Nicon2k
26-01-15, 21:14
Six months ago, if i had met any of you on the street and you had told me your health anxiety woes I would have literately laughed in your face. I would not have done it because I am a nasty person (I am not) but because I believed (and still do) that there are so many other things in life worthy of worrying about, that spending your time concocting conditions and symptoms is the definition of a waste of life.
That was six months ago....
Let's start at the beginning, where all good stories should start. I am a 29 year old male who lives in London. I have a job that, while stressful, I love. I own a nice flat that I share with the love of my life and I have an amazing friendship group. I go on lots of holidays and have a sports car. I have everything that I could have hoped for and i really do know how lucky I am. I am a happy, outgoing and confident person.
Or I was six months ago....
So what happened six months ago? What traumatic event could have taken place to bring me to a corner of the internet I never expected to see?
Wacken Open Air is the biggest heavy metal festival on earth and one of my favorite times of the year. This was my sixth visit to Wacken and this time was to be bigger than ever. For those of you that have not been to a music festival, it is pretty much an all out assault on the body and mind. You drink to much and you don't sleep nearly enough, you are in the sun or the rain all day (each bring their own issues...), you eat food that you know has the same nutritional content as toilet paper and generally leave the weekend feeling like you have aged considerably and that the only thing that will fix you is sitting in a dark room for a week, eating nothing but vegetables and keeping a cool towel affixed to your forehead. Accept this year i left with something extra.
After a particularly heavy night, I woke up genuinely concerned that I was going to die (this is fairly normal for Wacken) but knew that the sooner i got up and moving, the better I would feel. There is no denying that I had a hangover that could slay a walrus but there was also something else, something new. There was a little voice in the back of my head that said, what if this is more than a hangover, what if this is something serious?!?! I tried to ignore the voice as best I could and do whatever was needed to beat the hangover. I had some food, some water and some coffee, but I still felt like a badgers backside so i tried lying down, first in my tent, then in the sun and then in the shade. All the while aware that my brain was telling me that there was something seriously wrong with me.
Eventually I ended up sitting the in the van, rocking back a forth, holding on for safety. I could see my friends laughing at me (as I must have looked like the worlds most hungover man) but they seemed further away then I knew they were. A few seconds later I had tunnel vision and everything was in back and white, now the voice in my head was telling me "I told you something was wrong" - I can't breath. Seeing that I am soaked in sweat and the colour of a sheet my friend stop laughing and call an ambulance before standing me up and making me walk around. I started to feel a bit better but there is still something wrong.
The ambulance arrives and takes me to the medical center where they put me on a drip and let me rest. A hour later they wake me up and say "Its very hot, you were dehydrated and need to drink more water" and with that i am on my way. I am still pretty confused about recent events but I manged to make my way back to campsite to the open arms of my friends, we celebrate my "brush with death" in the only way that anything is celebrated at a festival, with more beer! In hindsight we are perhaps not the most responsible group of people....
Six months ago I came home from Wacken but I bought the little voice of doubt with me.
Fast forward to today, I am sitting hear writing a long ass post to a bunch of strangers about something that I did not even believe in. In the last six months i have had more "symptoms" than I can even remember but some of the highlights are:
Kidney Pain - Real, tangible kidney pain that lasted for 2 months and only went away when I had a CT scan and was shown my own perfectly healthy kidneys
Headaches
Pain in my left arm
Numbness in my left leg
Tinnitus
Sweating
Inability to sleep
Dizziness
Shaking
And its the last two that convinced me it was time to do something. I have felt a bit dizzy and unsteady on my feet since wacken but i have not fallen or done anything like that. I continue to run (I did 11 miles off road on Saturday), cycle and ski without issue and the shaking was a minor curiosity in my left little finger until the voice in my head took hold of it and now both my hands shake quite a bit.
Last Friday I went to my GP to ask for help who, upon finding out I had private healthcare, referred me to a neurologist for a consult. This is happening tomorrow and I am bricking it as i *KNOW* that i have MS, but still, at least this is better than Friday when i *KNEW* that I had parkinsons.
My hope is of course that the consultant gives me the all clear tomorrow (and that my mind accepts it) so I can start trying to figure out how to move on from this hateful affliction and get back to enjoying my life.
But enough about me, the point of this thread was to apologise. Firstly I should apologise to anyone still reading as this post turned into a bit of a beast but mainly I want to apologise to everyone on this forum suffering with health based anxiety. I know now that its real and I now know that it sucks!!!
That was six months ago....
Let's start at the beginning, where all good stories should start. I am a 29 year old male who lives in London. I have a job that, while stressful, I love. I own a nice flat that I share with the love of my life and I have an amazing friendship group. I go on lots of holidays and have a sports car. I have everything that I could have hoped for and i really do know how lucky I am. I am a happy, outgoing and confident person.
Or I was six months ago....
So what happened six months ago? What traumatic event could have taken place to bring me to a corner of the internet I never expected to see?
Wacken Open Air is the biggest heavy metal festival on earth and one of my favorite times of the year. This was my sixth visit to Wacken and this time was to be bigger than ever. For those of you that have not been to a music festival, it is pretty much an all out assault on the body and mind. You drink to much and you don't sleep nearly enough, you are in the sun or the rain all day (each bring their own issues...), you eat food that you know has the same nutritional content as toilet paper and generally leave the weekend feeling like you have aged considerably and that the only thing that will fix you is sitting in a dark room for a week, eating nothing but vegetables and keeping a cool towel affixed to your forehead. Accept this year i left with something extra.
After a particularly heavy night, I woke up genuinely concerned that I was going to die (this is fairly normal for Wacken) but knew that the sooner i got up and moving, the better I would feel. There is no denying that I had a hangover that could slay a walrus but there was also something else, something new. There was a little voice in the back of my head that said, what if this is more than a hangover, what if this is something serious?!?! I tried to ignore the voice as best I could and do whatever was needed to beat the hangover. I had some food, some water and some coffee, but I still felt like a badgers backside so i tried lying down, first in my tent, then in the sun and then in the shade. All the while aware that my brain was telling me that there was something seriously wrong with me.
Eventually I ended up sitting the in the van, rocking back a forth, holding on for safety. I could see my friends laughing at me (as I must have looked like the worlds most hungover man) but they seemed further away then I knew they were. A few seconds later I had tunnel vision and everything was in back and white, now the voice in my head was telling me "I told you something was wrong" - I can't breath. Seeing that I am soaked in sweat and the colour of a sheet my friend stop laughing and call an ambulance before standing me up and making me walk around. I started to feel a bit better but there is still something wrong.
The ambulance arrives and takes me to the medical center where they put me on a drip and let me rest. A hour later they wake me up and say "Its very hot, you were dehydrated and need to drink more water" and with that i am on my way. I am still pretty confused about recent events but I manged to make my way back to campsite to the open arms of my friends, we celebrate my "brush with death" in the only way that anything is celebrated at a festival, with more beer! In hindsight we are perhaps not the most responsible group of people....
Six months ago I came home from Wacken but I bought the little voice of doubt with me.
Fast forward to today, I am sitting hear writing a long ass post to a bunch of strangers about something that I did not even believe in. In the last six months i have had more "symptoms" than I can even remember but some of the highlights are:
Kidney Pain - Real, tangible kidney pain that lasted for 2 months and only went away when I had a CT scan and was shown my own perfectly healthy kidneys
Headaches
Pain in my left arm
Numbness in my left leg
Tinnitus
Sweating
Inability to sleep
Dizziness
Shaking
And its the last two that convinced me it was time to do something. I have felt a bit dizzy and unsteady on my feet since wacken but i have not fallen or done anything like that. I continue to run (I did 11 miles off road on Saturday), cycle and ski without issue and the shaking was a minor curiosity in my left little finger until the voice in my head took hold of it and now both my hands shake quite a bit.
Last Friday I went to my GP to ask for help who, upon finding out I had private healthcare, referred me to a neurologist for a consult. This is happening tomorrow and I am bricking it as i *KNOW* that i have MS, but still, at least this is better than Friday when i *KNEW* that I had parkinsons.
My hope is of course that the consultant gives me the all clear tomorrow (and that my mind accepts it) so I can start trying to figure out how to move on from this hateful affliction and get back to enjoying my life.
But enough about me, the point of this thread was to apologise. Firstly I should apologise to anyone still reading as this post turned into a bit of a beast but mainly I want to apologise to everyone on this forum suffering with health based anxiety. I know now that its real and I now know that it sucks!!!