How to just shut the anxiety off?

[.Poppy.]

I've recently gone back to school after a semester off. I'm generally in business right now, but haven't totally committed to any one major. There are so many options, so many positives and negatives to whatever I may choose that I just don't know what to do and I feel frozen in place completely.

I also feel like, with every new opportunity that arises, a door shuts in my face. I really want to get out there, get a part-time job and some experience but nothing pans out. I applied for an internship that I really, really wanted but they told me they'd be in touch with me this week and they haven't been. Not even for an interview. I then thought about studying abroad for a semester to push myself a little bit and have a fun experience, but the program that I really wanted to get into (and discovered two days ago) isn't listed anymore.

I just don't know. I feel like I am incompetent and always will be. I feel totally stuck - my other friends are out doing things and have ideas about where their lives are going and I don't. I have a general idea of what kind of work environment I want, but no idea what specifically I want to do. I'm just worried that no matter what I do, I'll still be stonewalled and even if I get a new degree I won't be able to find work.

I also feel like this is my last chance - I need to find something that I don't actively hate, where I can support myself and get out on my own. I see other people getting jobs and opportunities, I just don't understand why I can't.

My anxiety right now is sky-high and I don't know how to bring it down. Nothing is distracting me. I feel totally lost and alone. I just want some direction, some hope, some sort of opportunity to hang on to, but I have been foresaken in everything and feel as though I always will be.

[Oosh]

Ok, now you've looked at it like that. We all can look at things like that sometimes and hit a brick wall. But that is just going to keep you frozen where you are.

What I do when I'm there is

I make A decision. Because at this point indecisiveness is the enemy. You do NOT want to wake up tomorrow morning or next week with this same thing hanging over you. You can't channel your energy and focus into succeeding if you still havent settled on something to aim for.
If you are doubting hitting some of those more lofty goals then choose an attainable one on which you can build. Then reaching it isn't going to be a failure in anyway as you can use that first goal or build on it.
Just get that decision made so that indecision is gone.

See the way. Quickly as you can, in as few moves as possible, see the way to that first goal you've decided on and see how you are going to reach it, REALISTICALLY, base it on facts and reality. "If I do this and this I KNOW I should be reaching where I want to be. That's the proven route. I can't see me not hitting that if I put that required effort in."

Now you have made a decision so you have something to aim for and you have a realistic path to it.

Now you just stay on that path (write it down for referencing) and recognise the doubt and negativity when it comes.

Keep plugging away looking for that little job you want. Don't get disheartened. It's ok to get a bit pissed off when a doors seem to be closing but now put that behind you. You are not going to wallow indefinitely. You're going to allow yourself a bit of a sulk then get back up, get creative, see the way to one of these jobs and be persistent, be first. That's just your environment there and you can be proud of yourself everyday if you see this is your attitude.

It's a stressful time for you trying to plan out your future. You are so far away from failing. You are already in there doing it. You're ahead of everybody who isn't already. Stop comparing yourself with the people you know who passed. Focus on your own path to where you are heading and nothing else.

When those thoughts pop in there leaving you feeling like you're failing and it's hopeless recognise and ignore them they are nonsense, like stones in your shoe you feel on your way to where you are going.

It's the persistence that will breed strength of character. It's the wining these mental battles over and over. Recognising the glue that tries to stick you in place. Recognising those stones in your shoe making the journey difficult.

Have that goal (settle on one !) and keep focused on it.

You're like a guided missile. GO !

(Lol)

[.Poppy.]

Thank you, Oosh. It's challenging because I just want a little bit of security and independence but I'm not sure how to get there yet :)

BUT small goals would be good. So, I think my goals for now will be:
- Finish the semester as strongly as possible (since I'm already enrolled in my classes).
- Look into clubs in the university and join any that sound interesting, to further explore possibilities.
- Do a daily part-time job search, and apply to any job that I am qualified for and that interests me.
- Be sure to plan in time for fresh air and exercise, to keep my head clear.


For now, I actually got a phone call about an hour after I posted this and got an interview for the internship this Tuesday! Of course, that just makes feel even more terrified, because what if I don't get it, or what if I'm no good, things like that. But I wanted at least a chance, and I got one, so I'm going to be positive about that. I also intend to plan and prepare for the interview like crazy, so I go into it feeling at least very well prepared, even if I'm anxious.

No idea where something like this job would take me, but I think it would be good for contacts, experience, and may open my eyes to new things. Who knows? It's only for a couple of months so IF I get it, once it's over I can move onto something else.

Nice to have a little positivity to cling to, even if it's not for sure and it's not much. I keep telling myself that I need to enjoy the journey, but it's harder to enjoy the journey these days, since you can't really just go out and "get a job" everyone wants all these qualifications and my self-esteem isn't terribly high to begin with, so I constantly wonder if I'm even capable of doing said job even if I'm qualified.

[Oosh]

"Finish the semester strong"

Perfect. It's as simple as that. Now when you have the doubts and anxieties filling your head you have an answer that you know makes sense. Whatever enters your head between now and then, you have an anxiety relieving thought, a thought that answers everything "I don't need to worry about those things until I've achieved my first and main goal of finishing this semester strong. I will reevaluate my situation then and if nothing has changed I'll continue on that path. If I feel more confidence and have more belief maybe I'll aim higher. I'll decide when I've reached that first goal "

That thought was a tremendous anxiety reliever through my course. I was always stressing about what I was going to do. I couldn't stop. I was neurotic about it. It was linked to my social anxiety you see and I felt if I didn't make the right decision I could end up in a very socially stressful work environment.
But once I decided I was just going to have tunnel vision towards passing each of my exams as they came I found it helped so much when the anxieties appeared.

On your journey you'll probably find you get a clearer idea of where you'll end up. You don't have that idea yet so it makes sense to just make A decision and START and focus on it and at certain points on the way your ideas may become clearer. Maybe your confidence will rise as you succeed and see you are very capable.

But for now, give yourself a goal and only focus on that. Let it be the answer to all of those anxieties and uncertainty that enters your head.

That's great about the job. You see, it's a different world all of a sudden. Opportunities, DO occasionally present themselves and change could be just around the corner.

Don't let anxieties and low confidence stop you. It will for many. Shake it off and get back focusing on the goal and driving forward.

Good luck with your interview. Ignore the anxious, doubting thoughts. Stones in your shoe. Everybody inside has those anxieties and doubts even if they don't let others see them. Become an expert at managing them and driving forward despite them.

Whatever happens at the interview it's ok because opportunities are presenting themselves to you. Just give it everything you've got.

[.Poppy.]

Ah, thanks again Oosh.

I went in for the interview today. I got done about half an hour ago. Honestly, I feel like it could go either way. I liked the interviewers well enough and I think they liked me too - there's a lot of outdoor grunt work that goes along with it and when I mentioned I grew up on a farm and am used to that kind of stuff, they really resonated with that (and I think that's part of what helped me land my last job!). But....they are interviewing a lot of people. There were pretty much back to back interviews. I just wonder: why me? Why would they pick me over all these other pretty, awesome, qualified girls?

As for the position itself, it's short lived (ends in July) but gets to be intense. It really sounded like a lot of fun and a really awesome challenge with really good experience behind it, so I really want it still, but then there are aspects where I wonder if I would be any good or if I really want to do that. I think this is partially a coping strategy to cushion the blow if/when I don't get the job.

BUT - I refuse to relent :) Still got lots of things to do for classes. I plan to apply for more jobs this afternoon and keep that up. If it's meant to be, it will be - I've already put in the effort on my end. I'll find some way to keep my head up and push on, hoping and believing that I'll find my opportunity out there somewhere.