View Full Version : so fedup and depressed with my life
So i have my own flat after months of being homeless,but feel so lonely and fedup.iv tried looking for vol work and fulltime work,i goto a dropin centre mon-thur ,i cant engage in conversation with anyone there,i have no confidance whats so ever,iv been going for weeks and its not getting better,,its only open for 3 hrs so then i go back home and sit and watch tv till bedtime,i do this every day,but fri there not open or sat sun,so these three days i spend in the flat on my own watching tv ,i hate it really hate it,its lonely and depressing i cant take it anymore,,,i dont have any hobbies and have no money to do anything,cant aford to go out for the night just to break up this rut im in,,im so fed up and it just feels like this is it forever,,,two years ago before i split with my wife,i had a life, envolvment routen structure to my days and company ,i was heavy into kayaking and going to the gym every day,my confidence was high and i enjoyed my life more,iv lost it all and still miss my wife and life,,,now im a lonely man who cant make friends and has no job etc,,,,,i just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel,,,i would give anything to laugh and be relaxed again instead of spending my days alone and sad and google everything i feel..hate it,,,wish my pain would all go away,i have no strength to keep going like this anymore
I know you don't like to go far when the weather is bad but hopefully it will soon improve and you might be able to get to some of the MIND activities.
Check out if the local churches have any coffee mornings or anything that you could pop along to.
Greg soon winter will be over and you will have a different outlook on life
All I seem to do is go to work and come home ans sit in front of the tv,at least when summers here we can get outdoors
Hi Gregcool.
I know exactly how you feel and this Winter has been so long and dark.
All I can say, is hang on in there. Life can get better. I know it's hard to believe, but there was a time when I lost everything too. I lost my Home, my Husband, my Job, no money and had to move back with my Parents. I used to sit in my bedroom gazing out of the window and think to myself; "Well, this is it for the rest of my Life".
I know it can get lonely to the point of despair, but you must try to get out as much as possible and save the TV for the last few hours of the evening.
Going to the Library, doesn't cost anything. Go and sit in Costa and have a cup of tea, which I think is only about 1.50 and you can sit there for ages, maybe striking up a conversation with someone. And in the Spring, get yourself out to those Car-boots; I've made many friends there. Offer your services to the Church or a Animal Welfare Centre; you good even do dog walking. What I am saying is you need to build up a social life and keep as busy as possible. Do you like Music? Maybe follow a band around will keep your evenings interesting. You will meet someone eventually and at least you have a pad now to invite them too. And friends too. They will come, but you have to get involved with as much stuff as you can possibly handle, so much that you don't have to think about how you are going to fill your day. Don't just wait for the sun to appear through the window, you will still feel lonely, it's the participation in stuff and meeting people that will give you that feeling of belonging.
I had a choice when I was in your shoes. Sit and stare out of the window, or get out there and see what's in the World. I know it's difficult, but you can do it. You don't want to be on your own, so maybe try with a few small things and slowly build up a routine. What have you got to lose? :)
It's Sunday tomorrow, what about your idea of going to church? Why don't you go to the nearest one tomorrow and see what it is like? It will get you out of the house if nothing else. Or go for a walk? The less you do the less you want to do. It is a vicious circle which you must try and break. Have you explored all the avenues for voluntary work - not just the obvious ones but places like the local food bank as well? Animal rescue centres for dog walking etc. What is the problem with conversing with folk at the drop in centre? Is there no-one there on your wave length or with nothing in common? People will make the effort to engage if you start off the conversation. But you have to force yourself. Good luck.
patty sordiff
21-02-15, 20:44
hi greg,i really hope things look up for you,i was depressed too,sometimes i think i still am,i find myself wanting to lie down and sleep most of the time,not good,so if you can,go out and walk a little,just a lil bit until your feeling better,i know you will get thru this depression,im trying too,your not alone,good luck,were all here for you :) :hugs:
sincerely patty s
guys.im trying everything poss..im looking for jobs and vol work.theres just nothing local for me.i do live out of the way where im...cherryade..there are people to talk to down the dropin but i just have no interest.its a centre for homeless so im not on there wave length thete drunks and homeless. people so there not easy to have a chat with...i dont enjoy going at all its boring and not stimulating...i want to be around other norm people or other mental health sufferes so i can chat about things we have in comon...there isnt a local church to me,but there is a comunity centre which has a service of some kind ,of service..ill have to reserch it...i do go out for a walk each day at the weekend just to get out of the flat.im just sick of this lonely life ,just want a job so im out all day and meeting people and have something to ocupiy my mind and make my day go quick.i am trying
How about getting back into a routine of going to the gym? Maybe research places or support groups for mental health in the area? A lot of agencies here where I live have groups.
