lisa_39
23-02-15, 21:00
hi everyone,
im new to this forum and not sure where to post ..... to be honest a physcologosist said GAD.....but im not sure yet.
i dont know where to start.....the begininng i guess a bit anyway be as brief as i can.
nearly 6 years ago i lost my little girl 10 hours after birth due to medical negligence in very horrific cirumstances i dont want to go into to much details in this as i wont stop
it all started there horrendous and no words could ever describe my pain at losing her.
i then fell pregnant very quickly twice and had another two little girls while trying to deal with grief and our court case against the hospital
during this time i had some more devastaing blows that i still cant deal with and cant tell anyone about
my teenager for a couple of years was suffering severe depression and anxiety i was terrified of her commiting suicide slowly things have improved and with the help of meds she is getting there, but its been tough going as a mum trying to help my desperatly unhappy little girl was awful, i feel like such a failure that she has went through this
as for me in all this i lost 7 stone through starving myself almost, realised what i was doing and managed to get a grip of it but in doing so i was very ill through deficinces as i had put my body through so much (had 3 c sections and 2 operations) within 5 years. i was very ill and weak physically although im realising now that it was probably mentally that was causing it i had/have chronic pain . this is all just a brief outline it would take pages to write it all!
im now in a position where im physically stronger but a mess mentally. i have fought so hard for so long and now im an anxious mess and dont know what to do.
the anxiousness is there permenatly but now im having what i think are intrusive thoughts and urges. its as if all my fears im scared im going to cause...i keep reading up on this and it all says its anxiety....but how do i know im not going to snap and hurt myself or someone else.... i dont want to but i keep thinking things like what if i just jump out the window or stab myslef .....things like that. the most ive hurt myself is by scratching or pulling my hair but that is just anxiety not to hurt myself (if that makes any sense)
i have been referred by a nuerologist phscologist who was treating me to the metal health team
im scared of medication as i have my children to look after and feel i need to keep what little bit of control i have to be there for everyone....ive never reacted well to anti depressants and now i have a fear of them......yet i do know i need help
i feel im holding back urges all the time whether its to scream and shout or hit out.
my husband works away so i am on my own alot of the time which in itself has started to terrify me.....i keep thinking if im completely honest with anyone will they think im crazy,,,then i think well am i??
oh im sorry i dont even know any more what im asking......i guess if anyone has any helpful advice??
although i have been through alot i have 4 kids here with me and one in heaven who i love with all my heart and i need to be strong enough to get better and always be there for them!
sorry for the ramble :blush:
lisa xx
im new to this forum and not sure where to post ..... to be honest a physcologosist said GAD.....but im not sure yet.
i dont know where to start.....the begininng i guess a bit anyway be as brief as i can.
nearly 6 years ago i lost my little girl 10 hours after birth due to medical negligence in very horrific cirumstances i dont want to go into to much details in this as i wont stop
it all started there horrendous and no words could ever describe my pain at losing her.
i then fell pregnant very quickly twice and had another two little girls while trying to deal with grief and our court case against the hospital
during this time i had some more devastaing blows that i still cant deal with and cant tell anyone about
my teenager for a couple of years was suffering severe depression and anxiety i was terrified of her commiting suicide slowly things have improved and with the help of meds she is getting there, but its been tough going as a mum trying to help my desperatly unhappy little girl was awful, i feel like such a failure that she has went through this
as for me in all this i lost 7 stone through starving myself almost, realised what i was doing and managed to get a grip of it but in doing so i was very ill through deficinces as i had put my body through so much (had 3 c sections and 2 operations) within 5 years. i was very ill and weak physically although im realising now that it was probably mentally that was causing it i had/have chronic pain . this is all just a brief outline it would take pages to write it all!
im now in a position where im physically stronger but a mess mentally. i have fought so hard for so long and now im an anxious mess and dont know what to do.
the anxiousness is there permenatly but now im having what i think are intrusive thoughts and urges. its as if all my fears im scared im going to cause...i keep reading up on this and it all says its anxiety....but how do i know im not going to snap and hurt myself or someone else.... i dont want to but i keep thinking things like what if i just jump out the window or stab myslef .....things like that. the most ive hurt myself is by scratching or pulling my hair but that is just anxiety not to hurt myself (if that makes any sense)
i have been referred by a nuerologist phscologist who was treating me to the metal health team
im scared of medication as i have my children to look after and feel i need to keep what little bit of control i have to be there for everyone....ive never reacted well to anti depressants and now i have a fear of them......yet i do know i need help
i feel im holding back urges all the time whether its to scream and shout or hit out.
my husband works away so i am on my own alot of the time which in itself has started to terrify me.....i keep thinking if im completely honest with anyone will they think im crazy,,,then i think well am i??
oh im sorry i dont even know any more what im asking......i guess if anyone has any helpful advice??
although i have been through alot i have 4 kids here with me and one in heaven who i love with all my heart and i need to be strong enough to get better and always be there for them!
sorry for the ramble :blush:
lisa xx