View Full Version : I think diazepam is to blame...im lucky to still be here.
Im not asshamed - im desperate
Ive had enough of struggling and how bad my awarness and cognitive symptoms are so monday i attempted suicide, i finished work i text my wife to tell her im not coming home and to give my kids hugs and kisses and tell them i love them always everyday,
I made the 30 mile journey home in pain, confused, no mind power my mind felt locked i could not for the power of me answer the constant ringing call of my wife trying to call me,
I picked up 2 bottles of jack daniels and 5 packs of tablets from 2 shops and drove to my favourite quiet spot where i use to take my kids bike riding and astronomy and broke down, still my phone was ringing my family my wife my brothers and cousins and friends but i just couldnt answer it i basically because i cant cope with whats happening to me and i cant live this life like i feel no more
I ended up drinking the two bottles and i rang my wife one last time to hear her voice - i dont really remember the conversation but i remember the phone went dead. At this point i was gone, didnt know what i was doing - im lucky to still be here as for some reason i decided to leave the place i was parked up at, i dont remember much all i do remembee is my two cousins pulling me out my van and the police pulling up. I was arrested and held.
Why in custody i seen a dr i explained everything to her ive been experiencing the last 12 months and why i was doing what i tried to do, she said my illness sounds physical but she had a mental health team come in to assess me - they too wasnt sure. They was planning on putting me in hospital but decided not to.
I told them im frustrated, i told them im in pain 24/7 i told them why again.
I returned home - what ever is happening with my body i arrived home with nothing like it never happended, even today it feels to me im not aware it happended. Apparently my whole family thats 25 people, the police with dogs and the helicopter were out looking for me and i feel like its not happend,
The strange thing is tuesday, wednesday, thursday i felt and could think more powerful with no pain the best ive been able to since the day this all started!
I missed work tuesday, wed i had an appointment with a psychiatrist that was previously booked a few week back - i sat down with him told him everything told him my symptoms and pains and confusion he couldnt give me nothing other than "i can give you diazepam it might help" i said NO! because i think thats why im in this mess anyway he said it wont be that - thismorning i woke up feeling good still, no pain or confusion, took my little girl school but as usual i arrived back home feeling a little like my body was starting to change - anything small like walking concentrating triggers my body to go in to the state so i sat down cought my breath let my nurves and body settle let my clarity clear up and thought "il try a diazeapam" even thought i knew i didnt want to - thats it all day ive been in agonising head and nerv pain, i cant walk proper or physically think! My minds been blank if itry to think of a idea the pain of my mind trying is imense! My nerves have been feeling like there being tangled up and played with, ive had intense feelings of im going crazy i have to tell myself ignore my feelings and try to ground myself, my wife took me out for lunch i didnt know where i was, my head feels like its being crushed. Ive cried all afternoon in pain, confusion no brain power if i try to think i cant and it hurts somuch, i feel strange, im fed up im stuck in this state i feel like im back at the start!!
I promised my wife il never do that again but i cant suffer like this the rest of my life x
Have you been taking diazepam regularly since this first started a year ago?
Did you take any diazepam Tues, Wed, Thurs when you felt fine?
Why did you take one today when you 'knew I didn't want to'?
Do you think there is a link between the diazepam and how you feel?
Hi, no i took diazeapam the first week this started 12 months ago, i took 1 2mg tablet 3 times a day for a week, at the end of the week when the course had finished i fell to my knees screaming in pain, not pain as in head ach pain as in i was loosing my sanity or the life was being pulled out of my mind! It lasted about 15 minutes then i was very very bad for about 7 months after exoeriencing the same sort of thing but also nerve pain.
Ive not took diazeapam since other than today just one 2mg tablet.
I took it because the dr i seen said it would help but clearly it hasnt.
Ive been really really bad all day since. Just like i was at the start.
My nerves are done! My brain is done! .....i took a bath just and lay on my bed and spoke to my sister for half an hour on the phone, my body had calmed down and relaxed i was in a calm state no pain,
I come down stairs and felt ok, relaxed and no pain - i decided to try do something simple - set up netflix on my ps, that little bit of concentration triggerd t off again - my head started my nerves started the pain is killing me, something so small!! I cant do anything my nerves and mind cant cope. My clarity is minimal and my cognitive functions are painfull and struggling.
Im now in agony my hear feels like is being crushed, i cant breath proper and my body feels like my nerves are being fried.
I cant deal with this much more.
xvolatileheart
08-03-15, 21:54
I feel your pain sooooo much. :( I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you find a psychiatrist who can help you more. I haven't seen anyone yet but I'm at the end of my rope so I'm going to speak with someone. Please don't lose hope. There are things that can help if you find the right doctor. I'm here if you need to chat.
Just reading one of claire weekes books - ive read it before but at the start when i was lost - shes mentions brain fag so i googled it, found something called "brain fag syndrome"
Alot of it sounds like what im going through all be it im not black. Im going to ask my dr to try lorazepam - im mentally exhausted now to the point trying to think to eat puts me in pain and confusion.
I feel like my brain & nurves are being deep fried why at the same time completely mentally, physically and emotionally completely fatigued! The tiny of tiny things put my body in a place of pain and crazyness, im scrapping through each minute its that bad
Any improvement - ? Update?
Hi,
No improvement really, ive had one or two ok hours but other than that ive been struggling.
Been told i might be suffering from a dissociation disorder, but thats not 100%
from what ive read about dissociation its episodes of dissociating ones self when in a moment of high anxiety or as a way of protecting ones self from emotional harm - well ive been in this state 24/7 i never get out from it.
I feel like ive got a plug plugging the core of my head stopping me from thinking outwards. Ive just been sat trying to think about football and i cant physically do it i can feel my thought trying but it feels like its being blocked or plugged - the pain and sensations i get when trying is messed up!!!
Ive got a EEG and another MRI next month - im currently seeing a therapist now who is tryimg EDMR with me.
Its mad some of the sensations im having in my head they are so random and alterd! Im beginning to have alot of crunching in my neck and ears too.
I feel like ive lost my awarness just dont feel aware of anything no more.
Beginning to consider suicide again - i really cant live with how i feel its no life
Im really sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. It reminds me of how tough things were for me too.
Have you looked at diet at all ollie? Even trying some random diets for a few weeks at a time. eg. low histamine diet, hypoglycaemic diet, gluten free,etc. I'm not exactly sure of all your symptoms but maybe one might help. it's worth trying. Read around a few of those and see if any 'click' with you.
Ive often wondered is it diet related some how, ive had on many occasions episodes where ive got out the bath and i feel a little better, more normal more awake and open and at the same time i get this massive appetite to eat and eat junk! Ive often had times too where ive suddenly woken through the night with a massive massive sugar crave ive litrally sleep walked my way to the kitchen eaten everything suguar related i can scoff down me be it busuits, chocolate, cakes, until i feel satisfied then i wonder back off to bed pretty much still asleep and go straight back off. Ive stood in the kitchen at 2.30am and eaten a full massive bar of galaxy caramel like i was eating crisps just crunching it down to feed the craveing feeling.
Its funny because when i went through a stressfull time last year i moved out in to my own place and my diet changed dramatically - going from eating junk and takeaway to eating just egg and chicken plus going to the gym sometimes twice a day doing boxing, again i noticed my body would wake me through the night with intense craving feeling, its the feeling that would wake me, i would walk to the kitchen litrally scoff down a handfull
Of chocolate biscuits until i satisfied the suguar crave then go climb back into bed straight back sleep.
I have episodes when out i suddenly shut down and go completely weak to the point i cant walk proper or even think and talk, but it actually physically hurts my nerves if i carry on, the smallest things creates my body to go in to a painful overdrive it gets so intense it carrys on and on until i lose all my clarity and mind power and awarness and feelings it feels like I'm going crazy. Its horrible!!!
Ive had tests done for diabetes, i even bought my own blood monitor so when i had episodes i could test myself.
