This Charming Man
27-02-15, 23:56
Today is the day I accepted that I have Health Anxiety.....almost. There is still that niggling doubt that it's something else but I want to believe that I have turned the corner and it can only get better from this point on.
I have had anxiety on and off since leaving university in 2001. It started with a panic attack in Ibiza which, if I am honest with myself, I contributed to through recreational drug use (ecstasy). I ended up in hospital thinking I was going to die and following that never touched drugs again. This is the first time I've admitted to this other than to tell my wife. There is definitely some shame there.
A period of anxiety followed, you know, that feeling of empty or always on the verge of an attack but never quite getting there, it was awful and it destroyed by confidence at that time. I came through it....it disappeared....I don't really know what I did other than I maybe started to like myself again. I got a job, married my now wife and never looked back. Anxiety was gone for years....sure it would show up for a day or two but I could usually recognise the signals and manage it....and this is the way it was until March last year.
I started to get cold feet. I would notice it in bed and would be up and down putting socks on...taking them off....struggling to get comfortable.This developed into tingling or pins and needles in my left foot. It then arrived in my other foot and there was some numbness in my hands, particularly my ring and pinkie finger. I went to the Doctor and my vitamin B12 was on the low side...you are likely to have a deficiency he said...here's some leaflets, we will test you again, but you are looking at injections for the rest of your life. My first thought was 'it's not MS....it's not life changing...the injections aren't regular....nae bother' as we say in Scotland.
The blood tests came back and my vitamin b12 had went up. No diagnosis but more blood tests and a mention of Peripheral Neuropathy which I of course googled. It was the worst thing I could have done....suddenly all these life changing conditions were staring me in the face and as far as I was concerned I must have one of them. I was referred to a neurologist but the appointment takes weeks to come round. In the meantime I was back and forward to the doctor trying to eliminate all these life changing conditions. I struggled to explain my symptoms which by that stage included burning soles of my feet...mostly in bed when under the covers...& pins and needles across toes after any exercise. Sometimes my feet felt damp but were dry to touch.
The most significant development for me was that it seemed to be worse when I was sitting down. I would also feel that my left toe was kicking the ground when walking....a symptom of MS perhaps!?....and I would have periods when I just felt fatigued. I went to a physio...someone I trust....and he believed it was mechanical. A disc issue in l5 s1 perhaps. He wrote me a letter to hand to the neurologist and I was convinced he was right. Why else would it be happening when my body was in certain positions. He advised me to lie on my side and I rarely get any of the sensations when in this position....it must be mechanical!
The neurologist appointment comes around and more tests are done including nerve conduction. I don't have MS or lymes or cancer or any of the other things I would routinely think about. Aye, but was she right....she must have missed something.
She referred me for an MRI which took an age. In the meantime, I started to get some numbness / coldness discomfort in the back passage area. I told my physio and before you know it I was in A&E being checked for cauda acquina syndrome....something I had of course read about at length on the Internet. You get the gist by now....I didn't have that either.
The MRI finally arrived and I was expecting my theory of a disc problem in the lumber area to be proved correct. It wasn't. But I didn't accept that....and probably to an extent (or at least up until now) still don't....surely they could refer me for a positional MRI where I was scanned in the position I was experiencing discomfort. It can be done but it's in Leeds and I would have to fund it myself.
During this time I had noticed those familiar anxiety feelings from all those years ago. Breathlessness, on edge....on verge of panic. It was impacting on my work....I am a manager and have responsibilities but I couldn't focus on them. Nothing else mattered apart from my health and feet issues. I mentioned to my doctor that I'd had CBT before and I was referred for more.
I went to my appointments and explained my symptoms and the therapist said she was sure the feet stuff, never mind the stuff I thought I was there to speak about, were also symptoms of anxiety. I didn't listen to her. I knew best. She recommended mindfulness but my wife had just given birth to our second child, where would I get the time.
Well, I recently started. I made some time and have noticed that when I do the exercises my feet are more comfortable. Maybe the therapist new something after all. I rifled through the papers she gave me on health anxiety and noted she had scribbled this website's address down on one of the pages. Dare I look?
Well, I'm here. The first time was last night and I noted some threads where people have the same symptoms as me....well, not quite but there were some people saying everyone is different. I'm not cured, my feet are tingling now, I've had a panicky feeling during the day and I expect I will get that burning feeling in bed but by writing this post I am making progress....finally.
Hopefully some of you are still with me and you have got down to this part of my post. I am not sure how often I will visit or what I am looking for in response to this post....affirmation may be? Yes, you have health anxiety and your symptoms are definitely as a result of that.....can we be sure...maybe if I can just recap on my symptoms and pose some of the questions I routinely ask myself that would be a start. I would value any thoughts, views people have.
Burning feet, pins and needles in feet, cold feet, some perceived numbness
Why does it happen when I sit down? Could this be a result of my own behaviour? Am I looking for it to happen and then my body obliges?
Can these feelings really be from anxiety?
It's been a year....is it to entrenched to expect a quick resolution? Will it ever be resolved?
