Toby2000
21-02-15, 02:02
Hi,
I have been a hypochondriac for about 6 months now and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I'm convinced that everything is a sign of something horrible and unnameable. I feel like crying now because there's no point in it anymore. I just know that I've either got a terrible disease and die from it, or am going to get one in the future. I'm just so scared when I think of my previously happy life, being held in my mums arms and being told that she loves me. I'm scared that that's never going to happen again and I'm going to devastate my parents by dying of some kind of disease only 1 week after catching it.
Now I am crying thinking about it. I feel hopeless and lost. I know I need help but I know it won't help because I'll always have a looming fear of cancer or something like that. I'm even skipping seeing my granddad at hospital tomorrow because I'm scared I'm going to have a panic attack seeing those stupid leaflets saying "BE CLEAR ON CANCER" as though sending me a message. I'm not saying that they're stupid, I'm just saying that I feel as though all of these cancer warnings in the media are sending me a warning. A few months ago my sister was watching Family Guy, and when I walked in a guy on it said "..YOU HAVE CANCER!". I ran up to my room crying. Not to mention my Christmas breakdown when I nearly passed out worrying about bowel cancer.
I may be going to the doctors next week to sort all of my worries out. Last time I went because of my hypochondria, the doctor told me not to Google things because I'll end up ill. Hmm.. wonder what happened after that? I moved on from lung cancer (turned out to be hayfever) to: brain tumor, bowel cancer, meningitis, bladder cancer, heart attack, leukemia, skin cancer, gallbladder disease, enlarged spleen, enlarged prostate. GAH! I've "had" everything. There was a point when I didn't have anything to worry about, so I stopped Googling my symptoms for a while. I did fine then, but then I began worrying again which then led my hypochondria to completely spiral out of control. My family would describe me as a hypochondriac; a severe one. I even went into self harming once, which I completely regretted.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO :weep:
I have been a hypochondriac for about 6 months now and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I'm convinced that everything is a sign of something horrible and unnameable. I feel like crying now because there's no point in it anymore. I just know that I've either got a terrible disease and die from it, or am going to get one in the future. I'm just so scared when I think of my previously happy life, being held in my mums arms and being told that she loves me. I'm scared that that's never going to happen again and I'm going to devastate my parents by dying of some kind of disease only 1 week after catching it.
Now I am crying thinking about it. I feel hopeless and lost. I know I need help but I know it won't help because I'll always have a looming fear of cancer or something like that. I'm even skipping seeing my granddad at hospital tomorrow because I'm scared I'm going to have a panic attack seeing those stupid leaflets saying "BE CLEAR ON CANCER" as though sending me a message. I'm not saying that they're stupid, I'm just saying that I feel as though all of these cancer warnings in the media are sending me a warning. A few months ago my sister was watching Family Guy, and when I walked in a guy on it said "..YOU HAVE CANCER!". I ran up to my room crying. Not to mention my Christmas breakdown when I nearly passed out worrying about bowel cancer.
I may be going to the doctors next week to sort all of my worries out. Last time I went because of my hypochondria, the doctor told me not to Google things because I'll end up ill. Hmm.. wonder what happened after that? I moved on from lung cancer (turned out to be hayfever) to: brain tumor, bowel cancer, meningitis, bladder cancer, heart attack, leukemia, skin cancer, gallbladder disease, enlarged spleen, enlarged prostate. GAH! I've "had" everything. There was a point when I didn't have anything to worry about, so I stopped Googling my symptoms for a while. I did fine then, but then I began worrying again which then led my hypochondria to completely spiral out of control. My family would describe me as a hypochondriac; a severe one. I even went into self harming once, which I completely regretted.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO :weep: