Completely lost confidence and hope.

[xilvey]

I'm having a really hard time at the moment. I'm feeling really uneasy and close to panicking right now and I'm alone. I have learned though, writing helps.
Anyway starting October my anxiety took a turn for the worse, I had panic attacks almost every couple hours, I couldn't leave my house and I couldn't even shower or go to the toilet on my own because I was so terrified something would go wrong. Not long after my mum gave my boyfriend a key to my house and because of anxiety he's never left, he's officially moved in with me and my family love him and he has helped me a hell of a lot. He works nights and even if he hasn't had any sleep he will stay up with me for hours or maybe skip sleeping for a day just to make sure I'm okay and trust me.. He is a god send.
Eventually I started to recover, I am now on citalopram and although my depression has got considerably worse my anxiety has been improving, I've even left the house a few times and managed to travel 45 minutes from home to go to a ciurtcase as I was a witness! I was so proud of myself haha.
Recently the past couple weeks though my anxiety has been getting worse, I barely leave my house, my friends have stopped bothering contacting me whereas a couple months a go everyone used to come round everyday to see me but now I feel so alone. I just feel horrible. I was doing so well and without reason my anxiety is getting worse and its just so soul shattering when I think I'm getting better and then suddenly I get worse and all my hopes get crushed. Its making me so depressed I just want to live a normal life but this thing in my head won't let me.
I just want some support, its getting me so down :'(

---------- Post added at 01:50 ---------- Previous post was at 01:22 ----------

Bumping this would really like some support :( sorry to sound desperate

[BikerMatt]

Sorry your feeling so bad. I'm exactly the same at the mo and it's a nightmare isn't it. Sorry I can't be much support!

[xilvey]

Its fine its nice to know others understand though

[Mrsh11]

I could have cried when I read your post as it reminds me so much of myself, this site is wonderful in that it makes you realise you are not alone. My anxiety over the last couple of years has cost me my friends as I went through a long bout of not being able to go out and still am terrified of talking on the phone, eventually people just stop trying and by the time I felt a bit more like my old self it just seemed like too long had gone by. My husband and family are great and I do manage to work although it is pretty much hell. I have found many people here that understand though so please never feel alone. I like to think we are all in this together x

[lior]

From an outsider's perspective - you say there is no apparent reason that you've got worse, but you also say that people have stopped visiting you. Has anything else changed? If not, maybe it's people visiting you that has had an effect on your anxiety?

I know that I get more anxious, tightly wound up, stuck in my head when I'm left alone for too long. It's good to be around a variety of people - different people give you different energies for different things. Being around just your family and boyfriend is not as good as being around other people as well, who can bring fresh ideas and moods into the mix.

You can get them to come to you by investing in them. I re-evaluated many friendships since being depressed. I accept that some people just don't have the capacity for whatever reason to be there for you properly. With those people, I see them when they want to see me, I don't chase them too hard, if we talk, great, if not, that's fine too. They're fun time friends and not much more.

The friends that I have that are really there for me - I make sure to invest in them as much as they invest in me, so that they are happy in our friendship. I ask them how they are and invite them round as much as I can handle (which admittedly isn't all that much!)

You are extremely lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and family. It sounds like your boyfriend is using a lot of energy at the moment - if he were my friend, I would warn him of burn out, where he is so tired he doesn't have any energy left to give. Getting good sleep and eating well, and having time alone as well as time with others, are all basic needs for a high level of well being. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, so you please don't worry about it... you two sound tight, and him looking after himself fully is going to help your situation be sustainable.

[xilvey]

Thankyou guys. Talking about burning out though he's just fell asleep on me haha. I will admit this sight does help a lot knowing I'm not alone in this x

[Lyn89]

It's okay to go up and down in anxiety, its a normal part of recovery. I remember the bell lets talk campaign on Twitter where Banksy (the artist) drew a graph about anxiety recovery:

http://mobile.twitter.com/thereaIbanksy/status/560646401420324864?s=09

What you're going through May be unpleasant, but its perfectly normal for everyone with an anxiety disorder. Even when you think you're totally recovered and 100% you'll still have times that aren't great, but all they are are fleeting moments. The important thing (and really all that matters) is that you felt better. Because that proves you can feel better again. You know it's working. If you think like that, you can't go wrong. I know if it were me last year and someone told me I would feel better all the time and the ups would start to happen more than the downs I wouldn't have believed them because everything felt so bad and hopeless, but it DID get better. Hang in there, what goes down must come up again :p

[xilvey]

As an artist that's very inspiring! Thankyou xx

---------- Post added at 18:56 ---------- Previous post was at 18:39 ----------

I'm not going to lie though, I do appreciate everyone help I really do but does anyone else get the feeling that when you have your bad phases it just escalated your depression and I just feel so down I just wanna curl up in my bed and never leave. I'm really suffering today :(