit, I have ovarian cancer or uterine cancer or endometrial cancer....
Ultrasound showed one small cyst on ovary and one small fibroid in uterus, both too small to cause bleeding.
So DR though I must have cervicitis (inflammation of cervix). She gave me antibiotics for a week.
Around this time, my boyfriend was gone for over a month, so I literally had to wait for him to come back and have sex with me to see if I bled after...super annoying and scary.
First, time, no bleeding. Then, bleeding started all over again. It doesn't happen every time, but it scares me every time and makes me dread sex sometimes. Sometimes I have a little cramping, too, but not always.
Got referred to a specialist and have an appointment in a couple weeks.
Long story short, I still have NO IDEA what is wrong with me. I'm hoping it's endometriosis and not something worse, but who knows. I just have to accept that I can't do a thing about it right now.
Sorry, this was so long, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain and distress. I was also suffering from anxiety before this all happened, and the health problems have just made it worse. I'm currently on anti-depressants, and I think they help a little.
I don't know what else to say, except hang in there...you are not alone.
AthenaFaeyrn
24-10-15, 11:16
Update on my situation with this since.
The colposcopy man sent a letter to me and my GP detailing what's been going on. It says that I have a large cervical ectropion which he's stated is pretty harmless but if it persists or becomes annoying I can have a small op to sort it out. Nothing scary showed up on the acid test (or whatever thing they use I can't remember but if anyone wants to know I can find the letter and find out what it was).
I've been put on the contraceptive pill under his suggestion to help sort out the mid-cycle bleeding (on day 2 at the moment) so we'll see how that goes.
Good news is that I have stopped bleeding during sex! I wasn't having very much sex before, but I have a new partner now and we are having sex all the time with no bleeding problems YAY!
I have all these symptoms too. I'm going to see a gynaecologist this month.
Random midcycle spotting (not ovulation), uterine tenderness, increased watery discharge. Even a nurse said my cervical mucus looked abnormal because it was so watery.
I have an ectropion (at least, I'm told that's what it is) but apparently it's not even that big so couldn't cause these symptoms.
I guess it's good to know that these things can be caused by something other than the c word, though I'm not surprised you were worried! I think anybody with these symptoms would fear the worst. I'm glad everything was fine for you, even though you don't have a proper answer for the symptoms.
I'm still waiting for my diagnosis.
Annaboodle
13-01-18, 13:06
Just like the nurse I think your smear three years ago would have shown something if there is something serious going on.
Your bleeding could be caused by a cervical erosion or ectropion. This means your cervix is covered with the wrong sort of cells, the same cells the uterus lining is made of, and therefore it bleeds very easily. It can also cause discharge. I have this myself and was very worried just like you.
Nobody ever told me I had this until it made me bleed a lot. It is not dangerous at all.
Gah! I was diagnosed with a cervical erosion when I was about 20, but no one explained it to me at all, let alone as clearly as you just did. Makes a lot of sense now looking back - I was bleeding after sex, after internal exams, in between periods - just bleeding a lot, with weird discharge too. I felt horrible for years. I'm in my 40s now.
Just read this post. I’ve got my smear today. No symptoms other than on off leg and groin aches which tbh isn’t even painful but I’m supper focused on it so probably notice it more. I’m 42 never missed a smear or had anything abnormal etc but for some reason I’m dreading it today. Only an hour and half to go before my appointment and my stomachs churning and I’m on off the loo like a yo yo! Doesn’t help that there’s a new nurse, the last nurse who has done my smears for years got a new job somewhere else. I always like to stick with people I trust.
I've been spotting bright red fresh blood for over a year now. It started everyday and has slowly tapered to maybe 4 times a month now. I have pcos so they have put it down to that an ectropian. Go speak to a dr and ask to be checked again. Ask for a hormone count to be carried out too. X
AthenaFaeyrn
15-04-18, 15:49
3 years on and I still don't have cervical cancer! I had a smear test recently that came back normal.. Is it mad that I'm STILL relieved about this after three whole years?! I was that convinced that my time was up and I was going to be a gonner. I'm still alive!
3 years on and I still don't have cervical cancer! I had a smear test recently that came back normal.. Is it mad that I'm STILL relieved about this after three whole years?! I was that convinced that my time was up and I was going to be a gonner. I'm still alive!
It was obviously a very stressful time for you, AthenaFaeyrn, so your sense of relief makes sense! I'm very glad for you, and I love updates like this. I was terrified of some of my symptoms in the past too. I can think of several cancers I was convinced I had, which I also survived. It helps me deal with current symptoms so my anxiety doesn't go off the deep end.
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