To me it feels blood circulation related,
When i try to do any excercise be it light or heavy something as simple as taking the rubbish out to having a family game of football it puts my body in pain,
My head throbs and pulses the pressure is so intense i have to stop, i can feel the the throbbing as my heart pumps the blood to my head but it feels like its not getting through normal - its strange but painful.
Yesterday i felt about 80% so why i could think and feel
I had an idea of going in to town with my little girl to buy my wife some chocolates - litrally 5 minutes in to our trip trying to concentrate and focus triggerd my body to go in to the state it goes in to, i couldnt think or focus i was in agony all through, confused, struggling, couldnt work things out i just felt wrong in every way! I cant do anything, i can feel calm not in any pain or cognitive problems yet the smallest of physical action trigger it off i can feel my body trigger, feel my nerves starting to hurt, feel my chest start to tighten, feel my back start to feel prickly and feel my head starting to feel crushed along with my cognition, awarness and memory and co ordination, my ears and neck feel like there being crushed i have to crunch my neck around to release the tension.
Its messed up!! Im stuck in this state, my therapist things its all psycological my body is trapped in a traumatised state, i just need to find my way back out some how!!
Im lost
MyNameIsTerry
16-03-15, 11:11
Just reading one of claire weekes books - ive read it before but at the start when i was lost - shes mentions brain fag so i googled it, found something called "brain fag syndrome"
Alot of it sounds like what im going through all be it im not black. Im going to ask my dr to try lorazepam - im mentally exhausted now to the point trying to think to eat puts me in pain and confusion.
I feel like my brain & nurves are being deep fried why at the same time completely mentally, physically and emotionally completely fatigued! The tiny of tiny things put my body in a place of pain and crazyness, im scrapping through each minute its that bad
Brain fag is something I had never heard of Ollie, I thought you might have typoed the 'a'!
Reading an article about it, it seems to be related to a belief that the brains of certain african peoples cannot adapt to western educational techniques and drives. It won't be this that you have for obvious reasons but it does mention a book called Status Anxiety which I have seen in the shops and its all about the race to succeed and how this is causing too much stress (if I recall rightly).
Do you think you can see that within yourself? Have you been striving for too much and chasing status? It can be a one way ticket to anxiety & depression for some people as you can burn out or look at yourself in the mirror and decide you truly have nothing of worth because you haqve chased success over basic human drives.
---------- Post added at 10:01 ---------- Previous post was at 09:27 ----------
Hi,
Been told i might be suffering from a dissociation disorder, but thats not 100%
from what ive read about dissociation its episodes of dissociating ones self when in a moment of high anxiety or as a way of protecting ones self from emotional harm - well ive been in this state 24/7 i never get out from it.
There are 5 forms of this and one of those, relating to amnesia, can last for years. You may have seen programmes about it on TV?
DD seems very unlikely to me Ollie because its about escaping the situation whereas yours is the pain and inability think. If you were shutting down, surely it would be a self protection mechanism that takes away the pain, not causes it? There is 2 forms of DID that cover things that don't match to the criteria of the other 3 but its still about a defence mechanism and if this is the case, its not a very good one as its making it worse!
---------- Post added at 11:11 ---------- Previous post was at 10:01 ----------
This thread looks similiar to your issues Ollie:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=38279
Hi mate, im sure it says "brain fag" as in brain fatigue, ive read about brain fog,
I dont agree with dissociation tbh, but thats all i can go with, i constatly feel in a state of ive lost my mental awarness, so detatched i cant even connect or feel the awarness of what i done 5 minutes ago, i cant even try to think physically i cant do it so i never emotionally feel satisfied obout anything,
The pain is constant. I am stuck 24/7 with a feeling of alterd perception, i cant physically think like i use to.
Just fed up of how im stuck, ive got no physical, emotional or mental life or satification just pain and confusion mate.
Im stuck like this i know i am i know il never enjoy any form of life again, being stuck in a state each second of everyday going through some horrible nerve pains, a change in thought hurts, a change in emotion or idea hurts, i can feel my brain changing parts being used it hurts.
