remembering when it first started!!

[helenclaire]

I remember I was on my way home from work, I had been working extra hours and had 3 young children, I was driving down a hill and remember feeling a bit strange, I started panicing thinking I was going to pass out and crash, I got to the bottom of the hill and pulled over, my heart was thumping, I felt sick, shaky and lightheaded. I managed to calm down enough to get home.. but was that was just the start.. I felt shaky for next few days and terrified of it happening again I went to the doctor, I was put straight on to anti-depressants and propranolol. Im not sure they helped but they made the feeling a little easier to cope with.
Anyway 15 years on and although I have had better times I am still suffering from the same symptoms.
I believe I will always be like this now as I haven't managed to over come it in 15 years, I have had counselling which helped for a short time, but the symptoms never stay away for long.
I have also been housebound due to agoraphobia, I can go out now but not far and don't like going out with out my husband.
Everyday I ask myself why me. But as yet I haven't found the answer.
:weep:

[Poppy Girl]

Hi
You said you have had counselling but have you done any CBT? I found that great as it helped to change my thinking and helped me to realise a better way to handle things. I did it in a group session and although I was initially reluctant, I'm glad there were other people there as we could share feeling and experiences. It's not a cure as that can only really come from within you yourself but it can help you see things in a different way and change your behaviour. :hugs: x

[helenclaire]

Hi.
I am not sure what sort of counselling I had, it was several years ago.. I saw a lady on a one to one basis, she was a physiotherapist and I remember doing a lot of relaxation/breathing exercises.
She did speak about taking small steps at a time which I tried but it was too easy to turn around and run home at the first signs of panic as I didn't have anyone with me to talk me through it, so I don't think that really helped.
I have heard a lot about CBT but I am not sure what it is.
Helen x

[Poppy Girl]

I found CBT really helpful as it makes you challenge your negative thinking and take a more balanced view of things. I was very lucky as I have a fabulous GP and she referred me so I was seen by the NHS mental health team very quickly.
Maybe ask your GP to refer you?
Also there's a great website "Living Life To The Full" which has exercises to do which are taken from the NHS CBT courses.
I also found books by Claire Weekes helpful but the best book by far was At Last A Life by Paul David.
All of these things helped, as has medication (I'm currently taking Venlafaxine) but ultimately it was no one thing but a combination of things that helped me to start to accept my anxiety for what it was - just feelings that actually couldn't hurt me. Slowly I started to have better hours, then better days and weeks. I'm not 100% normal yet (whatever normal is :) ) and I still have not so good days but I'm now able to live a regular life and not live in fear that anxiety will define who I am for the rest of my days :yesyes:
I hope some of this helps in some way :hugs: