View Full Version : First time post...itching and cancer
Hi. I've suffered with Health Anxiety for years and have been terrified of getting cancer since I was a teenager. It comes and goes, but despite my best efforts I can never resist Google and I think we all know what happens next.
These days, my HA is much worse. My wife is pregnant with our second child and I have a son who I adore and what was once just a fear for my own life has become a fear of leaving them alone. And I don't just mean the thought of death, but I'm actually living as an expat in a developing country and a cancer diagnosis would certainly mean returning back home without them for treatment, which would tear me apart.
Anyway, I was doing very well up until a couple of weeks ago when I woke up one morning with a light itching over my limbs and no rash. I held out for a couple of days but started Googling when it didn't go. Lymphoma came up pretty quickly.
I have none of the other main symptoms...phew! But I didn't stop there and delved deeper - studying cases of lymphoma starting in bone marrow that would be less symptomatic, deep lymph nodes I wouldn't be able to find by touch, people who itched for years before developing other symptoms, and of course...other cancers that might cause itching (there are quite a few!).
I made an appointment with my doctor and it went how I expected. With no other symptoms, there's no cause for alarm. It's probably a combo of dry skin in the winter and anxiety. But I'm still itching and I think it's getting worse. Unlike other symptoms I've had in the past, I really struggle to keep this out of my mind.
Plus I'm waiting for other symptoms like fever, night sweats, infections, loss of appetite, coughing etc. that are bound to come along eventually the next time I catch a random bug and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself when that happens.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for posting here, but I just need a place to unload my thoughts. My wife is usually happy to listen, but she doesn't really understand it and I'd like to avoid giving her more pressure on top of her pregnancy. Thanks for reading!
Hello, I can totally relate to you. I've been there, I am still thinking of the possibility of lymphoma actually but it genuinely doesn't scare me anymore as ironically I found the perfect fear for me (another disease) and stopped worrying about cancer. Don't know if I get it checked out and get the all clear I go back to my cancer fears but at the moment, I don't have them.
Anyway, I found this swollen lymph node in my groin (about 3 weeks ago) and I've been itchy all over (mostly my legs) for about 4-5 years. I am extremely tired as well so I convinced myself I have lymphoma. Been to doctors (2 doctors) one said keep an eye on it, if it doesn't go down in 2 weeks there will be further tests, the other said that lymph nodes can be more prominent in thin people like me. I told them about the itching as well, still waiting for my allergy test results.
When I convinced myself I had lymphoma my itching got worse, because I was thinking about it all the time. I sometimes have some sort of weird rash on the inner sides of my knees so I was looking at rash pictures to find a diagnosis. Looking at the pictures made me even more itchy.
And then all of a sudden I started being scared of this horrible disease and my lymphoma fears along with itching almost disappeared. I am saying almost because I still itch but definitely got better. Even the scars from scratching are disappearing.
I have a fiancee who tries to help tries to understand but can not really. I know I annoy him sometimes because of my fears so I can emphatize your situation.
You will find support, help and friendship here and hope I could at least help a little.
Mrschurchill
23-01-15, 18:42
I have seriously developed an itch just by reading your post!
Exhausting huh!! I've been through the lymphoma itch scare many a time! I honestly don't believe you have anything to worry about. I to have a young family and am plaqued with HA to the point I'm now thinking about hypnotherapy to try and overcome!
Welcome to the forum, we are all here to help and guide each other through this awful illness.... Our bodies aren't unwell, our minds are! X
Hey!
I've had generalized itching since August. Comes and goes in flares, no rash. I was worried about all kinds of things! Jaundice, what have you. Doctors agree with me that it is most likely medication related? Any medication you are taking that could have this side effect?
Or something you took, well, let's use the right word... Abused? I abused benzos. This is most likely benzo withdrawal related in my case. Doctors agree!
Thanks for the replies.
I woke up this morning and it was the first thing I thought about, and woke up last night itching too. It's at least getting worse in my mind the more I worry about it and will probably be with me all day now. I'm going to have some basic blood word done after the weekend, but will hold out as long as I can before doing anything else as I really don't want to fall back into the cycle of endless testing. I know it will do little to put my mind at ease - especially if the itching continues.
Jaundice and kidney/liver failure is definitely another concern! My eyes and skin always look a bit yellow under my bathroom light, so I have to keep taking selfies with my phone to make sure everything still looks OK...so ridiculous.
