GunMetal
12-02-15, 15:28
Hi guys, I'm feeling so lost and feel completely hopeless. I've suffered from anxiety for years but a few years ago I really got a handle on it and was fine. I'd been with my boyfriend 2 years and we moved in together in July and our relationship was such an amazing thing and we were happier than either us had ever been. In October my anxiety came back with a vengeance, I got signed off work for 4 weeks and got really low as I was so ashamed that I couldn't even leave the house. This obviously affected our relationship in ways as I felt unable to open up and talk about things. I went to therapy and things were getting better. Then in December (a week before Xmas and 2 days before I was due to pick up my bfs birthday present...which was a kitten)..we had an arguement because he lied about something. I got upset and I left and went to my mums house. I went home a few hours later but he refused to speak about our relationship and broke up with me. Since then I have been an absolute mess. The first 2 weeks I couldn't eat and kept being sick, I ended up off work again. I thought with some time we would be able to work on things because I genuinely thought we were meant to be. He still won't even consider us being together again and won't actually give a reason apart from "he doesn't want it" or "he doesn't want to go back". I'm hurting so much and I feel lower than I ever have, to the point on Monday where I was actually considering suicide..i started googling ways and couldn't see a future without him in it. I went to the GP on Tuesday and she has increased my sertraline. I still feel so flat and can't stop going over everything in my head. I keep hoping that things could be different and I'm struggling to not want to contact him, even though this obviously just makes me feel worse. I just don't know what to do or how to move on. I can't focus on anything else, I don't want to do anything and I can't sleep properly. I feel so lost and alone.