View Full Version : Panic mode all Day!
Never felt like this before.
It started this morning. I went up the road in my local Town and all of a sudden my legs felt like jelly and I though I was going to pass out.
Luckily I was near a chemist, so I went inside and told the Sales Assistant that I thought I was going to faint. Ten minutes passed and nothing happened. So, thinking with my logical head, I put it down to Anxiety.
Since then, I have been in a shivery state, even though I am warm. Feel slightly detached and feel like my breathing is not right. I have very dark circles under my eyes and keep coughing to clear my chest. My stomach is gurgling, I am constantly belching and yawning and have tingling hands.
It's like the pre-Panic Attack stage, but it hasn't come.
I have been like this for ten hours now and have never had this before for so long.
I've been doing the breathing exercises, had Green Tea and tried to relax, but the feelings are still there?
This is a huge set-back for me and the Fear is setting in Big-time. :scared15:
I recognise all your symptoms. Sounds like me years back when I used to have constant days of anxiety. Shaking, heart racing, light headed, pins and needles, upset tummy, lump in my chest and throat. I used to sit and rock back and forth, hugging myself. It really does sound like an anxiety state to me. However, I can't tell you what to do to stop it.
Sunflower2
21-01-15, 21:43
Hi Carnation,
I wouldn't view this as a set back. I know it must be so frustrating when you've been doing so well, but your body reacting to anxiety isn't something that you cant really control! You actually sound like you're just a bit exhausted and worn out? Last night I didn't feel great. I was so down feeling, nervous of everything, scared of sitting in my living room even. But I was just completely worn out from my exam and not sleeping/eating properly. Today I am more rested and have eaten lots and feeling calmer! I can still feel the anxiety creeping in at times though.
I don't think you should dwell on this. We are always going to have good and bad days, no matter how well you cope as this is the nature of the illness. Relax the best you can and try again tomorrow? :hugs:
I think you are right Kimberley. I have done nothing but keep dropping off to sleep every time I sit down. I have been pushing my boundaries too, trying to lead a normal Life, but not eating as well as I should and not getting enough rest because I like to keep Anxiety at bay by keeping busy all of the time. I feel really worn out. Mixed with the bad weather, dark skies and fighting off the Anxiety. I haven't felt this bad for a long while. :unsure:
Thanks for replying Ninnie, I probably just need a good rest.
I'm feeling much like you, pre panic kinda feeling all day...four the last four days! I managed almost two good weeks before this.
Pre panic for me is feeling weird in head, call it dizzy, rocking, fuzzy, lightheaded but heavy behind the eyes. Shaky on and off and a buzzy feeling in my chest that used to b accompanied by fast heart rate (not so much this time). And my pupils dilate so huge there's hardly any blue visible. It freaks me out.
I'm trying to go about the usual and not dwell on it but struggling very much. We will get past these moments (I can tell myself that) but sometimes doesn't feel like its ever gonna come.
MyNameIsTerry
22-01-15, 10:05
Sorry to hear this Carnation.
I get blips in the big supermarkets from time to time. I find it occurs because I am physically feeling rough or having a higher anxiety day. I've found it best to stop & concentrate on something, maybe try to read something, etc. Its sometimes difficult to concentrate but it usually passes.
Try not to allow this to create avoidance because you want to be able to do it without this reaction.
I'm having a rough blip at the moment myself and I can't turn it off. The worst I've had fit a long time and it's making me feel the same about going backwards.
Yes, Terry. I still feel the same today. I am trying to carry on as usual, but have this impending doom feeling again that something bad is going to happen.
I had the most terrifying pains in my calf last night in bed that made me think I was going to die. I ignored it and really couldn't be bothered anymore whether I was or not and of course I was fine. The pain was so severe ir felt like I was being cut with a knife!
I also went to bed early and found myself laying there staring at the ceiling for 2 hours before I went to sleep. Hence me staying up late every night.:unsure:
There's quite of few of us on here that seem to be having a blip. I don't know whether it is because of the time of year, but this time last year was when my full Anxiety came to a head and that is always at the back of my Mind.
I am seeing my Therapist tomorrow, so will report on the outcome.
Sorry that you too feel bad at the moment, the only advice I can give is walking and keeping busy with stuff, as I am doing. Maybe a bit of Sun will help us to feel better and I think there is some due by the end of the week. :shrug:
Panicky88, I think you have the right attitude, but it doesn't make it any easier to live with. January is nearly out of the way and as soon as I see Daffodils, I know that Spring is on it's way and brighter days are coming. :)
Sunflower2
22-01-15, 19:33
I'll think of you when I see my therapist tomorrow too :) the impending doom feeling is just horrible though. I get that a lot without even realising it. It's like you're just waiting for a catastrophe to happen.
State of panic
22-01-15, 23:40
I another one having a blip, it is so dark and gray outside during the winter months and that does not help. Also I have family issues and am dealing with the empty nest syndrome big time these are not easy changes for many, even for those who don't have this disorder. I am recovering but still in a relatively fragile state. I have been on my sert for three months now but I think we have to realize we are simply going to have bad days, my mind races and I think oh my God I am going to get worse and worse because I have had this blip which gives me more anxiety. it should be reassuring to us that even those of us on meds and are settled will still have a bad day or even days crop in. I find when I am overly tired or don't sleep well it triggers my fixation on my problems with exaggerated thoughts. I am going to listen to some meditation this evening and am confident this will pass.
State of Panic, I think we have to find more things to do this time of the year.
I find TV one of the worst things, it leaves your Mind to wander and gives you a feeling of wasting your Life. Meditation and Exercise is much better. :)
State of panic
23-01-15, 05:48
Yes Carnation I totally agree, watched a lot of tv during my depression and felt like my life was wasted and empty. I am going to try and get some projects done the remainder of the winter, perhaps like finishing painting a room that needs done, and other projects around the house. When the project is done at least I will feel I accomplished something productive. If I have too much leisure time it makes things worse, yet if I cram my schedule too full, I can get easily stressed, so guess its a matter of finding that healthy balance. I sure hope I will be better in Sept as my daughter is getting married and weddings can be very stressful. This evening my blip has lifted a bit I tried distracting myself and it helped with the worry.
MyNameIsTerry
23-01-15, 09:49
I know what you mean Carnation. I just keep having the adrenaline overload, tension and my mood has been shaken. I have short cycles of this to a much lesser extent these days but I'm on day 7 of something I haven't had so bad fit quite a long time and it has shaken me quite a lot.
Hi Terry, I have been worried about you. You have not been on the Site as much as you usually are. I think the time of year is definitely a contribution for our blips. I went to my Therapist today and ended up in tears. Haven't done that for some time. I am going to turn to more Meditation and find some hobbies/jobs to occupy my Mind. TV is a NONO for me, it makes me ten times worse. I know you walk and it is difficult with the current climate, but do keep that up. I feel like I am going to pass out all the time again, but I always carry on and nothing happens. It's the Mind playing tricks again. Try and focus on Nature more and take in the trees, sky and things around you, rather than the walking. :hugs:
Sunflower2
23-01-15, 18:29
Carnation how was your therapy today?
Terry ive been concerned about you too recently! You're always a really knowledgable contributer to posts. Can relate to the major blips in your mood, they really knock you when they happen but remember it will pass cause it always does. Probably not very informative advice but sometimes it's enough just to know that you're not alone in the way you're feeling. Or that's what I tell myself when I don't know what to say that's constructive!
I was quite surprised. I was obviously worse than I realized. I ended up in tears and I couldn't stop fidgeting and talking 100 miles an hour. I felt better afterwards and I only had time for certain issues. She has given me more confidence and I understand a bit more why I feel the way I do. I must keep up the walking, keep myself occupied and give myself more me time actually Living! She did say that January and February were difficult months and as you know my Mum was in Hospital over the Christmas. I'm always ok in a crisis, it's the aftermath that affects me.
I now have my GP assessment tomorrow for my 'Car Crash'. A bit nervous, but I can only be myself and tell the truth.
How are you feeling Kimberley? :)
MyNameIsTerry
25-01-15, 05:40
Thanks Carnation & Kimberley. Thanks for the kind words.
I haven't been on quite as much as I've really been struggling with the adrenaline issues that have come out of nowheere. I just can't focus with it.
I've started going out again now after Saturday morning when the adrenaline got quite bad and I ended up pacing the kitchen for an hour. Then I came back in and couldn't get much sleep but I've been out again tonight hoping it will help.
Sadly, the adrenaline has started firing up again in the last hour so I'm not sure I will be sleeping again. It's crazy, I'm a zombie the first half of the day and the last half I'm bounding off the walls! I'm struggling to concentrate on typing this as I feel like screaming from what the adrenaline build up.
I haven't been like this for a very long time now so I don't know what has happened. I know my sleep issues were bothering me a lot but I wasn't having any of this.
I'm getting concerned that this is a medication issue because I had adrenaline rushes as a side effect upon waking some days which were far far worse than this. I've only had maybe 3 more of them in the last couple of years until this week where I've had 2 on consecutive days. If these rushes keep working like this, I'm going to have no chance of altering my sleep because it is making me very wired. The trouble is, medication is such a minefield and I'm reluctant to approach my GP who doesn't seem to understand them anyway so how can he advise on this? I expect he will just take my asking as a sign its a problem as opposed to determing if there is anything else going on as he's one of those "it's your anxety" types. I never had adrenaline rushes before Duloxetine, and they are in the side effects list, and despite that last time when I went on them he dismissed it as "my anxiety".
So, not doing great. This is shaping up to be something more substantial than a blip but I'll get back into a walking routine and try to adjust routines and see where it takes me. I have discussed it with my mum as I'm worried about this and she wants me to see my GP, so I've explained about that and its just a catch 22 really. I just don't really want to switch medication if possible because I struggle badly with the onset side effects and they put me back months, bring on a load of agoraphobia & 24/7 extreme anxiety levels.
Oh Terry, I am so pleased you came on, just to let us know what was going on.
I can't answer your question directly, because we are all different make-up and some us take medication and others do not.
All I can say, is from my point of view and my personal circumstances.
Firstly, I am on NO medication and I don't think Kimberley is either. (We both have phobias). But, I am also experiencing major Anxiety rushes, then accompanied by sheer exhaustion, depression and new 'Anxiety Symptoms', as well as some the old ones creeping back. I have the energy to decorate a whole room in hours, then sleep for 12. (If you know what I mean?).
You are right, it doesn't feel like a blip, it feels different to that. Like a different stage.
So, what am I doing? Well, I am trying to listen to my body. If it's tired, I rest or sleep. If I have Adrenalin, I use it up, whatever it is and what ever time it is.
I feel the weather has a lot to do with this. We've had few sunny days and the atmosphere does not seem to be good at all. Mentally, once we have January out of the way, I think we may feel a little better. There are so many of us on here at the moment that are suffering in similar circumstances. It does seem to be a bit of a coincidence. We've only another week to go until February, so let's see how we feel then. I think the most important thing to do is keep the Mind occupied with hobbies, exercise, mindfulness and new things to do. We are all survivors, because we are here and fought our way to recovering. We will get through this phase, we want to, otherwise we would have never joined this Site in the first place. Keep Strong. :hugs:
Sunflower2
25-01-15, 20:56
Yeah Carnation you're right I'm not on any medication either. Not for lack of the professionals trying! They've been trying to convince me for a year now. But my phobia of it is just too strong that life would be unbearable for the first while and I just don't have the free time or mental capacity to go through that.
My blip began in about November and steadily got worse until January, when I've been forced to do the 'normal day to day things'. So I have made improvements but the anxiety and mood and food and general wellbeing is still pretty ropey. I'm also really exhausted a lot of the time yet can feel bouncing full of energy and talking 100 miles a minute at other times. Im blaming the winter. It's always a lot easier to feel calmer in yourself when the outside world is also calm.
MyNameIsTerry
26-01-15, 04:37
Thanks Carnation & Kimberley.
I know what you mean about a phobia of medication. After my first real panic attack, I went the same way. I was working out and I used to take various supplements (legal plant based sterols) and I introduced a new one that was far too strong for me which gave me an enourmous adrenaline spike. So, I know now when I'm getting an artifical one hence worrying about the Duloxetine. I literally wouldn't take anything after that, paracetamol, vitamins, anything. Then you start antidepressants which only add to it by making you suffer side effects! I do take Omega 3 liquid and vitamin C tablets thesedays and have no issues with paracetemol but I still have the same nagging doubts about taking new things.
I know what you mean about the energy issue Carnation. I started getting, what I can only describe as bipolar energy management issues (!), in the last 2 years and only from September onwards in 2013 but December onwards in 2014. I question, given my sleep cycle is more 1pm-6pm, whether the medication is causing some of this given the melatonin issue, but I just don't know. I really don't feel this is the right way to be, I shouldn't be wanting to go to sleep within 7 hours of getting up and some days just wanting to sit down and shut my eyes when I'm out walking - I'm only 39!
I feel like I need to be sitting down most of the day! I couldn't maintain a job feeling like this.
Well, I had another adrenaline spike last night but it didn't last as long. So, see how it goes tonight and fingers crossed maybe by getting back out walking and taking my supplements it has redressed itself? I have now been back on Omega 3 & vitamin C for 3 days and my mood is better, despite all the other problems so its very clear to me that they either help or I have deficiences that they address. I remember thinking that my mood had been more stable on Omega 3 & vitamin C than it had ever been on Duloxetine and the week or so has proved that point!
So, I guess I need to see how the next week goes before making any judgements.
I did move my sleep routines around last night and ended up going to be 3 hours earlier. I've never managed more than 1.5 hours difference in the past. I didn't get up any earlier but I doubt that matters right now because I've been getting too little sleep for probably 7 months now and I guess it could take some time to feel better from it. I didn't sleep that great as I kept waking every hour after being asleep for 4 hours but I did feel a bit more alert for it. I had some flutters, but I think you get used to being a bit numb from fatigue and being more awake can mean more anxiety symptoms reappear.
I know how u feel. I also get the light headed, slightly dizzy, disorientated feeling with pins and needles and a hot rush of adrenaline all over and no matter how much I tell myself it's just anxiety it never seems to work. I'm feeling exhausted even though I got enough sleep last night but I have had heightened anxiety for the past few days so it's probably that. Just hang in there, I know exactly what you are going through. Some days are better then others but we just have to push through because it will definitely get better.
I feel a little better of late. Yes, I still have all of those annoying symptoms and some very strange ones in the mix. I actually went Deaf for a few seconds last night and I seem to have a strange pain in my hip; which I think is probably trapped wind. But I have started reading a book by Paul David called 'At Last a Life'. I can highly recommend it and it is probably the best advice I have read in a book so far. :)
MyNameIsTerry
29-01-15, 05:53
Glad to hear you are feeling better Carnation.
Thank you Terry, I hope you feel better too. January is nearly out of the way, so that's a plus. :)
MyNameIsTerry
30-01-15, 03:50
Yes, thanks Carnation.
I think the 14 hour sleep I had the other night helped out and proved how far behind I am in the sleep stakes. So, just playing around with it at the moment trying to break the hold the routine has on it.
At least there is more light now and it seems to be brighter sunshine too. The snow is looking very pretty tonight though.
Sunflower2
30-01-15, 18:15
Terry - you've mentioned a few times in the past about how you worked in a high stress job for years which contributed to your anxiety.. What did you work as?
MyNameIsTerry
02-02-15, 04:16
Terry - you've mentioned a few times in the past about how you worked in a high stress job for years which contributed to your anxiety.. What did you work as?
I was an analyst working in business improvement. This entailed working on projects from small to top level ones and supporting the business to perform smaller off project process/system fixes due to my knowledge aquired over the years.
It shouldn't have been as stressful as it was but there were a number of factors that made it ludicrous. I was the only person left who hadn't retired or moved on that understood one area of the business that linked to industry regulation so as more of us left, more work ended up piled on me. Another factor was that I would start January with anything up to the next 12 months planned out with large projects and then the business would keep slipping new smaller issues in because of my knowledge and these drove me constantly off target. It got so bad that I was losing several days a week to these supporting functions and I seemed to get nowhere on projects for months. I also ended up on projects that relied entirely on my knowledge so I couldn't look for support and as I understand it, over 12 months after I had gone off sick & eventually quit, my projects were sitting dead in the water as no one knew how to do the work and for some reason no one could be bothered to force other analysts to learn the work (something I did by liasiing with the industry regulators as I couldn't find anyone inhouse who knew how to do it, which was slightly embarressing...not good for a multinational really!).
I know what you mean about the lack of sleep. The night before last, I slept for 10 hours solid. (Haven't done that in a long time). Unfortunately, last night I didn't get off to sleep until 3am and then work up at 5am. Oh, my poor body!
You sound similar to me Terry, in relation to the work load.
I have always been in Administration/Managerial; from the age of 18.
In one particular position I had with a large Company, when I left they employed 4 people to replace me. (Shame I didn't get the salary to reflect that!). :huh:
Had a bad day today, felt really out of breath when walking, even though I see myself as quite fit. (Not in the attractive way, in the healthy way). :blush:
I seem to have one good day, then two or three bad days.
Saying that, I have been forcing myself to drive a little and get myself motivated.
I'm bogged down with family Hospital appointments from both Mums at the moment, and that is one of my Fears. HOSPITALS!!!! When I had to go to Hospital many years ago, as soon as I came round, I got up and get dressed and proceeded to leave the Hospital, when the Nurse shouted out, "Where are you going, you haven't been dismissed yet!". Believe me, I don't hang about where Hospitals are concerned. :ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
03-02-15, 05:12
I went through that cycle of good vs. bad days and I still am. When I hit my worst it was 3 bad weeks to one passable and over the following year it changed eventually to the opposite, and then it started to be 7 better days following by about 4 bad days and then its gone gone down to 2-3 bad days. Now its changing again as I'm having some rough periods that feel worse, so I guess I'll have to see where this goes as the last 2 days have been tough again!
Mine just comes no matter what. I have no more pressures than normal and this is a worry because what if I start to have loads of pressure again? I guess it will be a matter of working up through such pressures.
I know what you mean about the salary thing. I would often be doing work up to 2 levels above my paygrade just to get the job done, not that anyone would care other than to say thank you and dump even more work on me!
When sleep bounces around that much, I think it knocks us for six because we need a rhythm. So, perhaps in a few days as you correct it, it will get easier?
You've been through this element with the hospitals before though and I remember you saying how well you coped with it, so hang on to that.
Today is the first day that I haven't cried like a Baby for weeks!!!! :)
Well, I've got through two Hospital Appointments with my Mum , just two more to go.
My Partner's Appointment has been long overdue and we recently found out that they lost his File!!!! So, we have to start all over again. (We have waited 3 months for this Appointment.) No wonder everyone suffers from Stress.
I am waiting for mine with a Clinical Psychologist. That should be fun; I hope he is used to people talking 100 miles an hour. :D
I still have my chest infection and it's not shifting, but I am so paranoid that I can't bring myself to even take cough medicine. (I stupidly read all the small print and now freaking out about it). :scared15: I had a chest infection last year for 3 months!!!!! I won't take antibiotics so had to let it heal naturally and I don't think it really did. :scared15:
I have an appointment with my Therapist tomorrow so hopefully she will calm me down. The lightheadedness has calmed down a bit now, but I keep wheezing with this bloomin chest infection which is really scaring me.
It's also my Dad's Birthday tomorrow and it's nearly a year since he died. I wanted to do something, but I don't know what????
Sunflower2
19-02-15, 21:14
Good luck with the clinical psychologist! At my first appointment I had 2 sitting there listening to my life story, but although it's stressful it'll be worth it!
I'm not sure if it'll help, but as you know I'm a hypochondriac with medication.. But I do manage cough syrup! Kids benelyn and I take a little baby spoon dose. And it works but it's small enough for me to not panic! Or how about honey? I have honey every day at breakfast now, plus guess what, I've started taking a multi vitamin! A chewy kids one but hey, it's a step! :D but really really recommend the cough syrup, it would help so much and if I can take it, you can too!
Oh I'm sorry, it must be stressful with that day tomorrow as well.. How about taking your mum out somewhere nice like a country park or somewhere scenic? Or do something that you used to enjoy together? Somewhere you used to go? But definitely with your mum I think :)
Wishing you a peaceful weekend
MyNameIsTerry
19-02-15, 21:50
Good luck with the appointment Carnation. Write down what you want to say in bullet points under headings, it will make it easier not to forget things when under pressure.
Can you take vitamin C? I've just had a chest infection and as an asthma sufferer I have to take antibiotics if if progresses but I used vitamin C instead which worked for me. If you read about how pioneering doctors are now using vitamin C you will be surprised how they are using it in high dosages to cure things such as polio or hepatitis and now people are doing similar to self treat basic infections.
Thanks Terry. It's setting my 'Health Anxiety' off again. I will do that. :)
And Kimberley. It never crossed my Mind about Kid's Medicine. (It surely can't harm me, if they give it to Kids.) I'm such a baby when it comes to Meds.:weep:
I saw my Therapist today, so I feel a little more relaxed. (I'm down to once a Month now.)
Terry, my Ex. Husband suffered from Asthma. Does dust affect you?
I could never do the housework if he was in the house and he was particularly bad if he was stressed out.
Sunflower2
20-02-15, 21:23
I'm a big baby too, there's no shame in it! I only take ibuprofen when I'm so crippled I can't move!!
MyNameIsTerry
20-02-15, 22:10
Dust doesn't really bother me other than maybe some sneezing like anyone else.
Pet hair does give me a similar reaction to my grass pollen hayfever though but it's more a noise thing so more of a normal allergy.
Aerosols don't affect me either.
I'm not easily triggered other than from colds that lead to chest infections or exercise which can put a strain on it. I think exercise may be more about how my lung capacity seems to have reduced according to my last peak flow test although the previous one was probably 10 years or so ago.
I do seem to have a lot of mucus though but more in my throat. So, I'm going to start taking some things to see if it helps with that and my lung function.
---------- Post added at 22:10 ---------- Previous post was at 22:05 ----------
Kids medicine won't harm you but it may not be strong enough. Still could help a bit though.
You could ask a pharmacist.
I took 50 of vitamin C in the morning as usual but then another at night. Vitamin C therapy is far far higher than this and normally via an IV but people have started taking does above RDA and report it helped them. RDA's are old fashioned anyway and are unlikely to apply to when the body is under more stress such as with anxiety and depression, weightlifters often take beyond those levels for obvious reasons.
Terry, have you tried doing the breathing exercises and at the same time putting the emphasis on moving the abdomen in and out on inhaling and exhaling; this will actually improve your lung capacity; especially if you do this everyday.
I too am suffering with mucus, so if it doesn't improve I will have to take something. :unsure:
MyNameIsTerry
22-02-15, 08:25
Is that diaphragmatic breathing?
