Need help now please !

[smithjam1]

Hi

[andy01]

hi there,
sorry to hear of all the probems you have had and i can understand how much this is taking out of you but i have been in a situation close to yours and i would say look after what you have, your wife and children, when the older child grows up hopefully he will realise how unreasonable he has been and yu can start a more enjoyable relationship,i know it will hurt but if you let him he will tear you all apart.
hope you find this helpful.

[kt]

Hi J,
i am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is completely natural to feel angry at your step sons behaviour. What parent wouldn't, faced with the same situation?
I can also completely understand why you can't trust him alone with your children.
It must be a very awkward and delicate dilema but i would have to say that i would feel exactly the same. I am surprised and disappointed that social services did not follow this up. I work for social services and have been out on many visits where similar things have happened, and believe that children need to know that this kind of behaviour is inappropriate. Your step son would not be taken into care for this.
From what you have said, i would be cautious about giving him money when he demands it, especially if he is threatening to make up stories about you. I would be concerned that his demands would get bigger. I think you are right in that something financially could be set up properly, perhaps a standing order for a reasonable amount of pocket money? But that would be it.
Do you think it would be appropriate to talk to your children about good and bad touches? I know there are many books available to use with children that are age appropriate. It is so good that your daughter came down and told you what happened, its hard to believe that a 3 year old would make this up.
Its such a difficult situation to be in and its no wonder you are feeling anxious, but i do believe you are doing the best thing.
good luck J,

best wishes, kt

Fear makes the wolf look bigger!!

[spock1]

I think 1st thing to do as kt said and to talk to both your children about good and bad touches and how to behave when they are in a situation that makes them uncomfortable and who to tell if they are not at home etc, also telling the 3 yr old that she did a good and brave thing to tell you what had happened, I would say to talk to the boys father but from you have said he doesnt seem the approachable type, does he have any other family that he sees on a regular basis that would be more mature to talk to, if so maybe approach them and explain about the touching incident with them along with the recent financial demands, explain that you are willing to put a reasonable amount of money into an account that he could access with supervision maybe, also suggest that this boy perhaps comes with you to a child therapy centre and discuss's not only the touching incident but also his anger and financial threats. if during all this you allow the young lad to visit try to get either a witness to his threats etc or maybe record it somehow so that you have evidence of what he is saying otherwise it is merely your word against his. I hope this helps.

[smithjam1]

Hi