Psycological or neurological i can not live in this state much longer the way i feel and the perception my thinking and body is stuck in. I know how i should be feeling and thinking im just not, i have to tell myself to try think to then feel how i use to feel like im looking deep in my body for my self.
---------- Post added at 18:20 ---------- Previous post was at 18:02 ----------
.....this is how bad my state is, how bad my feeling of emotional awarness is, i had to go court last friday for my drink driving offense - i arrived there with my wife feeling how i feel comstantly - i was sat there for 5 hours why sat there i couldnt emotionally or mentally feel aware where i was, constant state. It would keep coming to me and ild panic because how the hell do you not feel aware and forget such things!!!!!!! I was like this all day, as i sat there i experienced all types of pains and feelings and cognitive problems, but i had to keep reminding myself because i couldnt b aware where i was!
We had to leave for lunch - i told my wife we would walk to get a sandwhich, i didnt want to because im scared to leave places because of the way i constanly feel - we left and straight away i wasnt aware of where i had been all morning i dont emotionally or mentally feel that awarness, ffs ive been sat in court all day how do you not feel and be aware of that?!
We sat down to eat our sandwhich, i started to have these siezure type pains through my body, i lose total clarity become totally weak and nervous, im still stuck feeling in this state im stuck in too it never goes. I sat there in public the best i could without crying in pain and fear and frustration and again 10 minutes later my wife said we better head back - ......for the last 30 minutes we had been sat there i wasnt aware we even had to go back somewhere! I was in court, my first time, i didnt feel anything not even able to mentally or physically be aware to even feel anything!
Ive lost some kind of functioning in my awareness - i dont feel normal 24/7 i cant mentally or physically even think like i could and i have tense crushing pain in my head and the longer i try to concentrate or think the worst the crushing pain gets and the wirst my awarness becomes!
Writing this now my head feels like its in a car crusher! I can physically crunch my inner ears if i move my jaw, my eyes are terribly blurry and i can not begin to try to think outwards about anything or one - i can feel my brain trying but its just not happening!
It feels like i have a stake stuck through the core of my head down through the core of my brain down my throught down the middle of my boddy and its plugging all my physical and mental power.
---------- Post added at 18:42 ---------- Previous post was at 18:20 ----------
Im reading peter levines book about trauma - waking the tiger,
My psychatrist believes my body is psycologically trapped in a traumatised state.
Im so bad i litrally cant even mentally work out and then be aware of whats happening with me, the second i think of something and let it go its gone for ever! Its "that" bit of awareness there that i do not have 24/7 and its frustrating me and killing me
---------- Post added at 18:51 ---------- Previous post was at 18:42 ----------
Sorry this is so long.....
Another way to put it is....i feel mentally and emotionally trapped and i start to panic il never "click" out for good and feel life again,
It feels like being trapped in a box or a confined space nowing your trapped and you cant get out, you begin to panic the more you panic the worse it becomes thats how trapped my me, my perception, my feelings and i conciously feel! 24/7 - i have to try not to feel
It or think of it because i start to panic feel like im going crazy and like im drowning!
Every now and then it will lift slightly i can feel and think better i feel more attatched but then something so so so so small mentally or physically anxious or non anxious triggers my body to go in to a state of what ever is happening to me! And im pretty much trapped in this state 99% of the last 13 monts 24/7 mate.
It physically and mentally feelslike my mind just needs to "click" open opening up and letting myself back out. Its frusrating me!!!!!!!!!
MyNameIsTerry
20-03-15, 07:57
I guess they think its a DD because of how you can't seem to be in touch with reality but I always thought that was aimed at escaping the pain of the situation just like how a Disassociative Seizure works?
I guess they are the experts but without all the pain involved, part of me would be wondering about DP/DR.
See how the EMDR goes. With any luck, it will help.