I was assessed the old fashioned way (run around the GP surgery until the asthma comes on...back in the days before there were solicitors chasing the NHS everywhere!) and I've never been given any advice other than taking medication.
I've only had one asthma checkup in 25 years, late last year. I did get sent a letter once about 15 years ago for a check up but I was too busy with work and my asthma has always been fine anyway so I didn't really care about losing out on pay just for that! Then they decided to just cancel my inhalers and without examination decided I was suddenly cured! Kicking off resolved that, without being seen!
Even at my last appointment, al she did was a peak flow test, weight, blood pressure, medication check (as in, show me which you use although I know its on the computer in front of me!!!), and thhat was it. No advice, nothing.
I'm not sure what the merit of asthma nurses is!
I have thought about breathing training though if it helps. I've seen Buteyko, but I've never really looked into things. I need to.
I have just purchases some serrapeptase which works for asthma although that was more for my sciatica issues which I've had for about 8 months now. I'm planning on getting some turmeric as well. So, hopefully they might help me.
Well, Panic mode is not just during the day, it's at night as well.
Every time I go to bed, and as you know I don't go until the early hours of the morning, I lie down and my stomach wants to chuck all of it's contents around my body. It's very uncomfortable and will only calm down if I lie on my side in a crouching position. If only I could stay in that position, but I have trouble with cramping of the hands and arms, so I feel really uncomfortable and keeps me awake even longer.
I also can't lie down during the day, which effects my Mindfulness. I am seeing the GP next week, but I don't think she will be able to help me.
I'm still coughing up mucus, but it's a mixture of clear with sometimes a bit of yellow, but not as bad as before. Health Anxiety has come back with a vengeance. It's been a year since I was checked out thoroughly and my Brain tells me that a lot can happen in a year.
The worst thing is the sharp pains that I get on the left-hand side of my chest and the head pressure. That scares me a lot. I try to use my knowledge side of my Brain to tell me that if it only lasts a few seconds, then I am ok. The trouble is I looked this up on a previous post and it says that if you have other symptoms accompanying this; which I have, that you should call 999 immediately. Off goes the Health Anxiety again. I haven't called 999, because I must have had this about 20 times in the last week and it has disappeared. So I am putting it down to either 'Acid Reflux/Heartburn/Indigestion/Trapped Wind. Anything but a Heart Attack.
I have already experienced a Mild Stroke ten years ago, so that doesn't help me, but it was ten years ago and there were reasons behind that Stroke.
Still having trouble with walking and light-headedness, but my Therapist told me to use the breathing exercises when I am walking and I have to say that it does help a bit.
I'm a bit disappointed really, because I felt I was making great progress last year and now find myself fighting more symptoms and feel that what I have achieved has all gone out the window. :weep:
Yes Terry, that's exactly what I mean. Abdominal Breathing.
I do it myself. It expands the Lungs and helps you to breath more easily naturally.
Many Sports people use this too.
My Ex. who suffered from Asthma used to go for a regular swim.
Like you Terry, my Ex. didn't have much help regarding his Asthma, but he got to know what made it worse and like I said; I couldn't do any dusting if he was in the house. He was ok with pets, but stress and pollen was his biggest threat.
There was one time however, that a GP decided to change his medication even though the Meds he was on was working fine. The following morning, I heard a loud bang and realized he had fallen out of bed gasping for breath. I phoned 999 straight away, but he was out of it. Not responding at all. I used my own First Aid experience; as a Manager I knew what to do in a lot of emergency situations. Then A & E came and took him to the Hospital and guess what?? Wrong Medication prescribed by the GP.
He was perfectly fine after that and going back to his normal Meds.
So if you have coped years/decades on the same medication, I say, better to stay with it.
Sciatica is very painful Terry, I know I don't need to tell you that, but how are you coping with that?
Sorry a bit of doom and gloom post today, but it matches the weather! :ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
23-02-15, 07:09
Carnation, one thing I know is that when you feel physically ill from things such as colds or infections, it can spark a whole load of anxiety or depression and negative thinking. So, right now you are thinking due to your current state but thats not the reality as its a very temporary state that you have forget to see beyond. If your infection went today, tomorrow you would be feeling more positive and open to things.
Its worth the GP having a look. The coughing stuff up could easily be a chest infection. I had many of these as a child and the GP's advice was always anything not clear coloured will likely be an infection and to see them (due to the added complication of asthma, and back then I often needed steroid treatment as antibiotics weren't working as well for me as they always do thesedays if I need them) so they can give you something for this.
Chest infections also result in swallowing a load of the infected mucus. I've found that can make you feel a bit sick. So, maybe when you lie down its added to this issue and the result is the nausea?
GP's dishing out the wrong medication? Surely not! I've been waiting in the pharmacy across the road from my GP surgery on a few occasions when the pharmacist has come out to a customer and told them their GP never should have prescribed something due to interactions and to go straight back and tell them the pharmacist said no. Then there was the lady in reception who had just had her pain medication cut without even being told! Thats GP's for you.
The sciatica has been worse than it is now. Its a daily thing and a night of little sleep can make it a bit worse. Its been gradually improving and then stalling out until it seems to jump another recovery step. Now its not bad but it still restricts movement when I bend in a certain way or lift my left leg. This has been blocking me doing hard exercise but I've been wondering more recently whether it would be aggravated by that. Some exercises I can do with a form that doesn't cause tightness and acheing but others I can't and I don't know whether putting weight on that is a good idea or not.
I've bought the serrapeptase to see if it helps with this and will get a couple of other things. About to start using one of those massage chair clip on things to see if that helps.
Anxious tonight. I have to take my Mum to Hospital Appointment No. 3; (One more to go). Dread it, hate it, but someone's got to do it. I also normally stay for a few days and I am not this time, because I still have a chest infection, although much better, but the room at my Mum's house suffers with damp, so I don't want to take any chances.
She's going to be miffed I am not staying, but I really must get rid of this infection.
My Anxiety is up because I have not told her yet; planning to tomorrow.
So, not only do I have to go to the dreaded Hospital for hours, I have to break the news to my Mum that I am not staying. :ohmy:
Well, I made it through the Hospital stuff with my Mum, only one more to go.
One thing that did happen and really set my Anxiety off was an incident with a Mental patient from the Mental Institution across the road that came in to the Café. He took it upon himself to run up behind me and scream and shout at me. I jumped so high that I nearly fell over. I was shaking and the stupid woman that was supposed to be caring for him, just said sorry and then he did it to someone else.
Don't get me wrong. I have all the sympathy in the World for these people. But for Gods sake, there are people sitting in this Hospital that have just had Heart Operations and a hell of lot of elderly patients.
Anyway, I survived it all and now quite exhausted!
Sunflower2
25-02-15, 21:39
That sounds like quite a fright! Glad you got through the day, I can't imagine that did much for your already stressful day.
Hope your mum was ok with you not staying, and hope you have a more peaceful next few days :)
Very glad that all went well with Mum, but that sounded like a hell of a fright!
Yeah she was fine with me not staying. And to think I was panicking over it.
Forgot to mention that a woman had a Panic Attack in the waiting room and there was I calming her down. Being a fellow sufferer, I sought of felt every pain and fear that she was feeling. Still, I felt good that I helped her.
Yes, Steve. I was not expecting that to happen at all. Not his fault, but his face was all twisted and his arms were flapping at me and I thought he was going to attack me! He couldn't help it, because he was ill and probably drugged up to the eye-balls, but it really shook me up and I was not quite myself for sometime after that. :scared15:
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-15, 01:48
Glad things went ok Carnation.
I think that other situation reflects badly on the carer or nurse with that guy. He can't help it, put bloke but they need to be mindful of other patients like you said.
I think a lot of us feel like that when we come across a fellow sufferer and its great that you helped, who else will other than maybe a passing nurse otherwise?
I still feel exhausted from yesterday. And, I can still see that Patient's face contorting at me. I wasn't prepared and now it's increased my Anxiety again. I'm really jumpy today. The weather is miserable, dark and wet. And, I've got to go back to that horrible Hospital again next week for yet another appointment. :scared15:
MyNameIsTerry
27-02-15, 06:57
Its a worry we go through that we will end up in that condition but as we talk to others who are in a more recovered state and are encouraged to rationalise and research our conditions, we learn that wwe can't become like that. So, seeing someone like that is going to be a reminder of this as well as probably a bit disturbing as it evokes various emotions about people going through that suffering. Poor fella. It must take some strength to work in those places or care for a relative like that.
If someone grabs you from behind its going to spark the fight or flight response in most people and depending on the environment & situation, it could result in someone crying out or hitting out. The nurse in charge of the guy was not doing her job.
Try to put this out of your mind, its a one off type of thing.
You do dread the hospital visits from your posts and that is going to take perseverance and some exercises to get beyond that but the chances of that happening to you again with this type of patient are rare.
You took the words right out of my mouth Terry.
I'm trying to get out of going again, but I know it is going to be impossible. :scared15:
It is generally a nice Hospital with friendly staff and has my favorite Café; 'Costa Coffee', but the Anxiety leading up to the visit is too overwhelming.
Not only that, I am dreading the results that they are going to tell my Mum. If they are bad, she will just give up all together. :scared15:
Goodness,I have must read this thread from end to end. Sorry u r all are all feeling so bad. I totally agree about the time of year.
And when it comes to the physical strength of anxiety and how it affects the body, I totally understand why it is so hard to believe that anxiety alone can make you feel so bad. But the facts are that it does.
Isn't it just so difficult though to accept this?
The last 10 days haven't even brilliant for me. I have had raging toothache, an extraction & while all that went on, my car got bumped on a roundabout by someone driving too fast. So now I am driving a an unfamiliar car.... & one that I find much harder to in while driving (it's just not as easy to control as mine).
I feel knackered. Today I felt so tired. But rather than beat myself up about it I accept that alot has gone on. I am very disappointed because only a month ago things really were
On the up. But I accept life sometimes is a pig. It happens. I am giving myself a break. I feel tired because I am mentally exhausted from sorting to my car, I am using energy to focus away from that, not dwelling on who will get blamed, etc etc. much if that is now out of my control.
When it comes to my physical stuff... I have had an infection. That means my body has been below par. I have had painful dental work. So no wonder I am tired.
Sometimes if we take a step back and add up the physical/psychological cost if what goes on in our lives (& the lives of people closer to us) it is obvious why we feel bad.
That's when we need to remember to be kind to ourselves.
I therefore give everyone the weekend off from worrying and about this that and the other.
Just enjoy yourself doing what ever you want.
Chill. And that's an order. He he.
MyNameIsTerry
28-02-15, 05:57
I therefore give everyone the weekend off from worrying and about this that and the other.
Just enjoy yourself doing what ever you want.
Chill. And that's an order. He he.
Yes, mistress :whiplash::winks::D
I've just read this thread through and can identify with so much of what everyone says. Helps to know I'm not on my own so just wanted to send everyone a hug for the weekend :hugs: :hugs: xx
It's a year today since I called 999, because I thought I was having a Heart Attack.
I was experiencing similar feelings before that, but this was the Big one.
I also joined this Forum shortly after and spent a good 3 months of agonizing and coming to terms with the diagnosis of Anxiety. I didn't understand it, and I was living in denial that I had something more serious wrong with me. Saying that, I actually felt like I was dying and if it wasn't for this Forum, I really don't know where I would be now.
Yes, I still have Anxiety, and my Life has changed dramatically. But, I have also made some great friends on here, I have changed my Life; hopefully for the better.
But, today, I must admit that I feel sort of strange knowing that this was the time of year that I hit rock bottom. My Anxiety is high at the moment, but this time I know what I am dealing with, and I will keep on fighting and living and appreciate Life. :)
Sunflower2
28-02-15, 20:54
Carnation, I joined this forum just before you I think, and I'm very glad to have met you! :)
MyNameIsTerry
01-03-15, 07:26
I think acceptance comes much easier when you talk to others and hear their stories about anxiety and depression. Things start to fit into place and you get to meet such a diverse crowd.
I first went to a walk-in group before joining here and it was a bit of a revelation really. I had CBT priort to this, and I had done a load of researching my condition, but listening to peoples stories helped it to slot it. It also gives you hope because you see others ahead of you in recovery and they can motivate you. You also see poor souls further behind in recovery and feel the need to help them and I think this helps you in return.
For many people, these places and group walk-ins are all you get. The NHS is woeful when it comes to mental health and as a treatment ends, you can end up disappearing in the system and all the charities are the only thing that stops a bad situation getting a lot worse when that happens.
I also like the fact places like NMP are international because its good to see what other countries do but also to speak to people from different cultures...and you find out that despite cultural difference, people are just people. Mental health issues don't care about borders or religion and people on here just get on with each other and help each other without any discrimination and I bet none of that ever enters their heads.
Carnation, it won't be far off, there's a card for just about everything thesedays!
Well, as usual my Mother-n-law woke me at the crack of dawn and considering I don't go to bed until after 2am, I am averaging 4-5 hours sleep a night.
I've tried to go to bed earlier, but I just lie there wide awake and that's when the thought process happens and puts the Anxiety into top gear.
Despite the lack of sleep, I have decided to give myself a project and clear out the Shed. I want to turn into more of a Greenhouse as it has lots of windows and it will keep me occupied until the better weather gets here. (It seems a long time coming). Also it sort of gets me out of the house.
It's hard living with someone who has Dementia. My Mother-n-Law does not know what time of day it is, what day it is, where she is and so on.
She's totally unaware of what is going on around her and she seems quite content with her Life. She has no responsibilities and has everything done for her. It is just hard on the people that look after everything. She is disabled as well, so it's a double bubble. Still, have been doing it for 4 years now; even with Anxiety, but I do think that may have related to my illness. The Car Crash was the icing on the cake and looking after my Father with Parkinson's Disease was one of the hardest things I have had to experience in my Life. The duties still keep coming, as my Mum is practically Housebound now and my Partner is due for his Op for his Cancerous lump. So actually I am probably the fittest one out of the Family, which seems strange to me because I always feel so ill. Mentally of course.
Still, one good thing to report. My Muscle twitches seem to have gone altogether now. (Bet, as soon as I say that, they come back). :D
MyNameIsTerry
03-03-15, 08:07
It's like buses Carnation, so hopefully you are due 3 amazing events in life to balance out the bad ones!
I don't envy you with all that, it must be draining. My gran had dementia and she went down hill pretty fast and died as it seemed to set in when she hit her eighties for some reason. She had to go into a home but it was when they had the mixed ones with psychiatric style patients so she would be ringing my dad in the night as she was afraid of being in there with people with those problems. It was a long time ago, but I can remember how worried he was. He is one of 13 siblings but she seemed to call on maily a couple of them. In some ways, perhaps not suffering for long was a mercy.
Do you get any help with your mum?
Muscle twitches seem to come when your anxiety is heightened. I can't say I've ever researched it, I just know I can get them to a lesser degree now on occasion when my anxiety worsens but it was much more regular & intense when I was really bad. I think its a stage thing really.
A greenhouse is a great idea! You are interested in gardening from what I recall so this will be a good project for you. The seeds are now back in the supermarkets and a lot of the spring plants are in so it gives you an excuse to get out and look at the kit you need. How about growing some veg, fruit & herbs? Then you can add it into your cooking and make it a healthy practice that way so that those pleasing times are brought into the kitchen to give you a boost. Sometimes linking hobbies up can be a good booster to mood.
Yes, I was thinking that Terry. Quite keen on growing tomatoes and herbs.
I had a lot of adrenalin the last two days, so I have paved the back garden.
Anyway, I've had a terrible day. 2 Panic Attacks within 1 hour of each of them. One in a shop and the other in the Café. I controlled them the usual way with the breathing technique and luckily they did not get to the point where you feel like you are in the Heart Attack stage.:scared15: I keep getting this sharp pain in my neck and my stupid Mind tells me that I have a blocked artery and I am about to die!!!!:scared15:
I put a lot of my Anxiety at the moment down to the build up of going back to that Hospital again, which is Friday. And, the stupid Company that are assessing my Car Accident claim want to send me on a 2 hour Motorway journey to see a psychiatrist to assess my condition about my Fear of driving and Motorways. Can you believe they are called 'Health and Wellbeing' and they are making me do something that is the equivalent of putting my hand in to Fire! :scared15:
I agree about the muscle twitches. They are definitely more prominent in the height of Anxiety and then take a while longer to disappear altogether. It's another symptom I can hopefully cross off my list. :)
I went to the Docs yesterday and apparently my blood pressure is perfect!!!!
Wow, some good news. :)
Terry, I must thank you for your advice and support on this thread, I normally feel like I am chatting to myself on here; which is something I do a lot anyway.:D
Although I have people around me, I do get lonely and it feels like I have made a friend. Please let me know if anything is troubling you and if I can help, I will. :)
I notice you are up quite early, are you going to bed earlier these days?
MyNameIsTerry
05-03-15, 07:02
Tomatoes are pretty easy to grow. You can even get those hanging bag and they work pretty well. Herbs should be easy enough, you can put them in long trays and put them in your windows.
Sending someone to see someone that involves passing through the fear they are seeing them about...hmm...sounds about right! Why can't that be done over the phone or even Skype? Its not a physical exam so you don't need to be present. Think about people with agoraphobia, they get referred to a therapist who tells them to come to their practice! Pretty dumb really.
Friday is likely to be a big part of it. It will soon be over but try to learn from it too eg I had a bad event due to a patient but that didn't happen again.
Yeah, I had a BP check at an asthma check up about 6 months ago and it was fine. I was surprised given my anxiety is worse in the mornings and I'm surprised we aren't constantly elevated.
Thats ok, thats we are all on here for.
I know what you mean. I have my family yet I feel lonely too. Most of the time I will be on my own as my mates are long gone years ago and with not working you don't get much interaction, especially when your parents are retired as they tend to be more in front of the TV and prefer to watch as opposed to discuss stuff. Of course, you've made a friend! I'm sure you've made a few on here. Thanks for the offer, I'm sure you will help along the way but I will remember that offer!
I'm not earlier, I don't go bed until anywhere up to 1:45pm and get up 5 hours later. Its just how it slipped from getting up at 10am to this! Its been a big problem of mine but I'm attacking it at the moment. Its not that I can't sleep, I can sleep a lot more than 5 hours, but its part of my OCD in that its fighting me to stay up. I kind of feel a bit like an agoraphobic because most of the area is shut when I venture out.
Well, some good news at last. :)
Mum had her final appointment at the Hospital today and everything was just fine. :)
I was fine too. Had a lovely Cab Driver, only a ten minute wait to see the Doctor; (I always prepare for a long day when visiting the Hospital). All done in half an hour! Then had Tea and Tea-Cakes in the Café and no sign of anyone jumping or screaming at me.
Well, I think that's a real good result.
And, the cause of the collapsing? The GP overprescribing Drugs! :mad:
Terry, as you know I stay up late most evenings, I just can't bear that lying there for ages and the Mind working everything over. But, my problem is once I do get off, I am hard to wake in the morning. I am going to make an extra effort to get up earlier so that I am more exhausted in the evening. I just want to be normal as far as sleep is concerned. Everyone is tucked up and fast asleep and I am mooching about the House looking for things to do. :ohmy:
Sunflower2
06-03-15, 21:04
Really glad things are ok Carnation, now hopefully you can have some much needed 'me time!'
Thanks Kimberley, I intend to get some much needed Sun! :shades:
MyNameIsTerry
07-03-15, 08:11
Thats one blessing Carnation, at least sleep is more natural once you get get off. So, the plan to rise earlier should have the desired effect as this is the more normal view of insomnia and you can do more to control it. I had this the first time around, the second it changed to waking form which I found less easy to understand.
Well done for having a decent one at the hospital. You see, never look at one event as its usually the uncommon one you focus on, its one of the Cognitive Distortions.
Wow! Can't believe I am saying this, but I have just been to see the Film; 'Still Alice'.
For those of you that are not familiar with the title, it's about a very intelligent 50 year old lady that contracts Alzheimer's and struggles to battle against the Disease.
This was going to be a difficult one for me to go and see, but I did it and what a fantastic film. Great performance by the Oscar winning Actress J. Moore and Baldwin was good too.
Yes, it was difficult to watch as an Anxiety sufferer, but it is a Therapy that I am now exposing myself to. (Fighting the Fear). I was a bit of a fidget at first with a lot of Muscle twitching, but I am so pleased I saw it through.
It's been a hard day for me today. I went with my Partner for his Consultation for his Cancerous lump. Had another argument with my Mum and had bucket loads of Anxiety symptoms.
My eye just wouldn't stop twitching today, accompanied with the shoulder twitching, pins and needles in the feet and at one point, I thought I was going to pass out!
Still, I wouldn't be beat by all of this. I pushed through it, and feel better for doing that.
If Anxiety wants a fight, then that's what I will do. :buttkick:
MyNameIsTerry
14-03-15, 07:14
Hey Carnation, they have the book for that film in Tesco now.
It sounds like a good film and a form of exposure for you on several fronts.
Is that the Baldwin out of Beetlejuice?
Yes, it is Terry. 'Alec Baldwin'. Brilliant Film, just as good as 'The Theory of Everything'.
Thanks for the Tip about the book, think I might get that. :read:
Well, after a bout of High Anxiety symptoms, I am feeling a little better.
I think the Hospital episode took it out of me, more than I realized.
I have now got my appointment through with the Psychotherapist, which is in May.
Urgh! Another Hospital. and this time it's me! I have to go as it's part of my Claim with my Car Crash, but normally, I wouldn't even entertain the idea.
I'm already freaking out about it. They are going to assess me and I am going to feel like I am on trial.
Once I was on Jury service at the 'Old Bailey' on a really big case; which I am not allowed to talk about and I found it so horrific, I couldn't sleep for weeks.
And when it cam to choosing a spokesperson to read the verdict, no-one wanted to do it, so we all put a bunch of straws in to a pot and the one who drew the shortest straw had the deed of doing this horrible task.
Guess who got the short straw!!!! :scared15:
It took months to get over that.
I noticed that you haven't been so active on here lately, have you been ok Terry?
MyNameIsTerry
14-03-15, 12:29
Yeah, my laptop was struggling to get on the internet for a few days so I was just reading threads & checking PM's on my smartphone as its not easy to type long sentences despite having Swype on it!
I did have another blip for 4 days which I was talking on the venlaxafine board about and then my internet died half way through it all! It seems my patterns have changed again since Xmas so I've got to see how it goes to see if its worse or better but the last few days I have started doing more again and trying to break up some of the routines and had some improvements on the sleep front (slipped slightly again, but onwards!)
I got called for Jury Service a couple of years ago but now they ask if you have mental health conditions and then they just strike you off. Not sure whether thats forever though?! My mum has been called before but didn't get chosen.
The Owd Bailey. Was Rumpole there? That must have been very difficult to cope with.
Sometimes these events do hit us for a few days, but this gets less & less as you recover. I remember going through that myself and I found it hard as it made you worry about doing any future events...but this does get easier and it doesn't cary forward to the next day with me anymore even if doing one. I still get the anticipatory side to deal with but mine is often weird now because it tails off a few days before as if I'm just glad to begetting on with it. Back at my worst times I could be worrying for weeks before something like a dentist appointment...that was very unpleasant!
Well make sure you tell him/her that, exactly how much worse all this extra stress added on top has increased your anxiety and affected your other areas. Make them the bad guys!
Now I have lost my voice. :zipit: After weeks of having a chest infection and probably coughing too hard. Still, at least I won't have to answer any questions I don't want to answer. :sly:
Roll on the Summer please.......
My Anxiety symptoms are so high at the moment is driving me Mad!
I have a permanent twitchy left eye-lid. My stomach has been vibrating like crazy. sharp pains in the shoulder and neck and the top of the head.
I haven't been this bad in ages.
I'm trying the best thing and ignoring them all, but this time they don't seem to want to go away. The 'Breathing exercises' seem to work better, but I feel like a walking time-bomb.
I don't seem to be able to relax and that is when they are most prominent.
I hope this is a short blip as I have come so far, but now feel like I've had a big tumble! :scared15:
We all know what we should do when the physical symptoms rear their ugly heads but it's far from easy to put these "rules" into practice..
However, if you can lessen your mental response to them in any small way then you'll be doing your brain a favour. I know you don't need me to tell you this though. Hoping things get better as soon as possible xx
MyNameIsTerry
21-03-15, 09:12
I hope you feel better soon Carnation. I know how you feel, I'm having another wobble the last few days and its been more intense than normal which is a shift in how its been before Xmas and for a while.
Maybe doing some gardening now the weather is getting better will help?
Thank you Pulisa and Terry for the support. I do actually feel a lot better today.
I've totally chilled out and I think that is what I needed.
No twitchy eye-lid or pulsating stomach.
Sorry you are having a bad time of it too Terry, it must be something in the air? :ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
22-03-15, 09:51
I'm glad you feel better today Carnation. Its a massive relief when it calms down.
I don't know whats going on with me at the moment. I've had the usual blip but more intense and the last 2 days have been more like how it was ages ago which has left me today in a bit of a state to be honest...you just get sick of the battering after a while! I guess its scaring me that this could be a relapse coming when I still haven't recovered from the last one. The OCD seems to have wormed its way back in despite reducing that substantially and I'm starting to feel quite trapped in this cycle of late sleeping and being out late at night for a walk & shopping. This demoralises me a lot but taking a kicking from the anxiety seems to keep me in that groove.
I know what you mean Terry and I was thinking exactly the same as you.
But, I don't think we could be as bad as when we were at our worse, because one thing is we know the signs and we automatically put a block on it. Our reactions will be different now and a Professional Medical person I know who also suffers, said to me that you will never go back to Base 1 again. I would like to believe his words.
I know one thing though, I feel very tired and yet I can't sleep at night, just like you.
I have tried going to bed earlier gradually and it seems to work for a little while and then I'm back to square one again. I've also gone back to getting up in the middle of the night which is something I used to do a lot.
I still feel much better today and in fact I went for a drive; my longest one yet and I was perfectly ok. This is a massive phobia of mine since the Car Crash, so I am really quite pleased with myself.
One thing that has helped me a lot is hobbies. I find the more stuff to do, the better my Mind works. I really think the weather has a lot to do with the way we feel and Spring seems a long time coming this year. We have a teaser of a few hours of sun and then back to grey.
I wouldn't worry too much about reverting back to the old ways, you can re-adjust them when you feel a bit better and stronger. Do what is kind to you when you feel bad. The most important thing is your wellness, so what ever it takes, do that. :)
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-15, 07:07
I wish I could believe that too Carnation but its a fact that I relapsed and its worse than before. I guess that he/she means by learning about triggers, CBT, etc you can preempt it but thats not proven as far as I know. CBT doesn't have a 100% relapse free rate but it could be argued that those skills prevent you sinking all the way, but I don't believe that as CBT only teaches you to treat your current issue and anxiety is diverse.
I hate saying that to you because I know you want to believe it, but its not the same for all of us so what happened to me doesn't mean it will happen to you. I hadn't been through CBT the first time but my issues seem too complex for it in the relapse as there were just too many.
My issues with sleep are not that I can't anymore but the fact my mind is telling me to stay up 24h hours a day. Going to bed early = bad. So, its a fight to just get more than 5 hours which is too little for me, I don't know why this has happened but I'm having a hard fight with it and have been for over a year, I get so far and then it slips straight back again because I can't see to stick to the healthier routines.
I'm feeling a bit better now, but the last 4 days have been quite bad. The lack of sleep has been adding to the last 2 days as I'm very tired but guess what, its nearing bedtime and I'm waking up again!
I'm glad you are back driving again and that it wasn't very hard as you probably expected it to be. Something I did in my relapse was push the boundaries on the better days because on the worse ones I find I hate everything so why embed a new thing feeling like that?
I can feel your despondency when reading your Post. I feel for you and can relate as well. We sometimes look for reasons for relapses and I've read somewhere that we shouldn't do this, but we still ask that question; why? What has happened to make me bad again? I seem to have 1 or 2 reasonable days and then 3 or 4 bad days.
And, I am soooo tired, so restless and I think depression has set again without me realizing it. The only way I can cope, is by keeping busy 24/7; which is also very tiring. I'm doing all the things you are suppose to do; breathing exercises, yoga, distraction, relaxation, changing routine, walking, mindfulness exercises; but none of it seems to be working. The Symptoms are still very strong and I feel all of my hard-work has been a waste of time. Maybe the Mind gets use to all of our fighting tactics and what we do is no longer fighting it? If that makes any sense? I do know that I want to feel good, I want to Live, I want to be as normal as Humanly possible. But, Anxiety won't let me. It's there saying; "Hello, I'm still here and I'm going to get you one way or another". :scared15: I don't know about you, but I'm so sick of it, it makes me just want to give in at times and just let the horrible illness do what it likes with me. But, on the other hand, I am a 'Fighter' and a 'Survivor' and I want to believe that I can overcome this in time. Maybe a little of me just doesn't want to be totally normal again. Facing the World with it's Anger, Demands, Stress, Responsibility and Disappointment. I don't like the modern world we live in today, it's turned in to a real '1984' situation with cameras spying on us, being treated like a number, not caring for the old, not caring about anything, no fun, no freedom, too many rules, too many bills and fines, no human contact just recordings of robotic voices. The Living has been taken out of the Modern World and it's just not very encouraging.
Changing the subject Terry, have you ever moved away to a different County? The reason I say this is because I previously did and my Life seemed very different then, in a much better way. I'm not saying that you move, but you may have a feeling of entrapment and that can lead to depression and Anxiety. As you know I am trapped. By my Mother-n-Law and Mother and previously my Father. They all need/needed looking after and it is a 7 day a week job. Although we may love and care for our Parents, it can also take your Life away and pull you down and you start thinking what's left for me?
I'm sorry, I'm really rambling on today and I hope I have not made you feel more miserable. It was not my intention, but I feel the need to dissect and discuss our situations and hopefully come up with some sort of solution or outcome.
Your views are always respected and realistic and I would be interested to hear what you think.
Take Care and please rest your tired Mind and Body. :hugs:
Hi carnation ,every thing you said is happening to me too , i lie in bed for hours trying to sleep because everyone tells you to rest and you just lie there thinking your going to die from impending doom which silly and when you wake your fine ! , but sleeping is helping and if you can spare the whole day just get your head down as much as pos ,
I truly empathise with your pain and frustration, Carnation and it's good that you can write it all down here on NMP. I'm also immersed in physical symptoms and it's very hard to rationalise when you're mentally exhausted and not able to "switch off". Being a carer to a family member/s is vastly undermined and under-estimated and totally overwhelming. Look after yourself as well xx
MyNameIsTerry
27-03-15, 09:57
Hang in there Pulisa, its bound to be really hard right now for you as you've had so much to deal with lately with your daughters withdrawal issues (let alone where you go from there!) and with your cat dying which I'm sorry to hear. I hope your daughter hasn't been too badly affected by that too as I understand any level of change can be a big problem.
The charity I used to go to walk-ins at had recently set up a carers walk-in group and were introducing some courses for them. They understood how hard it was, the charity is fully staffed by current or recovered sufferers, and they wanted to separate this so like-minded people could get together. They were doing the same for elderly folks with anxiety/depression and armed services/ex armed services.
Thank you Terry. You are always so kind and helpful.
Pulisa, no-one understands how hard it is looking after someone 24/7. The physical and emotional strain that is put on you. In fact you have to give up your own Life to do this. There just doesn't seem any support out there. Even the Day Centre that my Mother-n-Law goes to says that she is "High Maintenance" and they want her out by 2pm. (We turned up there one day unannounced and they left her all by herself facing a blank wall! The Manager was fluttering all around us looking very panicky; I wonder why???). Then there is my Mother who has made herself practically housebound now through her severe depression. We go over there, do all the housework and chores and then when we get back home, she phones me to tell me that I did not change a light bulb! And this is on our one day off a week! Both myself and my Partner are ill as well and there is no-one in our lives to help with any of it. What can you do???
Hope you are ok Terry and feeling a better.
---------- Post added at 19:33 ---------- Previous post was at 19:30 ----------
d-matt, sleeping and resting is good. But, unfortunately the thoughts of impending doom still seem to be present. I think it is only when you change some things in your Life, that you can start to feel different again. They say to change some of your normal routine and try to add new things in to your routine. Sending you Best Wishes.
Well, I've certainly been on a rollercoaster ride in the last few weeks.
My Anxiety went through the roof.
Vibrations so frequent that I ended up missing a lot of my phone calls, because I thought it was just another 'Vibrating moment'.
Chest pain, head pain, extreme tiredness, tearful, and of course that good old friend; Depression.
I am pleased to say that I feel much better now and due to go on Holiday in a few days. The journey is not bothering me as much as it used to, so that is a good sign.
My sleeping pattern has improved too. I have been going to bed a little earlier each night and for once, it has been working. :)
Hi
Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better now,hope you have a good holiday:)
Nice to hear from you Aprilmoon. :)
Thank you, I will try my best to make the most of it. :shades:
MyNameIsTerry
08-04-15, 12:11
I'm glad you are feeling better Carnation. I reckon you will be having a great holiday because you are over the first hurdle that many of us face, being afraid of even going on them or anticipatory anxiety.
I'm ok, having a better time now my blips seem to have returned back to their previous levels on intensity.
Its great that you are seeing some progress with you sleep. I noticed you logged off playing Fisherman Sam was it a bit early the other night which I thought was unusual? Keep it going!
I actually slipped back in to a late night last night, which has really annoyed me today. And, I don't know why, but playing the games helps me to sleep, when actually it should have the opposite effect; I would have thought?
I'm on a mission to catch you on the Leaderboard Terry, but you are just too good. :wink:
Seriously though, I have been aiming at 1am for bed-time and it has definitely helped with my energy levels. Would like it to be 12, but maybe that's pushing it a bit. :ohmy:
It use to be 3am at one time, but I have been getting fed-up with wandering around the House on my own and trying to be quiet so as not to wake anyone.
MyNameIsTerry
09-04-15, 08:11
I think you will get it to 12, you've already done 2 hours so its less of a push now.
Perhaps the new sunshine is inspiring you to get outside in the garden?
Well I play games at night on the PS3/4 and most of the time is tires my eyes out. I think if you are more anxious, it can be the opposite way. I don't really have issues falling asleep though with getting so little sleep for so long. They reckon that its the blue light that causes a reaction with a certain brain chemical to stimulate you but you can add filters or even pay out a not so small sum for something that fits over glasses or acts like a pair of sunglasses. They have yellow lenses.
I have noticed you catching me up! I had a period where I was on them at night but I've stopped thesedays with switching to the Ps3/4. I occasionally play when someone knocks me off a 1st place...although someone has knocked me off 1st on The Fisher and I'm not sure I have enough life left before old age to go for that record again! I've not hit that many top rankings on the scores but I've played all but 3 of the games and one of them is bust!
Yes, I think I will manage 12 eventually. I would be happy with that.
But now, I keep waking up really early. It seems like my body only wants 5 hours sleep????
Hey, the sunshine is doing wonders my for tomatoes. It's my first time, so I am like a kid in a Wendy-house. I have also re-paved my Mother-n-Laws Garden, planted loads of plants in the bed and now re-landscaping my Mother's Garden.
I've been clearing out my Dad's shed and I've found the most fascinating tools.
I think they belonged to my Grand Father or his Father. Definitely Victorian.
My Grand Father was a Boot-maker for a while after the 1st World War; he did three and half years in the Battle of the Somme and lost a leg. I use to tap it when I was a kid and ask; "What's that Grandad?" He loved him dearly, he was my World as my Mum and Dad were not around much.
Anyway, I've got off the subject as usual. Waffling on.
I doing really well with the garden stuff and it does wonders to kill the Anxiety off.
I love nature and the wonders that go with it.
I'm quite creative and like to see beyond what is in front of me.
I did Art and Design at School and I have used both of those in most of my Careers.
I'm a bit full-on with stuff and I can't just grow tomatoes, I have to like grow hundreds of them; all different varieties. I can't just buy one plant, I have to buy like all of them!
I think I have taken to playing games at night because it makes me eyes tired.
If they are tired, then my body is tired. Is this psychological?
I would never knock you off Terry. You deserve to be No.1. But, I would like to be no2 or no3. Think I might make to 10. I am very competitive and have obsessive tendencies. Hence me playing about a thousand times. It's all or nothing with me.
Oh, the Fisher. Could you take another marathon game. That one is surely a brain-dead one. You could probably keep that one going for about 6 weeks. :ohmy:
The blue light thing is interesting. When you think about it, it's quite logical really.
Could there be a logical reason to Anxiety? I did read somewhere, not to work out the whys to Anxiety; too much thinking again. You should just let it ride pass you and not try to work it out. Easy said than done?
Anyway, off on Hols tomorrow. Won't believe it until I am there. :)
Sunflower2
09-04-15, 21:44
Carnation I'm also enjoying gardening! We've got a garden full of strawberries, rhubarb and sunflowers, plus raspberries this summer! It does help with the anxiety I think.
Have a great holiday! Wish mine wasn't ending don't want to come back to reality!!
Yum. Strawberries. We have rhubarb and I have just grown some Anenomies; which my Mum said would never grow. Never say that to me, that makes me even more determined!
Don't worry Kimberley, you can look forward to the next one. :)
Yesterday I was given a few tons of mule manure and hauled it home by tractor, it was only across the road. I put two inches over the whole garden and piled the rest. I have strawberries and rhubarb, rhubarb makes good wine. Good to trade for labour. I have raspberries, blue berries, black currants and goose berries too.
MyNameIsTerry
11-04-15, 09:26
Yesterday I was given a few tons of mule manure and hauled it home by tractor, it was only across the road.
Wouldn't it break up? :winks::D
---------- Post added at 09:26 ---------- Previous post was at 09:08 ----------
Yes, I think I will manage 12 eventually. I would be happy with that.
But now, I keep waking up really early. It seems like my body only wants 5 hours sleep????
Hey, the sunshine is doing wonders my for tomatoes. It's my first time, so I am like a kid in a Wendy-house. I have also re-paved my Mother-n-Laws Garden, planted loads of plants in the bed and now re-landscaping my Mother's Garden.
I've been clearing out my Dad's shed and I've found the most fascinating tools.
I think they belonged to my Grand Father or his Father. Definitely Victorian.
My Grand Father was a Boot-maker for a while after the 1st World War; he did three and half years in the Battle of the Somme and lost a leg. I use to tap it when I was a kid and ask; "What's that Grandad?" He loved him dearly, he was my World as my Mum and Dad were not around much.
Anyway, I've got off the subject as usual. Waffling on.
I doing really well with the garden stuff and it does wonders to kill the Anxiety off.
I love nature and the wonders that go with it.
I'm quite creative and like to see beyond what is in front of me.
I did Art and Design at School and I have used both of those in most of my Careers.
I'm a bit full-on with stuff and I can't just grow tomatoes, I have to like grow hundreds of them; all different varieties. I can't just buy one plant, I have to buy like all of them!
I think I have taken to playing games at night because it makes me eyes tired.
If they are tired, then my body is tired. Is this psychological?
I would never knock you off Terry. You deserve to be No.1. But, I would like to be no2 or no3. Think I might make to 10. I am very competitive and have obsessive tendencies. Hence me playing about a thousand times. It's all or nothing with me.
Oh, the Fisher. Could you take another marathon game. That one is surely a brain-dead one. You could probably keep that one going for about 6 weeks. :ohmy:
The blue light thing is interesting. When you think about it, it's quite logical really.
Could there be a logical reason to Anxiety? I did read somewhere, not to work out the whys to Anxiety; too much thinking again. You should just let it ride pass you and not try to work it out. Easy said than done?
Anyway, off on Hols tomorrow. Won't believe it until I am there. :)
My grandad had a prosthetic leg as he was a train driver for the pits and he ended up with a lot of pain & swelling in it. He was a very happy man the day they finally agreed, after years in pain, to remove it.
You can knock me off the top slot, I kind of felt guilty knocking the lovery Debs off! :blush:
I think it depends, the whole "don't research it and let it pass" is a very passive acceptance strategy and its not for me. I believe in understanding a problem before dealing with it. It can work for some but it probably depends on your character. Its not the only way though and CBT actively encourages education in its early stages.
Sometimes there is no reason for anxiety so at that point you change strategy because there is nothing to really find but its such a complex business and it goes far beyond triggers because as Davit will tell you, you have to look towards core beliefs and these may have changed to become more negative leading up to and through all this. Then there are other closely related factors such as self esteem, self confidence, self worth, fulfillment, contentment, etc.
So, when will we be seeing you on the Antiques Roadshow...I mean about the tools? :winks:
You sound like a creative person with doing that and running a book shop as well. That will likely be a big boon to your recovery as its a big part of your character.
Its good being driven, just be careful when its focus is on your anxiety because "all or nothing thinking" is a Cognitive Distortion. I suffer with this and its dug me some pretty big holes by making me want to do bigger & bigger things and never finishing anything, then comes the low moods. So, don't burn yourself out like that, make things reasonable & achieveable.
Changing your sleep can impact on things like that, just keep at it and your body will adjust, it knows how to do that from birth afterall.
I think games can go more than one way. Some tire you out, some make you too excited and some are a bit slower and you end up switching off with them. So, I think they can be helpful as long as they don't stimulate you to close to bedtime. They certainly affect your eyes and make them tired...I've worked in front of PC's most of my life and that does it too!
Have you got a pond in your garden? Sitting watching the fish can be peaceful as can watching the birds. When I first relapsed on went onto medication I found this helped me a bit, sitting in the sun reading a book. Nothing worked when I increased to the standard dose though, that was a horrid week or so!
You could plan a Zen garden type thing. Remember that one that Trish's husband did? I think its on the Misc board somewhere. That was nice.
My dad used to be a landscape gardener and he used to design gardens for clients too, he did ponds. I don't know if you remember the National Garden Festival? My dad was one of the guys who worked on the second one and he designed and built one of the display gardens. My brother, who also worked at the same company at the time, designed and laid the dragon on the hillside.
You could always just draw them out, a bit of fantasy.
Hi Terry, my Mum and Dad used to have a pond with a waterfall and fountain, but it use to annoy my Dad with the continuous sounds of water trickling, that they took it apart. The remains are still there and I am sort of making it in to a feature.
Apart from that, we have a cat and the fish would only be tormented, let alone the fear of my Mum falling in. Nice idea, I would like it, but not practical any more.
---------- Post added at 23:27 ---------- Previous post was at 23:25 ----------
I have always fancied the idea of a hammock. Could just see myself reading a good book swaying from side to side. Mind you, I think I am swaying from the side to side any way, so maybe that's not a good idea.
---------- Post added at 23:29 ---------- Previous post was at 23:27 ----------
Have you followed suit with the Families creativity in Landscaping?
Sunflower2
13-04-15, 07:27
Hope you are enjoying your holiday Carnation! I was going to wish you a good holiday earlier but forgot and now the thread has moved along quite a bit!
On the gardening note, yesterday I planted raspberries, tidied my strawberry patch and began digging out a raised bed for vegetables. Quite tired today but excited for growing my own food!
I never want it to end Kimberley. I always feel so different when I am on Holiday.
The travelling isn't great, but I know there's something good at the end of it; apart from travelling back home.
We are expecting a mini-heat wave from tomorrow, so it will be nice to get close to the sea. I love to hunt for things on the beach and the fresh air and seaside Café is also a plus. Thinking about hiring a beach-hut for the day.
I love gardening Kimberley, but time can run away from you and you don't realize how hard you are working until you stop. What vegetables are you going to grow?
I've just got tomatoes at the moment and the rhubarb comes up every year.
I'm more in to the plants and flowers, so this is my first year branching out in to fruit and veg.
Glad you are able to enjoy some warm sea air, Carnation! My daughter and I go to Brighton as often as we can for the day and there is something truly therapeutic listening to the waves rippling onto the beach...
My mother had very green fingers as does my sister. I missed out on the gardening gene and prefer to nurture animals instead! All credit to you both though-nothing like home-grown produce.
Nice to hear from you Pulisa.
It might sound silly, but I have been watching the sea for several hours, listening to the waves and looking at the shapes it makes. Watching families enjoying their day out, making sand castles, playing with their dogs and grown-ups acting like 5 year olds. It makes me feel good. I feel alive. You can smell the fresh air and it blows all the cobwebs away. :)
Sunflower2
13-04-15, 21:43
Yes definitely, since home the anxiety has returned and it's just frustrating me now. Loved how calm I was on holiday!! That sounds so lovely, I've never been to Brighton! It's meant to be a heatwave this week no! A beach hut sounds perfect for that weather!! Hiking in the country really made me feel alive too, I think it just resets your mind bypassing the anxiety bit.
I'm not entirely sure about the veg yet, theatre is needing a lot of digging over first! But I'm thinking some parsnips and onions to begin with, possible carrots and maybe something more exotic next year. Our rhubarb is almost ready to picking too! Love this time of year!!
MyNameIsTerry
15-04-15, 04:30
Why not get a visualisation exercise that replicates that, Carnation? You could then relive this moment of calmness from your memory which should make it easier to get into the depth of the experience.
Terry,
It took two of us with front end loaders three hours to move the manure across the road. At less than 5 minutes a trip you can imagine the number of trips and the size of pile it made. As my gardening friends say, it smells like money.
Kimberley, A trick for planting tiny seeds like carrots, mix the seed with about a cup of clean dry sand and sprinkle it in the row with a tea spoon sparingly, making two thin passes. Should cover 30 feet of row. Or two 15 foot rows 6 inches apart. Very little thinning this way.
I've been gardening since i was eight and still enjoy it.
Oh Dear. Just when I was enjoying myself.
3 nights ago, my thumb decided it was not going to bend.
It was very weird, I was doing nothing and I went to move my thumb and it wouldn't move. I now have swelling all down my hand and constant throbbing. I didn't want to go to the Hospital, because I didn't think it was serious enough and after all, I am on Holiday and I thought it would get better. But no, it hasn't. So I've been to the Pharmacist and she has given me a support bandage and I am hoping this is going to help. :shrug:
MyNameIsTerry
17-04-15, 04:09
It could be some form of swelling from muscle strain, Carnation. Put some ice packs or frozen peas on it and see how it goes.
Swelling is the bodies way of repairing so its best to let it do its thing and don't use it if you can avoid it.
Support bandages just keep the area warm and the blood flowing whilst giving a bit of support. They often do help with muscle strain but they just tend to stop you pulling it further by restricting movement which helps reduce any pain.
I can remember starting to walk again after my relapse and having to wear one on one knee and another on the opposite legs ankle as they were suffering with the impact with it being concrete/pavement walks. It tooks months for that to resolve itself for some reason.
Walk again? What happened to you Terry?
My hand is a little better today, the swelling has gone down, but the throbbing kept me awake until 4am this morning. I'm learning to use one hand to do things at the moment. You just don't realize how much you miss it until you haven't got it.
Yes, Terry, I have been using ice-packs. Definitely helps. It's put my planning to do a bit driving out of the window, but hey, I still have another week, but it's blooming annoying.
MyNameIsTerry
18-04-15, 04:25
On both occasions when I've had a breakdown I've gone to my GP who has given medication. Both times, the side effects of these have made me much worse and brought on agoraphobia. So, it took me a while to get back out of the house and then it was hard for a while.
Thats what I meant by walking again. I had stopped going for daily walks because of how much worse they made my anxiety.
Glad its improving. I can't possibly comment on how difficult life is with one hand and how you miss its use without breaching the sexual content rules on here...:winks::D
I just knew I was leaving myself open to all sorts of comments and innuendos. :blush:
---------- Post added at 19:28 ---------- Previous post was at 18:51 ----------
Seriously though. Two Breakdowns!!!!
I though it was only possible to have one. This is very scary.
Did you not see the signs of the second one or did it just come out of nowhere?
I know what you mean about becoming agoraphobia, I was almost going down that root and could quite easily fall in to it anytime. I have to push myself all the time, which in turn exhausts me beyond belief. Actually, I am exhausted all the time.
This fresh air is killing me and making me want to lie down all the time and sleep.:sleep:
Sunflower2
18-04-15, 20:18
Davit, I will definitely by trying that about the carrots once I get round to planting some, thanks!!
Carnation I'm sorry to hear you had a sore thumb! I sliced the top of mine off with a scalpel a few years ago by accident and I had a massive bandage around it, I looked really ridiculous! Hopefully yours gets better quickly, I had to shower with a bag on my hand!!
Terry, how did you manage to get through the side effects?? I'm scared the medication would make me house bound too because I'm so terrified of feeling sick I'd just stay in the bathroom all day every day I think! If I knew how to manage that and be able to work through I might have a better chance considering it...
Carnation, when do you travel home? If you haven't yet, I have some topics for the journey. If you have, then save them for next times! Celebrity chefs, vegetables, fruits, flowers, makes of biscuits, makes of chocolate, trees, types of bread, types of cake.. Any help? :D
Hi Kimberley. You know the worst thing about my 'Accident', is the washing of hands!
You know what I am like about cleanliness.
Thanks for the topics, you really does help with the journey but we spend ages trying to think of categories. Especially like the 'Cake' one. :)
We travel back Friday.
MyNameIsTerry
19-04-15, 05:38
Terry, how did you manage to get through the side effects?? I'm scared the medication would make me house bound too because I'm so terrified of feeling sick I'd just stay in the bathroom all day every day I think! If I knew how to manage that and be able to work through I might have a better chance considering it...
Kimberley,
I have taken Citalopram and Duloxetine now and I've found that the nausea comes on very quickly from taking the medication for the first 2 days. It also quickly subsides, after about an hour. We are all different though and it depends which one you go on in terms of side effects.
The first time, I didn't cope well at first. The reason for this was my stupid idiotic GP telling me side effects could be "some sweating & loose bowel". So, when I found myself barely able to sleep and in tears from the mood swings it was back to the GP who called the Crisis Team in who just told him to give me something to help me sleep. Zopiclone helped me achieve this and things became easier. I just ate light meals for a week just incase. After that the Zopiclone started taking its toll by not giving me as much (it only helps you get to sleep and you only get what your body really needs) and because I was taking it daily (the Crisis Team visited again and told me my GP should have said every other day!) it was making me so tired for the first 6 hours of the day that it took 2 hours just to get out of bed (I literally struggled to even turn over but felt like I needed to get up!) and then I had to eat plain biscuits as breadfast. After that it would ease up and I could eat again and function. The heightened anxiety wasn't too bad from what I recall and there wasn't really any further nausea.
When I went on Duloxetine it was a different experience. You taper up on these so at 30mg I had the brief nausea but after about a week of not being too bad I started to feel a lot better. This dipped after about 5 days. I then went onto 60mg (the standard dose) and my anxiety shot through the roof, the worst it has ever been by a long way for about 8-10 days. It was vile. The last 2 days I took a 2mg Diazepam upon waking as the adrenaline rushes became too much for me.
What was different?
Well, the second time around when my GP again said "some sweating & loose stool", I knew he was talking rubbish so reconciled myself to the fact it could be bad for a while. The big test was the 60mg side effects and I just kept telling myself each day that any day now it will break and reduce substantially. It did. It was very very unpleasant but I knew my GP was useless and wouldn't do much anyway. I remember starting the Citalopram to be told "there is nothing else we can try", something which I found to be an outright lie once I started learning about my anxiety online.
You just grit your teeth and bare it, I don't think there is much else you can do. Diazepam is helpful for the points where it gets too much and you need osme respite. I resisted that until I felt I couldn't take anymore. I successfully managed without Zopiclone the second time (my GP dished it straight out!) and I have no idea how I managed to sleep ok with the intense anxiety I had. It did dissipate towards the end of the day but being unable to sit down for 3 hours after getting up was not a good feeling!
Not everyone has it like this. I have spoken to people on the Duloxetine board who have been fine tapering up (lucky sods!) and there are people who try the others who go on them ok, so there is always that chance that you will be one of the lucky ones.
Some people struggle coming off them. I came off Citalopram pretty easily. There was a bit more nausea that time because the side effects were more head related (head zaps, dizziness, cotton wool head, etc) but they only last about 15 days and most of that was when reducing the final dose to zero. Its also manageable because you are much better by then.
I think your GP could help you in other ways because some people who are very sensitive start on much lower doses than normal or build up with liquid forms. So, you could do like an exposure hierarchy with meds if your GP does his/her homework and this might be more tolerable for you. A lot of your issues around taking them are clearly anxiety based and you have responded well to ERP so there is a good chance you will do the same by seeing lesser side effects and habituating to how you feel.
Remember as well, we can feel sick anywhere including thinsg you are already doing so you are doing well to get through all of those too.
---------- Post added at 05:38 ---------- Previous post was at 05:27 ----------
I just knew I was leaving myself open to all sorts of comments and innuendos. :blush:
---------- Post added at 19:28 ---------- Previous post was at 18:51 ----------
Seriously though. Two Breakdowns!!!!
I though it was only possible to have one. This is very scary.
Did you not see the signs of the second one or did it just come out of nowhere?
I know what you mean about becoming agoraphobia, I was almost going down that root and could quite easily fall in to it anytime. I have to push myself all the time, which in turn exhausts me beyond belief. Actually, I am exhausted all the time.
This fresh air is killing me and making me want to lie down all the time and sleep.:sleep:
Sorry, Carnation, I mindful of the website I am on but if it was a non health forum I would be more inclined to innuendo! We all need a laugh anyway!
Breakdowns are just when you spiral into the pit. You can get well and experience something major in your life that can cause further ones. You can also relapse which is what I did.
Don't be scared by it, because mine was a slow build up full of warning signs so you would take steps to pull yourself out of it. I had relied on my GP, taken medication and had no therapy or read anything other than the leaflets my GP gave out. He was pushing to remove the medication and I was yet again in a very stressful position despite my employer stating it wouldn't happen again. It was literally 6 months after I returned that it all happened again with the work. I found ways to cope with it and started to enjoy it again and worked about 2.5-3 years until the cracks started showing from the constant pressure. I spoke to my boss about it who assured me he would help which just resulted in him moving further away from helping me! It was a poor environment, the worst I had worked in, as it was full of credit stealers, backstabbers, career at all cost chasers, bumlickers, golf with the bosses types, etc. I wasn't like that and my work ethic drove me which didn't fit in with them (I was warned a couple of times for telling stakeholders the truth and thhey didn't like it when I said I was not prepared to cover up for them as they were internal stakeholders, not external companies). 6 months after speaking to my boss I was really struggling. I had some minor panic at weekends leading up to this but if finally became daily high anxiety, sleeping issues, etc and the last 8 days of not sleepng properly finished me off.
So, it was gradual. It was also linked to the fact the meds were propping me up and this was because I hadn't recovered enough, I hadn't looked at improving each area of my life so I still had loads of weaknesses even if I felt much better. 6 months after I has been back there I was holding my own in arguments with senior managers, running projects, hosting meetings & workshops, etc.
Its amazing how fresh air can do that. Its like we have become too used to crappy air quallity in our towns & cities.
More oxygen can have some surprising effects. I can remember being put on air in hospital when I went in via ambulance (for the 2nd time that week!) with pneumonia as a younger man. That oxygen stuff was great and made me very relaxed! I once bought one of those oxygen supplements when I was training as they are supposed to get more into your body. I'm not sure about that but what I can say is never try them when drinking alcohol. Me and a mate did after work and man were were drunk on our normal amounts! We were both throwing up!
God this brings back memories of my days on meds and the side effects that for me were very bad. Debilitating to the point I couldn't go anywhere. Since I have never had depression and they didn't do anything for my panic attacks it was a waste of time. The side effects just made my anxiety worse. Which just left me with CBT.
MyNameIsTerry
19-04-15, 05:49
I have this thought about whether they have helped me to get this far or whether they have hindered me given me on/off periods of anxiety that come out of nowhere. I also wonder whether I have recovered due to my own work and they have done much at all.
I think I may have seen more improvement with the Citalopram than the Duloxetine but its so hard to judge.
It always baffles me how they can't create a drug that just gets on with the job rather than making you worse at first when it comes to antidepressants. Its like going to hospital with a broken nose and the doctor saying "yes, we will bandage you up and you will get better but first let me punch you on the nose!". :roflmao:
I think that in a zillion years time we will all be able to have brain scans which "read" the brain chemicals and pinpoint which meds are required/whether other therapies are more appropriate. Thus eliminating the need for psychiatrists in this area.
Maybe every house will have a built-in brain scanner?:D Mine would certainly be overworked!
A lot of the current anti depressants are such an unknown quantity when prescribed long-term and are potentially so dangerous yet they are doled out liberally by GPs who have scant knowledge of how these drugs can affect people so very adversely.
MyNameIsTerry
19-04-15, 10:09
Pulisa, I think a non chemical solution would be great so we avoid all the ups & downs. something like TMS springs to mind and you can buy them in the US & UK but they are a bit pricey for someone taking a punt. A member on here, I think it was Lilharry, on the natural remedies or therapy boards could rent one of an alternative therapist, possibly a naturopath.
I often wondered how successful that is. I know NIMH were researching it many years ago but I've haven't really read much behind it.
I can see that being very complicated in people with things like ADHD, autism, etc though so its bound to lag behind for them.
I think the best thing to resolve an anxiety disorder is to simply become a celebrity and then everything gets thrown at you and a guru comes along and magically cures you so you can profit from it by selling the story! I never believe celebrities when they talk about mental health, some complain how hard it is to act yet can be seen very happy picking up awards in a stage in front of a live audience!
We need Bones and his tri-corder thingy!
GP’s don’t have a clue. It’s a messed up system anyway, for physical issues they refer you straight to a specialist for diagnosis & treatment yet for mental health issues they allow a GP who’s, licence stipulates they cannot treat a specialist condition, diagnose complex disorders and play around with meds.
Thank God, the hand is a little better today. The support bandage has definitely been helping. :) But, boy, am I tired? Got up this morning, went out for a few hours, had lunch and then fell asleep for another two hours. I feel tired now typing this. Why am I so tired? I can lay in bed all day and all night; and I would if I could have meals and drinks wheeled in. :D Maybe I need some that Adnam's Beer. :D
Only 4 days left and I intend to make the most of them. Not looking forward to going back to the normal grind, but have already booked the next break, so I have something to look forward to.
Hope everyone else is doing ok, well as best as we can do. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
20-04-15, 05:34
It sounds like you are falling apart as you have stopped working so hard, Carnation! :winks::D
Well, I am back Home again. :weep:
I had a great Holiday, apart from my sprained thumb or whatever is wrong with it; it still hurts, but it is strapped up.
And guess what? on Packing the car, I went and shut the car door on the other one! :scared15:
Now I have two thumbs in recovery.
I have to say that my Anxiety was pretty good when I was away, but travelling back about half way home, I could feel the Anxiety building up and reminding me why I should not go back.
I know my Life has to change. My way of Life has been haunting me for too long.
I feel like I have clear head at the moment and I need to keep that positivity going.
MyNameIsTerry
25-04-15, 04:47
That must have been subconscious, Carnation, the poorly thumb was annoyed with the well thumb enjoying itself!
Glad you had a nice holiday.
Ever thought of trying a guided visualisation or just some nice music, both with a beach theme? Then you could think about your holiday and positive memories.
The 'Bad Thumb' is worse than ever. It kept me awake until 4am and I am now off to the Hospital as I can bear it no longer. :weep:
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-15, 04:28
What have they said about it, Carnation? Hope you are feeling better.
What a waste of time that was. :mad:
I was quite pleased when we arrived because there was only 8 people in front of me.
2 hours later and 3 Panic Attacks later, I got seen.
Well, if you can call it that.
The only thing they could offer me was 'Pain Killers'. (Must have a job lot or something). I told them I had a phobia with 'Pills'; just like Kimberley.
Boy, were they angry.
Are the Pain Killers going to cure my hand? No.
All the Doctor did was yank my thumb back and forth, causing me more pain, (Probably because they wanted me to have the 'Pain Killers', and then said that it was not broken or fractured and I was to go to my GP and in the mean time use it as normal.
Are they NOT listening to me?
That's why I am here. I can not use it, it causes me pain. and my thumb pops in and out of it's socket. I can't do a button up, turn a tap or turn a door handle.
So, after looking on the Internet, it seems I have something which is called a 'Trigger'.
This is a tendon thing and it says on the Internet to seek a Doctor as soon as possible.
I am now doing what I think is right and keeping fingers crossed that I can use my thumb sometime in the future. :shrug:
---------- Post added at 18:40 ---------- Previous post was at 18:39 ----------
I am going to take your advice Terry and put on some of that nice sea like music and imagine I am back on Holiday. :)
Sunflower2
26-04-15, 22:17
What a big faff Carnation! Pills are not the answer, they merely hide the symptoms!!
Try keep your holiday mentality if you can, it's amazing how different we act away from our normal surroundings!
How right you are Kimberley.
Since I have been back, so has my old friend; Anxiety.
As Terry suggests, I must try to keep some of the memories active.
You must be away yourself?
Hi
Sorry to hear about your sore thumb
It must be a real nuisance :mad:
Thank you Aprilmoon.
You can not believe how much you use a thumb. It's been 12 days now.
But hey, it gets me out of the washing up. :D
MyNameIsTerry
27-04-15, 04:37
Didn't they even say what it was, Carnation?
Why were they angry when you said you had a phobia about pills? The caring profession eh!
I suppose at least you cna keep on your GP's back so he/she has to sort it out. So, I guess its down there next for you to seek what can be done.
---------- Post added at 04:37 ---------- Previous post was at 04:36 ----------
I am now doing what I think is right and keeping fingers crossed that I can use my thumb sometime in the future. :shrug:
I'll give that a :yesyes:
Panic, Panic, Panic!
Just been to my GP and she says I have a Thumb Trigger.
She is referring me to a Hand Clinic.
And stupid me has been looking on the internet and now freaking out about Hand Surgery, Steroid Injections and Nerve cutting.
To top it all, she also wants me to have a Cholesterol check as my last one was bordering on high and I'm freaking out about that.
It's all setting off my Anxiety and I know I am not going to sleep. :weep:
Help!
Oh Carnation!
If its any consolation I've had one of those days today as well.
Went to a and e with my husband because of a foot disorder caused by his diabetes and nipped out to get him a sandwich as he hadn't eaten.
As I crossed the road I suddenly had lots of flashing lights in front of my eyes,all zig zigging and bright colors,scared the hell out of me.
Ended up in the eye clinic,who said it was probably an optical migraine.:wacko:
Oh Aprilmoon, it sounds like we both have too much stress.
I hope you are ok now and your Husband.
If you are like me, I worry about my Partner more than myself and in turn makes me more ill. We have got to stay more positive, because the healthy we are, the better the Mind. Easier said than done. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
28-04-15, 06:38
Stupid A&E, eh?!
At least you can talk to someone who can help you when you get to that clinic, Carnation. Its a step in the right direction.
Try to reconcile it in your mind. Its a legitimate physical issue and there is no sense in worrying about what may happen or what won't until you speak to the hand clinic. Easier said than done, of course but if you can, it will help. I've had sciatica daily for about 10-11 months now and it bothered me a lot at first but the longer it went on, the more my mind decided it was less of an issue to dominate the day...and switching back to anxiety instead! :doh::doh::doh:
Some one handed gardening in your shed might help a little bit?
Yes Terry, I can still do Gardening with the one hand. :)
But, as they say, many hands make light work. :D
I am quite pleased with myself, because I have made a splint out of a lolly stick, and it takes away the pain and I can use the hand more. (Got this from the Net).
See, the Internet is good for some things. :unsure:
I've now got another problem.
My Mum has all the signs of Dementia setting in. She forgets when I am going round, forgets our conversations, actually, she forgets everything. It doesn't help matters as she has made herself housebound and has no contact with the outside world. She watches TV from 10am in the morning until 11pm at night and that's about it.
That alone is more than enough to drive you crazy. (Especially as she likes Murders, Thrillers and Crime). :scared15:
Sciatica. OOh, that's painful. Sometimes I wonder which thing I will worry about more.
Anyway, my tomatoes are doing really well. Will have to plant them in bigger pots next week. How exciting. :emot-dance:
I have a friend whose wife has dementia and is on medication, it has slowed it down considerably.
MyNameIsTerry
29-04-15, 05:42
Well at least you can do some of that to keep you busy. It will be salads soon for you then?
Have you ever thought about culturing? I've been looking into this myself recently. It might appeal to you. I think Davit does a bit of that?
At least you have a temporary way to keep your thumb immobilised until you can see a doctor trained in how to use a lolly stick! :doh: (GP's eh, refer you off and let someone else give you advice when they could help you now!)
Are you getting her GP to see her? I hope she doesn't have dementia. My gran on my dad's side had that and he was clearly upset although he tried to hide it.
My dad's a bit like that, its more game shows with him. The endless repeats on Challenge. Having major issues with my life being Groundhog Day, this can be a pain for me but its his TV so up to him.
I bet she loves that new crime channel and watches a lot of ITV3 then! Its all Columbo, Murder She Wrote, Midsummer Murders, Frost, Lewis, Vera...neverending really!
Sorry to hear about your friends wife, Davit. That must be tough.
However did you know that Terry?
ITV3 is permanently on. I don't understand. She watches all of these macabre programmes and then she is frightened to go to bed and leaves the light on all night!
My lolly stick is brilliant. Who needs Doctors? Only thing is that it may become a permanent part of my body. :ohmy:
Well, more bad news. Is there any other?
My Friend, that I grew up with and went to School with; passed away. :weep:
She was diagnosed with terminal Cancer and was given just a few months; think she managed about ten, but passed away in her sleep.
She was far too young and very brave.:weep:
Also, one of Dad's best friends passed away, so I am really feeling a little low this evening. :sad:
MyNameIsTerry
01-05-15, 06:51
I've seen my fair share of ITV3! All murders interspersed with the odd Heartbeat or The Royal. I forgot about Sherlock Holmes! I don't think they have Diagnosis Murder on that channel!
Its ice lolly weather soon so that thing is going to be making you hungry everytime you look at it.
I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. Its obvious she fought to the end given how long she managed so should want you to do the same. Be strong.
Again, sorry to hear about your dad's best friend. It seems that some people experience this back-to-back or close to anniversaries so it makes it even harder.
Something to try to cheer you up a little:
About 3 weeks ago my dad was cleaning out his pond. He keeps his ladders horizontally on 2 brackets along the back wall next to the back door which extend to the fence we share will next door. On this ladder are 2 buckets with a gap between. He uses these buckets for getting some water out of the pond when it gets too high.
On this day he picked one up and noticed a load of leaves inbetween them, so he cleared them out, dealt with the pond and put the bucket back.
About a few days later he went to do it again as it had been raining quite a lot. Again, the leaves were there. When he looked more closely they had been built up higher with a bowl shape. It was a little birds nest. So, he decided to leave it alone and see what happens.
2 days later we have a quick look and find an egg in the nest. 2 days after that, we find another egg in the nest. A day later we peer out of the back door and can just make out a little tail sticking up the back of the nest. We can't see anything else as the bucket is in the way and would have to stand in front of the nest which would scare the bird off as its very close because there is a toolshed right in front of it along another wall.
Over the next week we see a little robin hoping over the top of the shed. We always have a robin in the garden but don't ever see it nesting in our hedges as we have about 15-20 sparrows in them. We then start to see 2 robins in the garden.
In the last few days we have seen a little ball of fluff in the nest while the robins were out. Today we have seen one of them bringing back mouthfuls of worms to the nest. He comes and sits on the washing line outside the back window and peers in. If someone is there, he flies into the tree and swoops underneath the window otherwise he will just fly off the washing line into the nest.
We had to stop the window cleaner doing some of the back windows the other day because of disturbing them.
Its incredible to see how nature can overcome things. Remember that.
I'm very sorry to hear your sad news, Carnation. You must be very shocked no matter that your friend's prognosis was very poor.
I have not had a TV in well over 20 years and don't miss it. I borrow DVDs from the library.
Richard and Elizabeth retired and bought their dream farm. Elizabeth still feeds the bottle lambs but Susan their farm labourers wife goes with her. She can't drive or shop anymore.
I'm sure it bothers Richard but he doesn't say anything. He looks tired now. She didn't get mean, a lot do. My friend John who was very kind man did. My Dad got quite short tempered.
---------- Post added at 13:16 ---------- Previous post was at 13:00 ----------
I think I'll get a licence for bears this year. Every year I have geese nest and almost every year the bears eat the eggs. The little ones are nice to watch in the pond. Today there are buffleheads and mallards in the pond. I've had wood ducks, which are very pretty.
We don't have sparrows, I have swallows nest every year and robins. One year they built their nest with bright blue baler twine mixed in. It stood out like a beacon.
Peter had a robins nest in a bright yellow Milk crate right by his very busy green house. Squirrels are a problem here. I put out a whole pile of bird houses and got mostly wasps but one year I had a packrat.
---------- Post added at 13:21 ---------- Previous post was at 13:16 ----------
I'd love to try aquaponics. Fish tanks and hydroponics. The hydroponic beds clean the fish tanks and the fish fertilize the beds. Takes a bit of money to get started.
Sunflower2
01-05-15, 21:33
Carnation just read your post from last night, I'm sorry about your bad news, life's not fair sometimes is it? Make sure you look after yourself over the weekend.
Terry, I just loved reading your story and it was very apt, because my Dad loved Robins and I have a little ornament in the garden to remind me of that. :hugs:
Thank you Pulisa, it means a lot to me. :hugs:
Thank you as well Kimberley, I intend doing just that. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
02-05-15, 04:57
I'm glad that helped even if in some small way, Carnation. I know you like nature so I thought it might lift you a little.
As an update since I wrote that, we have now seen 2 little beaks peeking out of the top of the nest and heard some cheeping coming from there when we are in the adjacent rooms. The cheeping got more constant when we saw a robin in the garden near to that area.
It won't be long before we start seeing the fledgelings in the garden. I hope they both survive because I've only ever seen robin's with one before.
As Davit pointed out, they are very resourceful. My dad said his work team were clearing an area to put some decking down and in a disused corner there was a bucket on the floor turned on its side that had a smll birds nest in it. Later on they saw a robin sitting on the handle of one of their spades that was dug into the ground.
We had one in the garden last year that once sat on the washing line right outside the back window. He was looking into the kitchen. It was the first morning we hadn't thrown the feed out early!
Hope you are feeling ok today.
---------- Post added at 04:57 ---------- Previous post was at 04:56 ----------
Go for it if you can, Davit. Fish keeping is quite a peaceful thing to do. We have a pond and its nice to sit next to it reading or watching them in the summer.
Carnation, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is too young, very sad. Also your fathers friend too. No wonder you felt down. It is difficult to rationalise anything when these thing happen.
Not a good day today. :weep:
Have been in tears most of the time.
Had problem with my GP today which started me off, She told me off for not feeling any better in front of all the people in the waiting room. (Apparently, I should be cured by now). Then my Mother-n-Law fell out of the chair, hot tea all over her, so she was crying and saying she'd had enough). Then my Mum phoned and told me she wanted to go to the Funeral of my Dad's friend; which I do not understand at all, because I have not managed to get her to go out with me for one year now. (In fact she doesn't go out, full stop!). I told her I didn't want to go and was not up to it and frankly she was not either, so she put the phone down on me after telling me that I am horrible to her. :shrug: It's just getting too much for me lately and I can't be bothered any more. :weep:
Sunflower2
05-05-15, 21:17
It's days like these you need to just shut out the whole world and do what makes you happy for the evening. Chocolate, a film, or a good book. These things are here to test us but tomorrow is a fresh start. Once one thing goes wrong it tends to set you off for a very bad day and everything seems 10 times worse.
Yes, it's like a falling pack of cards. I am getting the point where I am scared to go out for fear of something else happening and upsetting me.
I will though, because I hate staying in.
But you know what I mean. You can even get hassle parking a car and getting a ticket, let alone going to the shops, walking down the street and facing agro, agro and more agro. Everyone seems vicious all the time that you start thinking there is something wrong with you.
Why is everyone so angry all the time? :shrug:
MyNameIsTerry
06-05-15, 07:04
Its our old friend Sod's Law, Carnation. Like the buses, it all tends to come along at the same time. So, it ends up feeling worse than it sometimes is as its compounding itself.
This GP is an idiot anyway, I've said that on Kimberley's thread.
Get some rest and see how things look on a fresh day, bin this day off as a bad one.
Bad news on the Robin's at my end. We had heard them cheeping for a day, especially when there was an adult in the garden near to them. Sadly, we had a storm the next day and then we heard nothing. The adults deserted the nest so we figured it was bad news. We found 5 baby robins. Poor things. I've only ever seen one with a parent before so I didn't know they had that many. If they come back to nest there again we will have to erect some cover for them so it doesn't happen again.
Good news though! We have had a couple of blackbirds nesting in the edge of the hedge near to out back window. They have bought their babies out to feed and have a bath.
No doubt we will be treated to the annual soil bath marathon that marks the first day our sparrow families all come out.
Oh No Terry.
Nature can be so amazing and then cruel at the same time.
I am sure you are upset about the Robins. You can become so attached in such a short space of time.
On the GP front. My Certificate is sorted and when I see her again; (in private), I will have it out with her about the episode I had in the waiting room.
I will choose my words carefully, because I do not want anything to come back on me in a revengeful way. The other choice is to change my GP.
I have also cancelled my Hospital appointment for my 'Thumb'.
It is slowly improving and I don't want injections and I don't want them to crank it back and forth and I don't want to trudge up to the Hospital every week for physio.
I have a friend that does that and it is far more pleasurable seeing her than hanging around a Hospital. The only good thing about my thumb, is it takes my Mind off of the Anxiety.
I've had a busy few days. I am re-landscaping my Mum's garden. Spent several hours in the Greenhouse and everything seems to growing 'monsoon style'. I've ended up with 60 Cosmos plants. God knows what I am going to do with them. :ohmy:
The Tomato plants are doing well too. :) And, for some reason, I have potatoes. Think they have come from when my Dad use to grow them. (Thanks Dad).
A bit nervous about my assessment next week, but what will be will be. :shrug:
MyNameIsTerry
09-05-15, 05:07
Yeah, I did feel it a little the day it happened. I hate to think of animals as suffering but when its down to nature it bothers me less as its the way its meant to be. Reading stories that the RSPCA send out with my subscription tends to upset me a bit though and I would love to see a branch set up that punishes cruelty much more aggresively that the law does, but sadly sometimes living in a law abiding country has its flaws.
Can you sell any of the plants?
Free veg is a bonus, I bet they will taste nicer than the ones you get in supermarkets.
I'm sure you will get through the assessment. Its likely to be a pretty light affair I would hope. So, take your time with the driving and leave yourself plenty of time so that you don't rush which will bring further feelings of nervousness.
Yes, be constructive with your GP. Don't give her the opportunity to wind you up to make you seem irrational. My advice would be - expect dirty tricks to covers arses, that way it doesn't hit you as hard if it happens. If you are not satisfied, there are external methods of complaint.
I'm still not driving Terry. (Well only 10 mins up and down the road.
It has been a year now and I really need to get back in to it.
I want to have lessons again, but waiting for my claim to come through.
It's been 7 months already and I want to make a donation if I get something to NMP, because without this Site, I would probably still be on level 1 of recovery.
That's a good idea selling the plants. I could make it a small side-line.
I've actually run out of room in the Greenhouse, which is just as well.
Do you have any past-times Terry? :)
MyNameIsTerry
10-05-15, 10:02
Some of them advertise that they help nervous learners so one of them might be a good idea as they will know the tips for helping you behind the wheel again.
These forums are about the people that use them so don't worry if you can't, giving guidance & support is worth far more anyway!
I read and walk. I quite like nature, I just can't do much with my sleep pattern as its always dark when I'm out. I have been reading quite a bit about culturing probiotic foods and quite fancy doing some of that so I've started getting some of the supplies. Space tends to be an issue and its not my house so I can't just do stuff without sorting out the space with others first.
There are things I would like to do. Getting fit again would be at the top of the list but again I can't be waking others up right now so the sleep is issue number one to sort as it stops everything else.
I want to join a martial arts club too once I do sort the sleep out.
Sunflower2
10-05-15, 10:28
Carnation, when I first started having issues with driving I applied for the AA Drive confident course. It's a 2 hour session for free with an instructor to help you regain your confidence. I'd definitely recommend it as it gave me the push I needed to start driving again. At the end of the session I was driving down a dual carriageway at 70mph with my hands pouring with sweat. I figured if I could do that I could drive just fine!! Although, now I've found an instructor to work with me over the psychological part of it, I would definitely recommend that once you have your claim in.
Thanks for the tip about the AA, but do you have to be Member?
Driving at 70mph!!! Just the thought of if makes me want to cringe. :scared15:
Terry, I think Martial Arts would be good for you or even something similar.
I know what you mean about using other people's space as I lived with my Parents after my Divorce. I had my Room and that was it. My Parents were set in their ways and the House was all accommodated for them.
What about the Shed? Can you do something with that. Are you creative, like Carpentry or Metalwork?
I always find that if you are creating something, it gives you a purpose and reason to get up in the morning.
As for me? Well, my thumb is bad again. I stupidly took the splint off to early and I have probably ruined it's chances of getting better quicker.
So, it's back to the splint again for me and at the moment, I am having to eat so many Ice-creams to get these splints. Oh, what an inconvenience. :D
MyNameIsTerry
12-05-15, 04:40
I'm afraid the shed is falling to pieces but also full of my dad's stuff anyway. I'm not creative, my life went the usual way of adults in my region - you work & drink and not much else! I wouldn't be able to do carpentry or metalwork to be honest as we have one of those high gardens with lots of stepped areas as we live near the top of a hill. I guess growing stuff would be one option...its just unless I can be digging up the garden at 4am, its a no go right now.
The sleep issue gets in the way of pretty much everything, any chance of recovery included as it stops me doing much of anything that could be noisy or get to places.
I would like to do some biking again but its the same old issue with night time plus I'm not sure the Sciatica would work with it. Don't know on that.
I thought there was an increase in the sale of Magnum's reported on the news. :D
Do you know how long you need to keep it on for and when to spot it could be time to remove the splint?
That's a shame Terry. I had the same problem at my Parents House.
I was not even allowed in to my Dad's shed and when I ventured in there after he died, I found it crammed with all sorts of working stuff that I have no idea what they are. It is also leaking and falling down.
What about painting? I noticed your Avatar is a famous painting and it is very good for the soul. As for your night-time living, you would have been ok knowing me in Norfolk, as our Bar was open regularly until 3am and 4am most nights.
I suppose your only option at that time of the night is the Computer.
How did you know it was a Magnum? Did I mention it before? Yum, love Magnums. :)
I don't know how long I will have to keep the splint on, but I have actually got used to it now and my other arm is getting so strong. I will gradually work it back to normality instead of just taking it off completely, which was what I did last time.
I have the dreadful Hospital appointment on Thursday. The one about the Car Claim and the Doctor wants to see how badly it has affected my Life. :wacko:
The trouble is, I look so normal, but I know I am not. :huh:
Sunflower2
12-05-15, 19:43
Carnation I had a look and saw that the course is currently not free any more :( but it is for anyone to apply so perhaps it will be open again at some point!
Good luck with your appointment, my advice from now in these situations is write it down. I cannot stress enough how much it helped me. I actually had a painful wrist last night and considering making a splint for it! I play piano and I go a bit overboard with the practice at times and I hurt the tendons. But I didn't have any ice creams to eat. Have you had magnum infinitys? We got them last summer and wow, they are good.
Terry, it is light at 4 am, i know LOL. Gardening even on a small scale is worth it. Dig a hole and throw a potato in it and forget it. Save your cut off onion bottom, put it in a saucer of water and it will start a couple of new ones. Stick them out of the way in a flower bed. Beware, fresh food is so good you could end up liking it.
Carnation, we have a windy country road that goes down to the river across a bridge and up the mountain to the store. I love to drive it about twice the legal speed limit for it. This actually is fun once anxiety no longer bothers you.
MyNameIsTerry
13-05-15, 06:15
I couldn't find the image of Dara O'Briain doing The Scream pose on Mock The Week, but I found this avi in the standard list on here (is it just me or does it look like Ali G?!)
I'm rubbish at painting, or was last time I did it as a kid but I was pretty good at drawing. I've been meaning to give that a try and maybe learn how to use pastels. I would like to draw a good one of our dog for a portait eventually. It would be good to get out down the park or the countryside and spend time drawing, once the sleep is resolved, whenever that may be.
How did I know you like Magnum's? It saves Female on your user profile! :D
Don't hold things in, let them see how you are otherwise they may play it down.
I don't mind gardening in the dark, Davit, its going light be about 5am where I am. I live at night. I walk whether its boiling, snowing, chucking it down, etc...I avoid thunder weather given some of my routes can be isolated or open. Its just that I have neighbours quite close and my parents in bed so I couldn't be waking them up. I used to do some gardening for them, clean out the pond, etc in the daytime so could easily do some of that and there is some things that need an axe taking to them...when I'm back out in the daytime.
Kimberley, I have tried ALL of the flavours. My favourite is 'Infinity' and the one with the Almonds. :D In fact, I am just about to have another one now. :)
Well, tomorrow is the Hospital appointment. It is nice and early, so there is no pacing up and down watching the clock. I have quite a journey to this Hospital, so all in all, it is a bit nerve wrecking. :scared15:
I had hassle with my Mum today. She is sort of giving up doing anything.
I had a chat with her, but it's like talking to a brick wall.
She misses Dad so badly and I am missing out on a relationship with my Mum because of this. It is never going to get better as it has been a year now and she has just got worse.
She doesn't want to go out, she doesn't want to do anything, she doesn't want to see her fiends and she is basically miserable all of the time.
Also today, I saw the Partner of my Friend that passed away.
No words was said, we just gave each other a hug. I feel that he will not want to live anymore without her. he is drinking quite heavily and I feel he will just fade away. :weep:
Do I have any good news?
NO. :lac:
---------- Post added at 20:06 ---------- Previous post was at 20:03 ----------
Terry, drawing is excellent therapy for Anxiety sufferers.
I'm not a very good painter either.
But, I love to draw animals.
Have you seen Kimberley's drawings?
She is really talented.
Sorry Kimberley, you have to be praised when you are good. :)
Davit, I used to be really ballsy driver before I had my accident.
I don't think I will ever be like that again. :scared15:
MyNameIsTerry
14-05-15, 07:00
Yeah, I've seen Kimberley's excellent drawings on her thread. She is very talented.
Good luck at your hospital appointment. Its best to get it done earlier so you can spend more of the day processing anything that happened with a view to binning it! Tell them how much this appontment has affected you too.
There is lady my dad knows who is just like that, Carnation. She lost her son many years ago and I don't think she ever really got over that. Since her husband died, she doesn't do much of anything and seems to pretty much live in one room watching the same TV channel everyday. Seems like depression to me.
Well, that's over with. :ohmy:
Surprisingly no panic in the morning, even though I had scheduled an hour to get there and we were 15 minutes behind leaving.
Found it quite easy and managed to park. (Only one space left).
There was a bit of a mix up with the appointments and the Receptionist said I was early by 1 hour. This through me in to a panic and I kept telling her that I had 10.30am and not 11.30 am on my letter. (I'm strict on times and appointments and I hate a 'spanner in the works'. Then another Receptionist came over and managed to sought it all out.
It was a Private Hospital and that worried me incase I got the bill.
Anyway, the Doctor called me in at 10.30am and I felt not too bad up until then.
My Partner was with me, because I am not very good with strangers; especially in a Hospital.
I have to admit that it did not start good. I felt she was sharp and I was being interrogated. I couldn't help it, I burst in to tears and told her how I felt.
Her manner immediately changed after that and the rest of the session went reasonably ok.
I told my Mum this and she reckons that she was testing me. :shrug:
In a way, although not nice, I am pleased my Anxiety came out there, because to look at me, it probably does not look as if there is anything wrong with me.
I was truthful and to the point. I was careful with any trick questions and I took my time. All in all, it took an hour.
So, now I have to wait for the result, but she did say that I needed more CBT work, especially with the driving. She even offered to come to my home, which was pleasant to hear. (Again, I hope I do not have to pay for this).
Now, it's a waiting game and I have waited 7 months so far, so another few weeks will not hurt me. :huh:
Sunflower2
14-05-15, 18:05
Firstly, thanks for your comments on my drawings :D
I'm so glad how your appointment went. We are very good at covering up our feelings so I think if you hadn't cried you would have maybe come across as a fraud trying to claim all you could. The real you showed and no one can argue that you don't deserve help. I really hope it's a good outcome for you!! I'm sure with more therapy you'll be back on the roads and feeling more confident.
We are also very good at the waiting game.. I hope you can relax a bit this evening though :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
15-05-15, 06:03
Maybe she was testing you. Maybe she was playing "hard ball" and your reaction meant she had to back down. If the latter, it wouldn't surprise me with insurance companies but a therapist should still have a code of conduct to adhere to and I would see that as very poor!
Its done now and you've done your best.
Its good to see she said she would visit you so that would say that she accepts your diagnosis and realises she risks adding to it.
In terms of the bill, shouldn't that be covered in the insurance if they've asked for it?
Yes, all covered by the Insurance, but I just don't trust them.
(There's a little tiny clause about it mentioning; in some circumstances........)
I've had a terrible day today. :scared15:
I don't know whether it was the build up to yesterday at the Hospital, but everyone is pulling me this way and that way, that I ended up losing my temper.
"Sick of it all", I said.
Mum moaning and complaining, Partner snapping, Mother 'n' Law demanding and so on.
Well, I blew today. It all came out. "No time for me anymore, things are going back to the way I was just before I got ill.
Then I burst in to tears and that was that. I couldn't stop. I'd just done my make-up and I looked like a Horror victim.
So, I spoke to my dear friend and she calmed me down.
"Go out and treat yourself", she said. So I did.
I was so bad this morning, threatening to stay in bed all day, leave the lot of them, and all those sort of comments.
Even the cat couldn't calm me down. In fact he hid under the bed, probably thinking; "Mummy's gone Mad!"
I was also scared, because like most of us on here, we fear having another breakdown and I could feel myself feeling the way I did just before it happened.
I feel better now, but so drained.
I think also because I look normal, people forget that I am ill.
I am super sensitive and I am NOT Superwoman. (Used to be, but not anymore).:lac:
MyNameIsTerry
16-05-15, 04:36
If people are pulling you in all directions it creates a load of stress & frustration. On top of anxiety these can result in this way. I've done it many times myself.
You just have to see how the next day is and keep forging ahead because bringing down anxiety levels helps to reduce the impact of things like this. You can also work on your responses to triggers like this by standing back and thinbking it through more logically first, which is hard to do when the anxiety levels are increasing.
On the insurance issue, if they were going to charge you for something they wanted, they would need to inform you first or have it specified in the contract. You get clauses like that or the infamous "adhoc duties" one in employment contracts (the one that some think entitles them to treat you as a slave) but its a question of what is reasonable as it is still subject to the law. If they insist on a psychological referral they can't expect you to pay for it unless you have asked for it or the contract defines it. Otherwise they could bung all sorts of stuff on top of this.
I haven't been around much lately on here.
I have not been very well to the point of having a fever and staying in bed and the Anxiety and Depression had also taken a hold of me.
My Claim is getting to me; hanging around waiting for their decisions and my Partner's Op took it out of me more than I realized. (It is only just starting to heal).
I feel soooo tired, body and mind and I am finding it difficult to get through a day at the moment. My shoulders and neck feel like they have a coat hanger inside and the weather has been terrible. I definitely need some that vitamin D. :ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
02-06-15, 04:52
Get some Omega 3 down you, Carnation. There is usually vitamin D in that and the Omega 3's will help with mood as well. They also help with inflammation so thats no bad thing with being ill at the moment, Its another one of those old fashioned ones, I was spoonfed cod liver oil daily as a child!
I think you need to try to let the claim go for now. You've done what you need to, what is going to happen will happen and you have the choice as to whether you confront it them or make yourself feel worse before then.
Please try not to worry about your partners op, its always messy when its the face. I can remember getting headbutted over my left eye when I was much younger. I was streaming with blood and it was very swollen. I barely felt it when it happened and it didn't bother me at all in terms of any pain. We have a lot of blood around the face & head so anything in that area always looks much worse than it is.
Can you do some guided visualisation, perhaps lying down? How about some nice beach ones? :hugs:
I'm around here less myself at the moment so I'm mainly checking in the regular threads. My mum has gone in hospital with pneumonia so things are a bit all over the place here. I've been up to see her tonight though and she is looking so much better. She looked very ill when the nurses decided to send for an ambulance and couldn't even walk or even get up out of her chair to go to the bathroom without us lifting her. She's just a bit down as the big doses of antibiotics have had their usual effect when they build up too much - every 15 minutes yesterday!
Terry, I'm so sorry to hear of your Mum's pneumonia. It is a horrible illness but thank goodness she is now in hospital and receiving powerful meds to combat it. It must be so worrying so you MUST prioritise her and forget about NMP for a while?
My warmest thoughts to you
MyNameIsTerry
02-06-15, 08:47
Thanks Pulisa and thanks for the thoughts,
I've cut down when I'm on here to when I'm winding down now hence the late replies. I probably will a bit more now anyway.
I've had pneumonia myself, I remember waking up in the night feeling like my chest was being crushed. I was off college for nearly a month after recovering from it.
She's doing much better now though. She looked very ill the first 2 days but now she can get up and walk around and the pain has gone.
Its given me a bit of a kick up the backside with the sleep too as I couldn't visit her with my sleep patterns due to the short visiting hours on the general ward so I've moved things around so I can get up there and do more at home to keep things ticking along.
Ironically the problem posed by visiting hours may help you to adapt your sleep pattern?
I do feel for you, Terry. I'm so glad that your Mum is responding well to treatment. Pneumonia is horrible for older people and the very young. My daughter had pneumonia at 4 weeks of age and was in intensive care for ages.
Carnation, I also hope that you feel better soon. I think most of us on here have to face a daily battle with our demons and some days are easier than others...Emotional trauma can certainly have a great effect on our moods but it's hard to deal with this. Things just aren't straightforward and this can be very frustrating.
Thanks Pulisa. I am actually feeling a little better today.
My chest infection was sooo bad, that I was worried that I had got pneumonia. I was feeling really cold, wheezing, coughing up all sorts of gunge and looked very pale.
Thank God, the worst is over and I am feeling more like my old self.
You know, my worry was; who's going to look after my Mum? There is no-one else and she had to go 2 weeks before seeing me. But, then again, I probably worry too much, because we were on holiday for 2 weeks and she didn't see me then.
