char123
13-03-15, 23:46
Hi I'll try to make this short,
im a 16 year old girl, and basically my anxiety came back in november, from exam stress and I think I had really bad health anxiety like thinking I had kidney failure because I had white things in my urine. Anyway, when I got noticed no more physical things wrong with me, I foucused on my mental state and went over how I felt and analysed everything I did to see if it was normal and convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. Around Christmas I had derealisation which was awful and for 2 weeks I woke in the night with a racing heart and nearly crying. Fortunately that went when I kept myself busy. But now I still get moments when nothing feels real and the colour saturation fades but it doesn't scare me that much anymore.
Anyway, this week I've been slightly better and hadn't dwelled on these thoughts that I'm crazy so I thought that I would get better finally.but I noticed the other day that random words or songs or memories pop into my head out of no where. I mean they could be happy holiday memories that are funny but because I've noticed that they are random, I have to think about what the trigger is. This has made me think I've got a mental illness or something again and I don't want to feel that anxious as I was again.
Also, I noticed that the other night I woke up in the middle of the night and I was really sleepy and i felt like I could hear music in my ears even though I was half awake. This scared me because it was like I was dreaming before I fell asleep. And now I think maybe I'm schizophrenic?! I've heard ringing in my ears before trying to sleep but that was in January and I thought maybe it's tinnitus or something because my grandad had that in his later years :( this happens very rarely but i still think there's something wrong. And I've had this weird popping ear thing for like 2 months where my left ear pops randomly, not when I'm yawning or swallowing and it does feel slightly blocked.
I've had these random sexual thoughts, which makes me feel uncomfortable to talk about , but like I get the urge to do ' something' or think if other people so things and images come into my head :s I don't feel disgusted or anything but I cringe and think wtf but the fact I don't feel disgusted or anxious when these thoughts come in my head, I feel like I'm crazy. Its like Because I don't panic, it means that I like them or something and I'm a psychopath. Does anyone else feel like this? It's like I'm tired of feeling anxious so when I even think about the reasons that Ive convinced myself that I'm crazy and they don't make me have a panic attack or even feel anxious so now I question whether I'm psychotic and like these thoughts or something ? Or is this just a way of recovery? it's almost like I'm in denial and there is something wrong with me or soemthing.
Thanks for reading!!! Please reply nicely becuae I freak out easily :)
Ps I'm going to the doctors on Monday for my ear and I'm choosing a psychologist to visit in the hope that it will help me. Thanks again!!
---------- Post added at 23:46 ---------- Previous post was at 23:14 ----------
I'd also like to add that I imagine scenarios in my head quite a bit or maybe things that happened in the day or even scenes in films or tv shows. For instance like if I watched the walking dead , it would be on my mind for ages and I would replay scenes in my head and want to talk about it alot, maybe this could be because I'm obsessed with the show haha but that's just an example. Anyway because I'm seeing this doctor, I've been unknowingly rehearsing what I'm going to say to him, I think because I fear that I won't know what to say or forget what is actually on my mind and he'll send me away. I've never been good at speaking on the spot: I don't put my hand up in lessons or even answer the housephone: so I was just wondering if this is normal as well I guess. And I wanted to get it off my chest because I don't think my family would be so understanding :) thank you!!!!
im a 16 year old girl, and basically my anxiety came back in november, from exam stress and I think I had really bad health anxiety like thinking I had kidney failure because I had white things in my urine. Anyway, when I got noticed no more physical things wrong with me, I foucused on my mental state and went over how I felt and analysed everything I did to see if it was normal and convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. Around Christmas I had derealisation which was awful and for 2 weeks I woke in the night with a racing heart and nearly crying. Fortunately that went when I kept myself busy. But now I still get moments when nothing feels real and the colour saturation fades but it doesn't scare me that much anymore.
Anyway, this week I've been slightly better and hadn't dwelled on these thoughts that I'm crazy so I thought that I would get better finally.but I noticed the other day that random words or songs or memories pop into my head out of no where. I mean they could be happy holiday memories that are funny but because I've noticed that they are random, I have to think about what the trigger is. This has made me think I've got a mental illness or something again and I don't want to feel that anxious as I was again.
Also, I noticed that the other night I woke up in the middle of the night and I was really sleepy and i felt like I could hear music in my ears even though I was half awake. This scared me because it was like I was dreaming before I fell asleep. And now I think maybe I'm schizophrenic?! I've heard ringing in my ears before trying to sleep but that was in January and I thought maybe it's tinnitus or something because my grandad had that in his later years :( this happens very rarely but i still think there's something wrong. And I've had this weird popping ear thing for like 2 months where my left ear pops randomly, not when I'm yawning or swallowing and it does feel slightly blocked.
I've had these random sexual thoughts, which makes me feel uncomfortable to talk about , but like I get the urge to do ' something' or think if other people so things and images come into my head :s I don't feel disgusted or anything but I cringe and think wtf but the fact I don't feel disgusted or anxious when these thoughts come in my head, I feel like I'm crazy. Its like Because I don't panic, it means that I like them or something and I'm a psychopath. Does anyone else feel like this? It's like I'm tired of feeling anxious so when I even think about the reasons that Ive convinced myself that I'm crazy and they don't make me have a panic attack or even feel anxious so now I question whether I'm psychotic and like these thoughts or something ? Or is this just a way of recovery? it's almost like I'm in denial and there is something wrong with me or soemthing.
Thanks for reading!!! Please reply nicely becuae I freak out easily :)
Ps I'm going to the doctors on Monday for my ear and I'm choosing a psychologist to visit in the hope that it will help me. Thanks again!!
---------- Post added at 23:46 ---------- Previous post was at 23:14 ----------
I'd also like to add that I imagine scenarios in my head quite a bit or maybe things that happened in the day or even scenes in films or tv shows. For instance like if I watched the walking dead , it would be on my mind for ages and I would replay scenes in my head and want to talk about it alot, maybe this could be because I'm obsessed with the show haha but that's just an example. Anyway because I'm seeing this doctor, I've been unknowingly rehearsing what I'm going to say to him, I think because I fear that I won't know what to say or forget what is actually on my mind and he'll send me away. I've never been good at speaking on the spot: I don't put my hand up in lessons or even answer the housephone: so I was just wondering if this is normal as well I guess. And I wanted to get it off my chest because I don't think my family would be so understanding :) thank you!!!!