View Full Version : At which point do you admit defeat?
Sorry for another thread, guys. I guess that's what this forums's for. It's not I need it.
So I'm off on my 4 day holiday next week. I've been GREAT! I've sorted everything out and am organised.
Yet today, after a great morning, I delve into darkness this afternoon and wonder if I should just cancel! Should we ever give in?
I feel like this all the time when I go away and I always have a lovely time (though I equally always LOVE coming home). I just can't face a week of hell :(
Hi,
No! Don't give in....EVER.
If you do that, and you cave in to that feeling that you cannot do whatever it is that is making you anxious, you lose and it WINS. When it wins, it gains more power over you, just solidifying the anxiety you have. It never works out well.
The only way to gain confidence and break down your fear is just to plough on and do it. You will do it scared, and sweaty and anxious and still with that voice in your head probably, but to overcome it, you must face it.
Instead of asking questions like this, about admitting defeat, stop with any of that and reinforce the positives...that you have felt this way before, and you have been ok, enjoyed yourself, etc, etc.
Facing the anxiety but doing it breaks it down. You will be FINE!! :hugs:
Thanks, Debs. I feel better now. I had a real dip earlier and was ready to just cave in.
I couldn't agree more but it's so awful when you're caught up in it. How do you bloody tell yourself when you're going through it?
I know hun....I know how hard it is when the anxiety is gripping you.
I've struggled with your exact same thing before travel for many years now, and the anticipation of it is always so bad, and is very hard to conquer, I know.
I have caved into it before, but not in a fair while, thank God. I have cancelled holidays, lost money on flights, accommodation, etc, then rebooked and cancelled again!!!!! Immediately after doing it, I felt the initial relief but then REALLY angry with myself for letting it beat me. What broke it for me was when I was just on the verge of not traveling on the very morning I was flying, but literally ran from the house with my cases, straight into the taxi and forced myself to go. The fact I had my Mum egging me on too helped me! Once I was about halfway to the airport, I could feel myself chilling out a bit, as my philosophy was that I am going now like it or not, so I best get on with it, but it was so hard when I was waiting for the taxi....I was a bag of nerves. I went on to have a great holiday.
Since then, I am still nervous before I travel. I barely sleep a wink the night before, my heart races and I feel so sick, but because of that victory before, I remember that, and build on that confidence that I can do it.
You and anyone can do the same, I promise you. It just takes some positive mental strength, and just telling yourself that this is nothing to fear, it is purely the anxiety conning you. x
Debs, you wrote that so beautifully and articulately. Your anxiety is literally identical to mine.
Generally I'm really good and upbeat then suddenly the moment takes me. The only way to describe it is an almighty darkness descending over you that leaves you a quivering mess. I start to shake (albeit mildly), my mouth dries, I can't speak or think. The holiday suddenly feels like I'm leaving the Tower and heading to the chopping block. If you were to ask me WHAT I'm worried about, however, I'd say nothing and everything! What if I'm too cold? What if I'm the worst at the sport in the group? What if I get ill? What if I'm just miserable? What if something terrible happens to me?
I know that all of these things have answers and I always cope with them. I'm actually a very strong character (my anxiety would shock a lot of people). But when it takes over, it's just debilitating.
Suddenly I've started thinking I might die so how will everyone cope!! It's truly awful. Do you ever get those feelings?
Deepthinker
03-02-15, 16:27
Hi, Munki! As I read your posts, I can totally relate. I would also encourage you to never, ever give up! I found myself asking the same question just this morning. I have been on fluoxetine 20 mg for about 10 months now and for much of that time have done so very well. I can drive again and life has been so enjoyable and then the past few days, wham!, low mood and along with it some returning anxiety and depression. It is just so discouraging. I am very hopeful, though, and like Deb said, I am reminding myself that I have been here before and got better and I will again; and so will you! :hugs:
Debs, you wrote that so beautifully and articulately. Your anxiety is literally identical to mine.
Generally I'm really good and upbeat then suddenly the moment takes me. The only way to describe it is an almighty darkness descending over you that leaves you a quivering mess. I start to shake (albeit mildly), my mouth dries, I can't speak or think. The holiday suddenly feels like I'm leaving the Tower and heading to the chopping block. If you were to ask me WHAT I'm worried about, however, I'd say nothing and everything! What if I'm too cold? What if I'm the worst at the sport in the group? What if I get ill? What if I'm just miserable? What if something terrible happens to me?
I know that all of these things have answers and I always cope with them. I'm actually a very strong character (my anxiety would shock a lot of people). But when it takes over, it's just debilitating.
