View Full Version : HIV anxiety :(
Hello, the past week has been the worst time of my life.
I ended up on craigslist. 3 weeks ago I decided to become adventurous and contacted a couple who were looking for another guy to join.
When I showed up at their place there were 2 other guys.
One of them seemed about my age, and was a paramedic, the other a doctor in his 40s. The posters were a couple in their 50s who were messy but seemed allright.
We messed around a bit, because I was exploring I didn't do much. We got high and drunk, and then I gave unprotected oral to the doctor and later the host, both of whom did not cum (I'm not sure about precum, as I'm not experienced enough to differentiate it). They didn't have any rashes and seemed healthy, I mean come on one of them was a doctor, right? Finally I topped the doctor with a condom, which I know did not break because it held all my cum once I finished.
Last Friday I noticed a canker sore on the right side of my mouth. It was fairly large and protruded outwards a lot. I got a little bit scared but nothing happened besides pain. As of this monday I have been plagued by fatigue, nausea, and a sore throat. In addition I've gotten chills at night and have generally been terrified. The original sore has decreased in size and does not hurt anymore but another one has appeared on my gums, right in front of the original one. Today I noticed another sore, same location as the first one but on the opposite side of my mouth. In addition, I now have a rash on my back and chest and hands. My throat has been sore for about 6 days now, and although very mild it shows no signs of stopping. I am also constipated
Do I believe I have HIV? I hope not, but it seems like this might be the case, or best case scenario another STD like oral herpes.
I am scheduled to see a doctor today and have a test for monday and another one (rapid hiv test) on wednesday. But the anxiety is killing me and preventing me from doing ANYTHING. THere is just too much on the line, my entire life will go to hell if I test pos. It's gotten to the point where my best case scenario is having syphilis, which will still cause me to lose important people in my life. I will keep you guys updated with my symptoms and eventual results. Here is to hope.
hi - i am sorry to hear your anxiety is so strong. i fully empathize. Bottom line is you definitely didn't contract HIV via oral alone and if you used a condom i doubt you got it from anal sex either. On the basis of reading 1000s of posts like yours on aidsmeds i would be surprised if you did get HIV. I am sorry you feel this way but try and remain rational and do only read reputable sites like aidsmeds. As for other STDs i can't comment but it is obviously possible but they are all treatable. Again. if you only gave oral and protected yourself during sex, hiv is very very unlikely.
---------- Post added at 19:17 ---------- Previous post was at 19:12 ----------
PS I suffer from acute hiv phobia and spend hours online looking for reassurance. My current panic is that i got hiv from a thai masseuse who was fully clothed and didn't touch my genitals. yes, clothed and a non-sexual massage. She offered me extras but i refused! We each have our own burden and mine is frankly ridiculously crazy but such is life!!
My friend is a HIV health anxiety man, hes had the blood test no less then 10 times in the last 6 years or so, a scratch at work = test, a kiss from a girl = test.
This latest test was a few days ago, you know what I told him? I asked him what are the chances of someone having HIV? then I asked him what are the chances of someone catching HIV from someone who has HIV?
I'd bet all the rice in china that none of these people have HIV for you evern to have the remote chance of catching it from them.
another one I said to my friend, what if someone used a stair case in front of you had HIV and had a cut on his hand and you walked up right after him and got the blood on you?
Thank you for those words :)
It is all such a scare because I have never experienced these symptoms. I've gotten colds yes, but I have never experienced fatigue, or such prolonged nausea, or such strange (sunburn like) skin rashing, or so many canker sores (4) over a period of 2 weeks, or such weight loss (I've lost about 8lbs in a week)
That being said, there are many things that have been going on in my life that could influence this:
school has been extremely stressing these past 3 weeks
I have been more or less malnourished due to financial situations (basically been eating only 2 hot dogs a day the week before symptoms began and ever since barely anything.
I have also never experienced anxiety quite like this. It all seems so alien and strange to me that I don't know what to think, I am very uneasy to the point where if I am not reading about HIV I can't focus and have ADHD like problems.
If it counts, I had no anxiety over my encounter until the first sore emerged, at that point I was scared it would be herpes. Last monday was the first day I felt fatigue. I am not sure when I found myself reading about the symptoms of HIV, but ever since it's been a blur. I honestly can't pinpoint anything.
I don't know if the fatigue is due to the lack of nutrition, I don't know if the rash is due to anxiety and stress, I don't know if any of my symptoms emerged because of my reading about HIV, the only thing I know is that I had that encounter 3 weeks ago and it's driving me mad.