Medication shouldn't be a problem as I've been off everything for almost a year now. This is another reason I don't want to start hospital testing again. I live in a developing country and they hand out benzos like candy.
I'm just trying my best not to fall down that hole of thinking about how cancer will destroy my life, but every time my son hugs me I end up worrying about what he would do if his dad was dead or something and I end up on the verge of a panic attack.
If you turn yellow you will know it. I stayed in a hospital 3 weeks ago for abdominal pain and I thought I had pancreatic cancer. I was looking at the whites of my eyes and thought the bottom of my eyes are a bit yellow. When my pain got worse I ended up in hospital. Long story short, there was a woman on the next bed to mine and she was YELLOW. There was no doubt, she was yellow under any lights.
I used to be really afraid of itching too ... but always was fine at the doctor. Now I have realized that it comes every year like clockwork in the winter. It's winter itch and dry skin and let me tell you, it itches really badly!! I scratched so hard I had a few scrapes and it keeps me up at night. Try some heavy lotions to see if it helps.
Also agree with the above poster ... my mom had jaundice when she had cancer and there was no mistaking it. Bathroom lighting always is bad!!
Thanks for the replies.
I woke up this morning and it was the first thing I thought about, and woke up last night itching too. It's at least getting worse in my mind the more I worry about it and will probably be with me all day now. I'm going to have some basic blood word done after the weekend, but will hold out as long as I can before doing anything else as I really don't want to fall back into the cycle of endless testing. I know it will do little to put my mind at ease - especially if the itching continues.
Jaundice and kidney/liver failure is definitely another concern! My eyes and skin always look a bit yellow under my bathroom light, so I have to keep taking selfies with my phone to make sure everything still looks OK...so ridiculous.
Medication shouldn't be a problem as I've been off everything for almost a year now. This is another reason I don't want to start hospital testing again. I live in a developing country and they hand out benzos like candy.
I'm just trying my best not to fall down that hole of thinking about how cancer will destroy my life, but every time my son hugs me I end up worrying about what he would do if his dad was dead or something and I end up on the verge of a panic attack.
I was shunned in another topic for saying possible causes, but I do believe this diagnosis could be a relief for you if you're like me, worrying about advanced liver disease and the like! Itching could even be "only" diabetes. I don't know about you, but when faced with the prospect of my liver shutting down I'd have embraced a diabetes diagnosis and cuddled with it like it was a happy little puppy.
That said, don't let your mind jump to the wrong conclusions, because it can be a lot of benign things.
Is your itching localized to an area of your body or happens here and there? Is it constant or you itch, you scratch and actual seconds of no itching pass before it starts to itch somewhere else? Is it your skin or is it an under the skin feeling? No wrong answers here.
Most people who itch due to serious organ problems and cancer report that the itching was so bad they still have actual scars because of scratching! It takes it to a whole different level! I'm saying this so you can be assured, if you were itching due to these, you probably wouldn't be able to even type away without at least some strong antihistamines!
This may be the last time that I wrote about different illnesses, depends on whether this was reassuring to you or rather worrying. Please reply.
Everything non-cancer related is very reassuring at this point!
I'd say my itching is like I've walked into a spider's web. It's very light and I rarely feel compelled to scratch - just rub my limbs, face and back a bit.
I read that the Lymphoma itch is often much more aggressive than this, which helped me relax for all of two minutes, but then I just went and stupidly Googled "lymphoma light itching" to find a host of exceptional cases.
This is the most unreasonable thing I've learnt about my HA over the years. The world is a very big place and even if something has a one in a million chance, you can still find instances of it occurring if you're determined enough.
It's far too easy to find random stories of cancer patients dieing because doctors missed all the signs until it was too late or something, then as long as you know that, all the reasoning and logic in the world doesn't matter. It happened to them, so it can happen to me.
Well, my HA has been better the last few days. It's been a real fight but I've managed to stay away from Google.
Unfortunately though, the itching seems to be getting worse, not better. I have no other symptoms to suggest it is cancer, but that's still what I think I have - I'm just not thinking about it as much.
Part of me doesn't want to start pushing for tests, but I've reached the point now where it's just annoying the hell out of me more than worrying me and it's time to find some answers. I'm just terrified of what they might find.
...And I've woken up this morning feeling like I've not slept at all. I can barely keep my eyes open to write this post. Of course, I'm not checking "fatigue" off the lymphoma symptom list and reading stories on Google again. :wacko:
Got an appointment with the doctor this afternoon.
Please don't read any stories. I know how much of a compulsion it is. I find myself googling all the time too and it never helps. I know that now you think, there are so many people with lymphoma and they all had similar symptom to mine, it's just that easy and I have it. Those people are all around the country/world meeting on the same forum. It's like here, I've never met anyone with HA before but here I feel like there are so many of us. It is misleading.
Also we think that if we know we are more in control but reading things about diseases on google doesn't mean we now know a lot about the disease. We are not doctors and we can very easily start worrying about something that isn't even true and is our misinterpretation.
I'm tired all the time too, sleep for about 10 hours and wake up tired, I yawn all day. There are many others here experiencing fatigue. It's a common symptom of anxiety.
Interestingly I've been so focused on my fatigue today that I didn't even notice my itching. Not sure if I just didn't notice it, or if it wasn't there at all, but it's been driving me crazy and I enjoyed spending a day not focused on it.
The idea of the itching being another symptom of my HA, or at the very least intensified by it has been suggested, and that's a little worrying because it's such a physical thing.
As for the doctor...my lymph nodes are all fine in the common places (something I kind of new already from constantly proding my body), but I've been having a lot of stomach-aches recently so I'll be getting an ultrasound done there in a couple of days, which will include all the other organs around there while they're at it.
Again though...this could all be HA. Once I couldn't find any swollen lymph nodes I ended up researching more hidden lymphomas - including gastric lymphoma around the stomach.
An endoscopy was mentioned too, but as my stomachache isn't serious cramps and I don't have nausea or loss of appetite they don't see a need to put me through that.
I'm concerned about starting all these tests too. I've been down this road of endless testing a few times already and it never leads anywhere good.
OK.
I had scans of all the organs in my abdomen and came up completely clean.
Blood tests (complete blood count including lymphocites and LDH, liver, kidney, thyroid) all normal.
I have a neck ultrasound booked in for Monday, but more as a simple and non-invasive attempt at putting my mind at rest than for any actual reason.
I'm feeling some relief, but I'm still itching. Taking a step away from my self-diagnosis and focusing on this as an anxiety symptom is going to be a challenge.
It's great news!!! See, there's nothing to worry about. There are loads of things that can cause itching, even anxiety can cause it. Good luck with the neck ultrasound, I'm sure it will come back clear.
Maybe you should request an allergy test, I had an allergy test and still waiting for the results.
A co-worker made what they probably thought was a compliment today: "You look thinner than before, have you lost weight?".
It felt like the worst thing I have ever heard in my life. My diet hasn't changed (I still have my appetite), and I'm not doing any exercise, then somebody I've known for years and seen day-in-day-out notices I look thinner...that's unexpected weight loss! I freaked out and panicked for the rest of the day until I could find some scales.
My weight is about what it has always been in the end, maybe a tiny bit lower, but nothing you'd see from looking at somebody. The damage has been done though. I keep looking at my face in the mirror every time I walk past and have weighed myself three more times since in the past few hours.
Thought I was getting better now a stupid thing like this comes and knocks me back down. I'm feeling very frustrated, and it's too embarassing to talk about with anyone I'm close to as I know how ridiculous I'm acting. But I can't shake it.
So you're worried just because you lost weight a little bit. Although you had a scan and blood work and you got the all clear. This is how HA works, first comes the fear and than the symptoms. Even without the symptoms the fear is always there. Everyone lose or gain a little bit of weight. Wouldn't you be scared you have diabetes or something if you gained weight. We can link any symptom to something sinister if we want to, anything.
Well, they found a couple of very slightly enlarged lymph nodes in my neck, but it's the middle of winter and I work with children which means I'm always suffering from some sort of mild cold or cough so it was just put down to that.
I thought I'd be freaking out a bit more to be honest, but up until a month ago when this fear started I considered swollen glands a fairly usual symptom of coughs and things so I've just kind of accepted it.
I've come to the conclusion that without anything to biopsy, and no symptoms to hint at where to look for something to biopsy, I'm not going to get many more answers regarding my fear. I really feel that subjecting myself to any CT scans, x-rays, endoscopies etc. will be crossing a line when it comes to managing my HA.
That still leaves the itching though. My main feeling now is just frustration that I can't sort this out.
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