Anxiety and CBT ups and downs

[starfish123]

Hi,

So recently I stopped denying I have a problem with anxiety and realised that I can't overcome it on my own. I've only told my close family and a best friend that I'm getting CBT for it on NHS.

In my first session I had an anxiety attack, didn't feel like I was really there and just felt really crap after for about a day as I didn't get the quick relief. (In the last month I've been troubled by chest pains and other physical issues.)
So I almost felt like not going back because I felt so awful- like I had been mentally & physically tortured. All we'd done was an intro and choosing goals (though I don't remember much as I was so busy trying to hold myself together.)

My second appointment, I went in feeling a bit nervous, but a much clearer mind.
She pinpointed I have a lovely mix of social, general and health anxiety.
By the end I felt empowered and positive to be uncovering the situations I get anxiety & managed to do so many things I didn't feel motivated to do before.

So a day later, today. I have had generally a good day, I work with some fantastic people in a job I love. But with a bit of added stress at work- feeling a bit out of control and like I have unrealistic expectations put on me that I must somehow fulfil. My coworker is also also in the same situation, but it will affect her worse.
- The expectations were so unrealistic and gave me high anxiety that I burst into uncontrollable laughter- I got hyper, hot and had to fan myself down.
I was called hyper, manic and told I should keep it together till after the project and not go crazy.
I was also told I was a nightmare to eat out with the other day- even though I thought I hid my anxiety so well.
(I haven't told them about the anxiety or CBT)
When I left them & was on my own I felt sad and like crying and really guilty about all sorts. Then emotionally numb. I'm ok now, but just so confused)
My moods/ reactions have become so odd and it's so confusing and embarrassing!

- Does anyone else feel more guilty that their anxiety is difficult to manage, when other people with difficult life situations seem to manage just fine.

- Could it be CBT that is making me react more outwardly- as I used to hold it in much better. Is it that I'm just more aware.

[Mindknot]

Hmm, I'm just starting CBT too, and also have had something of a resurgence of symptoms these last couple of weeks. I'm quite anxious that I'm going to do CBT "wrong". I'm also a person who has kept anxiety under wraps for the most part (my strange behaviours started way before CBT though), so there is definitely an element of uncertainty about unpacking all my thoughts for a stranger to analyse...

I've also been racked with guilt about my anxiety in general, I've started to lose count of the number of times I've cried at people whilst apologising for being an inconvenience to them... sometimes it just bursts out the sides. I think it's just another part of the anxiety parcel. :shrug:

I have my second session tonight, but I don't think we start "working" till the third week, it takes some time I guess.

[davidos-UK]

Hi,

- Does anyone else feel more guilty that their anxiety is difficult to manage, when other people with difficult life situations seem to manage just fine.



Yes I feel quite pathetic, genuinely. I am currently signed off work with depression and anxiety, took a new job and the commute and general stress got to me, I have always had low level anxiety but managed to deal with it by the Man Method (ignoring it until it went away).

Now is too severe, I quit my job and got signed off the next day. I constantly think about how I must be perceived as the nightmare employee and must be hated by the people at my work.

I also look at other people who have more severe problems to deal with and it makes me feel utterly, utterly pathetic. I'm not a street child in Manilla or fighting ISIS in afghanistan. I can't even hold myself together for an office job.

[JMA]

I'm also one who has just started CBT. On week 4 now, and still not sure what to make of it. Like Mindknot I do worry I am doing it wrong...which I do with everything.

To go to the OP's question, or at least one of them, I do feel that I should just be able to 'pull myself together' sometimes, as it's not as if I have had any sort of traumatic upbringing, or had anything horrible happen that could warrant being in the mess I am.

On the subject of keeping ones anxiety from others, I also do that. I wonder, given our talents at hiding anxiety from others, we should form some sort of secret anxiety ninja club? Although, I'd be pretty crap if anyone needed rescuing in a crowded location with no easy escape routes.

