W.I.F.T.S.
12-01-07, 22:39
I called my mum today to explain that I'd decided to be honest about my anxiety and depression on a work's occupational health form. To my surprise she said that she had suffered agoraphobia for a year when I was a baby and had rarely left the house. She said that the doctor/midwife/whoever had told her walk me into town whilst reciting nursery rhymes and that's how she desensitised herself. Although, she did also say that years later she had a big phobia about going on buses.
As far as she's concerned, she 'grew out of it' and now she flies abroad every year. The way that she conquered that was because she had an imperative to fly, as my step dad had had a windfall and spent it on their first ever foreign holiday. She couldn't let him down and waste that precious money, so she flew, she faced her fear and she hasn't looked back.
My mum and dad have been divorced for about 17 years. I asked my dad about my mum's agoraphobia and he said that she had it for 4 YEARS rather than just one. I know that my dad normally exaggerates and twists stories, so I'm not quite sure what to believe. Either way, it has huge genetic and learned-behaviour repercussions for me. I guess that my mum probably had post-natal depression too and, so a lot of the reasons that I felt so unhappy as a child, were to do with how I was brought up before I can even remember.
I do actually remember when I was about 8 maybe my mum coming into the living room and just falling spark out on the floor. We ended up having to get an ambulance for her. As far as I was concerned (until now), she's caught herself on the living room door and it had effected a nerve and caused her to black out. She's since explained that she regularly used to suffer from blackouts when she was having panic attacks.
How does all this affect me? It helps to explain a lot. I've always known that I didn't enjoy my childhood, but I always thought that was just because I was highly strung, sensitive (trouble with bullies) and a snob living on a grotty council estate. It helps to explain that my unhappiness started much earlier than I can remember. I've always beaten myself up for being weak and soppy and it's actually quite odd, I feel, that I've had this illness for 4 years and only now has my mum demonstrated any empathy. I've always felt that my family didn't understand and that I was a big disappointment to them for being so weak.
I've also always known that my mum is quite nervy and negative, but I never knew that it was to such an extent. It helps me to realise that I'm not such a 'freak' and that my nerves and introspection aren't all down to me being self-absorbed. On the positive side, it also helps me to realise that this illness can be beaten without even fully understanding it....probably just down to the passage of time.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
As far as she's concerned, she 'grew out of it' and now she flies abroad every year. The way that she conquered that was because she had an imperative to fly, as my step dad had had a windfall and spent it on their first ever foreign holiday. She couldn't let him down and waste that precious money, so she flew, she faced her fear and she hasn't looked back.
My mum and dad have been divorced for about 17 years. I asked my dad about my mum's agoraphobia and he said that she had it for 4 YEARS rather than just one. I know that my dad normally exaggerates and twists stories, so I'm not quite sure what to believe. Either way, it has huge genetic and learned-behaviour repercussions for me. I guess that my mum probably had post-natal depression too and, so a lot of the reasons that I felt so unhappy as a child, were to do with how I was brought up before I can even remember.
I do actually remember when I was about 8 maybe my mum coming into the living room and just falling spark out on the floor. We ended up having to get an ambulance for her. As far as I was concerned (until now), she's caught herself on the living room door and it had effected a nerve and caused her to black out. She's since explained that she regularly used to suffer from blackouts when she was having panic attacks.
How does all this affect me? It helps to explain a lot. I've always known that I didn't enjoy my childhood, but I always thought that was just because I was highly strung, sensitive (trouble with bullies) and a snob living on a grotty council estate. It helps to explain that my unhappiness started much earlier than I can remember. I've always beaten myself up for being weak and soppy and it's actually quite odd, I feel, that I've had this illness for 4 years and only now has my mum demonstrated any empathy. I've always felt that my family didn't understand and that I was a big disappointment to them for being so weak.
I've also always known that my mum is quite nervy and negative, but I never knew that it was to such an extent. It helps me to realise that I'm not such a 'freak' and that my nerves and introspection aren't all down to me being self-absorbed. On the positive side, it also helps me to realise that this illness can be beaten without even fully understanding it....probably just down to the passage of time.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.