keep thinking of my past

[gregcool]

sorry for keep posting like a maniac.
latley i have found myself thinking about my past,when iwas with my wife and kids two years,ago.when life was normal and happy..i used to go kayaking every week,i had my own kayak and all the gear.i used to goto ghe gym every day and was very trim and fit.i had my wife and kids around me and life was good.i had routen and some structure.i interacted witj my kids and had my wife by my side.we used to go on holidays and days out.summer BBQs and weekends were filled with stuff to do..but now i live on my own im lonely and sad its all gone.i was a non smoker and a non drinker.all that has changed.i actualy hate my life each day i wake seems pointless and lonly.i still miss my old life so much and wish i could flick a switch and have it all back.i find myself just walking around each day,just to pass the time of day...as i type this im sitting on my own by a cannow,and quite honestly,i feel like chucking myself in..sick of seeing famalies together and couples holding hands.i feel so left out

[Dazza123]

Greg, we all look back to happier times when we are feeling down, but the past is gone, no matter how much we want it back. You need to move forward, and I know its hard, its hard for me trying to get some sort of life going and I do have a partner so should be easier, but it isn't. You need to find ways of getting a social life back, that way there is every chance you will meet someone and be happy again.

Sitting at home bored, and wandering around on your own outside isn't going to help you, you need to put yourself back out there. As I said, I know its hard, but you can do it.

I cut myself off from the outside world a long time ago, and its going to be hard for me to try and get a life back, but i'll do it one day, and you can do it too :)

[gregcool]

dazza.i think im just feeling sorry for muself.the sun is out and its warm,this kind of weather allways reminds me of the happy days BBAs family days out etc

[Annie0904]

We can't bring back the past Greg but what we can do is work on a brighter future and not give up on it. I know it isn't easy when you haven't got a job but you must try to get out and meet more people. Now that you have taken the decision to stop smoking that will save you some money and you can use that money to get a bus to some of the Mind activities or other groups for singles in your area. There is light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes it takes a lot of work and effort to get there. With the better weather you will be able to walk a bit further too so check out whats available in your area.

[gregcool]

hi annie.thanks for your suport..yes the better weather onthe way so hopfully that will pick my spirits up a bit..i just had a call to my mum and must say ,i feel very let down and un suported..she said to me,why do you always sound so down and flat,i reminded her that iv suffered with me depression for many years now and over the last two years iv lost everything and moved many times.her advice in a abrupt voice was,,,,,,pick yourself up and put all your problems behind you.that realy hurt !! i reminded my mum that she suffered depression years ago and locked herself away from all her family becsuse she couldnt cope with life,she didnt talk about it,vut just said,oh yes but i got on with it and it was different in those days..what a crock of shit...cant believe my own mum,who says she cares and loves me,can turn her baxk on her own son in his hr of need...this phone call made me feel even more depressed...no suport.....all i wanted from her was a helping ear and listen to her son...

[Annie0904]

Greg once my Mum said to me that I needed to sort myself out because I was worrying my kids. Imagine how that made me feel. I guess they don't really want to see us like this but don't know how to deal with it. I don't think it is because they don't love us, I am sure they do but just don't know what to say or do and think we can magically make ourselves well again.

[gregcool]

yep i think you are wright there annie.i know my mum loves me,but she just dsnt understand me..i would allways be there for my own kids,esp if they had mental health isues...because iv been there i would know how they are feeling and how much help you need when you are in this dark place

[MyNameIsTerry]

I know what you mean Greg. I was a BA heading towards consultancy work, preferably freelance (well I hoped anyway!), had a good social life and was looking for a house. Then bam...and here I am years later no social life, zero job prospects (although I'm not even at that stage to be able to work yet), old career well & truly over as they wouldn't touch someone with a broken record like mine and even going freelance they would want to see a track record.

I doubt I would go back to that anyway now, its stressful work and unless I could turn off my obsessional thinking, I would just end up falling into the traps again.

But I do find it hard because everyone I worked with is doing great with all sorts of promotions and higher salaries and here I am, trying not to spend anything struggling my way through the days.

I rarely talk to my parents about it, only if I'm really struggling badly because I don't like putting anything further on them, its bad enough I'm at home and luckily my previous financial successes pay for that but when thats gone, god knows what I will do as they are pensioners and can't be paying for me!!!

Maybe its a generational thins with your mum? Back then there was a lot more "just get on with it and sort yourself out" of an attitude and I'm sure it was very hard for her. A lot has changed now and whilst you would hope to get a different attitude now, sometimes older parents can be a bit stuck in their ways. I don't agree with it or like it, but I can see some of that in mine as they are at a stage in their life where they should be relaxing and I worry about the stress I may be causing them.

Its hard mate. You've got people on here you can talk to though if you need them.

I think your smoking is a good one to focus on here because you struggle getting to anything due to funds or lack of opportunity. Having that little extra cash might open up some possibilities for you.

I know human contact can be hard but we are social animals by nature and I really think we suffer being isolated and get stuck in unhealthy patterns of behaviour. Too much time on your hands can be a killer with this stuff!

[gregcool]

Sorry to hear your problems mate really am,its horible how life can be so cruel to us,nothing is easy,i have friends out there ,that are all doing well in life,nice jobs,wife kids own home,it makes me so jelious when i think of my life.your right about parents mate,i think they are stuck in the past in there own stuborn way,shame tho,my parents are all i have but there just not there for me unless im in trouble,they just dont understand mental health,im going to the nurse this week coming to try something eles for giving up the smokes,hopefuly ill have better luck this time,