Partner away - anxious

[duns]

Hi,

I've always suffered with mild anxiety but it's reached new levels recently. My partner has just left on a two week buisness trip to the states. This journey involves two flights and has given me huge anxiety. I've been in tears for days before and keep checking websites for the fear of an accident.

I'm worried about spending two weeks alone, but luckily I work full time. I'm trying to be rational about it but really struggling. I haven't been able to sleep and feel a sense of nausea continually. Not sure how I'm going to cope. Usually tv works as a distraction but I can't even focus on that!

[UrbanMark]

Hi Duns,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling bad. Do you partake in any activities out-with your home? Any classes, groups? I was given professional advice about stopping repeated negative thoughts, the main thing is not to be alone, try to get out of the house and into company, this will take your mind off focusing on the negative. I hope this helps.

Mark

[duns]

Hi Mark,

Thanks very much for your kind reply.

I don't have many friends or groups that I attend. I do enjoy exercise and could join a gym for the fortnight. Like you say, the repeated negative thoughts are awful and you feel like it's a continuous loop that you can never escape from. I need to develop strategies as my partner will travel globally with his job much more frequently and I have a demanding job that I'm struggling with due to my anxiety.

It's the weekend I'm worrying about, I'll try to make plans to get out. For example, a walk somewhere for the day.

[gregcool]

i had this once when my wife went away for 19 nights to america.suffered very bad anxiety for about 5 days ,i couldnt even use face time with her.just seeing her on my screen made me realize she was thousands of miles away..this was seperation anxiety...after 5 days i was fine and coped very well...it will get better...good luck

[duns]

Thanks for your reply. It's definietly seperation anxiety. It's quite horrible but I hope it'll improve like yours did, I only got around two hours sleep last night. I'm taking it on a day-to-day basis. It's the evenings that I'm finding tough.

[gregcool]

duns it will get better i promiss..it did for me after a few days you get used to it and ajust..it was lonely for me in our bed at night,but i soon started to feel proud of myself after a few days,then i actualy started to enjoy the break..

[duns]

Thanks, gregcool. That's encouraging to hear, especially the fact you began to feel proud. It is an achievement you should be proud of. Each day feels like a victory and means its one day closer until the end of his trip. I do feel that I have to overcome this as my health is definitely suffering.

[duns]

So it's been a total of four nights and I have eight nights remaining. I'm finding that I have to avoid coming home until late in the evening and keep as busy as possible. When I stop and think, like just, I suffer a full panic attack. I think it's when I consider the sheer amount of time that's left. Anxiety is horrid. I've also lost a 4lb in 4 days.

[37fatheroftwo]

You will get there. There is some good advice on here about doing a class or exercise. I know it's tough as you just want to curl up in your thoughts. I used to find at the weekend going for a big walk and enjoying the weather. Hope it's not raining!Keep trying to eat though as hunger is a similar feeling to anxiety.

[blue moon]

Hi duns:Dhope you are feeling ok,my husband works in another state I was anxious at first but now I love being on my own as I do not have to cook I eat when I want.I do miss him sometimes:winks:
Petra x

[Ange1]

I also get very anxious when my hubbie goes away. He will be going for a week next month probably and hasn't even booked the flight yet and I'm feeling tense already. Last time I was a mess for first few days then decided to give myself a project of some much needed sorting out. Worked a treat as the time flew. I also did a couple of little 'me' things. Little treats and stuff. I will still be anxious when he first goes again but feel sure it will settle down quicker this time. Xx

[swgrl09]

Oh, how I can relate to this. My husband's profession has him traveling very often. When he first got the job, two weeks in he had a 2.5 week trip right away. I reacted like you - crying days before, crying during, anxious, I had trouble sleeping too. It was terrible. I had to be out and busy to feel ok.

Fast forward 5 years and he still works there and travels often. I had to get used to it eventually - I guess it was like exposure therapy lol When he travels, I miss him and sometimes I don't sleep as well, but I do much better than I used to. I agree about keeping busy, seeing friends, talking on the phone/texting helps.

---------- Post added at 09:03 ---------- Previous post was at 09:02 ----------

I also use this time to watch all the tv shows I record that he doesn't like - haha! Gives me something to enjoy that doesn't depend on him. I also will do things he doesn't typically want to do with me that are solely for me. I try to think about it as "me" weekends when he goes away now.

[duns]

Thanks, swgrl09. Its comforting to hear that I'm not the only one that feels like this. Your post was really helpful.

I can't deny that it has felt like torture during the past nine days, it's difficult to return home and wake up to any empty house. It's incredibly lonely. I have four more days left which seems much more manageable but it's still tough. The weekend was problematic and I felt really down on Friday night, with many tears. Keeping busy is key, as you said. I've tried to fill all of my time.

[swgrl09]

Weekends are tough, I agree. At least during the week I had work and I'd be more tired, but weekends were a lot of downtime. Just this past weekend he was away and I was snowed in, so I couldn't even go walk around the mall or something. It was hard!!

You are getting there -like you said 4 more days. Think about it this way - after this you can get through anything! There was one summer my husband was away 2.5 weeks, then home a week, then gone 3 weeks. It was terrible. But after that, his weekend trips don't feel as bad.

[duns]

Anxiety has gone into overdrive again. Had a really bad night yesterday when I found out that he will be delayed for 48 hours, was due to see him right now. I was coping remarkably well towards the end of the trip but now feel in a dark place again. I'm trying so hard to rationalise it (it's only 48 hours etc) but it doesn't help.

[swgrl09]

I feel for you, I've been there. You get prepared for what you think is the end of it and then it gets extended. It's really hard. Give yourself some time to be upset and then do something for you that makes you happy.

[duns]

You're right, it's so hard. I've had a good cry and eaten something so I feel a little better. I'm just counting the hours down.

[swgrl09]

Good, glad you have gotten some of it out. It helps honestly. Just found out myself that my husband has a 2 1/2 week trip coming up this summer, he'll be gone for 5 days at the end of this week too. I'm already thinking about it! It's really tough, but keep taking good care of yourself and being kind to yourself.

[duns]

It does, it feels so silly but it is genuinely upsetting. Think it's just lacking a purpose that's the problem and always considering the worst case scenario regarding his travel, illness etc. I'm sorry that you're feeling anxious about his upcoming trips, you sound like you're well equipped to deal with it but I suppose it never becomes easy as such. You're advice regarding taking care of yourself is so important and something that I haven't really done this time. Next time, this will be my focus. Thanks for your comments, they help loads.