Family revelation

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I called my mum today to explain that I'd decided to be honest about my anxiety and depression on a work's occupational health form. To my surprise she said that she had suffered agoraphobia for a year when I was a baby and had rarely left the house. She said that the doctor/midwife/whoever had told her walk me into town whilst reciting nursery rhymes and that's how she desensitised herself. Although, she did also say that years later she had a big phobia about going on buses.

As far as she's concerned, she 'grew out of it' and now she flies abroad every year. The way that she conquered that was because she had an imperative to fly, as my step dad had had a windfall and spent it on their first ever foreign holiday. She couldn't let him down and waste that precious money, so she flew, she faced her fear and she hasn't looked back.

My mum and dad have been divorced for about 17 years. I asked my dad about my mum's agoraphobia and he said that she had it for 4 YEARS rather than just one. I know that my dad normally exaggerates and twists stories, so I'm not quite sure what to believe. Either way, it has huge genetic and learned-behaviour repercussions for me. I guess that my mum probably had post-natal depression too and, so a lot of the reasons that I felt so unhappy as a child, were to do with how I was brought up before I can even remember.

I do actually remember when I was about 8 maybe my mum coming into the living room and just falling spark out on the floor. We ended up having to get an ambulance for her. As far as I was concerned (until now), she's caught herself on the living room door and it had effected a nerve and caused her to black out. She's since explained that she regularly used to suffer from blackouts when she was having panic attacks.

How does all this affect me? It helps to explain a lot. I've always known that I didn't enjoy my childhood, but I always thought that was just because I was highly strung, sensitive (trouble with bullies) and a snob living on a grotty council estate. It helps to explain that my unhappiness started much earlier than I can remember. I've always beaten myself up for being weak and soppy and it's actually quite odd, I feel, that I've had this illness for 4 years and only now has my mum demonstrated any empathy. I've always felt that my family didn't understand and that I was a big disappointment to them for being so weak.

I've also always known that my mum is quite nervy and negative, but I never knew that it was to such an extent. It helps me to realise that I'm not such a 'freak' and that my nerves and introspection aren't all down to me being self-absorbed. On the positive side, it also helps me to realise that this illness can be beaten without even fully understanding it....probably just down to the passage of time.



Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[clickaway]

I only recently found out that my aunt had agoraphobia. The vast majority of people just cannot face up to any of this which is a shame.

No one should feel guilty about it, but it just seems too much for most people to handle.



Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[Meg]

**it also helps me to realise that this illness can be beaten without even fully understanding it....probably just down to the passage of time.**

and effort to get over it..

There is certainly mounting research to suggest that there is a soft genetic link to panic and anxiety but you are sooo right to say it doesn't stop you getting over it ..


Origins of panic
Where does it come from? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1858)
Hereditary Transmission (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=13128)


Meg

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress

[Elle]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. Just came across this site today and very much liked the look of it.

I firmly believe that there can be a tendency in families for mental imbalance. I have to confess that I am a BIG worrier and get terrible anxiety especially in the mornings. Now this irritates me enormously because I think that I should be able to control my own thoughts. I'm not daft, I have two degrees but, of course, this doesn't stop me worrying. Thing is, I find that the more I learn, the more I worry. I worried as a kid, I worried even more as a teenager, I worried as a mum and I'm worried still at 50. I always think the worst, as my mum says, my glass is always half empty, not half full.

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Now that I've sent my occupational health form off my mum who, unbeknownst to be until this week had suffered from agoraphobia herself for a number of years, and a friend, who nearly had to drop out of Uni because of his dope-smoking, have said that they wouldn't have admitted to having panic attacks on the form.

I'm still sure that I've done the right thing, it's just interesting getting people's reactions. My mum is quite a stickler and I really would have expected her to say to be honest on the form. It was quite wierd admitting the problem to my mate....we have flirted with the issue before, but he trumped me with a horror story about a couple of his mates being admitted to mental institutions.

In talking about my issues with him I said that when I had my breakdown I became really obnoxious and pissed everyone off. He said that he couldn't imagine me pissing people off, which made me feel really good.

Wierd, isn't it? That I can boil things down on paper so to speak and make perfect sense of them. I mean that I can disqualify the opinions of two people very close to me because I don't think that their judgement is as sound as the majority of other people, but when you're actually there you can almost feel swayed by it.

I'm really pleased with how I've approached this problem and I'm happy that I've reached the correct, and very brave, decision.


Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[PITITA]

Well done W.I.F.T.S. !
I have left a job that I started a few months ago after my first day, because it just didn't feel right and everyone else seemed to believe that was a huge mistake, except me who was proud I made that decision :)

[jo61]

HI, there definitely seems to be a family predisposition to anxiety and depression. My sister had a major episode 30 years ago which hospitalised her. I only discovered after my father's death that he had suffered panic attacks over a period of 3 years and my mum had ato travel to work with him on the bus as he couldn't face it on his own. It helps make sense of what's happening to me now.

Love JO xx

[Elle]

Had the most horribly vivid dream last night that went on and on. A member of my family was dying and I was there witnessing it. Then I went to talk to my Aunt about it - And she's actually been dead for ten years.

Tell you what, after that type of dream you wake up feeling a bit edgy. Still, I hear that dreams go in opposites. Anyone else get vivid dreams like this?

Elle

[Poco a Poco]

I think my Father was a very anxious and nervous person and I have heard this sort of thing is genetic so maybe there is link between my Father's anxiety and my own.

Elle, regarding your dreams, yes, I have dreams and they seem so real that I wake up thinking they have actually happened and they make me anxious. Like recently I dreamt I was cheating on my b/f and I woke up and felt so guilty and then got anxious. Very weird [V]

Jo

[jo61]

I only discovered after my father died that he had suffered from severe anxiety in his fifties. My mother used to have to go on the bus with him to work. In those days, people didn't talk about these things, at least we can. They do say that depression and anxiety have a genetic link and my sister and brother have both battled depression.


Jo