[Lyn89]

I did a whole course of CBT and I spent the whole of it thinking I was doing something wrong, but lo and behold it helped me to the point where I have zero anxiety most days. Looking back I wish more than anything that someone had told me CBT is a bit like opening Pandoras Box. You're uncovering all these years of bad habits and opening all these wounds, so it's going to feel worse before it feels better. If I'd known that my journey would have been a lot easier. Just know that recovery is definitely a series of ups and downs. The ups are fantastic, but it makes the downs that much worse when they come. Don't be discouraged by this, it's natural and everyone recovering goes through it and you're not doing CBT 'wrong'. I used to get told to stop thinking that a lot lol. But the reason I'm telling you this is because my patterns with CBT were very similar to yours, and I think it could really work and help you. Your therapist would know within the first session if it wasn't for you, so take comfort in that. Just work hard. Never give up, and keep using your CBT tools every day. You cannot go wrong then :)

[Craze200]

what is cbt ?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Its only human to feel that way about how others are having tougher times and still holding it together. However, every single person has the same ability to experience anxiety disorders, they just haven't hit that point in themselves where the trigger is pulled.

People are also good at hiding their anxiety from non sufferers who don't know about the subtle clues in peoples behaviour that point to a potential for a disorder. As you learn about yourself and these disorders and talk about them, you can be surprised just how many people are going through despite openly appeared balanced & stable. It affects us in different ways and some people are able to compartmentalise it but they go away from those situations and then go back to suffering, its just how some people deal with it.

So, its healthy to feel guilty when the world is full of truly horrible situations, but it doesn't make you weaker than anyone else, it just means you've hit the point where it became a problem for you. There can be many factors too such as support, general happiness and seeing a future to keep going for that can prevent the negativity taking hold in your subconscious, so sometimes people can have enough of what they need to prevent themselves slipping into these disorders.

CBT can bring out emotion. Its not an easy thing to do. First they learn about your issues (they don't go into the past like psychoanalytic therapy does) and then they teach you about your thoughts, feelins, emotions, etc and how they all work. After this you start working on goals to overcome your issues or learn ways to manage them.

So, you are talking a lot more about your condition. You are also accepting you have a problem more than before by opening up to these people (well done for that!) which is a big step and it can act by making you feel you can talk about your anxiety & depression. It can make you want to talk about it and feel a but more positive and it can make you want to take leaps rather than baby steps. This might be what people are picking up on.

Ignore the manic, hyper comments. They come from people ignorant of your issues and how they affect us. I would just say to monitor yourself and if you think you are being a bit too much i.e. wanting to sprint at things when you should still take your time so you don't burn out, then take some time out to think about it and what you can do to temper it.

Its not uncommon given the emotional release of admitting it to others. It can feel empowering.

---------- Post added at 08:49 ---------- Previous post was at 08:44 ----------


what is cbt ?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Its a form of psychotherapy.

Its a blended version of the earlier forms, Cognitive Therapy and Behaviour Therapy.

It works on the current & future by teaching you about how your mind works so that you can learn to change or challenge your thinking.

It also incorporates things like Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) which is where you tackle your fears using a hierarchy and you start at the least intense and work your way up. It uses the habituation principle - you learn to tolerate your triggers until your body naturally calms down and you learn you can be less anxious and as its repeated, you anxiety disappears.

It also includes things like Behavioural Activation, or "doing more things, having a structure to your day and doing more things you enjoy" in English, which is often used in treating depression.

---------- Post added at 08:53 ---------- Previous post was at 08:49 ----------

The first few sessions of CBT can be a bit more about talking as opposed to doing.

It has a structure so that you first learn about your thoughts before you push on to goal setting and monitoring. Think of it as a project as it can be seen as having a similar structure.

Its something that you have to commit to though or it's success is limited. Its also not for more complex issues. Even if you don't get what you need from it, learn it and relearn it from the many free resourecs out there and keep applying it.

I found it can feel wooly and lacking direction at times if you have a load of issues. So, its easy to think you are not doing it right but that is the therapists responsibility as they give you tools & homework and they should be monitoring your goals and teaching you how to do it in the later stages of the structure (if you worked in a project environment like me, you will likely be doing this earlier as the therapist realises you are used to task management & planning) as part of CBT is to teach self monotoring post treatment.