I've not yet come across any dissociation searches that describe what I'm experiencing, I've just been having intense feelings of "not in control panic feeling" kind of feels like the emotion you would experience if something drastic is going wrong & happening and your not in control of the situation, the more I feel it the more intense it becomes - it's a really intense feelings makes me feel like gettin up and freaking out - I has to call my wife to come sit with me, I can't take much more man I'm never given a break!
Fed up of feeling like my thoughts and awareness are not connected to each other, fed up of having no ideas even if I do im not aware I've thought of it so don't act upon it, fed up of feeling wrong and detached from my wife & kids it's so bad I panic il never connect back up with them. I'm just here stuck like I've just described me.
I want to feel my awareness I want my normality back. Yesterday i did a full day gardening, today I've struggled to create a thought of actually doing anything my mind is blank and locked. Done nothing all day and at the same time I cant feel it - it's scary! Couldn't even have the energy to go for a walk yet yesterday I was full of energy and talking normal, today I can't talk, just in head crushing pain and body sensation pain like my nerves are being tickled.
Have you had thorough physical evaluation too for this? Bloodwork, etc? Perhaps there's something that's awry there... When I feel dissociated/depersonalised I take Omega 3 capsules daily and they're usually helpful (could be placebo, but who cares!). If I were you, I'd try and examine as many possible causes of the pain/dissociation at once. Have you seen a GP and explained the physical symptomology to them?
In any case, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope some form of treatment works out for you soon, be it therapy or otherwise.
Best wishes and take care :)
Hi Emily.
I've had bloods done and had a MRI scan of my head, I was referd to a neurologist who wants me to have a EEG and another MRI.
I take daily omega 3, vitamin b12, vit D, iron. I have done for the last 8 months, not seen any improvement tbh, I have tried all sorts!
Eating coconut oil as its meant to be a better fatty acid than omega 3, I've tried DHA, HTP5, flax seed, krill oil, ginkgo, I've tried a few different medication from the Dr nothing is working.
I've spoke to my DR loads of times about the pains and things he is puzzled.
I'm waiting to have my adrenaline glands tested for tumours but I doubt it will be that.
I'm not chasing answers I'm not googling all day I'm trying to live the best I can but my symptoms are so bad I can't even function enough to get out my house I cant think proper to do it or what I have to do. I'm getting some bad crushing pressure pains so bad all my neck and ears crunch.
Could you please explain to me how you dour dp feels to you and what you experience.
The pain I'm in trying to write this now is not normal my heads so tense and its its getting tenser and tenser as I write
---------- Post added at 13:11 ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 ----------
......Because I'm in this state now because I've had to concentrate to write that all my awareness has gone inwards I feel like my body has been crushed inwards, I have no outwards connection or feelings my whole body is in pain and my head is really hurting and tense around the back - I have to "try" to think outwards about things I should feel aware of so - "my wife has taken my daughter to the Drs" I don't feel that I'm not feeling the awareness so I have to tell myself and why I'm trying to think and feel it I can feel my brain/head tensing up, I can only think for a few seconds and I have to stop I can't physically think I get blocked.
I can't connect to my feelings and my awareness is non existent I'm only aware of what I consciously think about once I've changed though I'm not aware of what I've just been thinking of, my mind and body feel locked or something. It's hard to explain,
For example If you recieved a phone call telling you something bad had just happened to someone close to you then that awareness would be there you would feel that awareness as soon as the call ended you would feel aware all day, all week what ever what you've just been told, you would feel emotion towards it, be aware of it think and be aware of the circumstances you would process it and feel it - well me as soon as the call dropped I would not feel aware of any of it, I would even struggle to recall facts and information I've just been told literally seconds ago, yet ild know about the situation if someone asked but the feelings and being naturally aware of it I don't posses. It's "that" part of awareness I don't posses, I don't know what type of awarness that is called but I've lost it and it's life destroying, ild forget straight away as if I'm not taking anything in, I'm stuck like this 24/7 with everything, everyone, and everything thing I do, I cant process ideas or thoughts and feel aware of them, I can't do something big walk away and feel aware of where Im up and what's next to be done, I can't remember to be aware I have things to be done,
I no longer do things I done all my my life because I have no thoughts about them so I'm not aware they even exist to think to do them.
