Need support - I am a mess

[dittarco]

Hi - I am 32/F who has a history of health anxiety. My mind is always wandering thinking "What if I have (fill in the blank with an illness)?"

Back in October I caught a cold from my baby that developed into bronchitis. I was not taking it easy and when I was in the grocery store and at work, I felt light headed and thought I was going to pass out. These two specific events caused a now 6 month long fear of "passing / blacking" out.

I've had two other episodes since October, where I had a fear of blacking out and even got to the point where my hands started severely tingling, heart racing, etc. that I thought I may actually black out.

Sometimes I am not sure what comes first - the feeling of lightheaded / vision getting funny and then panic or vice verse. The symptoms are so incredibly real. I ended up in the ER in February because I was convinced I was having a heart attack and going to pass out in the store. When I got to the hospital. They ran an EKG and showed me my heart was normal. My pulse rate when down and my blood pressure returned to normal. Although, I am not focused on heart problems since then, I am still incredibly focused on whether or not I have an issue with my eyes.

I have a heightened awareness of my vision. I ask myself constant questions: Is it blurry? Do my eyes feel weird? Is the wall supposed to look like that with the glare?

Now, can I read well from closeup and a distance? Yes. Am I having vision LOSS? no. Am I seeing black spots? No. But for some reason I am so fixated on my vision, that I am now convinced I have a brain tumor. I am even counting the number of yawns I make per day.. because I read somewhere that it could mean brain tumor.

My mom says I should just go get my eyes checked for peace of mind. However, the thought of going to a doctor sends me into a tailspin.

Please help. As I type this... I am getting nervous. I feel hot and my chest is tightening. I don't understand what is happening to me and I am very scared.

[one day at a time]

I am no expert but you are in the anxious cycle , you felt lightheaded and dizzy and now you fear feeling that way again ,you fear the symptoms of anxiety , your body is racing to the fear and keeping you in high anxiety mode (fight or flight ) and the more you fear and more symptomatic you will get . You need to relax your body as much as possible with cds or baths whatever works/helps and accept you feel dizzy or lightheaded and it will pass ( as long as you don't keep fueling it ) fight or flight comes into play to protect you and triggers your body to react , when the threat is over then everything's no calms and you stop pumping adrenalin and stress hormones , your body will calm . If we keep the cycle going through fear with what we feel (symptoms) them our bodies keep pumping adrenalin and stress hormones and it will slowly exhaust you .it's a tough cycle to break but accepting and changing your thoughts towards anxiety is key

---------- Post added at 17:10 ---------- Previous post was at 17:07 ----------

Vision issues are an anxiety symptom but if you need re assurance then get your eyes checked . When anxious I too get blurry vision and spaced head . Anxiety center is a good site that lists all symptoms , you'll be surprised just how much anxiety plays havoc with our bodies (nerves) and it's all down to our thoughts towards it

[dittarco]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I am trying to convince myself this is all anxiety related, but it is very difficult.

Once I get something in my head (this time: brain tumor) and I read symptoms of it on the internet, it's a hard habit to break.

I read something about brain tumors causing ringing in the ears: lo and behold since yesterday, I've been focusing on the ears. I felt a little nauseous before (I was probably hungry, or maybe it's from having an upset stomach this morning) and I began to panic - another symptom of a brain tumor.

This is not at all NEW to me. It just has been quite some time since it has reached this peak. I have reached out to my GP to talk and see if he has any advice on the matter. I do not want to be on medication, but I am scared I will have no other choice.

[one day at a time]

It is a very hard cycle to break although what you read about it and how to come out of it makes perfect sense . I'm there with you xx I have opted more go in the no medication route because I know it's my thoughts towards anxiety that are issue and my fears of the symptoms , unless I'm medicated to the eyeballs then it's not going to stop me thinking and side effects would mimic the symptoms for me , I don't tolerate meds at all , just had a battle with antibiotics for a sinus infection and couldn't do a second week .it's a personal choice regarding meds and they do help a lot of people . anxiety center has a wealth of info to read . Please try stop googling xx I know the info has already done damage but focus more on its anxiety and stop googling .in the last 2 months I've self diagnosed MS, fibro, heart condition, muscle issues . it's feeding the anxiety and making you more symptomatic and you are going to head for unnecessary testing and put yourself through more anxiety . anxiety center and Claire weekes book has slowly brought me out of that and I'm trying to implement what I read . Symptoms can continue for a long time so the sooner we accept them and stop fearing them , the easier out journey will be

[dittarco]

Thank you. I appreciate just ONE person speaking with me and helping me through this. My husband, god bless him, is trying and has been a support since we met at age 18. But, he just cannot relate. He does the best he can.