You can't help worrying, can you? :hugs:
Terry, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. The thing is, you don't really know someone has pneumonia until you are really ill. Like I said, that was my fear; how ill do you have to feel?
I hope you are coping ok. :hugs:
Thanks for the tip on the Vitamin D. And I will definitely picture myself on a nice warm and sunny beach with a view to kill for.
We do have a hot week-end approaching, so I will definitely be looking forward to that. :shades:
MyNameIsTerry
03-06-15, 07:00
Carnation, you will know if you get pneumonia, the pain is very noticeable. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. My mum said I woke them up (I was about 17-18 back then) saying I had broken my shoulder. I couldn't sit up in bed and was taken out in a chair. My mum managed to work to the ambulance but up until a few hours before she couldn't even get out of a chair with us supporting it. At that stage, you will be getting help however its very treatable and they don't simply take you to hospital, they home treat people thesedays. Its just without an xray, I don't think they can truly tell as it presents as other things too.
I don't think you should pay any thought to having that anyway. How many colds have we had in our lives compared to something like this? The odds are well against it. In my mum's case we have found out from the consultant that her inhaler might be the cause and from doing some reading od studies I've found the risk can be double-triple over certain volumes of inhaled steroids so she was at more risk...thanks to the incompetence of her GP's & asthma nurse who left her on a long term medication that should have been short term only!
I'm coping fine. My dad was in tears when they called the ambulance, it hit him. I was the one putting my arm around him and being positive. Like I've said on other threads, its not like an emotional detachment more an inner strength that we find and I know my mum has this (she's always been the boss in our family! She often says her mother was like Thora Hurd's character in Last of the Summer Wine with the dirty stares! I look at my mum and think the same)
If you had pneumonia, Carnation, the stuff GP's give out wouldn't get rid of it. My mum was given that stuff, did nothing. I was given that stuff for weeks before mine fully developed and it did nothing for me. The fact you are feeling better proves it was an infection and they are so common.
Ever thought about getting a load of vitamin C down you? I've had a chest infection this year, and bare in mind I have asthma, and due to my sleep pattern I would struggle to get to a GP so I tried increasing this instead first. My chest infection went within about 5 days and thats the first time in many years of chest infections that I've not needed antibiotics or steriod treatment. I've not had many on the last 10 years though and I take vitamin C daily and there is all my walking. I didn't take mega doses, just doubled up and it was noticeable.
The worry about your mum, I totally get that. My worry was how do I get to the hospital with my sleep issues? Thats anxiety for you. Things still get done though and we battle through it all with strength we didn't know we had. I've had emergency situations in the past, dealt with them fine and then gone back to my all day worries about the trivial.
---------- Post added at 07:00 ---------- Previous post was at 06:55 ----------
Ironically the problem posed by visiting hours may help you to adapt your sleep pattern?
I do feel for you, Terry. I'm so glad that your Mum is responding well to treatment. Pneumonia is horrible for older people and the very young. My daughter had pneumonia at 4 weeks of age and was in intensive care for ages.
Carnation, I also hope that you feel better soon. I think most of us on here have to face a daily battle with our demons and some days are easier than others...Emotional trauma can certainly have a great effect on our moods but it's hard to deal with this. Things just aren't straightforward and this can be very frustrating.
Thanks Pulisa, it must have been incredibly worrying at that age! :ohmy: They do say that babies are much stronger than we think and they do seem to battle through impossible odds at times. A terrifying experience for a parents though.
I had a cousin, maybe 11-12 at the time, who ate a burger his mum made and he was in hospital later that day with food poisoining. He worsened and they moved him to Birmingham Childrens Hospital so you can imagine how serious he was. He was having fits and all sorts and ended up with slight brain damage (luckily). You can imagine how she beat herself up over that despite the consultant saying she stored & cooked it fine. He manages a large number of couriers thesedays for a large company, so he's fine and has 2 kids of his own.
Its remarkable how babies & young kids fight off things.
Vitamin C does work and that is what has got me over the worst of it.
I was violently sick this morning, so I hope that is a good sign? :ohmy:
I really have been quite bad, even my eyes were glazed at one stage.
Thanks for the info and I will try not to blow things out of proportion.
My Dad definitely wore the trousers in our house, that's why my Mum can't do anything now. If I wasn't around, the bills would not get paid, there would be no food and the house would go into disrepair. (That's why I worry about getting ill).
My Mum and Dad were old fashioned and have always paid their bills by cash, absolutely no direct debits at all! It's really hard to do that these days, but NO Company can refuse an alternative.
I really felt for you when reading about your Mum being ill and your Dad breaking down in tears. My Dad was no help at all when my Mum collapsed in the hallway from guess what? The wrong medication prescribed by the GP. And, it's not the first time. Actually for the first time in her life she is on the right Medication and dosage prescribed by a Doctor from the Hospital she ended up in at Christmas just past.
I have no faith in GP's anymore and they definitely did not help with my Dad and his Parkinson's Disease. I can quite believe that the inhaler could be the reason behind your Mum's pneumonia. I don't know if you remember but my Ex. Hubby collapsed because of a similar situation. Good job you were around to deal with it.
As for sleeping patterns, don't talk to me about them. :sad:
I have gone back to getting up in the middle of the night again, wide awake and then I want to sleep all through the first part of the day. Why does this happen?
Why can't we be normal like everyone else?
Oh gawd..... As an emetophobe, not the best timing to come & dig into this thread. Hmmnnnn. Wanted to say hello. As I say bad timing maybe, not that reading a post will affect my wellbeing in any way...... I only read a handful of posts Here....So many ups and downs here. Hoping for all of you there are more ups to come.
I'd like to bring a bit of sunshine to you all insomuch that I am doing well.
Very well.
Busy. Ok, life still throws crap at me, of course it does.
But I am dealing with it all so much differently.
If I have a bad day, or even a bad morning or afternoon.....
The feelings (anger, sadness, tears... Whatever it may be....) are less prolonged. I'm able to work through whatever it is so much faster. I don't dwell like I used to.
You believe it everyone, if you continue to work at it, chip away, bit by bit by bit..... You CAN get better. Even when you have a downer that does not seem possible to recover from, you CAN.
For me it was half about myself.... Believing I was worth it....
And half about realising the people who were influencing me to feel worthless were wrong.
Once I got those things sorted, it all best to change.
So much frustration along the way, tears. Anger, frustration. Hopelessness. Tiredness.
But through it all I did not give up.
And don't any of you ever give up.
Because just like me....... YOU ARE ALL WORTH IT..........
Sunflower2
05-06-15, 13:50
Tessar I admit I thought the exact same!!
Congratulations on doing so well, it gives us all hope that we can achieve it! :)
Re panic mode all day. Thankyou so much for your positive letter. So good to hear that
you are doing well. Bless you. hopey
---------- Post added at 16:50 ---------- Previous post was at 16:36 ----------
Have been reading some of the older reports regarding Panic Mode all day.
Really helps when one is feeling like this do not know how I would manage
on a day like today without N M P. Thankyou you all very much. hopey.
---------- Post added at 16:51 ---------- Previous post was at 16:50 ----------
Have been reading some of the older reports regarding Panic Mode all day.
Really helps when one is feeling like this do not know how I would manage
on a day like today without N M P. Thankyou you all very much. hopey.
---------- Post added at 16:52 ---------- Previous post was at 16:51 ----------
Have been reading some of the older reports regarding Panic Mode all day.
Really helps when one is feeling like this do not know how I would manage
on a day like today without N M P. Thankyou you all very much. hopey.
Sending you warm wishes, hopey. We all are in this together.
Nice to hear from you Tessar. :)
Glad the post helps you a bit, it always seems less frightening when others have similar feelings.
Well, as they say; 'One step forward, two steps back'.
My thumb has got worse again, so going to see someone on Monday.
Generally feeling better and chest is improving.
My Partner has his follow-up on Tuesday, so I am a bit anxious about that, but managing to stay pretty calm so far.
I am a bit worried about Davit now. He hasn't been on here for a few days and that is just not like him. Oh, why do I worry about everybody so much, it drives me crazy!
I am in a terrible state today, the worst ever.
I have posted on my Thread; Anyone coughing up phlegm/Mucus?'
The reason is the worry for my Health and I am very down, anxious and very, very scared. :weep::scared15:
MyNameIsTerry
09-06-15, 05:39
Try to rationalise it, Carnation because you've had it for a while and there is the infection that you thought had gone which may have just not fully cleared and now come back again. A visit to the GP should get it sorted and don't worry about Googling because it could easily just be an infection and that doesn't mean it progresses to anything else.
:hugs::flowers:
Terry speaks sense (as always) which is always hard to process when you're in the grips of panic. Make the GP appointment for this morning and tell him/her your fears and go from there but you must actually take antibiotics if they are prescribed otherwise this thing will just drag on and on and cause you escalating panic.
Good luck and just take it slowly and calmly if you can? You will be getting a medical assessment very soon xx
So, I managed to get an appointment today to see the GP.
She said I did not have Pleurisy and said that my breathing sounded ok.
But, she did want to send me for a chest X-Ray because I have been coughing for a longtime. (One of my biggest fears is actually having the X-Ray). :scared15:
Anyway, I have no more blood and my coughing is a little better. Much less mucus today as well. I tend to think that I do have a Sinus problem and coupled with the Chest Infection; as you said Terry, I got a double dose of that. I don't think I got rid of the first one.
By the way, the Carer that came in to the House a couple of weeks ago, is now in Hospital with pneumonia! That has been freaking me out too.
You know how Anxiety sufferers blow things out of proportion.
So, I have until Monday to go and have this X-Ray. I don't want to go for fear of them finding something, so I don't really know what to do.
It's been quite a day today.
I have also been with my Partner to the Hospital for his follow-up on his Cancer Operation.
Good News at last. he has been given the all clear and been discharged. :):):):)
Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. You have no idea how it helps me and I do not feel so alone. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
10-06-15, 05:52
What an utterly stupid carer! The thing is, all these zero hours contracts have made it a tough environment where they easily be sacked and they are often desperate for the money. I knew someone who did it a few years ago and she said she would never do it again as they were not treated well. She still shouldn't have been around the elderley or others that have carers with an infection.
You should go to the xray. It could easily come back as clear with your GP not being too concerned, so it sounds like one just for ruling stuff out to me. There is no reason to suggest anything more and your GP would have looked for all sorts of things, not just an infection, to rule them out. Like she said, you don't have pleurisy and they can normally detect that from a chest examination and a description of your symptoms.
When I had my infected wisdom tooth I had pain with it. I had a 5 day course of antibiotics and the pain virtually went. Within a few days it was back and it ended up worse so I went back and had a 7 day course this time which did the trick so I could have the tooth out. Its just how it goes with infections sometimes.
I'm glad your partner is ok now.
Think of all your lovely plants and veggies that will be growing and waiting for you to get better. I bought a lovely pinky red geranium for my mum to cheer her up when she was first ill and its flowering beautifully.
Terry, I am postponing the Chest X-Ray for now. My Chest Infection has come back again and I am really stressing out about the X-Ray. If anything, I will have to go back to the GP and demand those antibiotics!
My Cat has to be taken to the vets as well as I think he has suffered a bee sting. :shrug:
I am also having a blip, I feel so exhausted, and also have a touch of blood shot eyes. I had this before, but really bad; for about 2 months and it was pre my last breakdown, so I am stressing that I am going to have another one.
I have become very short fused again, which was another pre breakdown sign. :scared15:
On a good note. My plants and Veggies are doing splendidly. Can't wait for the tomatoes to come. I reckon there will be hundreds. I want to give some tot he neighbours, because it will also help me with my social anxiety.
You need to give yourself some TLC Terry, you have been through it a bit lately, so don't forget your relaxation, exercise and treats. :)
The weather doesn't help. It is so up and down. One minute it is 14 degrees and the next day it is 24.
Going to bed late again, which I know is not good, but it is a problem I have had for most of my Life and it's not going to go away just like that.
I'm trying to organize a late deal away for a week, especially with my partner's OP and me being ill all the time. I can just about cope with the journey now and when you are caring for two Mum's and looking after two houses, it really takes it's toll.:ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
15-06-15, 07:44
You get this with infections or viruses sometimes, my mum had a spell of ongoing coals for a couple of months once. Suggest beefing up your immune system with some vitamins if possible or foods that contain them if taking supplements can be an issue for you.
Poor cat, I hope its not in a delicate area...and hopefully no need for lamp shades!
You've been through a load of stuff recently and you've not been feeling well for a while now with this infection business so its bound to take its toll. I wouldn't read into that because with some antibiotics that could easily change. When we are rundown from things like infections or viruses it grinds anyone down let alone all the anxiety issues on top which are well known to burn through nutrients faster than normal. People get snappy when they are tired or ill and the longer it goes on for, the more rundown you feel. Having a short fuse at these times is common in anyone...the same with animals that get snappy when they are ill.
Hundreds of tomatoes! Lots of salads morning, noon & night for you then! :D What sort of tomatoes are they? We had a few varieties in one of those hanging grow bags and they have grown fine the last 2 years in those. We haven't bought any this year though as we keep forgetting. Not sure if its going to be enough time now?
More holidays on the beach?
OMG! I don't know how I got through today.
My Partner is ill and now in bed.
It started on Wednesday, when he didn't feel right and then on the Thursday, he decided to go and see the Doc. He felt so ill, he could hardly drive back.
The GP said he had a virus with a temperature of 103'.
He gave him nothing to take and just advised plenty of fluids and rest.
Well, he got much worse. He was burning up. So, I called the Doctor out and it turns out to be Chest Infection. He still had the high temperature and she gave him a prescription for antibiotics. (I have looked this up and apparently you can't take these if you take Serotonin. It can cause a very bad reaction).
So, after making lots of honey and lemon drinks and constant wet flannels, his temperature has gone down).
But while all of this was happening, we tried to get his Mum in to a Respite Home, because he was to ill to look after her and I can not do the medical stuff or lift her from her chair and so on and the NHS said that they were all full for the next two weeks. We also told the GP, who did nothing, so she went without her Meds today as they are administered through a peg, which I can not do. And she had to wait for the carer to come to move her, which was four hours.
Oh, and the GP said that the nearest chemist to get the prescription was 3 miles away as the others had closed,, and I can't drive!!!!!! I was contemplating trying, but my Partner said we would leave until the morning and he would sit in with me.
What a mess the NHS is in. We have all three of us ill, one disabled with dementia, two with Anxiety and now chest infections. And no-one to help or take charge in an emergency. They really don't care!
---------- Post added at 00:47 ---------- Previous post was at 00:46 ----------
Sorry, I meant Sertraline. 'Serotonin', is what it causes when taken with some antibiotics.
Carnation, try and keep calm. Your partner needs to keep well away from his Mum anyway with a chest infection so you need to make sure that her carers know of your situation and can increase their visits accordingly. Maybe try the out-of-hours GP services as well to seek additional advice or NHS111?
With the antibiotics you can check at your local chemist re interaction of the prescribed antibiotic and sertraline. I think it's just certain antibiotics that can't be taken with sertraline but I would imagine that your partner has been prescribed something like augmentin or cephalexin? At least you can just go to your local chemist this morning.
I hope that your partner feels better really soon. You are both probably quite rundown and it's hardly surprising in view of your workloads. Take care and try and pace yourself? xx
MyNameIsTerry
20-06-15, 09:16
Drugs.com has an interaction checker but make sure you read the categories as some are less important and a doctor can choose to prescribe regardless as they may view the risk is outweighed by the benefit of the treatment.
Issuing one that could cause "Serotonin Syndrome" seems an odd choice though as that can be dangerous.
I can see these are indicated as possible ones that can interact: erythromycin, clarithromycin, or azithromycin.
There are others they can use for chest infections anyway. I always used the same one every time and its a very common one they give out. Amoxicillin I think it was.
If your GP surgery is open for emergencies on Saturday mornings, like mine is, perhaps contact them for advice. But in terms of meds and interactions, a pharmacist is always the best choice.
Surely the NHS have to send someone out who is peg trained to give his mum her meds? Thats surely failure in duty of care if not?
Its been a panicky night, try to take some deep breaths. I know you find the issue of who will care for them a big worry but try to remain calm over this as its very likely your partner will just need to rest up for a few days whilst the antibiotics kick in (usually after about 2-3 days you feel a difference as they halt the infection first and the pains go) and then he might feel more able to take charge of the situation or help out.
The care workers will just have to come in more often as Pulisa says to help out but they may not be peg trained so if not, give the NHS a kicking until they do something whether that means getting a GP out who can then chase it up or they may even send out a district or community nurse who can do it or arrange for someone to and talk to you are how to get more support for now.
:hugs:
Well, my Partner is just the same.
I managed to get the prescription this morning, but I had to go on my own as my partner can hardly stand, let alone go out in the air and sit in a car.
I was quite petrified of the driving, because I haven't done any distance or even driven for weeks now. But, it was an emergency and that's when I am at my best.
So, I used Davit's quotes about 'Positivity'; thank you Davit if you are reading this.
All the time in the car I was talking to myself and turning the negatives in to positives.
I was saying things like,; "I am driving because it is a positive thing, to get the medicine to make my Partner better". And, it seemed to work. I even got a parking space with no problems. :ohmy:
His Mum has been as good as gold, she hasn't be calling so much, but as for as the medical side of things, that has been very difficult.
Like I said, the NHS don't care.
I called the NHS Nurse and she said they don't do 'Peg' work anymore or administer any drugs and that the Carers should do this. But, the Carers don't do this, they don't want the responsibility if anything goes wrong. I think it is called passing the buck.
The GP is aware of our situation and they have nothing either. We are stil waiting for dressings from them which are a week overdue.
So, his Mum might die????? Probably not, but she will have withdrawal symptoms and be put at risk. :scared15:
Terry, I checked with two Pharmacists and they both said it was ok. Unfortunately the Surgery is closed, but the Internet says different and we can't get anything else and he is desperate for something, so we have taken a risk and gone with what has been described. What a mess!!!
I was shattered last night and it's still ongoing. I can't count how many times I have been up and down the stairs and I am still recovering myself.
I have to say that if any of you have a cough or chest infection, the honey and lemon drinks DO WORK. I have been using Manuka Honey which costs the earth, but as Cheryl Cole says; "It's worth it!"
Pulisa, thanks for the advice and words of comfort. I can't believe what is happening to me. Every day, there seems to be something or one long line of illness and woe.
My poor Mum is panicking as well, as she lives on her own and worried for us all. (Good job I stocked up on the fridge last time I was there).
Well, if nothing else comes of this, it has opened our eyes to how more difficult and almost impossible everything is if my Partner falls ill. We are now re-thinking our situation for the future, if we have one? :scared15:
Carnation, I think you are catastrophising here to be honest. Your partner has a chest infection, the antibiotics will not interact with his sertraline, do not believe the internet over the advice of qualified pharmacists, he will improve in a few days and then you will have to re-think your care package for his Mum.
You may think that his Mum needs a re-assessment from social services as the current carers do not have the appropriate skills to step into the breach when you are incapacitated? Would it help you if others took on the mantle of her care or would this be totally out of the question? I can understand if you wouldn't trust anyone else to care for her as you do but maybe you are ready to look into additional care at this stage?
As you know I'm a 24/7 carer for my daughter and have recently been emotionally challenged as to how much of me can go around needy loved ones. It's so very hard especially when we are struggling ourselves to keep our heads above the water and are knackered mentally and physically...
Please try and get some rest? Your own Mum will be so worried as well. I truly hope that things start to improve really soon xx
Thank you Pulisa.
It's looking after the two Mums in two different houses, which are an hour apart that is difficult. My Mum is almost housebound now and maybe this situation has opened our eyes to how difficult the situation is. Unfortunately the two Mums do not get on and neither of the houses are big enough to take both of them because we have so much equipment for my Mother-n-Law.
My partner said that maybe it is time to get a full-time carer in to look after his Mum and move in with my Mum. My Mu feels a little cheated because I live with my Partner's Mum, but I do go and stay for a few days every couple of weeks, but it is not good for me to be back and forth and one minute I am with my partner and then I am not.Then my partner could visit; even daily, but it takes away the grueling day. I must admit that there is not much quality time anymore with all the duties involved. It is an option we are looking at. Even if it is temporary.
We are not spring chickens anymore, so it gets harder each year and with our added Anxieties, we are well and truly run-down.
Yes Pulisa, I am freaking out about my Partner. he doesn't normally catch things and brags about it. But what I am more concerned about is the after affects of his Cancer OP, because both Mum and me think he may have an infection and not a chest infection. He is not coughing, he is not sweating. he is just burning up with his face bright red, not eating and hardly drinking. He also bled today from the area he had operated on. He has a headache and feels sick.
I told of this to the Doctor when she came, but still says that it is a chest infection.
I will see how he goes tomorrow.
Pulisa, I don't know how you do what you do and still have time to help others on here. You are truly amazing and I am not being patronizing.
I see you answering lots of posts on here and you are always so sincere.
I hope you get your rewards in Life that you deservedly should have. :hugs:
And, yes, I am going to get some rest tonight. I am planning a two course meal for one and a good film, maybe a little wine and some chocs too. :)
Thanks Carnation but I'm not at all "amazing". I just try and deal with what I've got but I'm totally thrown if my routine gets mucked up and I do panic internally very easily. I like to try and help people though and have found a lot of comfort being on NMP...
Did the doctor not listen to your partner's chest? It sounds like he's got an infection anyway and must be feeling rotten. I hope the antibiotics soon kick in but it might take 48 hours or so?
Hope you enjoyed your meal?!:)
MyNameIsTerry
21-06-15, 05:17
Yes, don't believe what you read on the internet when it comes to interactions. It has its uses for this but more when you get into things doctors are less knowledgeable such as combining herbals with things. ONLY use a main source for checking drug interactions such as Drugs.com as these places report what the manufacturers report, what the FDA or MHRA find, etc. Their interactions checkers are accurate and to the point. If something is classified as a major interaction then its potentiall dangerous but there are lower levels and this is where a doctor can choose to override them as I said above. Even a major interaction factor can be overrided by a doctor if the need is there such as in serious cases where they are faced with tougher decisions.
Have a look at your partners face and see if you can see anything. If it is infected, you might be able to see with it being a wound. As long as the GP checked it though, it should be ok but just keep an eye on it. Even if it were infected, the antibiotics are likely to treat anyway as a GP is likely to prescribe a more general spectrum antibiotic.
This situation with the peg is a right pain. I can't see why the NHS can't help someone who is being refused treatment by the care company or at least get on the phone to them and remind them of their contracts to the NHS to provide that service. You could make a complaint about this or speak to a manager and tell them the NHS state it is their responsibility.
