creativelysad
21-01-15, 17:26
Two years ago I found out my OH was having cybersex with another woman. This had been going on since before we met (we've been together 8 years) and he claims he never thought to stop it. He also watched porn everyday. When the affair came out he said he wasn't going to watch porn again and that he would stop talking to her straightaway, and I believed him.
Over the last two years he occasionally brought up feeling guilty about sex and the affair, and wanting to try different (more extreme) things with me. He also mentioned he was struggling to keep away from porn, but always said he hadn't gone back to it.
Last December it emerged that he never stopped looking at it. He'd lied all the time. I felt so let down and used. We had a good talk and he said that was it, no more porn. He started counting the weeks since he last did it. We had a lovely Christmas, everything felt very calm, loving and honest. The day before he went back to work he was very withdrawn and down. I thought it was just going beck to work after Christmas.
After two days back at work we had a sleepless night, he kept saying work was getting him down, but I had my suspicions. It took until 4.30am for him to confess he had looked at porn four days earlier. I said it was fine, let's just start counting the weeks again. He hasn't looked at porn since, but now he's blaming the way he's feeling on work. He says he hates his job, nothing is worth living for, etc. I know it's all in his head, so I try not to believe it or encourage him with these thoughts.
I've convinced him to get in touch with a counsellor who specialises in men with sex problems, who he is having a meeting with tomorrow. I genuinely believe that porn/sex/guilt is the main problem, but he is in denial - as though he is protecting all that.
I suppose I don't really have any questions or asking for help... I just really need to talk to someone about it. I've told my parents about the affair, but not the porn - not really comfortable talking to them about that.
Over the last two years he occasionally brought up feeling guilty about sex and the affair, and wanting to try different (more extreme) things with me. He also mentioned he was struggling to keep away from porn, but always said he hadn't gone back to it.
Last December it emerged that he never stopped looking at it. He'd lied all the time. I felt so let down and used. We had a good talk and he said that was it, no more porn. He started counting the weeks since he last did it. We had a lovely Christmas, everything felt very calm, loving and honest. The day before he went back to work he was very withdrawn and down. I thought it was just going beck to work after Christmas.
After two days back at work we had a sleepless night, he kept saying work was getting him down, but I had my suspicions. It took until 4.30am for him to confess he had looked at porn four days earlier. I said it was fine, let's just start counting the weeks again. He hasn't looked at porn since, but now he's blaming the way he's feeling on work. He says he hates his job, nothing is worth living for, etc. I know it's all in his head, so I try not to believe it or encourage him with these thoughts.
I've convinced him to get in touch with a counsellor who specialises in men with sex problems, who he is having a meeting with tomorrow. I genuinely believe that porn/sex/guilt is the main problem, but he is in denial - as though he is protecting all that.
I suppose I don't really have any questions or asking for help... I just really need to talk to someone about it. I've told my parents about the affair, but not the porn - not really comfortable talking to them about that.