annoyed at DOCTOR

[s0phie]

after some googling and a conversation with my mother, we both thought i'd been having panic attacks and that i worry too much, so she took me to my family doctor.
i explained feelings sometimes where i'm crying and shaking but not feeling sad just thinking what the hell is wrong with me and sometimes not being able to breathe properly like i'm trapped inside a solid object.
she gave me some medication after taking my blood pressure called Citilopram. when i left the room she spoke with my mum in private and then i started taking the pills no questions asked
she never said what i had. i assume i have anxiety, but it's never been confirmed.
DO I? OR DON'T I?
when i don't take the pills i notice i'm a horrible person, like to the point where one side of me is like stop being so angry and the other side is like shut up i can do what i want
i'm a nice person really, honestly, i feel so ashamed when i have my "funny turns"... and i snap at people
i also rub my fingers when i talk about it, like using my thumb to rub the insides of my fingers and i've done it with my mouth too (the only way i can describe is like a cat licking its paw and then rubbing its face to clean it) i rub the edges of my mouth with my finger :shrug: people have made fun of me because of it and i'm really concious about doing the mouth one
also between my toes and the bottom of my feet, my neck/behind my ears
i do it when i'm nervous
i also use a sharp nail scissors to cut hard skin off my feet to the point where it bleeds and i can't stand on them

all of the above just gets me down

(TL;DR)
ugh what is wrong with me
sorry i'm so weird
do i have anxiety or not because my doctor never said and now i just take citilopram (10mg) :weep:

[Pete_uk]

Hi Sophie

Long time Citalopram user here! When you start on these pills you can find that thay make you do ‘strange’ things. The first few weeks are bad, I remember them well.

I am not an expert but from what you write it sounds like you are quite anxious. What’s your thought process when you are cutting the skin off your feet? Are you doing it to hurt yourself or are you afraid that something nasty will happen if you don’t get it all off? Do you have a feeling that if you don’t ‘catwash’ yourself you are dirty?

I ask these questions because sometimes if you ask yourself these questions you can start to get an understanding of why you do these things. Trying to find the answers is as much about asking yourself as asking others.

Does your local NHS have any self referral services for mental problems? (Don't be shocked or scared by the 'mental' bit!)

Take care and let us know how things are going. There are plenty of nice people here :)

Peter

[s0phie]

When you start on these pills you can find that thay make you do ‘strange’ things.

What’s your thought process when you are cutting the skin off your feet? Are you doing it to hurt yourself or are you afraid that something nasty will happen if you don’t get it all off? Do you have a feeling that if you don’t ‘catwash’ yourself you are dirty?

Does your local NHS have any self referral services for mental problems? (Don't be shocked or scared by the 'mental' bit!)


Hello, thanks for the response

now you mention it, the first time i took them i did act strangely, if thats what you mean. now i think i'm used to it, because i haven't done anything 'weird' whilst on them for a while. now it's just if i don't take them i am a hideous person.

i think subconsciously, when i cut the skin off my feet it's because i want the skin to be pink and soft. even though most peoples feet aren't pink at all, and when my feet are pink they're sore.

haha, 'catwash' :happy:.. i think that is a worry that i had something on my face and if i rubbed it, it would come off.

i'm not sure at all about NHS mental health services. all i know is that my local hospital does have NHS therapists but i'm under the impression that the waiting list is very long, so i haven't really bothered looking into it..
mainly because i'm happy now whereas before my 'anxiety' was making me depressed.

Thank you for making me feel at ease, Peter!

[Pete_uk]

No worries. Your feet are amazing things - but then they have to be given the abuse they get!

Check out

http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/mentalhealth/pages/mentalhealthhome.aspx

if you haven't already. it may help. Best of luck and take care!