A setback

[Katki]

I'm usually really positive but today has been so hard. I have been doing well and this setback is such a blow to me.

I've got new symptoms, head pain, thudding heart and almost a brain shake, i've been thinking about suicide/self harm a lot today and can't stop, I want this to end and I can't see a way out. I'm so on edge.

I'm really scared today.

I know everyone is the same but I have gone from being such a carefree person to an empty shell and I am so scared I will never get out of this.

[nicola1980]

Hi hun, just think of it as a tiny blip, there very common in our recovery but really scary aswell. You say your thinking alot of suicide and self harm, you don't feel yourself to be at risk of either of those do you because if so I'd strongly recommend you phone for some help, have you got your local crisis team phone number? Your not on your own either are you? If so is there anybody who could come and stay with you just to make you feel safer. Hugs XX

[Katki]

I am on my own and I'm having to really stop myself from getting a knife. It's overwhelming me. I feel really desperate at the moment.

[Sunflower2]

Katki, you may notice from me that I am seriously up and down all the time. I go from really positive and upbeat to a depressed anxious mess. Just know that this feeling will pass. It may feel like a massive weight but it will get easier. Can you call anyone just to chat and distract you? If not, keep posting on here!

[nicola1980]

Hunny is there anybody you can ring? You really shouldn't be on your own feeling like this XX

[Katki]

just to let you know i'm OK and i've been to the hospital and they have put me in touch with the crisis team and will start me on some meds (scary - i've always said I wouldn't take them... oh well.) so hopefully the next two weeks will be a big help. Thanks for messaging everyone xxx

[nicola1980]

Hi hun, im so pleased you sought some help, I was worried about you :hugs: do you know what meds you will be starting on? I know how scary it is, im going through. A huge blip myself at the min and the anxiety and panic overwhelms you. I hope your feeling a little calmer XX

[Katki]

I am waiting for the crisis team to get in touch actually, I'm not sure if they do straight away (today) or on Monday?

I am keen to try Propranolol as the main cause of my anxiety is my heartbeat and breathlessness. My cousin takes the same and it has really helped her. They did tell me that they don't think i'm depressed, just have bad health anxiety, and they think I will benefit from CBT. So I don't want to go straight down the SSRI route really, as to be honest, I usually feel quite bright and happy mentally. I hope they listen to me, I'd rather try that first and if it doesn't help try Citalopram or Sertraline instead (I think they'll try to put me on Cit, though.)

It's hard to get them to listen to you, because of course ''they know what they are doing''!

Thanks for caring!! xx

[nicola1980]

The crisis team are so overstretched, i phoned them a week last Thursday and somebody came out this last wed....so 6 days later! It's disgusting really as they are the crisis team so supposedly there for crisis's. Glad you got the courage to seek help tho as that takes some strength hun XX

[Sunflower2]

Glad you're doing a little better now, hopefully things will get better soon!

[Katki]

Thank you both of you! I'm seeing them on Monday but strangely I feel much better today, almost back to my normal self. I guess this is recovery, right?

[nicola1980]

So pleased your feeling better today. Recovery is a long slow road unfortunately with lots of ups and downs :( I'm in a pretty bad place myself at the min and it's so scary as last weekend I thought I was turning a corner but wham I've gone down again, it's so frustrating, stay strong hunny XX

[Katki]

Remember the times you felt yourself again and try to build on them x

[JustBeMe]

Sorry to hear about your setback. I'm very understanding how that is. I'm going through one myself. I think its stemmed from my health anxiety right now. Worried about a lot of medical issues right now. And I feel like I'm going backwards. I think you did the right thing by contacting someone in crisis center. I wanted to go the rouet of not taking any medication too and ended up on cymbalta. It has helped. Its a little different than an SSRI and I'm on the lowest dose. But I know it is my mind, racing thoughts, worry about my health that sets me over the edge. Find the root and kill it at the root of the anxiety. I hope you get all the help you need. And know you are not alone. I wish you the best.

[Katki]

I'm here to add a bit of positivity. My setback didn't last long, and as is typical, I feel even better now. Most of my days I'm almost my normal self, just have some shaky hands and occassional palps, which I can deal with.

Something clicked in my head and I realised it's JUST anxiety. It can't hurt me, I'm only hurting myself by thinking it's more than it is.

I've been really pushing myself, went to a spa, have been shopping, supermarket, beauty salon, hairdressers, restaurants, out for dinner and drinks. It's all been fine. Have felt a bit nervous at times but nowhere near what I was. This is proof to me that you can get over this.

Also, have been taking inositol. I swear it's helping a lot.

[Daniele_T]

You should take credit and be proud of getting out and doing things and not letting your palpitations or other symptoms stop you.
I know it sounds obvious but if you're like me you'll likely brush off compliments or not praise yourself enough.
I sincerely find it impressive and inspiring when anybody gets on with day to day activities in spite of heir fears so I hope that you can take something from that.
Kind regards

Daniele