Travis_Bickle
01-02-15, 09:20
Hey guys,
I am all new in this forum and I would love to receive some good words, support and faith from people who also suffer / suffered from DP/DR disorder.
About myself: I am suffering from DPDR since the age of 10, caused by a panic attack. Shortly afterwards my parents got divorced and I was having a lotta trouble with my stepfather who not just shouted at me and my little brother massively but also used physical violence to put us into corners.
I have overcome DPDR with the years growing up and starting my own independent life after apprenticeship and moving into my own apartment, etc.
But in 2011 I got together with a mature woman (I was 25 and she 36) who already had a 14 year old son from a former marriage. Also she became pregnant closely after crushing on her. That was when my general anxiety came back and got as worse as never been before. Also the son of her started to feel as if I was endangering his role of alpha male / only child and he started to turn violent on me, causing a lot of emotional stress, hatred and trouble between me and him and my new pregnant girlfriend as well.
That was when DPDR started all of the sudden anew, putting me into a black hole of fear of getting insane and drifitng away into some vicious altered dimension. I went to a therapy, but nothing really helped coz the domestic situation became even more violent until her son and I really had a physical fight, my highly pregnant girlfriend inbetween us trying to intervene.
After this I was getting down to brass tacks and moved into another apartment (we used to live all together for almost a year). After I did so, the DPDR calmed down. I also was treated with some anti depressants which helped me as well I think. The situation moved along, actually unsolved, all I did was ignoring my girlfriends son to a degree where he was mere air to me. Our own son was born, I went to some part-time office job, tried best to care about our son over the daytime, in the evening I usually went back to my place and lived sort of a second live, far away from parental stress and lover issues.
But during early 2014 and especially since October 2014 I am suffering from DPDR again, actually as bad as in 2011/2012 when all that trouble was starting. I am having a talk therapy once a week. Maybe the emotional work and recollecting the violent things happened in my childhood caused an emotional overload. Maybe the unsolved situation at home and new trouble within my own family topped it too. I don't really know. All I know is that I am suffering from this shit for so long already and have faced many a situation where I was convinced to go mad and yet it never happend, still this damned fear is troubling my mind every day more or less. I know what DPDR is, what it may be caused by and that we actually cannot go crazy, but the fear over fear itself still weighs so heavy on my mind and mood.
I am suffering from a tenacious cold for almost three weeks now, my head feels even number and lighter than ever, which is actually normal with a cold, yet it troubles me even more suffering from DPDR anyway.
My greatest hope now would be to get in touch with people who also suffer or at best have suffered from DPDR and can give me some advice or just words of hope and stamina to get trhough this new episode of weakness I am momentarily into.
Also I must admit that I am no native englishman but a german. Yet the DPDR syndrome seems to be quite unknown in Germany, since most therapists have no real clue about it and the german forums have pretty few members and getting a reaction or help takes quite a while.
Thanks for reading this post till the end. Wishing us all good strength and a nice day
I am all new in this forum and I would love to receive some good words, support and faith from people who also suffer / suffered from DP/DR disorder.
About myself: I am suffering from DPDR since the age of 10, caused by a panic attack. Shortly afterwards my parents got divorced and I was having a lotta trouble with my stepfather who not just shouted at me and my little brother massively but also used physical violence to put us into corners.
I have overcome DPDR with the years growing up and starting my own independent life after apprenticeship and moving into my own apartment, etc.
But in 2011 I got together with a mature woman (I was 25 and she 36) who already had a 14 year old son from a former marriage. Also she became pregnant closely after crushing on her. That was when my general anxiety came back and got as worse as never been before. Also the son of her started to feel as if I was endangering his role of alpha male / only child and he started to turn violent on me, causing a lot of emotional stress, hatred and trouble between me and him and my new pregnant girlfriend as well.
That was when DPDR started all of the sudden anew, putting me into a black hole of fear of getting insane and drifitng away into some vicious altered dimension. I went to a therapy, but nothing really helped coz the domestic situation became even more violent until her son and I really had a physical fight, my highly pregnant girlfriend inbetween us trying to intervene.
After this I was getting down to brass tacks and moved into another apartment (we used to live all together for almost a year). After I did so, the DPDR calmed down. I also was treated with some anti depressants which helped me as well I think. The situation moved along, actually unsolved, all I did was ignoring my girlfriends son to a degree where he was mere air to me. Our own son was born, I went to some part-time office job, tried best to care about our son over the daytime, in the evening I usually went back to my place and lived sort of a second live, far away from parental stress and lover issues.
But during early 2014 and especially since October 2014 I am suffering from DPDR again, actually as bad as in 2011/2012 when all that trouble was starting. I am having a talk therapy once a week. Maybe the emotional work and recollecting the violent things happened in my childhood caused an emotional overload. Maybe the unsolved situation at home and new trouble within my own family topped it too. I don't really know. All I know is that I am suffering from this shit for so long already and have faced many a situation where I was convinced to go mad and yet it never happend, still this damned fear is troubling my mind every day more or less. I know what DPDR is, what it may be caused by and that we actually cannot go crazy, but the fear over fear itself still weighs so heavy on my mind and mood.
I am suffering from a tenacious cold for almost three weeks now, my head feels even number and lighter than ever, which is actually normal with a cold, yet it troubles me even more suffering from DPDR anyway.
My greatest hope now would be to get in touch with people who also suffer or at best have suffered from DPDR and can give me some advice or just words of hope and stamina to get trhough this new episode of weakness I am momentarily into.
Also I must admit that I am no native englishman but a german. Yet the DPDR syndrome seems to be quite unknown in Germany, since most therapists have no real clue about it and the german forums have pretty few members and getting a reaction or help takes quite a while.
Thanks for reading this post till the end. Wishing us all good strength and a nice day