New to Forum, any help or advise would be appriciated

[Babyblueeyes00]

Hi, I'm new to this site, I have had panic attacks for as long as I can remember and I've managed to keep them very well hidden, my friends think I can be a bit odd if I loose them but no one knows the real extent. I have a massive fear of being abandoned and find it so so hard to let people in, to let them know the real me, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I just want to never feel like this, it's like it builds up and up and up then I'm so far in that I can't get out again. Please can anyone give me any advice or just some talk. Thanks x

[Oosh]

Then you obviously don't think very highly of "the real me".

Why, what's wrong with the real you ? Are you measuring yourself up against others and deciding what you are is less than them and a bit rubbish ?

Confidence helps a lot when anxiety comes. If it's low it can be built up. It's always rising and falling. So it's low at the moment and so is your self esteem. Then you know what needs working on. Whatever is causing you to feel a bit worthless, identify it and change it. Work on it and become more confident in that area. Confidence comes when you KNOW you are adequate in that area.
Work on where you feel inadequate.

Anxiety WILL build up and up and escalate if you follow it down the rabbit hole and continue to think anxiously. It will become overwhelming. But it's like a loop. Don't keep going around and around inside that loop of anxious thoughts.
Think of something OUTSIDE of it, something enjoyable, constructive, productive, problem solving. Give yourself reasons to feel confidence. Put yourself in a more enjoyable mood by focusing on things that have made and will make you laugh. Leave the anxious thinking behind you and don't think of it again.

If an anxious thought pops into your head let's call it a problem instead and write it down. Now you are only allowed to work out a solution to that problem.
You must find a solution that lets you put that behind you. Write down actions you can take in the next couple of days to put it behind you and do it.

It becomes a lot easier when you are writing it down. It focuses you and stops you jumping around from one anxiety to the next without ever getting anywhere.

Anxieties are normal. Most of the worries you have are probably normal valid worries all of us have. Identify them and tackle them. It feels good putting them behind you and feeling yourself moving forward and past them.

When you've stopped writing and go off and do something else then find the same anxieties popping into your head, remember the solution or steps forward you found. Then forget it.

Abandoned or rejected ? Nobody likes getting into relationships were you put yourself in a position where you can be rejected. The person you'd be entering a relationship with would have the same fears. You have the power to reject and abandon too.

Know what's good about you. Work on it. Build yourself esteem and confidence up so if you do get rejected it doesn't matter because YOU value YOU and who and what you are. In other words feel secure in who and what you are.
If you feel secure in who you are rejection or someone abandoning you becomes less a confirmation that you are rubbish. You always have your adequate opinion of yourself.

We are all great things. Everybody is the basics like loyal, caring, enjoys laughing, strong, so start with them. What other good things are you ? What do your friends like and value about you ?
Build up a self identity you feel happier and more secure in. Anybody else's opinion of you will matter less and less as YOU like who you are more.

Let someone in. Give them a chance. Remember you are great things and have the power to abandon and reject too. But also remember that they might feel insecure and fear being rejected and abandoned by you.

Overall build up a more balanced view of yourself and other people.

I ramble. I know :)
I hope something in there helps.