Going back to school?

[.Poppy.]

So, I actually graduated last May with a degree I must have a master's in to practice, but I didn't get into graduate school. I took a semester off, and have now re-entered college with the idea of getting some kind of business degree. I have about a semester of prerequisite classes and then about a year of specialized classes before I can graduate again, which is great.

After my time off, I was really eager to get back into school. Most of my friends are still in school and I wasn't really doing anything so it felt nice to go back.

Now, though, my first week in I'm kind of a mess. I feel so out of whack, like I am totally new to all of this. I feel like I don't belong, I guess. And I'm constantly stressing over which path to take, which will be best, what I can find work in without hating my job, etc. I feel like, by not getting into graduate school, I've totally messed up and this is my last chance to make it right.

Do you think these feelings will ever pass? I want to get excited about what I'm doing, but I'm scared I'm either going to pick something I hate or I'll choose something that interests me and not be able to find work and be right back to where I started.

I also fear walking through campus, because I don't want to run into any of my old classmates that all got into grad school. I'm afraid they'll ask me what I'm doing, and since they're successful and I'm not, I won't know what to say or I'll just come away looking ridiculous.

[Sunflower2]

Hey Poppy,

I think I've posted before on a similar subject to this before, but I switched courses within my university after 3 years, so graduated but didn't get the masters before swapping. It was really strange for me to change, as I felt a little bit like I was failing by changing, and I was older than everyone in my new class. It did take a little while to settle in and I did spend a few weeks of sitting in classes alone and sitting in my car eating lunch alone! But it does pass, you will get into the swing of it. Changing doesn't mean failing. Its actually a really brave thing to do by changing if you don't enjoy it. I was also scared of seeing old classmates, I thought they'd look down on me. But the opposite happened - they were all really happy to see me and interested in what I was doing now!

Take a bit of time to find your feet and it'll get easier! I ended up getting an award for my studies last year! Something that would have been impossible in my original course.

[.Poppy.]

Thank you, Kimberley. I have friends who are getting advanced degrees or going on and getting jobs, so I just feel kind of lost in comparison and desperate to latch onto something solid, but concerned about choosing a path that I'll resent.

Also, many of the the girls in my old major were clique-y and tended to look down on those that switched majors or left to do something else. As I think about it, these aren't people I should care what they think of me, and yet it's hard. I guess the idea of facing them when they seem as though they have everything together and I just don't yet seems embarrassing. And since they got into grad school and I didn't, it's like I wasn't able to get it, so anything I tell them I'm doing will seem less.

Again, not the way I think I should feel but the way that I do feel. Hopefully I find something that I'm passionate about and find some sort of path so I can feel more confident about what I'm doing. As is, I just feel lost and that being lost isn't okay.