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smudgie
17-01-07, 00:19
HI ALL

ALONG WITH OTHER PRETTY BAD STUFF GOING ON FOR ME IVE NOW BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH OCD, WHICH I NEW I HAD ANYWAY BUT DIDNT REALISE THE DEPTH OF IT.
6/ 7 HOURS ADAY MY CLEANING TOOK, NOOKS AND CRANKIES CLEANED EVERY DAY. NOT EVEN ALLOWING ANYONE TO SIT ON THE CHAIRS SO THEY WOULDNT BE MESSED UP.

SELF CHECKING IN THE MIRROR 40/50 TIMES ADAY FOR MY UGLYNESS.

CHECKING DOORS LOCKING AND UNLOCKING. CHECKING WINDOWS .
PULLING OUT MY HAIR AND MAKING BOLD PATCHES.

HAVING THE BIGGEST CLEANING CUPBOARD OF PRODUCTS AND TRYING TO HIDE THE AMOUNTS SO NO ONE WOULD NOTICE.
SOMETIMES CLEAN FOR 6 HRS HAVE A VISITOR AND BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN INSIDE MY HOUSE DO THE WHOLE RITUAL AGAIN FOR ANOTHER 6 HOURS.
WHEN I WAS WORKING I DID IT AT NIGHT AND LACKED SLEEP BUT I JUST CARRIED ON.
IM NOT GOING TO GO ON ANY MORE YOU ALL KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE.
I WISH A YOU ALL A BIG HUG IN YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL JOURNEYS THROUGH THIS HELL.
KIND REGARDS
NESS

ness

chillx
17-01-07, 01:02
Hi Ness,

Welcome to the forum you will get lots of support here and make many good friends.

I don't suffer from OCD but I witnessed my sister going through hell with it. She got help (meds. and CBT) and is now well and free of meds.

Hopefully now that you have been diagnosed you will get the help you need.

Best wishes

chillx

nomorepanic
17-01-07, 19:57
Ness

Now you have been diagnosed are they going to give you some help?

Nicola

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel

bluesparkle
18-01-07, 12:57
hi ness
i have ocd... panic and anxiety too.
i have finally got help and its working... it can and will get better.
i have suffered for as long as i can remember with rituals etc but didnt really understand about it fully. i have been a memeber of this site for ages now and they are great... you will get some good advice and great encouragement through every step of your recovery.
i have sought help in the past but never stuck to it i cant explain why it has worked now all i know is that finally things make sense.
but i dont want to go on about me i just want to say hang on in there you will and can control this.
i know its easy for me to say as i used to read posative posts and think yeah thats great but i wont ever be able to do that.
believe me if i can anyone can... it takes hard work but its worth it
if you would like to chat please just pm
what help have they offered you?
rach

smudgie
18-01-07, 19:43
Hi all

thank you for your messages, i feel supported.
I ve had lots of help in the past but it just wont shift, today has been a bad day, real manic cleaning very pulled out and back to my 6 hour rituals again, no one can sit in the sofas and my hubby trying to calm down. ive scrubbed my hands red raw and self harmed in a big way today. hubby trying to get me to go to hospital for stitches but i wont go, afraid i will have to go back in and be an inpatient again.

no one understands how hard this is to live with it takes over your life and controls . ive suffered since i was 11yrs old im now 38yrs old.

ive treid and tried to sort it seen so many people but it wont shift.
like now my hubby is cooking dinner and im getting cross because he is in the kitchen making a mess in my mind , but he is not.

life is hard and painful.

take care all
love ness

ness

friends come into our lifes , friends leave your lifes, but some leave a huge footprint on your heart and never leave your side. i wouldnt be here without them

bluesparkle
19-01-07, 11:55
hi ness...
just wanted to say im sending you posative vibes ... (my way of a hug as im not very tactile lol)
i do understand how you are feeling and when i was married i used to get the same once id cleaned etc... i couldnt see that my husband or who ever was trying to help because they werent doing it "MY" way...
im afraid i dont have any advice but hope it helps just a little knowing that people really do understand...
hang on in there it will get better
rach

smudgie
20-01-07, 00:01
Hi All

Really bad today, anxiety,panic with bad OCD. Ended the day by being sick and self harming. Hubby been on the phone to unit to see if they have a bed free as he finding it spiralling out of control.

I dont feel that Im allowed to be in control of my life,I dont want to be controlled by people.
I know the illness is controlling me but thats me and its all I know at the moment, Im cany see away out , but need to learn that myself.

Im so scared of going back to the unit again, it just increases the pain and problem because its just like a holding cell with no help.
I cant help my self harm which is so hard to get across to anyone, they keep saying phone us and talk it out, if only it was that easy.
I hate my life so much , confusion.

Sorry having a moan.

take care all


ness

friends come into our lifes , friends leave your lifes, but some leave a huge footprint on your heart and never leave your side. i wouldnt be here without them

unique1986
10-02-07, 00:29
im really bad with cleaning to, i feel i have to clean every little thing as to be in place, no bits on floor no dust anywhere, cant stand pots in sink or on side, shoes on floor i even also hate it when ppl sit on sofa's but i just tidy them up as soon as they stand up. i know what you mean this thing takes over your life, im only 21 and everyone can notice how bad i am, had family over from uk at xmas here in australia, and the mess they made was crazy, i did so much cleaning, and i have cfs to so each bit of cleaning i do makes me tired even more! ive been put on zoloft, im hoping it will help alot but only been on 3 days so far! maybe you should see your doctor and see what they can suggest? living with this is a nightmare if theres something that could help then we should try it.
thinking of u

carla deacon

smudgie
21-02-07, 23:45
Hi Carla

I have started my message to you and saved it in documents. Im not sure whether to send it as Im concerned about your age and telling you things about myself.

Its just me being protective towards you.
Thank you for replying to my message, your support is very much appreciated

Spk soon
ness