I didn't see cold feet as a listed symptom on this site....it can't be a symptom of anxiety then can it? :shades:
Good luck to all!
I have had anxiety on and off since leaving university in 2001. It started with a panic attack in Ibiza which, if I am honest with myself, I contributed to through recreational drug use (ecstasy). I ended up in hospital thinking I was going to die and following that never touched drugs again. This is the first time I've admitted to this other than to tell my wife. There is definitely some shame there.
A period of anxiety followed, you know, that feeling of empty or always on the verge of an attack but never quite getting there, it was awful and it destroyed by confidence at that time. I came through it....it disappeared....I don't really know what I did other than I maybe started to like myself again. I got a job, married my now wife and never looked back. Anxiety was gone for years....sure it would show up for a day or two but I could usually recognise the signals and manage it....and this is the way it was until March last year.
I started to get cold feet. I would notice it in bed and would be up and down putting socks on...taking them off....struggling to get comfortable.This developed into tingling or pins and needles in my left foot. It then arrived in my other foot and there was some numbness in my hands, particularly my ring and pinkie finger. I went to the Doctor and my vitamin B12 was on the low side...you are likely to have a deficiency he said...here's some leaflets, we will test you again, but you are looking at injections for the rest of your life. My first thought was 'it's not MS....it's not life changing...the injections aren't regular....nae bother' as we say in Scotland.
The blood tests came back and my vitamin b12 had went up. No diagnosis but more blood tests and a mention of Peripheral Neuropathy which I of course googled. It was the worst thing I could have done....suddenly all these life changing conditions were staring me in the face and as far as I was concerned I must have one of them. I was referred to a neurologist but the appointment takes weeks to come round. In the meantime I was back and forward to the doctor trying to eliminate all these life changing conditions. I struggled to explain my symptoms which by that stage included burning soles of my feet...mostly in bed when under the covers...& pins and needles across toes after any exercise. Sometimes my feet felt damp but were dry to touch.
The most significant development for me was that it seemed to be worse when I was sitting down. I would also feel that my left toe was kicking the ground when walking....a symptom of MS perhaps!?....and I would have periods when I just felt fatigued. I went to a physio...someone I trust....and he believed it was mechanical. A disc issue in l5 s1 perhaps. He wrote me a letter to hand to the neurologist and I was convinced he was right. Why else would it be happening when my body was in certain positions. He advised me to lie on my side and I rarely get any of the sensations when in this position....it must be mechanical!
The neurologist appointment comes around and more tests are done including nerve conduction. I don't have MS or lymes or cancer or any of the other things I would routinely think about. Aye, but was she right....she must have missed something.
She referred me for an MRI which took an age. In the meantime, I started to get some numbness / coldness discomfort in the back passage area. I told my physio and before you know it I was in A&E being checked for cauda acquina syndrome....something I had of course read about at length on the Internet. You get the gist by now....I didn't have that either.
The MRI finally arrived and I was expecting my theory of a disc problem in the lumber area to be proved correct. It wasn't. But I didn't accept that....and probably to an extent (or at least up until now) still don't....surely they could refer me for a positional MRI where I was scanned in the position I was experiencing discomfort. It can be done but it's in Leeds and I would have to fund it myself.
During this time I had noticed those familiar anxiety feelings from all those years ago. Breathlessness, on edge....on verge of panic. It was impacting on my work....I am a manager and have responsibilities but I couldn't focus on them. Nothing else mattered apart from my health and feet issues. I mentioned to my doctor that I'd had CBT before and I was referred for more.
I went to my appointments and explained my symptoms and the therapist said she was sure the feet stuff, never mind the stuff I thought I was there to speak about, were also symptoms of anxiety. I didn't listen to her. I knew best. She recommended mindfulness but my wife had just given birth to our second child, where would I get the time.
Well, I recently started. I made some time and have noticed that when I do the exercises my feet are more comfortable. Maybe the therapist new something after all. I rifled through the papers she gave me on health anxiety and noted she had scribbled this website's address down on one of the pages. Dare I look?
Well, I'm here. The first time was last night and I noted some threads where people have the same symptoms as me....well, not quite but there were some people saying everyone is different. I'm not cured, my feet are tingling now, I've had a panicky feeling during the day and I expect I will get that burning feeling in bed but by writing this post I am making progress....finally.
Hopefully some of you are still with me and you have got down to this part of my post. I am not sure how often I will visit or what I am looking for in response to this post....affirmation may be? Yes, you have health anxiety and your symptoms are definitely as a result of that.....can we be sure...maybe if I can just recap on my symptoms and pose some of the questions I routinely ask myself that would be a start. I would value any thoughts, views people have.
Burning feet, pins and needles in feet, cold feet, some perceived numbness
Why does it happen when I sit down? Could this be a result of my own behaviour? Am I looking for it to happen and then my body obliges?
Can these feelings really be from anxiety?
It's been a year....is it to entrenched to expect a quick resolution? Will it ever be resolved?
I didn't see cold feet as a listed symptom on this site....it can't be a symptom of anxiety then can it? :shades:
Good luck to all!