---------- Post added at 13:29 ---------- Previous post was at 13:11 ----------
At the same time my emotions are everywhere too - I get shooting pains if I suddently become emotional, I get nerve pains if I suddenly think of something positive like a emotional lift, I'm going through some really really horrible stuff
I'm sorry you're in so much pain :( how does my GP feel to me when I interact with him? He's generally sympathetic and thorough and quite cautious; I think he'd be unlikely to pin potentially dangerous physical symptoms on anxiety without investigating first (ie chest pain). I went through 4 doctors to find him, though- maybe you could seek a second opinion while you're waiting to see the neurologist? Or you could talk to him about how you think diazepam has caused some of this and see what he thinks about that.
Best wishes :)
Edit: I totally misread your post, sorry- when I have depersonalisation or dissociation I feel that nothing is real or really odd- like I'm floating and not really part of the physical world/what I'm seeing. Sometimes I feel like I'm detached from my body and sort of floating through the room. When it's really severe I feel completely detached from
everything/everyone; for instance, I could look in the mirror, see my reflection and not recognise it or feel that it's me, even though I know it is. I also tend to feel pretty detached from my friends/parents and loved ones, like I don't really care about them and I feel no affection for them. I feel like my memories belong to someone else and tend to have a really bad memory generally, and what I experience feels like it has no significance to me. I basically feel like there's almost a wall or something separating me from everything in my life. I feel completely emotionless and unaffected by how others feel. It sounds terrible and cruel but I really can't help it.
I don't relate to any of your description of DP or dissocation really other than feeling detached, ild explain my feeling more like not being able to think proper to interact, do you experience any types of pains or sensations with your symptoms?
My head pains are really really bad, crushing & severe head pressure - I also get servers brain fatigue. I had a ok day Saturday I was able to work out a project that needs doing that was altering the garden ready Easter as we want to get a trampoline for the children, so I was able to carry on and do that, I didn't feel 100% but I was at about 75% open with mind power to work things out and act upon then and feel aware - the evening I felt ok It give me a bit of pride back,
The Sunday and yesterday I was terrible - I woke in pain I barley had enough mind power to work out what day it was, my head felt like a block of concrete and it was being crushed. I get nerve pain in my body too even changing thoughts sends shooting pain down through my body, positive ideas send sensations down my spine.
Last night round about tea time I sat around the table why my children were eating there tea I just sat and observed the next thing my body just opened up to about 90%, no pain no sensations no thinkng pain, it's strange!!! It only lasted about 15 minutes then the sensations started the pains start the head pains start my clarity goes my cognition drops and I'm stuck back in this state, it's frustrating!
This morning after another ok night sleep I woke up as usual forced myself out of bed to get my little girl ready for school with my wife, within 1 minute of being awake the pain come, I did all the ironing because I'm good like that 8-)
But anything like that courses pain it's as if I'm concentrating it hurts the more or longer I need to do it the worse it gets, my awarness feeling goes complete inwards so I have to keep
Stopping and trying to focus my attention outwards try to open my mind and awarness back up - again this sometimes hurts too, does this sound right for DP??? To me it feels like my conscious thinking, my awarness, and my perception are all not connected.
Have you had any kind of scan yet and did it come back normal?
Hi lyn, I had a mri that come back clear other than a sinus problem, my dr at the time said the sinus note would not course my symptoms, I've been taking to someone on the brain & spine foundation website that said she sufferd some of my symptoms with problems with her sinus's inner ear condition.
I'm due to have a EEG & another MRI neurologist has recommended it.
Constanly feel in a state where it feels like I can't take anything in, its horrible!! At the same time I cant create ideas to do things even if I do again it's as if I've not throught of it I can't store the idea or remember the idea so I don't do it.
My body just constantly feels wrong, my head constantly feels in some form of tenseness and pain,
Are you in any kind of psychological therapy right now, other than seeing a psychiatrist occasionally?