Suddenly I've started thinking I might die so how will everyone cope!! It's truly awful. Do you ever get those feelings?
God yes! Definitely. Every time before I have to travel. It doesn't matter if it is short or long distances, and I just don't get it. The only thing I can think may be happening with us is that being at home is our comfort/safety zone, and we have a routine of sorts. I think that maybe traveling overturns all of that, and we immediately think that we are going to not be ok, and the anxiety is going to affect us, get worse, we won't cope, etc.
I travel alone. My friend and her daughter and my boyfriend live in Gran Canaria, and I go over twice a year, but I dread it every time, and I have also had thoughts of 'Oh God, I'm alone and what if I'm in a plane crash' and all that jazz, and worry about my family too, like when I'm away, what if something happens to them and I'm not there....that kind of thing.
Just non-stop bloody worry!!!
This is all just pure anxiety, and I suppose we know that, but it doesn't make it easier when we feel it, does it? The only way I find to cope of sorts is to just plain battle on with it, but it is VERY hard! xxx:bighug1::hugs:
It is totally down to comfort zones yet I equally live so far 'out' of a comfort zone having trained as an actress and taking on a degree! Nothing is mundane as such and the future is full of options so it's a strange dichotomy.
I think it doesn't help that my hubby is so good at this. It feels like his territory and I'm just going along for the ride. As it gets colder here you just start to be aware of the cold holiday too which worries me (despite having clothes sorted!).
It' so hard when it takes over!
Thanks both for your amazing replies. What do you do when the moment grabs you? Do you find that a holiday consumes you for the weeks leading up to it? I've been really good but this week have let myself down.
Hey again Munki!
You are most welcome. I always thought I was alone with this for years. It is a comfort to know I'm not (though I'm so sorry you suffer the same)
I start getting the jitters about a week before I am due to go, and then this increases and heightens the night before.....it is horrible, isn't it?
Please don't beat yourself up about letting yourself down. Anxiety when it grips is unbelievably hard to overcome or shake off. It is like this niggling thing in your head. I find that positive affirmations help hugely. Things like 'I know this is anxiety talking, I have been here before and gotten through it, nothing is going to happen, I am going to get through this part (the traveling) and have a GREAT time'......that sort of thing. I know it sounds stupid and hippy-dippy, but it really does help IMO. It is all of the 'what if?' thinking that heightens the anxiety, and then talks us out of going. xxx
Deepthinker
04-02-15, 18:06
Hi, ladies! �� I agree with Deb completely about the positive affirmations. They help tremendously. My psychologist actually made me a very personalized CD to help me with that very thing. Deb is also right about the what if thoughts causing the heightened anxiety. The fluox has helped so much in this area, but I believe the counseling and the med combined to put me on the road to recovery much more quickly. Munki, I hope today has been a better day for you. Blessings! :hugs:
I am just the same when I go away and feel like I am going to a death sentence :( We went to Malta one year ad I was convinced that there would be am earthquake in Italy that would send a Tsunami over Malta! We really do over think these situations :)
I still went and enjoyed it :) You need to do the same...go and enjoy it :)
My daughter sent some photos today from the place you are going and it looks beautiful x
Thanks so much, guys. You're so kind taking the time out to reply. Annie, I can so relate to that.
I'm doing really well at the moment so am now worried I'll suddenly cave in! OR...that because I normally stress and have a great time, NOT stressing will alter the dynamic of the holiday.
Urrgh! I'm exhausted just listening to myself ;)
2 days left before I go and I'm a mix of emotions. Very excited but also nervous I'll be rubbish :(Wonder why I have this fear! A Psychology degree, acting degree and own business don't seem to be enough for some ;)
What a sad state, eh..
Just to say I did it and had an amazing time. I had the odd moment out there and I realise I have issues to address. However, overall my tactics worked much better this time so there is hope guys! Don't let it stop you having fun!
I am so pleased you enjoyed it :)
NE21 worrier
17-02-15, 23:32
Glad you enjoyed it, Munki :)
And, with reference to your original question: "Never give in, never give in; never, never, never, never in nothing, great or small, large or petty give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense.
"Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy".
Winston S Churchill
"At which point do you admit defeat?"
Never.
Munki..... Don't ever give in. Whatever it is...... Do it.
That's worked for me. Even if I fear this that or the other.... I will still do it.
Enjoy your holiday :-)
---------- Post added at 21:43 ---------- Previous post was at 21:43 ----------
Oh I just read u did it. Well done!!!
I did it and loved it guys! Thanks for your lovely replies though :D
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