Bee_bee||dahl
13-03-15, 21:19
Ive been dealing w/ anxiety,intrusive thoughts, social anxiety, depersonalization..the works... since 2007
Im in college ..for the second time..
I just feel... like giving up... Its not college perse ..its just anxiety
I avoid my friends (well not really friends but acquaintances ) b/c im afraid of panicking infront of them, I don't want to kill their vibe/good time
Im at a point where I can't really drive bc im so nervous and envision crashing when Im on the road...
I don't have a job (mainly bc i cn't do fastfood jobs.(my last job i sucked hard at). the ones i want like dishwaser/busser are kinda hard to come by..atleast for me)
I feel trapped inside my self, everyday has been reduced to me just watching myself .. making sure i don't do anything crazy or outlandish...
(I have a fear of going crazy..woo-hoo) and its so tiring.. it leaves me drained mentally and tired physically..
It just sucks b/c I feel I'll never be anybody, i had dreams of being an animator/artist (I wanted to entertain/brighten people's day w/ my art)
I wanted to get married... i wanted to have kids... but now...
it seems so impossible, unreachable.....
Now Im just living day by day...
I just don't wanna be here...if its like this...
Im in college ..for the second time..
I just feel... like giving up... Its not college perse ..its just anxiety
I avoid my friends (well not really friends but acquaintances ) b/c im afraid of panicking infront of them, I don't want to kill their vibe/good time
Im at a point where I can't really drive bc im so nervous and envision crashing when Im on the road...
I don't have a job (mainly bc i cn't do fastfood jobs.(my last job i sucked hard at). the ones i want like dishwaser/busser are kinda hard to come by..atleast for me)
I feel trapped inside my self, everyday has been reduced to me just watching myself .. making sure i don't do anything crazy or outlandish...
(I have a fear of going crazy..woo-hoo) and its so tiring.. it leaves me drained mentally and tired physically..
It just sucks b/c I feel I'll never be anybody, i had dreams of being an animator/artist (I wanted to entertain/brighten people's day w/ my art)
I wanted to get married... i wanted to have kids... but now...
it seems so impossible, unreachable.....
Now Im just living day by day...
I just don't wanna be here...if its like this...