I think if you get into a situation where you are concerned about the health of her due to her meds, I think I would put the situation firmly back in the NHS's hands by calling them out so they have to take notice and do something. The hospitals are always complaining about GP's lack of elderly care so make it their problem, she gets her meds and they pay for lack of governance of the care system.
Chest infections are pretty easy to diagnose and are a daily thing for GP's. However, if it worsens contact them again and get them back out if need be.
Its good that you could tackle the driving. Its not a good event, its a massive exposure but it does show that it is possible if you really have to. Its changing it into doing more because you want to next as well as using the affirmations.
It does sound like you need some extra help in place, even in emergencies. Its taking its toll on you and I wonder how much better you might feel and more able to deal with your anxiety if you had less pressure on you.
I also think that whilst it may have highlighted a gap in the case of emergencies, it has also shown you that despite how impossible it felt - you are still alive and have got through it. Sometimes we need to see that we are more capable than we feel we are (those pesky core beliefs again!) because you shrink your bubble so much due to anxiety and feel inadequate because of it. I just hope that it comes from better circumstances in the future and not something like this.
:hugs:
As always I totally agree with everything you have written, Terry.
You may feel better knowing that you've got back behind the wheel again, Carnation? I had my car written off last year from being hit at speed from behind (resulting in 6 months of physio for severe whiplash) and I'm still nervous about slowing down at lights etc. I need to drive though so I have to believe that it won't happen again and strangely I have managed to drive normally again.
I hope that you have managed to get some decent sleep and that today is a less challenging day xx
Oh, I didn't know that Pulisa. I was also hit hard behind waiting to go on a roundabout. I too had whiplash and severe; and I mean severe head pain for 6 months. I am going through a claim and it's been 8 months now. That is what ruined my driving and set off my Anxiety which led to a breakdown. It was the icing on the cake with looking after my Father with Parkinson's and my Mother-n-law and losing our business and so and so on; you know the situation.
Anyway, last night, had a lovely meal, put a film on. I actually found 'Hannah and her Sisters', which had a really funny bit in it about Woody Allen suffering from Anxiety. Then when the film had finished, I went completely deaf!
Panic, panic and more panic. After initially dwelling in the panic, I decided to do some breathing exercises, even though I couldn't hear my breathing, I did it anyway.
Thank God, my hearing came back. It seemed ages, but was probably about 3 minutes. It was so weird, I can't tell you how worried it made me. :scared15:
Well, I went to bed late, wanted to make sure everyone else was sleeping sound, but I go late anyway and this morning I was pleased to find that my Partner had sweated the fever out and looked so much better; not the bright beetroot colour he had been for the last 3 days. He is still very weak and not eating properly, but he has managed some toast, so I need not worry so much in that department.
his Mum woke in the early hours of the morning screaming out, so I was not best pleased with that, as I really did need my sleep, but this goes with looking after someone with Dementia. The NHS have no idea what a strain it is doing this.
Terry, you would not believe the passing of the buck when it comes to care from the NHS. I'm fed up with people saying; "If you speak to these people or ask those people", but no-one actually does anything. They just give advice.
I am phoning again on Monday to try the Respite Home again. My Partner has got through the worst but is still very weak and if he is well enough, we still want to get away for a few days.
Besides, I now have to sort the cat out. I have found two very nasty looking lumps on his face and ear that I don't like the look of. The one on his ear has been there a while and has got bigger and is a red colour. So, to the Vets on Monday. (Now that I can drive the car, I can do this.) :yesyes: I have told my brain that I can cope with driving for important things, so it's a start.
Terry I noticed you were up early. Are you still getting a short quota of sleep?
MyNameIsTerry
22-06-15, 04:45
Yes, my sleep gets longer and then it just goes back to the same pattern again. Its not really about the sleep though, its about routine with my OCD that has developed into a larger animal in recent years.
I'm not surprised with the NHS, I always thought they were good until I had mental health issues and I find myself thinking private might be better, I'm just very tight with cash with no working so I try to spend the bare minimum all year just to get through.
Yes, the NHS get to go home after a shift. On the ward my mum was in, she was lucky enough to have a private room as the main ward was full of older men. One of them had something like dementia I guess and he kept calling out for help. After a while the nurses just ignored him and left him to wail. It took another patient to go over to him and calm him. All it took was him talking to him, thats all. However, when I was in there and this happened there was an Indian male nurse on the ward who didn't speak much English and he would go straight over to him.
So, I believe a lot of it is down to the type of people you get. Some doctors are very arrogant and appear more like they are chasing the cash but others are excellent and put the patient first.
I always laugh when I see the medical staff going to the ends of the earth for their patients on tv soaps like Holby City, Casualty, etc. That couldn't be further from the truth...but to be honest, I don't think I would like how they pry into every aspect of your life either so wouldn't want it!
Your cat might not appreciate you being to drive, I've found from others that cats tend to hate being in cars unlike dogs!
I'm glad your partner is feeling better. I had a best mate who had malaria when he was in the French Foreign Legion years ago and his would come back every now & then. He just to have to take a week off work and sleep next to a burning hot radiator to sweat it out of him quicker. It's not full blown though, its just something that can happen when you've had it.
His immune system has been working super hard so he will be knackered while it rebuilds itself. I always started with plain biscuits, then moved onto soup and then small meals, etc.
Vitamin C too, it will help his immune system recover.
I've found you can get that with public services. Sometimes it pays to kick off as you get a manager making those calls for you instead. Sadly, unless you get a compassionate person you can be fobbed off with 'call these people, bye' when the screamers get people bending over backwards for them. When I was in call centres and complaints teams, if you shouted at me you got just enough to get the job done and if you were pleasant or vulnerable, you got the most out of me.
My cat loves the car.:)
He is a Norwegian Forest and they are known to be more dog like than your normal cat. He doesn't even meow like a cat, he makes peculiar noises and follows me around everywhere. He is very big and non-allergic. He also has an extra toe on each pad.
He has been my savior through my illness, so I hope it is a good result at the Vets today.
We are still trying to arrange respite for my Partner's Mum. We are having to play the 'Cancer' card as well. (He didn't get the rest he should have had after anyway, in fact he has not been right since then OP).
I am exhausted. Up and down the stairs and I am not fully recovered myself.
A bit of coughing and wheezing, but not much mucus now.
I am still taking the honey and lemon every day.
I still believe the Carers brought this in to the house. Shame on them!
This will make you laugh.
The Doctor is coming to see my Mother-n-law tomorrow, but the last time he came, she told him that I said to her that 'I would not push him out of bed'.
Having dementia, she repeats everything and I mean everything you say.
So, I may well hide tomorrow. :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
23-06-15, 08:02
Sounds like you are all on the mend then. How is your cat? My GF has got a Norwegian Forest Cat that she had from a rescue centre. He's quite a fluffy thing, especially in winter.
I know Davit has mentioned taking Manuka. I've seen it around in the health shop windows and that it is beneficial to health. I've added honey to calm down the taste of chamomile tea in the past but just the notmal stuff. They do sell it in tea thesedays with things like lemon. I think Twinings do a couple of Manuka ones.
:ohmy: what these doctors have to put up with :D
---------- Post added at 08:02 ---------- Previous post was at 04:37 ----------
Which Manuka did you use, Carnation? I've seen it in Tesco today but it was rated as a 5 and I've just read it has to be UMF 10+ to be medicinal.
My Cat has a lump on his ear which has grown bigger just lately. It is a dark red colour and the Vet said it has to be removed. Booked in for 3 weeks time. :scared15:
Manuka UNF 5+ Terry, from a Health Shop.
I believe Aldi sell in much cheaper and it is the good stuff.
A drove a bit more today and it was not an emergency, so I am really pleased.
My Partner is still ill, but much better then he was.
I painted the shed today and thoroughly enjoyed it. :)
I'll do anything to stay outside. :D
We are still trying to get Respite for his Mum. I am run ragged and my Mum has not seen me and jobs are building up for me with her.
Unless you have looked after someone 24/7, people have no idea how much work is involved. Like I said before, your Life is not your own.
I feel less stressed today, despite everything going on, but would love that Respite to come soon. :)
Glad you were less stressed yesterday, Carnation. How did the doc's home visit go?
3 weeks is quite a wait for your cat's surgery-is there a reason for this? At least you can be reassured that it's not something very nasty which needs urgent removal?
I should imagine that it's very hard to get respite? It's always offered but in practice actually getting it appears to be a minefield of delays and problems..
Wishing you a decent day today! xx
MyNameIsTerry
24-06-15, 10:41
They are usually pretty good at getting them in quickly if they think they need it (I sometimes wish we could get our GP's trained by our vets!!!) because of doing things like biopsies to be sure. If they don't think he needs that, it can't be anything urgent.
Did they say what it was though?
My dog was born with a cyst on his belly so the vet said he wanted to remove it at 6 months when they give him the snip. He's got a fair scar but he's healthy & happy and thats all that matters. I have uploaded a picture of him but I don't know if you have seen it (I know Pulisa has).
Its good you are starting to drive again. It proves you don't need any refresher lessons too. Just keep at it and your confidence will grow. Do you feel it is making you feel a bit better about yourself? You seem more relaxed today.
At least the sheds looking good for your jungle!
Hopefully some respite will be found soon. If not, just try to do some of these things that help you until it does.
I think you should drive a very short distance every day if you can? No bombing round the M25:D just little and often if you can? You've started now so you'll finish by getting some confidence back by regaining some freedom to escape from your home environment should the need arise....
Sunflower2
24-06-15, 14:08
I agree with pulisa, little and often is best. Even though I still have major issues with driving, I get to work and back Monday to Friday and even if I have a rough drive and feel panicky, then next day it's always better again, unless I avoid it and worry it will be worse again.
You never know, it might be the stress reliever you've been looking for!
Not a good day today.
Yet again, I went out in the car, just to the Town. Parked the Car up and walked to the shops I wanted to go to and started my way back to the car.
I just got over the pedestrian crossing and I felt this wave of dread, my focus went a bit, started coughing which turned in to choking and then I staggered to the side.
Petrified that I was going to pass out and sweating profusely, I phoned my partner who I knew would not be able to come and rescue me, but phoned him anyway.
I told him that I felt terrible and was going to pass out.
He asked me where I was and suggested I go to a Café and have a sit down and a drink and calm myself down.
I then told him, that I did not think I was even able to walk to the Café.
He reminded me that I had been in this position before and that nothing bad happened and to just calm down and collect myself.
So, I asked him to stay on the phone and walked very slowly to the Café.
Once I was there, I ordered a drink and just sat quietly and did my breathing exercises.
A man walked past and really stared, so I naturally thought I looked terrible as you can not notice when I do the breathing, so I did think the worst.
The waitress made no comment and just treated me normally, so I continued with my drink and then phoned my Partner again and said that I would try and get home.
That's all I could think of, was getting to safety.
On the other hand, I did not want to give in to the feeling and wanted to challenge myself, but it was 27c and I thought better of putting myself through another possible panic mode with the burning sun to contend with as well.
Normally in this situation, I would burst in to tears, but I tried to stay focused and calm. I was more concerned about my bag being stolen if I collapsed. (I get that from my Mother. My Mum has passed out loads of times and the first thing she says to me is; "Have you got my bag?")
I have to say that since her High Blood Pressure Tablets have been reduced from 300mg to 75mg, she has not passed out. Just think, she had been on that dose for decades and has been passing out for decades. What are these GPs doing to people?????
Back to my story; sorry I do waffle a bit.
So, I very slowly walked back to the car park which took about 5 minutes.
Once I reached the car, I felt better, strangely enough.
I then drove the car with no panic, just feeling too hot but I was calm and in control and got back to the house with no problems.
I felt shaky for the rest of the day. My eye has been twitching like mad and I go in to choking fits with lots of sweating and feel dizzy on and off.
For the last two days I have been suffering with sharp pains in my arms and chest, but I have brushed those aside as Anxiety, but this afternoon, those thoughts of something bad was going happen were very strong and scary.
I wonder if the recent stress has been building up and I have been overdoing things lately with painting the shed and then painting the fence this morning. Waiting hand and foot on my Partner and Mother-n-Law and the worry over the Cat.
My cat has a lump on the top of his ear which has got bigger just lately.
The Vet bamboozled me with lots of fancy names. so, I just asked him if it could be Cancerous and he said; "possibly". But, it is best to get it removed otherwise it will grow and grow and if he scratches it himself, the place could end up looking like a Warzone.
I know I have also been fretting about getting another dose of a chest infection.
When you have had two already lasting nearly 6 months and I was almost on the mend, I will go mad if I get another one and probably next time be really ill.
I must wash my hands about 200 times. I'm continuously cleaning taps and door handles and clean the toilet before I use it. I am just so exhausted!
No news on the respite either. I could really do with a break right now.
So, my Mind is telling me I need to take time out. I have just done some yoga tonight and relaxed all evening and tomorrow I am going to take things a bit easier.
Thanks for listening and sorry I go on and on with my troubles and woes. :unsure:
MyNameIsTerry
25-06-15, 06:19
Sounds like a tough day for you, Carnation. :hugs:
These things do happen with exposure based exercises and you get derailed a bit. The best thing is to keep going or to go back a step and insert a stepping stone if you are working to a hierarchy.
It sounds like you managed the walk back a lot better. How did you feel during this and how did you feel when in the cafe? Maybe a drink (and some sugar) helped a little?
It could be a spot of dehydration or just the heat. The thing is when you have all these memory triggers in your subconscious, a stimilus than mimics those conditions can bring them back. Just ask Davit, he will most likely tell you all about that one! Its why panic attacks can occur out of the blue in places we've had them before - the right conditions.
Breaking that tends to mean being in those conditions but changing how we deal with them so that new memories start to form and become more accessible than the old ones.
A classic example can be sleep. If you had a sleep problem with your anxiety, you can be much better when you sleep but if you have a rough night, it can bring a lot of that back and unless you are much further forward in your recovery, it can be quite strong.
Don't worry about the person looking at you. They don't matter to you or your life, so why would there opinion of you in that moment matter? They may have even be looking at you out of concern and weighing up whether they should ask you if you are alright and in the end feeling uncertain about it? Besides, people "rubberneck" so if you had a fall, people look.
I think if your vet was concerned about it really being cancerous, they would at least do a biopsy now as its only a matter of sticking a needle in it. Maybe they say that because they can't make guarantee's just in case but the speed at which they are operating says they believe it to be unlikely?
Sunflower2
25-06-15, 08:16
Was this the first time you've been out in the town alone for a while?
Remember, all of those symptoms are because of anxiety and fear. The only way they will go away is if you face them gradually.
Hate to say it but the sooner you go back into town yourself the better.. It's hard and rubbish and awful but you don't need to suffer like this.
I'm so sorry that you have had such a distressing experience, Carnation but Terry and Kimberley are right in their advice to you. Can you get to bed any earlier? You posted at 2am yet must have been mentally and physically exhausted by that time?
You are becoming overwhelmed by your situation and symptoms and the panic is swamping you. Your cat wouldn't have to wait 3 weeks if the vet suspected a malignancy-it would be surgery asap, believe me.
Can your partner not help out at all? I know he's been ill but even so....?Also your GP must realise that you're not coping so could he/she not help with the respite request?
I'd recommend diazepam but know that you wouldn't consider this. I really hope that you can get some rest today-your brain needs it xx
I have finally got a copy of the report following my Car Accident.
I don't understand most of it and some of the facts are wrong.
They have recommended CBT and EMDR.
I don't know what EMDR is and just the unknown scares me.
But if it is re-living the accident, I really don't want to go back to square one again now that I have made so much improvement on my own.
They have given me a marking of 30 on the Horowitz Impact and a 25 on the BDI and BAI.
According to them, I should be cured within 6 months. :ohmy:
To be honest I just want it over with. I would pull out, but my Partner says that I can't do that now.
I have now got to go through the report with a fine toothcomb and let them know of any errors. Then they will discuss me further and let me know what they think. :shrug:
This is great start to my Respite. :huh:
MyNameIsTerry
30-06-15, 05:39
If you run a search on EMDR on the Therapy board you will find some very useful information including people on NMP (some are still here) that have had it and there seems to be a medical professional who posted about it in great detail.
There is no deadline on a cure or anything else. Thats probably more management than medical as I can't see many doctors sticking their necks out on that one.
Take your time. Do it in sections. Get making any notes and then leave it a day or so and come back to it and do a review as you often think of new things later.
Can you leave it until after you have have a break at least?
Terry, there is nothing I would like more than enjoy my Respite, but I am also one of these people that have to deal with it now rather than later.
You see, I worry. :ohmy:
So, I have set aside tomorrow afternoon to read and digest and reply.
It will be too hot to go out anyway and then I can hopefully enjoy my Respite.
(Even though I am at my Mums).
My Partner does not feel up to a long journey, so we have not gone away. :weep:
So NO seaside for me. :weep::weep::weep:
MyNameIsTerry
01-07-15, 06:28
Believe me, I know how that feels. I used to be like that when I was in my worse periods. I couldn't let things go or sleep on them. It was part of my issue with obsessive thinking and I guess with you having HA you have that issue too as its easily common to both disorders so can overlap in general ways like this.
You also strike me as someone who is always busy and trudging through a mountain of tasks on a daily basis.
You know what? Change your screensaver to a beach scene, get some wave music on and a candle of aroma of some kind that reminds you of it. Just sit with it for a bit and breathe.
Smells can be powerful to us. There are studies of how smells change when we are in fight of flight mode in that they become worse or even something that didn't smell starts to smell bad.
I walk around Tesco and always have a smell of some of the candles. I find it does feel nice, if only for a brief moment.
I hope you've made some progress this afternoon but I wouldn't be surprised if the heat was just too much for concentrating on the report?
In my case I was assessed by an "expert" (GP:D) chosen by the insurers. He confirmed the diagnosis and had to give a time span for recovery in order to gauge how many physio sessions I would need. After this time span it's possible to continue with treatment but the expert has to assess you again etc. I chose to end it and accept compensation after 6 months as we were going through my father's safeguarding process at the time and I wanted "closure" (horrible word).
Can you give EMDR a try? You could always choose to leave if it all gets too much? I know it's a gamble but as it's being offered-presumably in the private sector-to you it may be worth giving it a go?
You got that right Pulisa. Far too hot! 36c today. I didn't do anything but moan.
Yes, I had the same. I was assessed by an expert and was told that I would be cured within 6 months providing I did not have any further traumas.
My solicitor wants to prolong and push for a bigger settlement, but I have decided that I will accept that, even though it may not be the result I wanted, but I just can not go on and on stressing especially when I have more pressing and important things to deal with in Life. Like looking after my housebound Mother and disabled Mother-n-Law.
I also feel that keeping the case open is not putting closure on my ordeal and as I have progressed to 80% improved, I do not want to go backwards.
Terry. Already done. Screensaver, music, candles, chimes, crystals, and a cat to cuddle.
Hey. We have baby birds in a bird box I put up on the tree.
The mother is tiny herself and I have no idea what they are.
And yes. Got in one. Constantly on the go. One job lined up one after another.
I don't really relax for more than ten minutes.
I know this has to stop, but there is no-one else that can do these tasks, especially as my partner has not been well for the last 6 weeks.
He says leave them, but I only do the basics. Well, apart from painting the shed and fence, but that gets me out of the house. But, I do far too much and have very little ME time. It is on my agenda to change this.
Kimberley getting back to your question. I had not driven for about 3 months or so and then going out 4 days in a row, may have been too much too soon.
But I am actually thinking that my feeling of a Panic Attack could have down to the heat and dehydration. I would rather think that than the driving being the cause as that will help me to drive more. And I did a few days later and I was fine.
I have only driven about ten minutes tops, but it is a start.
MyNameIsTerry
02-07-15, 05:03
I think its more likely heat & dehydration, or feeling the effects of them and them your memory making that connection to how it can feel like panic onset and it going from there. I know the memory thing happens to me with certain sensations.
Its nice to hear about your squatters! If its a very small bird, does it have a flicked up tail & round body? If so, it coule be a Jenny Wren. We always get one of those and it loves working its way all over the moss around the pound & waterfall.
Learning to slow down is important. Its like learning to slow your mind down. Without these we are in that autopilot mode that Mindfulness talks about coming away from. Try to insert some breakout periods at least where you stop and have some time for yourself.
I think it is a Jenny Wren Terry.
I have my very own Spring Watch. I have been watching that on TV this year and it was so addictive, I ended up watching it for hours. And 'Spineless Simon', is a born Star! Now I have my very own Live version in my Mum's back garden.
I am going to worry about them tonight, because there is a big storm expected and I have been known to stay up all night during a storm anyway. I do hope they will be ok. I can see two little chicks and they open the mouths so wide waiting for thir Mum to bring back some food.
Last night I was up quite late, replaying to the Report from the Solicitors.
Correcting their mistakes and summarizing.
I have decided to turn down EMDR. If it was offered in the beginning of my illness, I probably would have gone for it. The state I was in, I would have accepted almost anything! But as I am 80% improved, I just can't take that risk in going backwards.
I do have blips, as you know, but that is part of recovery or doing too much again.
Funny thing was, when I was typing in answer to the Report, I kept getting sharp pains in my head again; like I did at the beginning. I just ignored them, but it makes you wonder?
I told them I basically wanted a close to the Case. I am not interested in weaning more money or prolonging the Case. I want to get back to living and until this Case is closed and constantly reminding of the pain and accident, I don't think I can do that.
So, now I just wait for their reply. :shrug:
I am on edge tonight, because of the Storm coming. I have a 'Thread' on this. I am really bad and already pacing, looking out of the window and preparing to disconnect all electrical appliances. My Mum's house sits in between two tress, one at the front and one at the back. Both are 30ft high. I've already taken off any jewelry; yes, I am that bad.
I haven't got much rest at all this week. I have been doing some jobs for Mum and spent absolutely ages in the garden. I decided not to break from the Forum this week as I did not go away and it actually has been support for me on certain issues.
I don't feel like I am on Holiday at all. Except my Partner is with me, but he is still recovering from being ill. I must do some stuff for me over the week-end. I forget about me and I know it is important to do that. at least it was cooler today. Only 29c.
There's currently a weather warning until midnight tonight for London re potential storms. I think it's a bit random as to whether there will be storms but I know that this uncertainty must be troubling for you? Fingers crossed that nothing will materialise and that you can sleep.
I settled my claim after 6 months and was pleased to see the back of it. As you say, if you'd had the therapy offered to you much sooner then that would have been a different proposition? If this is your final decision then get shot of the paperwork and have done with it. You will have a literal weight off your mind? One less thing to have to deal with anyway..?
MyNameIsTerry
04-07-15, 05:56
They will be ok in the storm, birds are very used to it all. As long as they are shelted from the rain so it can flood the nest there will be no problem and any bird box or roosting pouch is covered for that.
I wonder how small those babies are then?
