nataliewoods88
02-02-15, 17:24
Hello everyone!
Right ill explain from beginning, i could REALLY use people's opinions on this because i feel at a loss and my anxiety is sky high! So.. My boyfriend of two years has social anxiety and finds it difficult to make friends. so far it hasn't really caused any problems apart from him going on nights out. He tells me he hates clubbing and loathes the whole going on thing but yet when his friends ask him he always goes. He says its because he needs practise and needs to make more friends which at first angered me because i would want him to come out on a night out with me but he wouldn't, but would still go out with his friends. One night we were at his friends house and id gone to bed as i was sleepy and anxious, later on he came upstairs and just announced he was going out clubbing. I was really upset and i didn't want to be left on my own at his friends whilst he went out. He said the same thing that he needed to join in and network more but i was still mad as i didnt want to be left at his friends without him. We argued abit but in the end i softened and said it was okay, i sort of understood him wanting friends so badly. A week went by it was all fine and then that friday night i got a text off him saying 'hi mum, dont tell natalie but im going out, if she rings tell her im asleep' so automatically i rang him furious! He was in the car on the way out. i said id got the text and he just kinda laughed it off saying it was just to keep the peace but obviously i was very annoyed he'd lied and didnt see the funny side! I felt betrayed and stupid. Eventually after arguing it out he said sorry and that was that. My feeling were hurt but i let it go, again realising he might of not wanted to upset me. The night after i was going to log into my facebook on his laptop but he was still signed it. He has 1 new message from a girl who's name i didnt regonise. The message read 'did you have fun after we left?' i was abit shocked and asked who she was. He said he'd met her the night before and was a person in his group and they had gotton on really well, she also had social anxiety too. Thats when i felt hurt and confused, we'd always agreed not to add random people on facebook we'd only just met. He said she added him but i dont get why he had to accept, only a day after meeting too. I was feeling really insecure at this point and asked him not to message her straight away, leave it awhile. He wanted to talk to her though, he said he got on really well with her and he felt lucky to have found somone with social anxiety too, they even have the same counceller at uni. Sun and mon went by and tuesday came i was back with my boyfriend at his house. I was really anxious and worried about him talking to this girl, hoping they'd not spoken and i cried saying i was finding it difficult. He said it was just platonic and i tried to believe him but its hard. I asked him to show me the messages (there were alot) and as he scrolled through i saw he'd asked her to the cinema. I felt sick upon reading this and cried more. He said he would of obviously invited me too but there was no mention of my name. When i explained how quick the new 'friendship' was with this girl and how it had all moved so fast he FINALLY understood where i was coming from and said sorry. That night i felt reassured and happy, he knew he couldn;t do that to me. She'd also asked him to go for a drink (which means she is keen on him) and he'd said no but maybe the weekend, bringing me along too. She'd said no. possibly due to the fact i was going. I was kind of hoping she would meet us so i could make her see we are a proper couple and he doesn't want a bit on the side. More and more days passed, i was getting anxious every time i thought about them talking, sending long messages, maybe meeting and uni. My mind was spiralling. This weekend came and ben was still going on that friday and i was invited but it was hard for me to get there so i stayed at home, He told me this girl wasnt going out but i found it very hard to not panic. I imaginined her changing her mind and going out and them meeting. I had a horrible night of just panicking and getting worked up. The next day i had to go to work and that was very hard, i couldn't concentrate properly, this made worse due to the fact my boyfriend hadnt messaged me since the night before and hadnt even been home. I went through horrible scenarios in my head all day until at last he text me at 3.pm saying sorry his phone had been on silent and he'd see me later. Immediantly i felt all the worry drift away and could feel normal again. This wasnt for long though. Later on i couldn't resist asking if he'd been talking to this girl much, trying to answer all my doubts, and he just said yeah. When he was out the room i was silly and checked his messages and noticed they'd been messaging everyday and she'd asked him to go for a walk after uni. Again like last time i panicked and asked him why he needs to talk to her everday. He said he sees no problem in it and i should back off. He thinks i am being weird and over possessive and he just wants her as a friend. I accept he can have girls as friends, its just the intensity of this new relationship that has knocked me. He tells me he loves me and only wants me but i struggle to accept this girl, and am confused about where its heading. I know i either have to accept it or leave him but i can't because i do love him and usually we are a good couple. I said to him please don't talk to her everyday, why doesn't he need to be that close to her, he doesn't speak to his other friends that much. He has agreed but i feel like i cant trust him anymore. Can you understand? Would you feel the same? am i being silly? Please if you read this can you help me and give me your view.
Right ill explain from beginning, i could REALLY use people's opinions on this because i feel at a loss and my anxiety is sky high! So.. My boyfriend of two years has social anxiety and finds it difficult to make friends. so far it hasn't really caused any problems apart from him going on nights out. He tells me he hates clubbing and loathes the whole going on thing but yet when his friends ask him he always goes. He says its because he needs practise and needs to make more friends which at first angered me because i would want him to come out on a night out with me but he wouldn't, but would still go out with his friends. One night we were at his friends house and id gone to bed as i was sleepy and anxious, later on he came upstairs and just announced he was going out clubbing. I was really upset and i didn't want to be left on my own at his friends whilst he went out. He said the same thing that he needed to join in and network more but i was still mad as i didnt want to be left at his friends without him. We argued abit but in the end i softened and said it was okay, i sort of understood him wanting friends so badly. A week went by it was all fine and then that friday night i got a text off him saying 'hi mum, dont tell natalie but im going out, if she rings tell her im asleep' so automatically i rang him furious! He was in the car on the way out. i said id got the text and he just kinda laughed it off saying it was just to keep the peace but obviously i was very annoyed he'd lied and didnt see the funny side! I felt betrayed and stupid. Eventually after arguing it out he said sorry and that was that. My feeling were hurt but i let it go, again realising he might of not wanted to upset me. The night after i was going to log into my facebook on his laptop but he was still signed it. He has 1 new message from a girl who's name i didnt regonise. The message read 'did you have fun after we left?' i was abit shocked and asked who she was. He said he'd met her the night before and was a person in his group and they had gotton on really well, she also had social anxiety too. Thats when i felt hurt and confused, we'd always agreed not to add random people on facebook we'd only just met. He said she added him but i dont get why he had to accept, only a day after meeting too. I was feeling really insecure at this point and asked him not to message her straight away, leave it awhile. He wanted to talk to her though, he said he got on really well with her and he felt lucky to have found somone with social anxiety too, they even have the same counceller at uni. Sun and mon went by and tuesday came i was back with my boyfriend at his house. I was really anxious and worried about him talking to this girl, hoping they'd not spoken and i cried saying i was finding it difficult. He said it was just platonic and i tried to believe him but its hard. I asked him to show me the messages (there were alot) and as he scrolled through i saw he'd asked her to the cinema. I felt sick upon reading this and cried more. He said he would of obviously invited me too but there was no mention of my name. When i explained how quick the new 'friendship' was with this girl and how it had all moved so fast he FINALLY understood where i was coming from and said sorry. That night i felt reassured and happy, he knew he couldn;t do that to me. She'd also asked him to go for a drink (which means she is keen on him) and he'd said no but maybe the weekend, bringing me along too. She'd said no. possibly due to the fact i was going. I was kind of hoping she would meet us so i could make her see we are a proper couple and he doesn't want a bit on the side. More and more days passed, i was getting anxious every time i thought about them talking, sending long messages, maybe meeting and uni. My mind was spiralling. This weekend came and ben was still going on that friday and i was invited but it was hard for me to get there so i stayed at home, He told me this girl wasnt going out but i found it very hard to not panic. I imaginined her changing her mind and going out and them meeting. I had a horrible night of just panicking and getting worked up. The next day i had to go to work and that was very hard, i couldn't concentrate properly, this made worse due to the fact my boyfriend hadnt messaged me since the night before and hadnt even been home. I went through horrible scenarios in my head all day until at last he text me at 3.pm saying sorry his phone had been on silent and he'd see me later. Immediantly i felt all the worry drift away and could feel normal again. This wasnt for long though. Later on i couldn't resist asking if he'd been talking to this girl much, trying to answer all my doubts, and he just said yeah. When he was out the room i was silly and checked his messages and noticed they'd been messaging everyday and she'd asked him to go for a walk after uni. Again like last time i panicked and asked him why he needs to talk to her everday. He said he sees no problem in it and i should back off. He thinks i am being weird and over possessive and he just wants her as a friend. I accept he can have girls as friends, its just the intensity of this new relationship that has knocked me. He tells me he loves me and only wants me but i struggle to accept this girl, and am confused about where its heading. I know i either have to accept it or leave him but i can't because i do love him and usually we are a good couple. I said to him please don't talk to her everyday, why doesn't he need to be that close to her, he doesn't speak to his other friends that much. He has agreed but i feel like i cant trust him anymore. Can you understand? Would you feel the same? am i being silly? Please if you read this can you help me and give me your view.