If it's OK - can you be a buddy for a few days? I just don't want to succumb to the panic and find myself a lunatic bouncing from doctor to doctor. I just simply do not have the time ... I have to be stronger so I can be a good mother to my child.

ha.. be my buddy sounds a little pathetic.

[one day at a time]

They don't have an anxious mind like us so it's difficult for them , they hate to see us suffering and wish they could do more . I had mine read a bit of the my Claire weeks book . I paid to join the anxiety center members area for a month to have access to more detailed info and its been the biggest help just understanding more about anxiety and how we spiral and make ourselves worse . It's difficult being a mum with how we feel but we can get better , don't lose faith because it's a trick of the mind and a case of re training how we think .

[Pixy73]

I know how you feel. I do it too. Constantly. Mine is headaches right now. I have/had (I honestly have no idea if I still have it or if I'm over aware) a severe ear ache and the headaches that go with that for over 20 days. I was doing ok and then I got new contacts and while at the Drs they asked a bunch of vision questions (all normal) and now, like you, I notice all these little eye things that were likely always there but not on my radar. I'm convinced I have a brain Tumor. I know it's not. The antibiotics helped so it can't be (it didn't cure me totally but it sure helped big time) and my eyes were fine until I was forced to think about it. These cycles drain me. I'm sure you are exhausted as I am and that is a big problem too. Focus on your daughter. I'm focusing as much time on my son/husband and their wants/needs in an effort to both distract myself and to make up for the hell my anxiety puts them through. It does help.

[preraphaelite]

I have suffered from all of your symptoms at some time or another.I too have a very understanding, long suffering husband who was also sometimes out of his depth with me and my problems.
Did you have all these worries before your baby was born or have they only appeared since?
Sorry if you have already told us this detail.

[Pixy73]

Good question!

I've always been anxious but not always about health and not always this bad.
I had two miscarriages (one in 2nd trimester) and since those, I e been crazy on and off. I've also lost two uncles to brain cancer and renal cancer and two other close family Myers (my dad being one) is currently battling serious health issues. I know health wasn't always a trigger since I have endometriosis and migraine and both were diagnosed long before the crazy started so I've accepted those issues as just a sucky part of my life. They don't bother me like new things do. How about you? There seems to be a trigger that moves people from being anxious to being health anxious. I'd had panic attacks before my health anxiety but they were easy to deal with compared to this as this feeling like "something" every time where before I knew it was in my head.

[dittarco]

I have suffered with anxiety since I was a kid. I started getting panic attacks as early as 10 years old... my mom and dad separated. That caused me anxiety. I dealt with a lot as a kid - sick grandparents, a death of an uncle (car accident) and my dad passed away from lung cancer when I was 19. Health issues were ALWAYS the reason for my anxiety and panic. Yes, other stress triggers it as well. If I hear about someone close to my age (32) having an illness, it sends me into a tizzy. Sometimes I think I am "ignoring" it, but it somehow becomes ingrained in my brain and I become manic.

I go on binges of google searches. I diagnose myself with everything and anything under the sun. I used to run to doctors when I was younger, but I NEED to have more self-control now as I am responsible for my 1 year old and I cannot just abandon her with people to run from Dr. to Dr. This is, ultimately, the reason why I need to get a grip on this now before it totally consumes me as it has in the past.

Your support is very appreciated.

---------- Post added at 11:16 ---------- Previous post was at 11:14 ----------

Pixy - Thank you. You're words have been kind and supportive.

[one day at a time]

I paid £4 to join the members area on anxiwty center sight and I've learnt a lot , soo much info on there that you would benefit from after reading for your last post . It will be worth every penny for me if it helps me move forward . Keep in mind that you have never been diagnosed with everything you self diagnosed , I know it's torture we inflict on ourselves by googling but it's a habit that needs to be broken , stick to anxiety symptom sites if you do have to Google . It's tough but you will get there , you are strong dealing with symptoms daily and anxiety so time to put the strength into recovery which they say is easier than what you deal with now

---------- Post added at 15:30 ---------- Previous post was at 15:29 ----------

Dumb phone , I can spell honestly lol