confuseddd
12-01-07, 02:41
Hi,
I am been suffereing from anxiety for probably a 3years now. It was never as bad as it is now though. This is my story and it is pretty long but thats because this is prolly the only time i've ever tried to explain how I feel so bear with me. Hopefully you like hearing other people's storys as much as I do
Since my sophomore year of high school I noticed a change in myself. I started paying more attention to what I said, I started worrying more about what people thought of me. I started thinking about whether or not I was going to say the right thing or if I was going to look like an idiot. I noticed what was happening and I figured it was depression so I told my mom, which was extremely hard due to the fact that my parents are very critical.
I even told her to not tell anyone, even my dad because I was worried about how I would be looked at. I was worried that even if I was cured I would still have that "image" of being "different". So payedavisit to a psychiatrist, which my dad actually took me too cuz my mom told him anyways. The psychiatrist pretty much just said that I was sufferening from depression etc. and I never ended up going back. I guess it was mostly my fault for not pushing it at all but I felt stupid, I felt like I wasn't going to be accepted by my dad and I could kinda tell he was uncomfortable about the whole situation. He is one of those, not gonna let anyone kno how I feel, keep things bottled up kinda people.
So time went on and no one really brought anything up about it. My dad would actually use it against me when I would get busted for something. Like it was a punishment or something, it wasn't a "do you think you need to still see the doctor?"indathing. It was more like "how could you do that? there's something wrong with you im gonna make you see that psychiatrist again." He would say it in front of other family members never in front of anyone else tho, thank god. But either way it made me feel like that "different" person. I still don't understand if I was the one wrong here by feeling stupid when he would say stuff like that.
So my mom and dad were the only people that knew that I had seen a psychiatrist or had ever said anything. They were the only people I had told about my problem. You guys would be the third :). So i've gone 3 years now without telling a soul, i've kept everything to myself but yet I manage to think about it almost 24/7.
For the last year and a half though it's gotten muchhhh worse. After the first 1 1/2 years it started getting worse and so I did more research. I found that instead of just generalizing what I had with saying I had depression, I found that it was a kinda of social anxiety.
After everything I say I think if it was stupid comment or not. I think people look at me as if I was wierd, or I dont know what im talking about, or im not fun to talk to. I dont think I am but whenever im in a social situation that kind of thinking is always there, no matter what. I feel like I am trapped. That I can't escape this kinda of thinking and I don't even know how it happened.
I dont mean to brag but this helps me explain where im coming from. I used to be a pretty popular kid throughout all my school years. I was always told I was fun to be around, very charismatic. I had a lot of friends and people would always want to hang out just to be around me. I was never ashamed of who I was, where I was going, what people thought about me. I was just a kid who liked to have fun, I guess in a way thats what could have given me that charismatic personality.
Again, I dont mean to sound conceded, just trying to help everyone understand. So my social life was good, my family life was alright. It wasn't ordinary, I know that for sure. I had my family problems just like everyone else.
Then my Sophomore year of high school hits and things change. I got into a lot of trouble, like every week it was something new. Nothing big like stealing cars or anything, more like just doing some stupid stuff around school like ditching, running from the proctors, just
I am been suffereing from anxiety for probably a 3years now. It was never as bad as it is now though. This is my story and it is pretty long but thats because this is prolly the only time i've ever tried to explain how I feel so bear with me. Hopefully you like hearing other people's storys as much as I do
Since my sophomore year of high school I noticed a change in myself. I started paying more attention to what I said, I started worrying more about what people thought of me. I started thinking about whether or not I was going to say the right thing or if I was going to look like an idiot. I noticed what was happening and I figured it was depression so I told my mom, which was extremely hard due to the fact that my parents are very critical.
I even told her to not tell anyone, even my dad because I was worried about how I would be looked at. I was worried that even if I was cured I would still have that "image" of being "different". So payedavisit to a psychiatrist, which my dad actually took me too cuz my mom told him anyways. The psychiatrist pretty much just said that I was sufferening from depression etc. and I never ended up going back. I guess it was mostly my fault for not pushing it at all but I felt stupid, I felt like I wasn't going to be accepted by my dad and I could kinda tell he was uncomfortable about the whole situation. He is one of those, not gonna let anyone kno how I feel, keep things bottled up kinda people.
So time went on and no one really brought anything up about it. My dad would actually use it against me when I would get busted for something. Like it was a punishment or something, it wasn't a "do you think you need to still see the doctor?"indathing. It was more like "how could you do that? there's something wrong with you im gonna make you see that psychiatrist again." He would say it in front of other family members never in front of anyone else tho, thank god. But either way it made me feel like that "different" person. I still don't understand if I was the one wrong here by feeling stupid when he would say stuff like that.
So my mom and dad were the only people that knew that I had seen a psychiatrist or had ever said anything. They were the only people I had told about my problem. You guys would be the third :). So i've gone 3 years now without telling a soul, i've kept everything to myself but yet I manage to think about it almost 24/7.
For the last year and a half though it's gotten muchhhh worse. After the first 1 1/2 years it started getting worse and so I did more research. I found that instead of just generalizing what I had with saying I had depression, I found that it was a kinda of social anxiety.
After everything I say I think if it was stupid comment or not. I think people look at me as if I was wierd, or I dont know what im talking about, or im not fun to talk to. I dont think I am but whenever im in a social situation that kind of thinking is always there, no matter what. I feel like I am trapped. That I can't escape this kinda of thinking and I don't even know how it happened.
I dont mean to brag but this helps me explain where im coming from. I used to be a pretty popular kid throughout all my school years. I was always told I was fun to be around, very charismatic. I had a lot of friends and people would always want to hang out just to be around me. I was never ashamed of who I was, where I was going, what people thought about me. I was just a kid who liked to have fun, I guess in a way thats what could have given me that charismatic personality.
Again, I dont mean to sound conceded, just trying to help everyone understand. So my social life was good, my family life was alright. It wasn't ordinary, I know that for sure. I had my family problems just like everyone else.
Then my Sophomore year of high school hits and things change. I got into a lot of trouble, like every week it was something new. Nothing big like stealing cars or anything, more like just doing some stupid stuff around school like ditching, running from the proctors, just