View Full Version : 8 Week old twin girls, extremely anxious

13-03-15, 09:47
Hi Everyone,

Its been a long time since I've posted on here and in the nicest possible way I was hoping I wouldn't need the support of this site again but I've finally accepted my anxiety has reared its ugly head once again.

I had my gorgeous twin girls 8 weeks ago after a difficult pregnancy, there were a lot of concerns over the health of the girls, I was poorly all the way through the pregnancy, I had a c section that terrified me, the girls and me were in hospital for just over three weeks which I found extremely difficult, one of my girls had feeding issues which I blamed myself for (totally irrational), some of the nurses in the hospital were horrible, I was given conflicting information about caring for my girls by many of the nurses and now we've been home for over 5 weeks I've become more and more anxious and extremely low.

It came to head yesterday morning when through floods of tears I asked my partner not to go to work as I didn't want to be on my own, he's brilliant and didn't even hestitate, even if he had I would probably have begged him not to go. I just couldn't bear the thought of another day on my own.

I knew twins would be hard I didn't realize how hard, I don't stop all day, its a never ending treadmill of prepare bottles, change, feed, burp, I rarely go out as we've been waiting for a part for the pram, I feel extremely isolated during the day, aside from feeling pure exhaustion aswell.

I'm scared stiff something will happen to the girls, they're on different formula, what if I get them mixed up? Thats one of many worries, I'm also having the awful intrusive thoughts that make me so anxious. I've had OCD on and off for many years, its back now, mainly focusing on things with the girls such as preparing bottles.

i think the worse thing is I don't feel connected to them, I'm worried I don't love them, but I must do because I would go to the moon and back for them, I would hunt anyone down that ever hurt them and I'm already worried about them being bullied at school or being attacked in some way whilst they're out on they're on when they're older. I'm dreaming about taking them to Disneyland when they're older and hopefully I would like to save for that now. So I must love them right? Is it anxiety making me think otherwise? I saw them when they were born briefly but then didn't see them for over three hours after, has that affected my bonding with them? I'm not close to my Mum and don't want the same for us, I want to be their bestest friend in the world and I want them to always be able to come to me.

Aside from all this I find it extremely difficult when they're both crying at the same time, it makes me so anxious but I've only got one pair of hands and don't know how to deal with two crying babies at the same time, I live in fear of it all day and it did happen last Friday, luckily my partner was on the way home from work but it didn't stop me crying and feeling extremely stressed and anxious.

Anyway after a very low point yesterday I;m being referred to the Perinatal Mental health team, hopefully they can help me.

Thanks for reading my very long post, any thoughts on my story would be most welcome.

Clare xx

13-03-15, 13:23
Hi I have a daughter and she has just turned one.. At the beginning though things were really bad for me... I have an bad birth with complications that left me with a cathetar for 6weeks. Anyway to cut along story short I didnt bond with her at all,I didn't want her and blamed her it was an awlful time. Now though I really have bonded with her and it does get easier them days of constant changing, feeding won't last forever. I was always constantly crying and I really struggled as I did have post. Natel depression.. Maybe you could have that and it's nothing to be ashamed of.. I waited almost 9months before I got help... I contacted mums in mind myself. I did it on line and was the best thing I did. They offer a befriending service where a volunteer will come to your house for a few hrs a week for a coffee etc.. They give advise , courses and it all really helps. I have social anxiety to and they are also helping with that. I won't lie it's been a hard year but if I can do it anyone can. Mayb you could give mums in mind a ring or email to they really might be able to help you through this hard time and introduce you to other mums that feel the same. I really hope you find the help you need.. You will find so many mums feel the way you do your not alone xx

13-03-15, 14:16
I have not got any advice to give- but I just want to reassure you that I feel exactly the same. Are these your first babies?

I only have a son, but I worry that we have not indeed properly and I shake with anxiety every time he cries.

I am also struggling with the difference between working and being at home with a baby. All day and night.

I suffer with body focussed ocd, depression and anxiety. Medication helped me before the pregnancy- but I came off of it cold turkey during the pregnancy and so when I had the baby- wallop- it has hit me all over again. What helped you before? I guess it can help you again. Since being on the medicine, I have had a much better bond with my son,'but you do feel worse before you get better.


18-05-15, 16:35
Theres also 'Raindrops to Rainbows' that specialise in post natal depression. Also maybe your GP could help? Best wishes Snaily x

18-05-15, 19:09
Don't forget your hormones are still all over the place. It is hard having twins, but you will find it easier as you get into a routine. You're getting help which is good and your husband sounds great. Try to spend a few quiet moments each day just enjoying your babies.