It is hard, I am alone watching TV in my apartment too this weekend... we've had so much snow and record cold temperatures, can't even go outside. It's depressing! But think about how far you have come and don't give up. It's hard to get involved as an adult, but do some research into support groups in your area and maybe you can find something?
swgrl....dont think id be any good in a gym...i used to me mega fit a couple of years ago befor i split with my wife...11stone and quite riped...but back then i didnt smoke or drink or eat crap food....nowdays i smoke drink and eat crap...i wouldnt ladt two min...id need to give up smoking and drinking and eat better...thats a big ask to give it all up while im not working...if i was working i could give up smoking and drinking and eat better because id be ocupied...but sitting around my flat bored id find that all to hard
I would say throw out your expectations about how fit you used to be... you aren't that guy any more. But maybe going, walking on the treadmill or some time on the bike can benefit your mood. There is a lot of science behind it too. It releases chemicals in the brain that lift your mood. And you would be out of the house too :) just a thought.
When I got really depressed this winter I started doing gentle yoga. I had no motivation to do more than that. It has helped a lot surprisingly.
The gym is a good idea if you can afford to go there. It will give you a routine to stick to. And as SWGR09 says, the endorphins will lift your mood. Start off slowly and build up. You will find people to talk to there as well. Just because you smoke and drink does not mean that you can't get fitter. Have you asked your doctor if there are any therapy groups you could go to? Talking to other people in the same situation can help.
MyNameIsTerry
22-02-15, 08:19
You could ask your GP to refer you under the GP Exercise Referral Scheme. This means you get a more advanced personal trainer who has qualified to conduct various rehabilitation programmes and this covers mental health. Its free at the gym they work at and you usually get so many sessions, often 8-12. Sports clubs are even asking for people to join similiar programmes where they have obtained funding to help the community, my local premiership club have various programmes for mental health and one of them is more along these lines.
Not many people seem to know it exists and then its often assumed its for physical rehabilitation and physical conditions but if you look at some of the PT's websites, you can see them actively promoting it for mental health too.
Honestly Greg, I know a bit about how you feel. If I didn't live with my parents, other than posting on here, I doubt I would speak to another human being other than saying hello to someone working on a till in my local supermarket and I'm in a city!
I know it gets me down a lot, although I have found it doesn't bother me as much now. I know my mood swings have greatly improved in the last 8 months though and its all because of high strength Omega 3 and vitamin C. Its done more for my mood than Duloxetine or Citalopram ever did! Thats why I promote taking it in high strength doeses where I can on here. Just aim for greater than 1000mg of EPA or DHA (can't remember which it was now in the studies but you will find them easily via a Google search). Most don't give these kind of doses other than a specific Seven Seas one and severa others but Tesco do one that is close for £3 that lasts a month and they always have 3 for 2 deals running up to 2020!
I know how you feel and see how down you can get by it all. I have a home and a husband but my family have flown the nest and he is busy with his business. I was made redundant and hardly saw a sole all day every day. I had to give up my gym membership and sell my car so ended up being stuck at home. My dogs kept me sane. Going out more with them I started to chat with other people and that combined with the exercise lifted my spirits. If you like dogs as others say you could volunteer for rescue or even more rewarding there is a charity called the Cinnamon Trust that aims to help the elderly or very unwell keep their beloved pets by walking them. They are always desperate for volunteers. Definitely as others say going to a gym and starting from scratch is a great idea. You would be surprised how quickly you can progress from what you think is very unfit. You could spend your evening there and save money on the fags and booze. :hugs: x
MyNameIsTerry
22-02-15, 09:41
If you like dogs as others say you could volunteer for rescue or even more rewarding there is a charity called the Cinnamon Trust that aims to help the elderly or very unwell keep their beloved pets by walking them. They are always desperate for volunteers.
Yeah, I've seen them put up an ad in one of my local Tesco's last year for dog walking. They also had it on Do-It with more information and it was a little dog and an elderley owner who couldn't get out anymore.
I think this is a great idea. From what I recall, they aimed to have 2 people per job so they could share the morning/evening and work out a rota, which is a really good idea. Its something I would be willing to do.
Also just a thought but the Open University do a range of short free online courses. There is everything from starting a language right through to stuff to do with business etc. no commitment if you don't like as its all online. I know it's not getting out but while it's still winter it's something for the brain to do other than mindless tv. Who knows where these things can sometimes lead. Opening up new interests or job ideas. Xx
Thanks guys for all the advice..ill go out walking more,i cant afford the gym while unemployed...i dont have the internet hear in my flat to do any online courses,i only have my phone data 3g to text these messages...as i say where i live im not local to many things and cant afford the bus fares so bit stuck really...ill keep going to the homeless dropin centre for now and get out walking more when the weather is dry....today its freezing and very windy so stuck in doors again
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