Scared to go to a counsellor

[Alice1]

I don't really know what to do.
My doctor told me to wait a month and see if my symptoms go away, and if they don't she'll refer me to a neurologist.
My left side has been feeling odd and weak for a few weeks now, and I've been getting random pain and 'under-skin vibration-type' tremors in my hands for about a year now I think. Today my left hand and arm feel so weak, and I feel clumsy typing and opening doors and things and even though I keep testing to see if I can do normal things, I generally can but I don't feel 100% in control of my hand.
I'm worried because I didn't tell her these things when I went, as I accidentally booked in with the one GP I didn't want as she wasn't very good the last time I saw her and now I'm stuck with her.
She told me to book a counselling appointment as she thinks the symptoms might be 'psychosomatic' or something and told me 'they're not going to ignore my symptoms and not take me seriously' but she clearly is.
I'm too scared to go to a counsellor. I don't want to talk about how I'm feeling hopeless, and spend every moment of every day worried sick, if not about my health, about everything else, and that I'm scared of dying but at the same time really don't care because then at least I won't spend my life scared.
They're not going to understand. Or they're going to tell me stuff I already know because they're only trained to treat basic anxiety, not health anxiety. And they won't know if my symptoms are real or not.
I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my mum any more because I am just worrying her much too much and I hate myself for it.
I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself but I feel like I have a disease, that seemingly is now affecting my muscles and no-one has diagnosed it and I'm going to die.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Alice,

Don't feel that a counsellor or therapist is only able to treat basic anxiety and not HA. They won't know if the symptoms are real or not but thats not exactly different to a GP who would need to refer you to a specialist but you would still accept their help.

Anxiety is very complicated subject and the same could be said for OCD or GAD or literally any form of it. They are trained across the spectrum and any good code of practice defines that they are supervised and ask for help if they find something they are unsure about.

Your GP should be referring you for therapy in my opinion as opposed to passing the buck as NICE clearly define the GP's role as the primary care giver who is responsible across the board for treatment in these cases.

Being scared is natural when thinking about talking about all this, I remember I struggled at first and you hear it all the time. What we are talking about can often be a source of shame & disappointment and we feel weak because of it, like we are sub human or something. However, they do this stuff all day long so they are very used to talking about it and helping people like us.

I would suggest you try it, it could really help you.

[Alice1]

Hey!
So I did it! I booked a counselling app through my uni (the only reason my GP didn't refer me, as you can get one within a week specifically on my campus, rather than through NHS services reserved for other people).

I felt awful multiple times today, had really bad headaches and dizzy moments and generally thought I was gonna die, but then had a good lab session that was so fun and made me forget about the 'weakness' in my left side, and it seems to be slightly better. I'm not really sure. So I've decided to give it a go and hope I won't die between now and the appointment from what I'm telling myself is anxiety but is actually a serious condition.

I did book one way back last year when all this health anxiety/problems stuff started but they had to cancel and then I couldn't make the other days, so hopefully this time it'll go better!

Thank you for your help.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thats good to hear Alice.

I think we all end up on that form of thinking at some point where we feel like there is no one to help us. We just have to push ourselves because it can't be any worse than it already is and there is always the chance that it will help us.