HIV anxiety is back

[twtm2002]

hi alll - i have not been on here since august and have managed my irrational phobia about contracting hiv really well but last week i fell off the proverbial wagon. In short i was heading to my usual massage / spa place in London and as i parked i noticed a new thai venue which has opened. It looked perfectly professional so thought i would give it a try. Wish I hadn't! It became clear about 30 mins in to the massage there was more on offer and despite me saying NO firmly to the masseuse I suddenly became overcome with panic. I was monitoring her hands, looking at her arms for cuts and so forth...of course i thought she has given me HIV! Since the massage I have got my usual phantom symptoms and feel v low which of course makes me more anxious. I just wanted some reassurance than a massage of any kind is a no risk scenario and even her massaging over little spots and grazes on my legs is of no significance whatsoever?
sorry for returning but this forum helped me so much last year.
best wishes

[twtm2002]

hi did no one have a comment or reassurance on this? would really appreciate it!

[herbie73]

Hi there, you can be reassured there is no way you can get HIV from a massage, its just anxiety that is making you irrational, many years ago I had the same fear as you, I educated myself in the real ways that HIV is passed on and it helped me greatly, please be rest assured you have not contracted HIV from a massage, I hope this helps xxx

[twtm2002]

thanks for you kind reply and yes, i am aware it is the irrational mind. I just keep being incredibly shocked at how scared i can become and how my mind can play tricks. I know the facts and have spoken to so many doctors who see people who genuinely have put themselves at risk. I just freaked when she asked me if i wanted something sexual and immediately my brain went into panic mode.
i suppose the person who has HA always asks "will i be the first person to get hiv like this..." and however much reassurance you get you always wonder...

[twtm2002]

hi herbie - thanks for your response. I am sad to say the fear is still there but it is dissipating. I have ruled out the basics - no sex, no injection, no blood anywhere. So…really that doesn't leave me with much to worry about….i did have cracked heels but i can't see how blood or vaginal fluids would have made it down there and also she had oil on her hands. so…really i am running out of scenarios and that means i need to realize this is anxiety…not rational thought...