We've had the storm here from 1-2:30am. I was out at the time. It stopped after the first 30 minutes so decided to chance it and walk home but it was following me all the way after I had gone 5 minutes out of the supermarket. So, I had to walk home in it but luckily the heavens didn't open until the last 10 minutes. I still got drenched though and with the mind I couldn't take shelter under a bridge on my way home. The trouble is, I live right near the top of a hill that overlooks the city and because my route curled around I ended up walking straight into the worst of it to get home.
Kind of pretty but I had to walk across an industrial estate with grassed areas which isn't the best thing with that type of weather.
Thunder is the only weather that keeps me in. It doesn't bother me, but I'm not going to risk the lightening with some of the open areas I cross through on my varius walking routes. Otherwise, I don't let heat, rain or snow stop me getting out.
Hopefully it has missed you or hasn't woken you up. The good thing about them is they don't tend to last long and some go & come back but then thats it. So, remember to hang onto that, it won't last long.
I can understand that with the report. Its good to fight but you have to weigh up the impact on your health too. I could have kept fighting my employer for at least another 6 months and more the way that was going but it would have just keep my anxiety up and whats more important than health?
I had been searching for an answer to my concerns.
Already getting panicky about a visit to the Dentist on Wednesday.
Silly,I know,it was ok last time,so why am I panicking ,when I know there is no reason.
Is it habit,do I think that I should still be scared ? Feel awful,shaky,sick etc.can't concentrate on anything but my appointment.Obsession ???
Any cure or an answer please.
---------- Post added at 11:25 ---------- Previous post was at 11:22 ----------
PS.
Can't walk my Nerves away,had a Stroke a while ago,so spend too much time,sitting ,thinking,stressing.
Spammer ^^
:D
My computer security doesn't like your site either :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
06-07-15, 00:24
I am on the same boat as you, I have been battling anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 14, so almost 10 years! Sometimes I think it would be best to just give up and die but I know its not the correct answer. It has been almost a month since my last panic attack and I used to have them almost every day!
There are a few exercises you can use to help control the panic and anxiety, they have helped out tremendously for me. They do not cure you by any means but it does help.
Take a look at <removed>
its a good read :) hope I was helpful and remember that you are not alone.
Hello Snoopy Drew,
Back to sell your products again are you?
How many times have you been banned for it now? 6 times?
No doubt we will see you back again with another username soon given your lack of morals. Trying to take advantage of the vulnerable for the price of $59.99.
:busted::nicked: & :finger:
Back to the 'Thread'.
Terry, the babies beaks are bigger than their bodies. Especially when they are waiting for Mum to return with food. :D I could watch them all day.
Terry, do be careful when walking at night with a threat of a storm. Can you check on Accuweather first?
I was in a terrible state when the Storm came. My phobia gets worse as time goes on. I was at my Mum's house and even she was shocked at how bad I was.
I was crouched on the floor, crying and shaking with my hands over my ears. (Just like a baby). I even turned off all the electrical stuff. I can't even go to bed when there is a storm. I definitely need therapy on this. :ohmy:
Sam, good to see you still around. I perfectly understand how you feel, but hopefully you will be back. :)
Old 68. I had a minor stroke myself nearly twelve years ago.
You need to try and get more relaxation, gentle exercise and maybe some nice hobbies. Maybe get some relaxation CDs to help you. :)
I don't like the Dentist either and will only go if absolutely necessary.
Anyway, I have returned from my Mums and have only two days left before my Mother-n-Law returns. It has been a strange break, because I normally go away. My Partner was not up to the travelling, but the main thing is that he is much better now.
MyNameIsTerry
06-07-15, 04:46
I bet its like one big ball of fluff with beaks chirping out of it.
We've got a rather fat looking robin back in the garden so hopefully there will be a second lot that survive this time. We did find another nest being formed on the ladder but cleared it to see if it reformed (we sometimes get pigeons nesting on top of our security light and shift them as its by a bedroom windown so want to make sure its not their mess) but nothing so far so she must be in the hedges somewhere.
I don't normally go out in thunder weather because of the lightning issue. Its more my family moaning than me, I don't really care about it, I walk through areas where I could easily have problems with people hanging around, its that type of area, so there are always risks.
Fear is fear. Some people are afraid of balloons, clowns or even buttons. Its a deep issue and everyone has their issues. You do need help with your anxiety in general and you will find that reducing overall levels has a marked impact on all of these other issues as you gain more inner strength during that process.
I feel very sad tonight. :weep:
MyNameIsTerry
07-07-15, 05:56
Try not to let this affect you too much, Carnation. You are not the only one. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
08-07-15, 04:49
Thinking of you, Carnation :hugs::bighug1::flowers:
Thank you Terry. That is very thoughtful of you. :hugs:
I am still very upset and can not think straight. :weep:
I am not posting at the moment until I have thought things through. :unsure:
MyNameIsTerry
09-07-15, 04:56
I understand. :hugs:
Well, it's been two weeks of hell for me.
I eventually got that respite break and because my partner was not up to driving long distance, we didn't go away, but decided to spend a few days at my Mum's house which turned in to a week. I spent most of it doing jobs around the house and garden, so it probably wasn't such a good idea. We managed to wrangle an extra couple more days for ourselves and just as we were making plans to do some things, I get a call from my Mum saying that her hand had swollen and she could not get up and down the stairs. She was really struggling to do anything.
So, over we go again, picked her up and brought her back with us.
Called the Doctor and discovered she had Gout.
She is still with us now and getting better by the day. But it really is like 'Holby City'; in the household. With my partner being ill, my Mum with Gout and my disabled Mother-n-Law who suffers with Dementia as well. I feel like I need about 8 hands to do all of the tasks and feel like I have had no rest at all. :meh:
I also quit on my Car Accident Claim. I couldn't take it anymore.
All those forms, questions, interrogation. It's been driving me insane.
So, they are summing the case up as it stands. What a waste of time!
The 'Forum' has been quite a 'Hot Potato' as well. So instead of coming on here for chats and support. It was like opening a box of Fireworks. :ohmy:
It's just as well I can't drive another wise I would do a 'Thelma and Louise'. :sad:
I am not having a good time at all at the moment. Doesn't ever seem to get better. :weep: Lots of Anxiety symptoms have come flooding back. Ice-pick head pain, twitching eye, twitching muscles, tired but not sleepy, very late nights because of that. Funny noises in my ear which makes feel like there is something in it. Sweating, tearful, depressed and angry. I am going backwards now and not forwards. Think maybe I have dropped from 80% improved to about 60% in the last month!
I can't be bothered anymore. I am never appreciated, get blamed for everything and feel left out and have NO LIFE!!!!! I don't think that anyone would even miss me if I was not here. :shrug: Let's face it, I don't get much of a response on here either. :weep:
I am the 'Rock', everyone leans on me and I now feel like a particle of grit that everyone treads on as they pass by. :weep: I can't take it anymore, I want to run away. :weep:
MyNameIsTerry
13-07-15, 04:52
I wouldn't worry about response on here, Carnation, this place is still pretty quiet from what I've seen despite some of the things that have gone on and reasons used for them. It was bound to be like that for a while, despite what admin may believe.
Surely your partner partner appreciates you? You both do a lot together to keep things going and I can't see that working if you weren't solid.
I didn't know you got Gout in your hand, I thought it was a big toe/foot thing?
It sounds like you really need some help on a more regular basis so that you can have some days off from this. Is there any help out there?
When you are struggling with all this anxiety and what it brings, lengthy or indepth affairs can seem very overwhelming. I've been through that with the fighting I had to do with work and eventually left my career just to get away from people who seemed determined to make my health worse. I could, so I did. If I depended on the money then I would have been stuck with that and looking for another job to get away from them as they were never going to change.
Is this another occasion where things are just building up and feeling overwhelming again? Can you get in your garden for a break or maybe get your headphones on and do some relaxing visualisation about the coast? Just for some short breaks? Can you even schedule these into your day so that you have some mental reprieve?
:hugs:
Honestly, I don't have your pressures, quite the opposite, but I can understand the feelings & emotions involved as I have them about my situations. I've lost everything I called normal life years ago now and it can feel like you are just plodding along for nothing. I can't say I've found my way through this and I struggle with it a lot.
You see,. Terry is the only one that talks to me now. :weep:
This is no good for me, as I suffer with terrible loneliness as I hardly see anyone or go out any where because I look after my Parents. I have been thinking of leaving for a while now and the Davit/Ricardo thing has upset sooo much. It does not feel the same anymore and I think people are ignoring me because I used to chat to Davit. :weep:
It's a shame because I really liked this Site and many people on it. A lot of good people have left and the ones that I have been helping over certain issues are on the road to recovery now. :) But, I will still keep in touch with some. :hugs:
My personal problems grow and grow by the day. Just today, we had a problem with the Day Centre.
They phoned us up and said because she was closing her eyes and feeling sleepy that they wanted to send her back home today because she was not joining in. :shrug:
If we have our Day Centre time cut, we have NO TIME at all off or time to get supplies. Only people that Care for Family have an idea how precious time off is.
My Partner and I do about an 18 hour day with fetching, carrying, assisting and so on and saving the Government THOUSANDS!
My Partner gets 60 pound a weeks for doing this. :mad: And I get NOTHING!
No Terry, it was my Mum that had Gout in her hand. All cleared up now. :)
I had a tendon problem in my hand that went on for weeks. It got better and now it is poorly AGAIN! It's a nuisance and I may be tempted to smash it to pieces in anger!
I've lost everything too, but unlike you, we lost all our money through Business.
We worked sooo hard and between my Partner's Business partner ripping him off and then getting very ill, we lost everything! Even our Home.
That's when you find out who your friends are. This affects our future too, because we are now tied to being Carers and are both Mentally ill, we are basically up the 'Swanee without a paddle.' :scared15:
As my Mum would say; 'That's Life!'.
lindy lou 2
13-07-15, 13:28
Hi Carnation, you are certainly not alone on here, I have just sent you a pm, I am soo sorry you are having such a bad time.
I know what you mean about the arguing, I certainly don't hold it against you for being friendly with Davit, nothing wrong with that, as I said to him, when he replied that he would ignore me, I don't hate anyone !! I do think it has gone a bit quiet on here, perhaps people don't realise yet that the squabbling has stopped, it was unfortunate it all got out of hand, very silly. I am only too happy to reply to you, anytime. Please feel free to get back to my pm
Lindy.
I'm sorry that you feel so overwhelmed and down, Carnation. Both you and your partner will have to make some decisions re your partner's mother's future care if you continue to feel so depressed and angered by the current situation? Has she had a recent assessment? Can you talk to anyone in social services about "carer breakdown" (a term I know seems to work if you feel you are being overlooked).
As for the recent "fireworks", I think the people involved are now pretty cautious of contributing towards any threads involving people who openly questioned why certain challenges were being made. I'm not crossing the "line drawn" here-just stating a fact.
Thanks for replying Pulisa, I really appreciate it.
I am very, very depressed and sooooo tired.
I have 2 Elders to look after and 3 when my Partner was ill. It sort of tipped over the edge and set off loads of Anxiety symptoms again.
I really don't know how you cope.
It didn't help when our 'Break' was not a 'Break'.
We are looking at a full-time Carer for one of the Mums, so it takes off the pressure. You see , I am looking after them in two different houses, cleaning two houses and running back and forth. I am worn out!!!!!
Sunflower2
13-07-15, 19:20
No wonder you are exhausted, there is just no break for you! Could you at least take an hour out once a day to do something for yourself? Even if it's something simple like a bath, a walk or some nice food? Since you can't really change your situation, I guess for now the best thing you can do is change the way you look at everything. Try to find positives in the negatives? I don't know if it's feasible for you but you won't be doing yourself any favours by looking at everything even more negatively than the situation already is.
Light a scented candle, have a bath and read a book even if it's only for 15 minutes!
I will try Kimberley. :hugs:
Has your own Mum been assessed in terms of what help she needs? I presume you have been awarded a carer's allowance for her? If not maybe you should consider it as every little helps in terms of financial support?
I think a full-time carer for one Mum would certainly be an option at this stage as you both are clearly at breaking point and need help urgently.
No Pulisa. She doesn't like strangers in the house, she doesn't like Authority and she doesn't want people going through her finances. She wants me to move in permanently, but it means splitting from my partner. I don't want to do that and I rely on him to get me around for appointments as I do not travel well. My Mum is in denial about my illness. She tells me to pull myself together and get on with things.
Does she apply that advice to herself?
No Pulisa she does not. My late Father did everything for her. Too much and now she finds it difficult to cope. She is trying to replace Dad with me.
I do as much as I can. I clean the house, look after the garden, make sure all the bills are paid, get her shopping, do the washing and ironing and anything else that is needed. She can't really look after herself. Things pile up until I deal with them.
I have just had a terrible evening as well. I broke down in tears, heart was pounding and I was so fidgety beyond belief. We had to take Mum back to her house tonight and the idea was to stay a couple of days until she found her feet. I was almost hysterical about going. The drive was not much better; I was a nervous wreck!
And when we arrived, I panicked again, told my Partner I could not do it and wanted to go back home, but in the end I stayed.
As soon as my Partner left I started wheezing, coughing, pacing up and down the house, but I have managed to calm down a bit now.
I have just spent a full 20 days looking after and attending to my Mum and I really need a break. I intend going back Wednesday, but I don't know whether I will last that long. I feel so needy with my Partner and I used to be so independent.
I have also had a letter asking to go to yet another assessment requested by the DWP.
It is in a terrible area and really difficult to get to. It is also on my partner's birthday.
I am going to speak to them tomorrow about this, but I am already panicking like crazy over this. I can only go if my partner takes me and it looks as know there is no where to park and it would mean getting 2 buses or 2 trains. That I can't do. My Anxiety will not allow me to so these journeys yet. Don't these people realize that mental health can mean Anxiety and difficulties with travelling?????
I won't be going to bed early tonight, I am far too anxious. So, then I am exhausted even more in the morning and Mum will probably want me to paint the house or something stupid like that. :ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
14-07-15, 06:03
See what your conversation brings though. They may be able to move this appointment or even the location.
The DWP are not very good at using common sense until you take it up with them, just like the Jobcentres who try to get you to travel 50 miles for a job that means you end up unable to pay your bills because of the travel costs.
They could be very helpful for all you know so try to put this one down until the morning as hard as that can be.
:hugs:
---------- Post added at 06:03 ---------- Previous post was at 06:02 ----------
As for the recent "fireworks", I think the people involved are now pretty cautious of contributing towards any threads involving people who openly questioned why certain challenges were being made. I'm not crossing the "line drawn" here-just stating a fact.
And I think all people involved would respect that, its more that Admin want to do an ostrich. :winks:
Already done Terry.
This is something I could not have done a year ago. Yes, I was so bad that I could not even make a call to a stranger and organize a small thing like an appointment.
I am pleased that I did this all on my own, brought it forward a week, moved the location to 20 minutes away in a place that I am familiar with and moved the day and time to suit me. :)
I have also received the paperwork from my Solicitor regarding my Car Crash Claim.
There is still lots to do even though I am pulling out as it stand now.
They want invoices for my Therapy, but I paid cash and got no receipt and the Therapist would only send me a letter for the number of sessions I had and not the cost. It took me 2 months to get that. Same with my massage Therapist, that actually took 3 months. (Talk about take the money and run!) So, I may lose out on that one. :lac:
They sent the paperwork by email so I have to print it off, read it and sign it. Why they could not post it with a 'return to sender' envelope, I do not know?
I am going for the quickest option, but I will lose out financially. But, this 'Case; is hanging over me like a bad cloud. I have been promising NMP a donation for some time now and it looks as though I could wait a further 2-3 months. God knows how long it would take if I went for the longer option. :ohmy:
Mum and I had a row today. I have spent nearly 3 weeks solid with her day and night and I just want a break. We clash so much anyway. She has also got very lazy since doing this and asking me now to dress and undress her. There's nothing wrong with my Mum and it does frustrate me, so we had a big row.
Also when Mum was away with me at the other house, in our absence we returned to a scratching noise coming from the living room. So we have shut all the doors upstairs and panicking that something has got in to the house. :ohmy:
It never rains, it pours. I would love to have a few hassle free days. :shrug:
I've been twitching and nervy today. I had to get Mum to the Bank today and it took 3 hours to do a ten minute walk. Her walking is so bad.
I think I may have to mention that I have to give my Mum a lot of my time at the DWP appointment, because she is only going to get worse and not better.
MyNameIsTerry
15-07-15, 05:08
Thats good news. :yesyes:
This is why you need to take a step outside of the situation and use logic otherwise you end up winding yourself up much more with "what ifs", catastrophizing and many of the Cognitive Distortions that negative thinking brings into play.
Could they not pay you an average for the sessions in your area?
The scratching could be because of a hole in the brickwork outside. We had a few weeks of 'eek, eek' when we were in the bathroom and it turned out to be a hole in next doors outside wall. It didn't seem to last long as they have a cat and we did have a family of owls patrolling the street at the time too.
If your DWP appointment is a claim about your health then you should definately talk about how the full time caring affects you. Are there any local charities with meets for carers? The mental health charity I went to set up a weekly group specifically for that because of the demand they knew it placed on people.
Carnation, you said that there was nothing actually wrong with your Mum. I suspect that she is jealous of your partner's Mum and wants a similar level of attention to her?
I think you have to be very careful as regards your Mum's motives. Is she really grieving deeply for your Dad and opting out of doing anything for herself because she is lonely and wants you to be there to attend to her every need?
I know it's hard but I think you're going to have to have a few boundaries agreed otherwise you'll be at her beck and call for the foreseeable future and you'll just get more and more depressed and angry with it all?
I know it's hard though as she's your Mum but I doubt whether she realises what she's doing to you?
Pulisa, I agree with everything in your last Post.
I have my assessment tomorrow with the DWP and tonight I am sweating profusely, muscle twitching, fidgety, coughing fits, nausea and generally very anxious.
I just know this is going to go badly. :scared15:
I know! I am suppose to stay positive, but my brain won't let me!
MyNameIsTerry
22-07-15, 05:08
Good luck with it, Carnation. Just do your best.
Take your time and write down anything you want to talk about, even just some bullet points can help with things. Don't be afraid to ask questions or to ask they repeat something or explain it further, they work for us remember!
I hope it went as well as possible, Carnation.
Oh Hell. What a time I have had.
I only slept for a few hours last night with worry, worry and more worry.
Then we set off in plenty of time to get to the appointment.
Being an anxious person and a worrier, I allowed time for traffic jams, hold ups and possibly a cup of tea before going in.
I spent a couple of hours before hand looking at Google maps to pinpoint exactly where it was and where the parking was; which was very limited. They were supposed to send me a confirmation in the post with a map, but it did not arrive. So I chose a safe route to get there and was prepared with Doctor's letters and so forth.
Well, about three quarters of the way there and an hour before the appointment, I get a call on my mobile. It was them. CANCELLING!
Now, bearing in mind that I had been awake most of the night, worked myself up in to a frenzy about the whole thing and arranged someone to sit with my Mother-n-Law at the cost 50 pounds, so my Partner could take me. I was not too pleased and neither was my Partner.
So, I asked her why?
She said that she had not received the paperwork and had tried to contact me last night. ?????????? No calls on my side received. ????????????
I then asked her why she could not have called this morning?
Dead silence.............
She must think I am stupid! I think she has overrun on her appointments and wanted her lunch hour at the expense of me forgoing my appointment.
So, I told her how we had to make special arrangements and that my Anxiety had been stretched and that we were on our way and she just replied; "Sorry".
I then asked her what happens now. And she just told me to call her next week to see if she had do it then and every week until she could fix another appointment.
I reminded her of my illness and Anxiety and said that this was not doing me any good at all. I then burst in to tears on the phone and with that, she did not know what to say then.
So, not to be beaten by this escapade. I phone up the HQ and tell them what has happened. Well, would you believe it? They came up with a venue which was only 15 mins away instead 40 minutes.
Great I said. Re arrange it for there, because I don't particularly fancy meeting the woman who could not be bothered to see me.
I suffer with 'trust issues' as well as 'control issues' and of course the 'travelling issues'.
So that's how it was left......
So then we decide to go and see my Mum as she needed some shopping.
Maybe not a good move in hindsight.
When we arrived. Depressed as normal. Not dressed and it was 2pm and as soon as I walk in the door, she shouts out to me; "Ken has died'.
Ken was my Dad's best friend. So that was a great start.
Anyway, after making lunch and do a few jobs around the house, I proceed to go and get the shopping.
Got to the checkout and packing the goods in bags and WHooo. Dizzy or what?
And do you know what I did? Carried on as if nothing had happened.
Isn't that what you are supposed to do?
Yes, it's scary, thought I was going to end up faced down in the bags of shopping, but I didn't. No, I thought, carry on. Fight it.
I then picked up the shopping with the help of my Partner who had no idea what had happened to me and walked back to Mum's house.
I told him once we were there and he just said that he had not noticed.
But, he did say that he was not at all surprised with everything going on.
so, then we left Mums and made our way back to his Mums.
Just started to relax using Mindfulness and breathing exercises and BAM!
2 cars decided to have a ruck on the dual carriageway with horns going, finger gestures, darting in and out of each other.
So, I told me Partner to pull over or hang back to avoid getting caught up in their lanes. And he just said, NO! You'll be all right.
That was it. Floods of tears, shaking, sweating and I am doing so now thinking about it. I was annoyed with him, annoyed with them and annoyed with the whole day.
Now this is exactly why people with Anxiety and Panic Attacks do not go out in the Big Wide World. You can't blame them and I for one wish I hadn't today. :weep:
---------- Post added at 23:07 ---------- Previous post was at 20:27 ----------
A nice finish to the day.
A ruck in the street outside. Police and all! :scared15:
I've read most of your thread with interest.
Sounds like you've had a pretty shitty day. What are you doing now to relax and try and forget it? I'm new to all this; I'm lying in bed desperate to sleep but my throat keeps "closing" and I keep having to jump up to drink my water and talk to myself.
Tomorrow is a new day. It's gonna be a long way off though if I can't get to sleep, hope you manage x
Hello Pepperpot, I have just answered your 'Panic Attack' Thread. :)
Not so good today again. Feel like I am going to pass out when I am walking, sitting, eating and not even doing anything. I feel like I have dropped back to 60% from my original 80% and that is not good in my books. My Brain feels heavy and fuzzy and I have not been like that for a long while. :ohmy:
I told my Partner that I won't make it in to old age and can see no future for us once my duties are over with the 'Mums'. Bless is cotton socks, he said it would all go away when the stress and pressures disappear. :shrug:
I get the feeling that I am talking to myself on here. :whistles:
I feel exactly the same way today. Panic and anxiety all day and none of my coping strategies working. It stinks.
Your partner sounds very supportive. I live alone so it's a real battle to get through.
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