fran43
17-01-07, 20:56
Hi to all my friends and may I say Happy New Near before I wafffle! I couldn't get into NMP as it would not take my password, hence my silence!.
As many of you know my daughter gave birth on 27 Dec and stayed with us for 2 weeks. During those 14 days we had him by ourselves for four days (not in a row). I wish I was 21 again, night time feeding is a killer and especially now I have returned to work on a part time basis for 2 x 10 hour shifts.
We had the baby last night and I was on call today but I felt my body/mind was so tired that I asked a colleague to take my shifts as I was brain dead. (I am a legal adviser and wouldn't want anyone to suffer because I was tired).
I was truly dreading my return. I took a year off and it seemed right to return before I became way too anxious to go back at all. My first on call shift my hands and legs were literally shaking whilst driving but it went far more smoothly than I thought it would.
My unreal feeling has not returned and I dont dwell on it. I am a believer in self-prophecy and feel the need to think that way rather than 'what if it returned tomorrow'. If it did then there is not much I can do (apart from slow down a bit and take it as a warning that I may be rushing to get my life back on track.
I do read the posts and I do hope that I can support those who need supporting. NMP has been a life line and I think it important that just because I feel 'ok' about things then I dont need to read or visit. So many of you were there for me when the going got rough. I thank you all for that.
At this particular time I haven't had one PA for well over 6 weeks. Sure I have have had anxiety, ie being with my daughter in labour, caring and showing her how to bath her son, hot to feed, bring up wind etc. That is not to say it won't happen but I am pretty confident that I will deal with it.
What I have realised that life on the other side of losing side effects of severe anxiety/depression was that I was holding onto a belief/thought that life was rosy all the time. Life is not like that, it throws things at us good and bad and for a good part of it we can't predict when that will be.
I am in a positive mood. No I have not grown grey hairs yet but it sounds really odd when she hands the baby to me and says 'go to nanny'. God I am in my mid-forties and it sounds so aging!!!!:D
I hope you all managed to get through Christmas and New Year without too much added anxiety to add to your load. Christmas day was not great for me simply because we went to my mums and it was hard not having my dad there anymore. My daughter gave birth on 27th and my son turned 11 on 28th December. We had the baby New Year's Eve. I think I had better start saving up for this year as December is going to be far more expensive. My son thinks it is great being an Uncle and made a badge when he returned to school which stated 'I became an uncle on 27th Dec'.
I will post soon if (a) my ISP lets me on the internet and (b) if NMP accepts my password!!
Take good are of yourselves and each other.
Lots of Love to you all.
Fran XXXX
As many of you know my daughter gave birth on 27 Dec and stayed with us for 2 weeks. During those 14 days we had him by ourselves for four days (not in a row). I wish I was 21 again, night time feeding is a killer and especially now I have returned to work on a part time basis for 2 x 10 hour shifts.
We had the baby last night and I was on call today but I felt my body/mind was so tired that I asked a colleague to take my shifts as I was brain dead. (I am a legal adviser and wouldn't want anyone to suffer because I was tired).
I was truly dreading my return. I took a year off and it seemed right to return before I became way too anxious to go back at all. My first on call shift my hands and legs were literally shaking whilst driving but it went far more smoothly than I thought it would.
My unreal feeling has not returned and I dont dwell on it. I am a believer in self-prophecy and feel the need to think that way rather than 'what if it returned tomorrow'. If it did then there is not much I can do (apart from slow down a bit and take it as a warning that I may be rushing to get my life back on track.
I do read the posts and I do hope that I can support those who need supporting. NMP has been a life line and I think it important that just because I feel 'ok' about things then I dont need to read or visit. So many of you were there for me when the going got rough. I thank you all for that.
At this particular time I haven't had one PA for well over 6 weeks. Sure I have have had anxiety, ie being with my daughter in labour, caring and showing her how to bath her son, hot to feed, bring up wind etc. That is not to say it won't happen but I am pretty confident that I will deal with it.
What I have realised that life on the other side of losing side effects of severe anxiety/depression was that I was holding onto a belief/thought that life was rosy all the time. Life is not like that, it throws things at us good and bad and for a good part of it we can't predict when that will be.
I am in a positive mood. No I have not grown grey hairs yet but it sounds really odd when she hands the baby to me and says 'go to nanny'. God I am in my mid-forties and it sounds so aging!!!!:D
I hope you all managed to get through Christmas and New Year without too much added anxiety to add to your load. Christmas day was not great for me simply because we went to my mums and it was hard not having my dad there anymore. My daughter gave birth on 27th and my son turned 11 on 28th December. We had the baby New Year's Eve. I think I had better start saving up for this year as December is going to be far more expensive. My son thinks it is great being an Uncle and made a badge when he returned to school which stated 'I became an uncle on 27th Dec'.
I will post soon if (a) my ISP lets me on the internet and (b) if NMP accepts my password!!
Take good are of yourselves and each other.
Lots of Love to you all.
Fran XXXX