Hi, yep I'm having EMDR therapy with a pherapist called DR Finley. He specialises in trauma and dissociation, he's put me on to pat Ogden and Janina fisher and Benjamin fry. Ive only had 2 proper sessions with him.
I've just started reading "waking the tiger" by Peter Levine also orderd Benjamin frys book too, pat Ogden and Janina fisher have a book coming out soon together so il get that.
The problem with my illness is its so random and changes each day I can't work out if it's what there saying or I have a problem, dissociation is apparently half neurology & half psychological.
I just get up each morning and pray for the best and il be able to enjoy or take something out the day. My symptoms are so debilitating. I'm still pushing though If I'm given a moment of ok il use it wisely, I'm not one to do nothing this is why it's driving me mad! I feel like a waste of space I need to be busy I need to be creative it's all I know being a gas engineer fitting fireplaces al my working life. x
I wonder if you mean you have head pain ?
You were indeed a lucky man, so many people looking for you and truly love you , however they cant get into you head and feel what you feel , but what will you do there must be some help for you. for sure.
I hope you are feeling a little better , I know all about stress, and feeling bad for a long time , but I got help I tried Mindfulness course it may be worth a try also you can send for a CD on Amazon and just listen to the relaxation anything I have found is worth trying,
I read what you said about how sad you felt ,, a cry for help that day and you were in a bad place , I know I been there myself the bottle was there , but out of the blue my dear friend came upstairs to see me ,, I was feeling so bad and worthless,, she made me get up out of bed dressed and go to the docs,,
I am sure she saved my life that day for sure,
I saw a doctor I was in a dream I was unhappy in my marriage and wanted to get out of it ,, the doctor told me not to make any decisions yet and told me to take the tablets he gave me that day (the others had gone down the toilet) ,,
I started to feel better and made the decision to go and see the solicitor and I felt better I did something about what had made me depressed, it was hard but now 20 years later I know I made a good choice and inbetween some bad times ,, most of it has been good,,
I had a good person to talk to ,, and I also went for 2 and half years to groups therapy however it took me several years to get the courage to leave,
in your case its very different, just thought hearing what can happen may help you ,
Best Wishes, B
Hi bubbly.
Thank you for your kind words and also for sharing your honesty, Going through this I truly do understand how it feels to be very very low and that being here now is nothing but he'll,
This is how messed upy illness is - Monday I was so bad I couldnt or didn't have the mind power to create a plan for the day, I couldn't put a conversation together due to no physical mind power, I couldnt work things out or concentrate or take anything in ild basically had enough of feeling like this and in bad head and nerve pain too so I just again thought about takin my own life (easy way out maybe be life is so hard now everyday is a painful mental and physical torture) I planned it all I had it set In my head it's the only way out from my illness I can't enjoy life one bit more I get satisfaction out of nothing and I'm experiencing some messed up things I can't deal with. Well later on that evening snap my body just opened up I was allowed to feel and think enjoyy kids I could talk without trouble I didn't have to try to think to then try to say it it didn't hurt to think then I'm say there telling myself I'm still here somewhere don't ever think stupid stuff like I did I will get better one day! 15 minutes later I can't talk or think again ..........see why I'm so so so frustrated!
I might have to go abother 2 months before in allowed to feel like that again, I just don't know, I'm stuck in this state my body is trapped or I have something going on in my body making this happen. The fatigued is bad! I get scared talking to People because it takes all my mind power to even try to figure out what it is there saying it physically hurts trying then trying to reply is twice as hard! I can't have a intelligent conversation with anyone it physically hurts and I can't keep a train of thought! That's not normal surely!!!??
Why would anything physical put me in bad head pain!!? I've not moved all day I've lay on the sofa all day I've hated every second of it - decided to take my little boy the shop just to get some fresh air and out the house and the pain from just looking for my shoes waking there and back trying to figure out money at the shop having me confused - when I arrived back I'm having all sorts of head pain!! can anyone understand this? Is this normal
I'm worried, the pain is starts off tensing then shooting now severe crushing. It's frustrating me!!!!
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