Can't get rid of these thoughts

[Gregor]

I know we're not supposed to talk about the 'S' word on here and i'm not going to, except to say that no matter how many positive thoughts i have and no matter how good i feel, there's always this little voice in the back of my head telling me that life isn't worth the struggle.

I do have so many things i want to do in life, so many ambitions, so i'm not completely down the whole time. However, my thought process always reverts back.

When i was a child - maybe 9 or 10 years old - even then i used to comfort myself by saying if things get too bad i could always kill myself. That would strangely cheer me up (i think knowing that nothing was as bad as death helped).

I just want to not have those thoughts hanging over me forever.

Gregor

[MyNameIsTerry]

As far as I know they don't like people talking about the method to take their life, whereas discussing how they feel is acceptable. It probably goes beyond this website given all the media over websites that discuss methods to end life in the past few years, so its likely more a legal obligation / duty of care issue.

I doubt you are alone on this one Gregor. I know I have many about why it has to be this hard when others seem to coast along without much of a care and everyday is hard to people like us. You hit points where you just think it would be better if it ended rather than spend your life fighting.

Do you react to it in any way? I ask because you seem to have had some form of ritual as child and I wondering whether tackling it in the way that we tackle intrusive thoughts might help?