I hear you - last night i woke up and was in a cold sweat because i was so anxious over my non-incident. You don't need to apologize for it. All I can say is keep repeating the facts. Oral is by almost all reputable sources not a means of transmission; protected sex is just that - protected. And finally symptoms can be caused by stress. I think you should get tested for peace of mind but i would be surprised , indeed very surprised if it was HIV. Did you ask the men you slept with if they were recently tested? While this is not sufficient it may give you some respite.
---------- Post added at 19:32 ---------- Previous post was at 19:31 ----------
Vigilante - i have had more tests than that in the last 6 years. HIV Phobia is real and very scary. I have never put myself at risk once. Nothing. No unprotected sex; no drugs. Nothing. It is just the power of the irrational mind. I am working on it with a therapist but it is slow progress.
Don't get me wrong its a real health anxiety, and it definately needs to be worked out with some form of help.
I hear you - last night i woke up and was in a cold sweat because i was so anxious over my non-incident. You don't need to apologize for it. All I can say is keep repeating the facts. Oral is by almost all reputable sources not a means of transmission; protected sex is just that - protected. And finally symptoms can be caused by stress. I think you should get tested for peace of mind but i would be surprised , indeed very surprised if it was HIV. Did you ask the men you slept with if they were recently tested? While this is not sufficient it may give you some respite.
Thank you. I did ask both of the men I was involved with, they both said they we fully clean and were not experiencing symptoms (of course this makes me more worried, what if their viral loads are +++++ atm?). During the event I did not see any sores or bleeding.
I might be coming down from stage 2 syphilis, as I had non protected sex with an ex (relationship didn't last long) exactly 6 months ago. If it's that I will be relieved :yesyes: as there is treatment. However it is still terrible because I don't know how my current partner will take it :(.
I did develop a strange rather large bump at the base of my penis shortly after that encounter, although it was very painful, forcing me to treat it with hydrogen peroxide (it was pretty graphic, I won't go into it lol).
---------- Post added at 19:39 ---------- Previous post was at 19:36 ----------
Don't get me wrong its a real health anxiety, and it definately needs to be worked out with some form of help.
thank you, if it wasn't for the rash, I'd be fully calm now. It's on my collarbone and torso, which is the most common place for an HIV rash. It comes and goes throughout the day, and burns, I am dark skinned so it's really hard to differentiate from my skin. I go to the bathroom and look at it, and I get so depressed telling myself you have HIV your life is over.
Now that I think about it, the rash gets worse and starts burning whenever I start to freak out.
I have to say that does sound much more likely. I don't think the doctors would lie and even if they did i really find it hard to believe you would have got hiv from just unprotected oral. I think it is worth you getting tested though because you did have unprotected sex in the last year or so. good luck
---------- Post added at 20:06 ---------- Previous post was at 19:40 ----------
i can tell you anxiety does definitely heat your skin up. I often get a rash on my upper chest when i am anxious and even tonight have a red itchy back. But, i am learning this is not hiv related. It is probably due to something trivial like soap powder or sweat glands being irritated. As i said let's both stick to the facts - you did have unprotected sex so this incident is v unlikely o have given you hiv.
In my case - how would you answer my fear? a non sexual massage where the woman didn't touch my genitals? would you say no risk? if so, give me some advice!
I have to say that does sound much more likely. I don't think the doctors would lie and even if they did i really find it hard to believe you would have got hiv from just unprotected oral. I think it is worth you getting tested though because you did have unprotected sex in the last year or so. good luck
---------- Post added at 20:06 ---------- Previous post was at 19:40 ----------
i can tell you anxiety does definitely heat your skin up. I often get a rash on my upper chest when i am anxious and even tonight have a red itchy back. But, i am learning this is not hiv related. It is probably due to something trivial like soap powder or sweat glands being irritated. As i said let's both stick to the facts - you did have unprotected sex so this incident is v unlikely o have given you hiv.
In my case - how would you answer my fear? a non sexual massage where the woman didn't touch my genitals? would you say no risk? if so, give me some advice!
Thank you.
One question, how effective/reliable are std tests after 3 weeks? I am having two rounds of full tests (one at my uni and one at my city's free std clinic), 22 days and 24 days after exposure.
hiv tests usually are very accurate from day 25 onwards if you are using the duo test not the instant test. I am not a professional so ask them but i suspect if you take the duo then and it is negative you will be fine. Re other stds, not sure but again i am sure you would have symptoms by now. good luck and sure you will be ok!
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