Forward thinking and anger....

[Ollie28]

I'm getting to a stage I can no longer control my moods, especially anger - once I get in to a state of anger I struggle to switch myself off, Its scaring me to death! I don't want to feel like this but the state my body is stuck in makes me like this - when I click out I would never behave like I do or think like I do when in this state! What's happening to my body? I'm stuck in this horrible state of detachment with lack of feeling of reasoning I can no longer feel like I can feel a situation to then feel how to reason I just fly off the rail, I can get in a state of pure anger and forwards ness like I can't care and then I can get in a hypo state where I can't care but feel on top of the world and manic at the time then u can get in a state of panic & Low worry and be scared, i can be half & half or I can click out this hell and feel normal think normal and think & realise what the hell am I doing!! I know I'm doing it but I just can't stop myself! I'm worried I'm so worried. I don't feel with it either like I'm just not able to physically think at all other than forward.

I just had a massive argument with my boss over pretty much nothing I've threatend him with legal action and all sorts, I'm right in what I'm saying to him but I just can't help myself or stop myself, when I walked after I know it just happend but I can't feel it or think what was said just a massive mental block.

I don't want to be like this no more! I'm getting worse

---------- Post added at 12:45 ---------- Previous post was at 12:41 ----------

These can change within hours sometimes minutes I've no control over it I just have to reason with myself to calm down. I'm terrified I'm schizophrenic, but wouldn't i be in this state permanent not come out and think what's going on with me?

I feel like me but I have something wrong not just not knowing and I'm like this

[crystal17]

Did you get to the doctors?

Sorry to hear how awful it is :(

[Ollie28]

Hi crystal I hope your ok x

I had to call in work last Monday I just couldn't go In I was everywhere, I made the effort to try but got half way in and i just couldn't focus. I couldn't think straight I felt confused and in pain it was so bad my wife rang our emergency mental Health team and I was able to see a Dr straight away,

Basically where I'm up to now is I'm no better off physical wise - no one will help me in terms of therapy until I've had a full neurological assessment that I'm waiting on, I'm currently taking 60mg of daloxatine (I think it's called) but it's not having any effect. I'm still suffering bad nerv pain all day in some way or another and feelings of just not being right.

Yesterday was my bday - of all days I was terrible. I was in agony all day felt like my whole body was being deep fried I could barley think or walk or be aware I just felt like complete crap, despite that I just got on with the day the best I could and went out for a few drinks in the evening with my wife despite feeling like I just wanted to stay in and hide. I'm glad we never we had a good evening.

Today again has been horrible the pains and things I'm going through will just not leave me alone!! I've felt about 40% normal all day weak, Harley think hardly remember much can't feel awareness, episodes of pure pain like my nerves and brains being fried just feel not with it and confused 24/7 - roughly about 5pm why driving home from Manchester From collecting my children with the wife - click it all went away well the pains and confusion did and I felt about 90% normal and able to think and feel normal without feeling of trying it was amazing, I havnt a clue what's happening to me I don't know how to stop it either. Nothing works.

I've always had GAD I think but never took notice because I had felt like this all my life but now I know I some how can't get away from it like its pulled me inwards.

Still that doesn't explain the pains and confusion and very very pore memory and clarity I'm having.

I think I have a problem with insacurity and when my wife cheated it some how triggered something all the anxiety and stress and emotional places I was in for such a long period of time it's messed my nerves up.

It's hell though I'm trapped in xx

[crystal17]

Wow Ollie it sounds horrific, truly! Glad you got to go out for your birthday, must have been tough with how you're feeling but probably essential for you to try to maintain a 'normal' life while all this is going on.

At least you're getting a neuro assessment, hopefully that is going to bring some answers. Just keep going x