So depressed :-(

[BumbleGirl]

Well I posted a thread a bit like this in anxiety forum but thought it was actually more suited for here.

I'm 25 and last weekend my nine year old son and I moved out from my Mums house. I have lived alone before but it was only a 5/10 min walk from my Mums house and the other place I lived in I lived with a boyfriend.
My new flat I live in is only a half hour bus ride from my Mums and I still see her a few times a week.
But since I have moved out I have felt so low and anxious and depressed. I don't understand why because I was looking forward to moving and having my own place again so much.

I don't even want to be in my new flat. If I'm there by myself I have to go out because other wise I just sit there and cry. When I'm in the flat I feel panicked and trapped.
There's just such a bad feeling associated with me being in the flat but I don't know why.
I also keep thinking about death. I keep worrying about people dying and keep wondering how long my Mum will live for. She's only 55 but I still can't help thinking it and it is torturing me.
I feel like the future is so bleak and I feel like I will never get better :-(

I really want to go and live with my Mum again even though I know that's not practical because I'm an adult and I need to stand on my own two feet and my Mum needs her house to be hers too because she enjoys time to herself.

I really can't see myself ever feeling better. I've had a few thoughts about harming myself and they scare me because then I think I do want to be here and I would never want to leave my son or the rest of my family behind. These thoughts really scare me because then I think what if I go mad and do something to myself.

I have been diagnosed with ocd, depression and anxiety and I went back on to citalopram on friday so hopefully they will help soon. I also have cbt and I saw my therapist yesterday and she did help me understand why I'm feeling the way I am but I just want to feel better.
I think it's the change I can't handle and also the fact that I know I won't live in my Mums house again and it all feels so final. Every thing has changed :-(

Sorry to babble on but could really do with some support xx

[befuddled1]

I've just moved and I'm really struggling at present. I hope you feel better soon.

[BumbleGirl]

Thank you Befuddled. I hope you do too xx

[Oosh]

I moved out into a bedsit alone when i was 16 so i know what youre describing. Its normal though. Give it time and youll settle in. Decorate, get it all exactly how you want it. How do you picture it if you could do anything with it ?
Its your own place now, get it exactly how you want it. Get it nice for your son too. What would make him happy ? Make him a cool little spot where he can play with all his toys in a box etc. Put some Mario stuff on the wall for him there. Its exciting !!! What else can you do ??

Dont let all the crappy thoughts drag you down and panic you. To varying degrees this stuff bothers everyone and its just important to remember to shrug it off and get your mind focused back on more positive. enjoyable, confidence inspiring things.

What do you like to do ?
What interests and hobbies do you have ?
Get some !
What do you want for your future ?
How do you plan to get there ?
What can you do tomorrow to get closer to making that real ?

Go and VISIT your mum !!! A LOT !!
Youve got your own little pad, nobody said you coiuldnt visit her a lot :yahoo:

Control what you put your attention on. If you observe you are sitting worrying or depressing yourself get up and throw yourself into some of the above positive stuff. Paint, decorate, go to the shops for the toy box etc etc

Build every day like this and you will feel better. Build up momentum and build towards some exciting plans.

[BumbleGirl]

Thank you Oosh. Really good advice :-)

It might sound strange but I can't picture how I want the place right now. It's just plain magnolia walls so I guess that doesn't help with it not feeling homely. I need to get all my pictures out.

I'm going to try not to over think everything because it has really held me back lately xx

[lior]

Oh honey.

Oosh said some really good stuff there :)

You know what really helps me? Having people over. When I first moved in to my place, I unpacked all my stuff. I got a vase from the charity shop and some flowers from Tesco. I got some tea and biscuits and invited friends round to see the new place. They all said nice things. People do say nice things! It really helps to feel settled in the place, to feel that people approve of your choices.

I even sent a picture of my room to my grandma who is learning how to use the internet :)

Maybe you can invite your son's friends round too? You could have a little tea party :) he'd probably love it! He might be feeling weird about the change too.

I have felt depressed moving away from my family before. But I promise you, that feeling passes. What's bad is the feeling of isolation. Make sure that you aren't alone for long periods of time. Meet up with people, lots, whether it's your mum or other people.

With any big life change like moving house, it's like leaving your old self behind, and becoming a slightly different, new person. Now you are a person that lives in a flat with your son but not your mum and not your boyfriend. It takes time to adjust to that identity - to get comfortable with the idea. It's ok to feel sad about leaving your old self behind.

But you know what... your new self is going to be more sassy, independent, and wonderful than ever before. You are a strong independent woman!

It takes time to grow, so forgive yourself for the bad days. Make sure to reward yourself for the good days though :)

xx

[BumbleGirl]

Thank you Lior :-)

I did invite a friend round last week and then I cancelled because I felt so down which probably wasn't the best thing to do.

I will ask my son what friends he would like to invite round. That's a really good idea because I know he is missing living with my Mum as well.

Thank you again. I hope I can get used to this new place xx

[xvolatileheart]

Change is really hard for those of us with anxiety/OCD/depression. It will take a while to adjust, but I bet you'll be feeling better soon! Hopefully your meds kick in and give you an extra boost, too. :hugs: